Unforgettable
by Jojoboo90
Summary: Tris struggles to move on after Tobias is presumed dead when his team falls victim to a mysterious train crash. Only Tobias isn't dead, but neither is he the same man who lives in Tris' memories. Will the love they once shared be enough to bring him back, or will it lead to their demise? Four/Tris
1. Prologue

**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!**

**It is my greatest pleasure to present to you, the first Divergent fanfic of the decade (In my timezone lol)  
I started writing this story about a day after I finished The Passion Series, and I'm really having fun with it! I hope you guys enjoy it as well!  
****The great Bamberlee continues as my beta-reader, idea giver, and faithful motivator of all things Four/Tris.**  
**Happy Reading! ;) **

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**PROLOGUE**

**TOBIAS **

It's so cold outside tonight, even with my coat and Tris' arms wrapped tight around me. Winter might come early again this year but I really wish it wouldn't. I actually wish it would be the shortest winter ever recorded in history. If I transfer, Tris will spend it alone this year and the next, wrapped in blankets instead of in my arms. Then she'll spend spring and summer nights in her bedroom, instead of on her rooftop with me talking rubbish until our eyes are too heavy to stay open.

We come up here more often now, when our faction is fast asleep. Tris likes to look at the stars to find shapes and animals that aren't really there. I just like being close to her.

"Mmmm," she moans as she shivers, and I rub my hand friskily against her elbow. She snuggles closer into me, pressing her face up into my neck until I can feel her warm breath on my skin.

"You're oddly quiet," I say. "What are you thinking?"

"That Marcus will probably blow himself up when you don't come back to Abnegation," she laughs, then she lets out a slow and quiet breath. "But as much as that delights me, I have mixed feelings about seeing his reaction, because that would mean you really left. And I don't want you to go… but at the same time I do," she whispers, "I think I'll sleep better at night knowing you're far away from him."

"_I_ won't," I sigh into her hair. "I'll be far away from you too."

Tris reaches up and cups my cheek with her palm. She has the smallest hands. "Only for a while," she whispers.

"What if I don't make it, Tris?" I shrug. "What if I can't survive in Dauntless?"

"Don't say that," Tris sits up, probably so I can see her rolling her eyes at me. "I know you will."

"But you can't know that," I insist. "How would I get through initiation? You think it's easy to assimilate into a faction you don't have an aptitude for? I mean isn't that the whole point of the faction system? To group people together based on their most defining characteristics? It'd be sort of stupid if anyone could just fit in anywhere."

Tris gives me an eye, but deep down I know she knows I'm right. After a few seconds of silence she finally admits, "Fine. I understand what you're saying, Tobias. But… we're fitting in _here_, aren't we?"

I sigh. "That's different. We were born and raised here. Besides, you really _are_ selfless."

"And you really _are_ brave," she argues, looking me dead in the eye. But _she's_ the brave one. She's always ready to speak her mind in a faction that highly discourages just that. She's always open to new things, new experiences, and she's not afraid of change. _I_ prefer to stick to what I know.

I look away and I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know if I believe that. And I guess now we'll never know."

For some reason, my father trained me to get an Abnegation result on the aptitude test. Somehow he knew my test would have been different from the others; I knew the entire time that it wasn't real. With the right training or information, I could get whatever result I wanted. I'm not sure what that means.

"But you're going to Dauntless… right? You won't change your mind about this?" Tris looks at me curiously. "Tobias," she insists when I don't answer.

"I won't lie to you," I answer softly, looking deep into her blue-grey eyes and pulling her back into my arms. "I'm inclined to stay here with _you. _Much more inclined. And I can't promise you I'll have the strength to leave you when those coals are staring me straight in the face."

Tris' face seems to sink. "Tobias, it's going to be hard… but we don't belong here and we both know it."

I look away from her eyes but I can't argue with her. We've always known it; it's how we became so close in the first place. I caught her staring at the Dauntless at school one day and warned her she probably shouldn't. She wasn't too keen on taking my advice at first, especially considering whose son I was; she probably thought I was just another mindless Abnegation. But no, I wanted to stare too; the only difference between us was that _I_ knew how dangerous that was.

Our friendship was rocky at first because neither of us knew how many of our secret thoughts we were at liberty to share with each other. Tris made the first step in admitting how unhappy she was in Abnegation, and then I opened up about the side of Marcus that at that time no one else knew. In time we learned we had a lot more in common than we could have imagined, and running away to Dauntless together went from being a passing joke to something we earnestly contemplated and then decided upon. And somehow it became understood that I would go, she would follow, and then we'd be together as more than just best friends. Sometimes, when we're sitting so close like this, I think we already are.

"It's two years, Tris," I mumble lowly.

"And? If you come back to Abnegation then so will I, and then it'll be the rest of our lives."

"Maybe that won't be so bad," I answer with a frown, staring at the rows of grey, Abnegation houses beneath us. If we stay, Tris and I could one day have a house of our own, and it wouldn't matter what we did or said or thought when we were safe inside it. "We'll have each other," I continue, "And when you finish your initiation I can officially ask your parents for permission to court you. Until then I'll have my own place… and you could come over-"

Tris laughs at me, and her body shakes against my chest. "_You_ don't even like that idea, Tobias. Look at your face." She looks at me and smiles.

It's not the best idea. Abnegation norms dictate that I can't officially court Tris until she's sixteen, and any close relationship between us until then would be highly inappropriate. Mrs. Prior has been allowing me to see Tris for a while now, but that might be because we're both dependents. This time tomorrow I will be considered an adult; Tris won't be for another two years. God forbid we stay here and our fathers find out we're seeing each other in private.

"I actually _can't_ look at my face," I roll my eyes, and my voice is laced with annoyance. "Except for the five seconds I get during my monthly haircut."

"Tobias, I know you don't want to stay here," Tris says firmly. "So what are you really afraid of?"

I'm afraid of being away from _her_. The best moments of my life have been with Tris. The only times I've laughed out loud or grinned until my cheeks hurt, I was with _her_. How do you spend two years away from the only person who gives your life some sort of meaning? And what if she realizes she's strong enough to be happy all on her own? Or with someone else other than me?

"A lot can happen in two years," I admit softly.

"I won't change my mind if _that's_ what you're thinking. I mean, do you really think I'd come back here? Do you think I want to be called _Beatrice_ for the rest of my life?" she gags when she says her given name and it makes me chuckle a bit; she only started hating it after _I_ started to call her Tris for short. She couldn't deny how much better it suited her.

"It's not _that_," I answer. "You don't think you'd change your mind about _me_? We're both young and…" It's such a horrid thought that I can't even complete it.

Tris' mouth hangs open, but then she smiles. "Look around you, Tobias. Do you really think there's anyone in Abnegation who could change my mind?"

I shrug. "Robert's been looking at you lately. He's closer to your age than I am." I'm sure Caleb wouldn't mind at all. He's Robert's friend _and_ he hasn't failed to tell me just how inappropriate he thinks my friendship with Tris is. Not like it's any of his business.

"Seriously? Robert? Ew, Tobias." Tris playfully rolls her eyes at me again. "I'll pass. I don't think I want to endure the torture of trying to be someone's perfect Abnegation wife." She scans my eyes for any hint of a smile. When she doesn't find one she shifts a little closer to me and takes my hand. "I've never met anyone like you, Tobias, who makes me feel the way you do. The only time I can be myself is when I'm around you. It makes me feel safe."

"You really mean that?" I look down and whisper.

"Of course I do," she says. "Besides, _I'm_ the one who should be worried about you going to Dauntless and forgetting about _me_. Dauntless girls are pretty. And even the ones who aren't put stuff on their faces to make you think they are." There's a tiny hint of insecurity in her eyes. I only see it because I know her better than anyone. "Make sure you ask them to wash it off first before you commit. So you really know what you're getting yourself into."

She jokes about it, but Tris has always seemed to feel intimidated by Dauntless girls and the way they look in comparison to her. She complains about how her hair always has to be in a bun, she thinks her eyes are dull, she thinks her Abnegation robes make her look like a child in adult clothing. But I don't think there's anything wrong with her at all. In fact, I could look at Tris all day. She's the kind of beautiful that shines from the inside out.

It's typically the other way around with Dauntless girls. They glamour on the outside when there's actually nothing in there; they seem hollow to me.

"How many times have I called you beautiful?" I ask her.

"A lot," she bites her bottom lip. "But you haven't seen much else. And you'll be seeing a _whole _lot more in Dauntless. When it comes to clothes they seem to prefer less or at least tighter, showcasing themselves-"

"-In a way I couldn't possibly find more unattractive," I finish for her.

I wish she could see how beautiful she really is. I blame Abnegation. I blame them for making her believe it's a crime to look at herself for more than five seconds.

"I could never forget about you, Tris," I add, and I rub my hand against her hair. "Two years aren't enough. A million years wouldn't be."

Her eyes wet with tears, Tris nods. "Okay," she whispers.

"Okay?"

"Okay," she nods again. I pull her closer into me, and she presses her face into my chest. I never thought something could feel this right. "So we're really doing this?" she whimpers.

I freeze for a moment. This is the hard part, saying goodbye to her, even if it's just for now, it might be the last time we sit on this roof and stare at the stars. It might be the last time I hold her for the next seven hundred thirty one days. But I remind myself this is a long term plan, and as long as she's in it with me, we'll be okay.

I nod slowly. "We are."

"I'll be there on Visiting Day," Tris says softly as the first tear makes its way down her cheek. "I promise."

"And I'll be right there waiting for you." I smile. "And just in case I can't wait that long, don't forget to leave out the key."

"Okay," Tris smiles with a small sniffle. She always leaves me the spare key to the backdoor by the stairs, under the cactus.

My fingers find her cheek, and smoothly they curl around her neck. I bring her mouth to mine and kiss her slowly, savouring the warmth of her sweet lips. They're even sweeter than I had imagined.

I don't get enough, but I pull away, not wanting to make Tris uncomfortable.

"I thought we would wait," she whispers. With a blush she adds, "Not that I mind… or anything."

"It's my promise to you… that I'll never forget you," I say. "They say you never forget your first kiss."

"Well in that case," Tris smiles. She reaches up and pulls my face back into hers, and we kiss again, our lips dancing slowly around each other. It's a much longer kiss, and a much deeper one, a kiss I could never forget even if I tried.

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**A/N: I hope you guys are looking forward to the rest of this story! Please do let me know what you thought of the prologue :) **


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here's chapter one guys! You can look forward to weekly postings after this :)**

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**Chapter 1**

**FOURTEEN YEARS LATER**

**TRIS**

"What about _these_?"

I stare blankly at Christina and then at the tenth pair of white shoes she's tried on in the past half hour. I wish she'd just pick one already. It's not like anyone will be able to see her feet under her enormous wedding dress.

"Yeah, sure," I lie half-heartedly. These look exactly like the pair before it, and the pair before _that_.

Looking annoyed, she spins around to face me. Her curly hair bounces up and down. "Could you at least pretend to be present?"

"Of course I'm present!"

She gives me a disbelieving eye. "You look like you'd rather be at home doing laundry."

I shrug a little. "I'm no good at this sort of thing, Chris. You know this."

I didn't even make preparations for my own wedding; Tobias and I had eloped, though not intentionally. He had had a rough day at work and he wanted to get away for a bit, so that night we got on the train and rode all the way to Amity. We made love in the gardens, under the stars, and Tobias just popped the question. There was a small church nearby with an overly eager priestess and we figured it was a sign.

All of our friends were mad at us after, but we didn't care. They would have wanted to throw an extravagant, over the top celebration and Tobias and I just weren't into that. Our wedding was just about us, as it should have been. As Dauntless as we both were, we were still Abnegation to our core.

"That_ is_ true," Christina admits with defeat plastered all over her face. "Have you at least found a date for the wedding yet?"

"I told you I'm taking Andy." When my feet begin to hurt, I take a seat across from Christina who is now trying on an eleventh pair of shoes. No one even comes to assist us. She frequents this boutique; everyone knows she'll take ten years before she picks something.

"He doesn't count," she says flatly. "You have to bring him regardless; he's the ring bearer. How about Derek? How are things going with you guys?"

I sigh loudly and press my chin into my palm. "First of all, there is no _me and Derek_." An important clarification. Derek Coleman has been after me for more than a year now, and he's been subtly hinting to people that he and I are an item. That's how Christina caught wind of it._ I_ certainly never mentioned him.

"Not yet," Chris grins. "And that's only because you don't want there to be. No offence to my adorable fiancé but Derek is definitely Dauntless eye candy of the year, and he _obviously_ has the hots for you. I can't believe he still hasn't asked you out."

"He has," I shrug. "Multiple times." And when Christina's eyes look like they're about to pop out of her skull, I immediately regret admitting that out loud.

"And you turned him down?!" she squeals so hard, I'm sure everyone within a mile radius hears her.

"Why would I accept, Chris?"

"Because it's Derek Coleman!" she waves the shoes in the air. "You know, the tall, green eyed, brown haired, rich Dauntless leader, _bachelor, _Derek Coleman!"

"And?" I sit up. "I told you I don't want to date anyone. That includes Derek Coleman."

I don't find Derek to be as gorgeous as everyone else does, but that might be because I know what an asshole he is. He was my trainer during my initiation, and then he worked with Tobias for some years. Now _I_ have the sweet privilege of working with him. He's insubordinate and believes Dauntless begins and ends with him. He cheats on almost every woman who is stupid enough to get in a relationship with him, and he broke up with his last girlfriend of four years via text message.

Christina sighs. "I think he really likes you, Tris. He has never asked someone out more than once."

"Because I'm the only one who keeps telling him no," I almost laugh.

She pinches her eyebrows together. "Just how many times has he asked you out?"

"Too many to count," I admit reluctantly. He actually sent me a text message this morning. I didn't answer, especially since I don't recall ever giving him my number.

Letting out a breath, Christina puts the pair of shoes back where she had found them and then comes to take a seat beside me. She looks at me worriedly, and I already know what she's thinking. I've completely memorized the faces of people who pity me or who think it's about time I moved on.

"Could it hurt to give him a try, Tris?" she asks softly.

"Yes." I nod repeatedly.

"What do you have to lose?" she asks, her voice picking up in pitch and volume.

"My time," I roll my eyes at her. "My _energy_."

"It doesn't have to be anything serious, Tris," she whines, and she crosses her legs. Her pants are so tight I'm surprised she can even do that. "He's young, he's handsome… and rich!" she says through her teeth. And with a wink she adds, "And I heard he's _amazing_ in bed."

I scoff. I haven't had sex in six months, but even _I'm_ not that desperate. Sex with Derek could never be worth the drama I'm sure will come along with it. I can picture it now, him walking around Dauntless acting like he owns me. There's a certain arrogance to Derek, a smugness you only see when you trigger it, when you stroke his ego. I'm sorry; I'm not here for it.

"And who knows?" Christina continues. "Maybe things _do_ work out; and he could really take care of you and Andy."

"Well that would be great if only Andy and I actually needed someone to take care of us," I answer sarcastically. "Besides, I don't introduce random guys to my son, Chris. You know this."

Andy is smart, but he's fragile. He constantly asks about his father and most times I don't know what to say to him. I think it would only confuse him more if he saw me with another man. It's always just been him and me, and the father he never knew.

"Listen," Christina puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I've been there, Tris. Believe me, I know how you feel. And I promise it gets better, but you have to make the first step," she hangs her head a little. "I thought I'd never be happy again after Will died in that crash… but I'm getting married in a month to an _amazing_ man."

I'd tell her Derek Coleman is no Uriah Pedrad, but I guess that's not the point she's trying to make.

"One date. For me," she pleads. "As my wedding gift. Please." She presses her palm into mine and squeezes so tightly I know she's being earnest. Although her methods are usually questionable, Christina always means well.

"Okay. Fine," I decide to humour my best friend. Reluctantly.

She squeals again and bounces in the chair, this time with a wide smile.

"One date, Christina," I clarify, holding up a single finger. "And if I don't like it I'm not seeing him again."

"Okay," she grins. "But you have to be open, Tris. Don't shoot him down after the first three minutes of conversation."

"I'll try my best not to," I say wearily. I can barely stand to listen to him for a single minute during meetings.

Far more excited about this than she should be, Christina springs up from the seat. "Oh my God, what are you going to wear?!"

"Clothes?" I whisper to myself. I don't even know where he's taking me to begin with.

"We have to find something for you to wear!"

I stand in rebellion. "Are you kidding me?! It's almost time for me to pick up Andy. I have to drop him off at the babysitter because I have an emergency meeting at work in…" I check my watch. "An hour!"

To validate my point, the lights in the boutique flicker on and off for about ten seconds before they turn off completely. We've been having a lot of unexplained power surges lately. We stand in darkness until the emergency generator kicks in.

Christina takes off the minute she can see in front of her. "We won't take long!" She yells behind her and she quickly makes her way over to the clothing section of the boutique.

"Christina, you still haven't picked a shoe!"

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I silently curse my best friend in my head.

"Of all the dresses you could have picked," I grumble to myself as I pull it down for the fifth time. The tiny, red dress keeps riding up when I walk, as if walking in these heels weren't hard enough already.

To be honest, I was afraid I'd be a bit overdressed, but Derek seems to have pulled out his best suit, and his shoes shine until I can see my own reflection in them.

"You said something?" Derek asks me with a smile. He is obviously elated that I finally agreed to go out with him. I've already decided that if he does or says anything to piss me off, I might mention that I only agreed to this date to make Christina happy. There's no way I'm letting this get to his head.

"No," I lie, then I press my lips back together. I have to remember to not bite them. I can't remember the last time I wore makeup or lipstick. Tobias always seemed to prefer me without it, but considering how Derek keeps staring at me, I guess he likes it. Surprisingly, he hasn't said much since he picked me up. I'll assume he's lost for words. It's either that or he fully enjoys the sound of my clanking heels echoing in the hallway.

I'm glad when we finally arrive at the restaurant, supposedly one of the best in Dauntless. It's new; I've never eaten here before.

From the outside it looks like any other room in the Pit. The door is nothing special, wooden and stained dark. But when we step inside my mouth falls open. The room is golden, with dimmed lights coming from the walls and three extravagant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The tables are covered with a rich, wine coloured cloth, with the silver and glassware sparkling on top of it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

I can only nod.

We're immediately greeted by a waiter with a wide smile, nothing like what you'd expect from the Dauntless. "Table for two, Mr. Coleman?"

"Of course," Derek answers with a nod, and we're immediately taken to a private table in the far corner, although there's only one other couple in the restaurant.

Derek takes his seat as the waiter flips our glasses over and fills them with cold water. I remember how Tobias would always pull my chair out for me every time he took me somewhere nice. He'd hold doors open for me and take my hand as I climbed the stairs. Dauntless is all about equality of the sexes, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss that good old Abnegation chivalry.

I take my seat and push my legs under the table. The dress feels even shorter and tighter now as I'm seated. I try to pull it down a little, but that makes the situation worse when my cleavage pops out a bit more.

Derek's eyes become fixated on my breasts for almost a full minute. That's when I decide to pick up the menu from the table to block his view. I shake my head, hoping that at least the food will be captivating tonight.

"See anything you like?" Derek finally wakes up, and he runs his hand through his dark brown hair. If anything, he does have nice hair. It's thick and fluffy, but smooth and shiny. Somehow I get the impression he uses a flat iron.

"Not yet," I answer. "But there are a lot of options. I'm sure I'll find something." Truth be told, I wasn't even looking at the food choices. I was looking at the prices. How can anyone even afford to eat here?

"Everything on that menu is sensational. I assure you," Derek says proudly. "This place has the best chefs in the city, and Amity provides the restaurant with only the best produce."

I raise an eyebrow, wondering what makes _them_ so special. "Well the place _is_ really nice," I admit softly. "You eat here often?"

"I do," he says chirpily. "My family owns it actually, this and several other restaurants."

"Well, your family does own half of Dauntless so… that's not saying much." I'm pretty sure Christina would kick me if she were here to hear that comment. I wouldn't have _not_ said it though. I really couldn't resist.

"You're probably right," Derek blushes, seeming amused. "You know, we're actually discussing spreading our wings a bit. We have a small café in Erudite that's been doing exceptionally well, so a restaurant of this calibre is bound to be successful there. I hear the Erudite do enjoy fine dining."

He has this smug look on his face, as if he expects me to be impressed by the fortune he is to inherit when his grandparents finally decide to jump into the chasm together. When I'm obviously _not_ impressed, he stares at me curiously.

I pull back my feet when I feel his inching suspiciously closer to mine.

"You haven't changed at all, you know," he smiles, displaying his rows of perfect teeth, and he slowly brings the glass of water to his mouth.

Peeling my eyes away from the menu, I look up at him sitting there in his fancy dark grey suit. I wonder where he gets this ridiculous notion that he knows me. He spent one half of my training trying to kill me, and the other half admiring me. No need to mention how his world was shattered when he found out Tobias and I were already an item, especially considering the two of them had an ongoing feud.

As I stare at him, I wonder what my late husband would think if he knew I was having dinner with Derek Coleman of all people. That is when I decide it's probably best if I just make it through the night and never see him again. At least Christina won't be able to say I didn't try.

"Has anyone ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are?" he says softly, and I regret staring at him. "They look grey sometimes, but they're really blue." He reaches over and touches my cheek; I feel my hair stand up, and not in a good way.

"And yours are just green," I answer too kindly, removing his hands from my face. "Like my brother's." Except it suits Caleb more.

Thankfully, Derek sits back in his chair, farther away from me. "I didn't know you have a brother."

"He lives in Erudite," I clarify. "Haven't seen him in years." Since my father's funeral to be precise.

"Oh," he frowns. "Well… I'm third generation Dauntless. All my family's here. I can't imagine what that must feel like, your parents in Abnegation and your brother in Erudite."

"Well it's just my mother in Abnegation," I say lowly. "My father had a heart attack about seven years ago. He didn't make it." Feeling a bit awkward, the way I always do when I talk about my father, I push my hair behind my ears.

"This is turning out to be a depressing topic," Derek sighs, and he runs his hand through his hair again. I guess he does that when he's nervous. That's strange; I didn't think he could _get_ nervous. He always seems so sure of himself.

I laugh a little; his nervousness has been the most real thing about him all night.

"Well tell me about work." I humour him and I set the menu down on the table, deciding I'll order whatever I feel like in the moment.

"Well, I certainly prefer to be having dinner with _you_ than being at work," he smiles. "It's nice to take a break sometimes. The job can be hectic… especially now with all these security threats."

"Oh, I know," I say levelly. Derek is head of security at Dauntless.

Incidentally, that was Tobias' job before he died. He had a lot of sleepless nights, countless security threats, factionless gangs making trouble, emergency meetings. He was offered the position after he successfully identified Erudite spies in Dauntless and foiled an atrocious plan of the Erudite leader to wipe out Abnegation. She wanted to take control and rid the city of people like me and Tobias- _Divergent_ they called it. It happened just before I transferred. By the time I got here, Dauntless had a whole new set of leaders since the old ones were corrupt. I felt so proud when I found out the man I loved hadn't only waited two years for me, he was a celebrated hero.

"Yeah," Derek says, sounding defeated. "I'm sure you do."

I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about work, but what else would we talk about? We have absolutely nothing in common.

The waiter saves me from despair when he returns to take our orders. And thankfully there's only another twenty minutes of awkward conversation and Derek talking about himself before the food arrives.

I eat quickly, wanting badly to be in my own apartment, in my own bed. I keep thinking about Andy, but he loves his babysitter so much I'm sure he hardly notices I'm gone. Either way, I use him as an excuse when Derek asks me why I can't stay out a little later. He's at least decent enough to not push it.

It's a slow walk home, but I bear it, knowing it will ultimately come to an end. And the second I see my door, I suddenly feel more comfortable and the air feels so much fresher. I do my best to try and hide my elation from Derek. It doesn't change anything, but he was at least nice tonight.

"For what it's worth I'm really glad you agreed to go out with me tonight," he says as we stand in front of my door. "I thought you'd never say yes."

"I had a nice time." It's a stretch, but it was more good than bad, far more than I had expected from him to be honest.

But obviously I've been too kind; without warning, Derek claims my face and crashes his lip into mine. I try to pull away but he only brings me in closer, almost refusing to let go. It feels wrong and forced, and his lips feel painfully unfamiliar.

With both hands, I push him away from me. He's strong, but he backs off. "I'm sorry, Derek. I can't," I say forcefully and I shake my head at him. I shouldn't be the one apologizing, but somewhere inside me I feel like _I'm_ the one who did something wrong.

Derek, for some reason, seems surprised, as if he didn't just kiss me without my permission. It doesn't take long for me to see he's offended.

"You know," he begins, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "One day you're gonna have to move on, Tris. But I can't wait for you forever."

And there it is, the Derek I'm all too familiar with. The one who's too forward, the one who expects women to throw themselves at him without a second thought because of who he is. The one who obviously is not used to people saying no to him.

"Nobody asked you to wait for me," I scowl at him, disgusted.

"I know," he says firmly. "_I _made that decision. Still… I just thought you should know that. Anyway, goodnight." Agitated, he takes another step away from me, but he doesn't leave.

I don't answer him. I don't know if he's expecting me to beg him to stay. What for?

Easily, I turn around and open the door and step inside my apartment.

Andy is still watching TV with Lila. He smiles and jumps off the sofa as he sees me. "Mommy's home!" he yells. But his smile fades as he peeps through the door and sees Derek still standing outside. Without a second thought I close it behind me, pretending there's no one out there. Good riddance.

"Why aren't you in bed, young man?" I swallow my displeasure with Derek to greet my son.

Andy runs to me and I pick him up in my arms. He's going to be tall like his father. Soon I won't be able to hold him. "I waited up for you," he smiles, and I look at the clock questioningly. It's almost eleven o' clock.

"Sorry, Mrs. Eaton," Lila says groggily as she makes her way toward us. "This was going to be our last movie before bed. He's already showered and changed, and he ate all his supper."

"It's okay," I smile, knowing how my son can be. I pray for the day he sleeps through the night. "Thank you, Lila. I'll transfer the credits first thing in the morning."

"It's no problem at all," she says with relief, pulling her blonde hair up in a ponytail. She looks more tired than I do. "I'll see myself out."

"And let's take you to bed." I tickle Andy and his sweet giggles fill the apartment. I carry him to his room and set him down on his bed; he's already in his pyjamas.

"Who was that man outside?" Andy asks as I tuck him in.

"Nobody, Baby." I shake my head. I rub my hand over his hair; it's dark like Tobias'. Truth be told, Andy looks more and more like Tobias every day.

"Was that Derek?"

I sit up and I pinch my eyebrows together. "How do you know him?"

"He came to my school… He said he wanted to be my friend."

I don't know what business Derek has at a preschool, or why he thought it was okay to introduce himself to my son. It makes me even more pissed off at him than I already am. One thing's for sure, he's a problem I might have just made worse.

"Well… speaking of school," I change the topic, "which you have in the morning, it's time for bed."

"Goodnight, Mommy," Andy says, holding on tight to Dino, his precious stuffed dinosaur.

"Goodnight, Baby."

I kiss his forehead, right between his eyes, and he's fast asleep before I know it. Careful not to wake him up, I get up from the bed and pull the door. I always leave it cracked so a little light gets in.

I'm inside my own bedroom and barely out of my dress when my phone begins to vibrate in my purse. I pull it out to see a message from Christina.

10:45pm Chris_: How did it go?_

I sigh. Sitting on the bed, I think of how to summarize my night, but when I look at the time I realize I simply don't have the energy. Funny, considering I'm pretty sure I told Christina Derek would be a waste of my time and energy.

10:46pm Tris_: Just got in. Getting ready for bed. Tomorrow?_

10:46pm Chris_: First thing! I want all the details! Xoxo_

"Great," I mumble to myself. Now I'll have to relive that.

After I change, I climb into the right side of the bed; I lie on my side and stare over at the empty half of it. My heart feels heavy, and when I look at his picture on the vanity, I can't stop the tears from coming; they always do. No one understands that this is why I don't want to see anyone, because all I ever do is compare them to Tobias and they never measure up. Seeing someone else only reminds me that I haven't moved on as much as I tell myself I have.

I don't know if my heart will ever open up again but I don't think it could, because it already belongs to someone, the only person on this planet who I believe was made for me and only me. Divergent, Abnegation, Dauntless; no one could ever understand me like he could. The depth of love Tobias and I shared makes everything else feel so shallow. So why bother?


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**TRIS**

"Do you _really _think it's a coincidence all of the security doors open the second the power goes out?!" Harrison bellows across the table. "Please tell me you're not _that_ stupid, Chad."

"There's a reason we have backup generators," Chad spits back. He sits directly across from Harry. "The doors lock immediately as soon as the generators kick in."

"Doesn't matter if you're already _inside_!"

I sit with the four other leaders of Dauntless for the third time this week. I've become weary of seeing the four corners of this room, these people, sitting around this table. We go back and forth over the same things without ever actually resolving anything.

"Of course it matters! How the fuck would you get out?!"

"The same way you got in! Another power surge!" Harrison shouts. His voice is loud and heavy enough to cause the glasses of water on the table to vibrate.

I hold my head; the constant shouting back and forth is giving me a migraine. To make it worse, Derek stares at me from the other side of the table. He looks remorseful. I'm glad he knows his comment and that kiss were uncalled for. But that's not the only bone I have to pick with him when this meeting is over.

"In the last three years we have had more than fifty guns mysteriously misplaced inside the Dauntless compound, and another thirty more taken off our men in the field," Harrison says strongly.

"Those are all isolated incidents," Chad answers again.

"Are they? Cause that's a lot of guns when you count it all together… assuming you can count."

"That's enough," Derek butts in. "You called this meeting claiming to have new information, Harrison. Let's have it." He throws his hands up in the air.

"I have a source." Harrison leans backward into his chair. "She confirms what I've been speculating- the missing items, the power surges and blackouts, random factionless lurking around the place, they're all connected."

"You think the _factionless_ are responsible?" Chad laughs, stretching out the small eagle tattoo on the left side of his face. "Like what, they all came together and just decided to start fucking with us?"

"Believe it or not, I strongly believe they are coming together for whatever reason. My source tells me they have a new leader on board, one far more competent, which outrightly implies there was at one point an old leader. This isn't _new._ This has been a long time coming."

"I'm shaking in my seat," Chad mocks. "_The factionless are coming_."

"Shut the fuck up, Chad!" Zeke yells across the table. "Idiot."

Unlike he does with Harrison, Chad isn't stupid enough to backtalk Zeke. He sinks into his chair like a child whose been chastised. He's the youngest of the Dauntless leaders, the most inexperienced, and the most insufferable. He's only here because there was a spot available and he somehow managed to be at the top of his training class. And apparently he's really good at getting information out of people.

When he scowls at the table and begins to play with the ring stabbed through his tongue, I start to snicker in the corner.

"Something you'd like to add, Tris?" Derek has the nerve to ask me. He fixes the collar of his dark leather coat and leans forward against the table.

"Actually, yes," I reply strongly. "I think Harrison might be on to something. The incidents have been far more frequent now, and they coincide with the break-ins. One of the factionless got as far as the control room, and I hardly think he just stumbled upon it. It's possible they're scoping the area, looking for a way to infiltrate us."

"They weren't trying to infiltrate us," Derek answers condescendingly. "They were just a bunch of nosy kids poking around the place."

"Thank you," Chad whispers under his breath.

"But to what end?" I ask him. "Idleness? I mean think about it."

"You forget that not everyone around this table knows how to do that, Tris," Zeke says from beside me with a wink.

Derek sighs and sets his hands flat on the table in front of him, exposing a very shiny, silver watch. He shakes his head. "You're all giving them too much credit. We are talking about people who couldn't fit into a single faction. Strategizing on the scale you're implying would require organized thought and action. They are simply not capable," he stresses his words so slowly that it comes off as an insult to both the factionless and to us for even suggesting the thought. "And it's no problem of ours how such a group of people would choose to occupy themselves."

"It _is_ our problem, Derek," Harry says so lowly that I know he's boiling inside. "Dauntless is tasked with defending this city against _all_ threats… and they _are_ a threat. It's not hard to see they're harbouring our weapons and scoping out our grounds." He leans forward. "Good news is… I have a location for a possible hideout. I say we check it out."

Derek's eyes roll all the way behind his head and back. "We already have half our men patrolling the factionless sector. What else do you want, Harrison?"

"I want you to do your damn _job_ and take control of this situation, Derek!" Harrison bellows again. "The factionless are obviously up to something and it's our responsibility to figure out what it is so we can put a stop to it!"

"You know we never had these sorts of problems when Four was running this ship. He knew a threat when he saw one."

Sipping on his glass of water, Zeke makes the comment so nonchalantly that it's chilling, and Derek immediately stops breathing. He loathes being compared to Tobias for obvious reasons. He always _was_ jealous of him, because Tobias was always better than him in every way. He was furious when a younger and better candidate, from Abnegation no less, was offered the position he had been chasing for years.

It's one of the reasons I don't think I should have ever humoured Derek with even a second of my time. Apart from him being unbearable, I think he sees me as a challenge, a trophy, the widow of the man whose life he often envied.

To everyone's surprise, including mine, Derek composes himself. He takes a few deep breaths before he forces a chuckle. "Is there anything else, Harrison?"

My old friend looks at me warily. It makes me uneasy. Harry and I have developed quite the friendship over time; he was a mentor to both me and Tobias when we first got into leadership. We're open with each other, and I've found it's never a good thing when he's hesitant.

"Harrison?" I ask him.

He takes a breath. "My source believes the factionless were behind the train crash five years ago. It was meant to cover up some information they had unearthed while on their mission, and it was also meant to weaken us. It makes sense. Some of our best soldiers were on that train."

I think my heart stops. If the factionless were indeed responsible for my husband's death, they'll pay for it.

I suddenly remember Tobias' mother was factionless. I haven't thought about her in years. She had written a few letters to him after he transferred to Dauntless, but he never answered. He said he felt she had no right to reach out to him after making him believe she was dead all this time. I agreed with him, and I agree even more now. Tobias was Andy's age when his mother left. There's nothing on this Earth that could make me abandon my only son.

"There was no evidence of foul play," Derek says softly, his eyes glancing at me ever so subtly.

"None that we could find," Harrison clarifies for him.

"Everything was blown to bits," Chad mumbles, and I have to bite my lips between my teeth to stop them from shaking. It takes all the strength I have to not think about that day, to not think about that crash site, my friends dragging me away from the fire as I screamed, tearing at the rubble, looking for my husband.

I never got to see his body. Not that I would have wanted to see him that way.

My hand begins to tremble, then, under the table, I feel Zeke's large fingers wrap around mine. He squeezes tightly and I squeeze back.

He has his own demons from that day. Zeke still blames himself over and over again for Tobias' death. Tobias wasn't even supposed to be on that train, but he went in his best friend's place when he had been hungover from the night before. I never blamed Zeke. He and Tobias were like brothers. He couldn't have known. But I _am_ glad that he hasn't touched a drink since then. I'm sure Shauna is too.

Just as the room is becoming far too awkward for me to bear, there's a power surge and all the lights turn off. I make use of the darkness and compose myself just before the backup generator kicks in.

When the lights come on, I find a bold pair of green eyes on me and only on me. Derek says, "Fine. We send a few men in. But," he raises a finger in the air, "If we find nothing, we will cease to pursue that end."

Harrison nods, and so does Zeke, although I know neither of them will give up so easily. Neither will I if I find reason to believe the factionless are really responsible for that accident.

When the meeting officially comes to a close, Chad is the first to leave and then Derek. When I finally stand from the table, Zeke passes a small smile at me and he checks to see if I'm okay.

I'm not.

"Tris?" Harrison then reaches for my elbow and gently he pulls me aside, away from Zeke. I look like a child standing in front of him.

"What?" I ask him softly, even though we're alone in a corner and the walls are so thick you can't possibly hear through them.

"We're sending in your old team… and I want you in on this mission."

I suddenly become more alert, and I raise my eyebrows at Harrison. "No," I say without thought. "I'm not forefront. I don't fight anymore, Harry. You know that."

"I do. But if we're to find anything, I need someone with actual brains in there… not _Chad_." He looks behind him to make sure there's no one there.

I sigh. "Look… I understand, and I want to get to the bottom of this as badly as you do. Especially if these people took Tobias from me. But I took this job under the condition that I don't take hazardous missions."

I've been called a coward before, after refusing to go out into the field after Andy was born, but of course that came from the mouths of idiots who don't have anything or anyone to live for. Forgive me but I will find the information I need about the factionless without turning my son into an orphan.

"Tris," Harrison begs, bending his back a little. "This isn't even an arms mission. It's for intel and you're the best at it. You're observant. You're sharp. That's what we need right now. We need to know _exactly_ what we're dealing with here." He opens his arms and then sets them on my shoulders. "You guys get in and you get out."

"What if it's not that simple?" I ask lowly, and I lean into the wall. "You don't know _anything_ about the place you're sending us."

"I know that my source is good," he insists. "And she says it's a central hideout. It might be where they're keeping the guns."

She? I'm tempted to ask him exactly who his source is.

"We might not get another shot like this, Tris. We only have the element of surprise once."

When he gives me another pleading eye, I give in. "Fine," I say. Harry hardly ever asks me for favours. I suppose I do owe him one… or a few. He's a wonderful godfather to Andy. "I'll do it. But don't ask me for anything else for the rest of this year."

Harrison smiles at me, tilting his body weight to the side. That's when I see Derek waiting patiently by the door of the conference room. His arms are crossed over his chest and he's tapping his left foot. I instantly remember that I'm furious with him.

I'm ready to leave this place and be alone somewhere where I can process my thoughts in peace, but knowing I need to deal with Derek first, I excuse myself from Harrison and I make my way over to the doorway.

"Can we talk, Tris?" Derek begins before I even get there; probably assuming I would walk right past him. Under normal circumstances, I would.

"You spoke to my son?" I snap at him, cutting right to the chase. I step out of the room so Harrison can't hear us. Derek immediately follows behind me.

"Uhhh…" he stutters, "I guess so?"

"You guess? You either did or you didn't, Derek."

He takes a step back. "I was invited to his school a few days ago," he explains. "Because of all the security threats, I had to run through the protocol with some of the school teachers in case of an emergency."

"And did you introduce yourself to every four year old or just mine?" I demand.

"Well, I saw him so I thought I'd say hi. I told him I was a friend of his mom's." Derek looks at me as if he thinks I'm crazy.

"Why? He doesn't know you." I cross my arms in front of my chest and my mouth hangs open.

His eyes open wider. "Tris, I didn't mean to cause any trouble. I didn't think it would be a problem. Obviously it was."

Foolishly, I stand there and wait for an apology that never comes.

I scoff. "You obviously have no respect for boundaries, and that's a big red flag for me."

Hanging his head, he says, "Listen, if this is about last night, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on too strong. Give me a chance to make it right."

"I don't think we should see each other anymore… outside of work," I leave no room for argument. "You're expecting things that I'm not ready to give you… or anyone for that matter. And it's unfair to the both of us."

He sighs, and before he can say anything I start to walk away from the conference room. He doesn't stop me, but I feel his eyes on me until I'm all the way at the end of the hall.

* * *

"Why so quiet?" I say to my four year old as he eats his dinner. He's usually so talkative, telling me all about his day and what he'd learned. Unlike most kids, Andy actually enjoys school. He's very friendly, and he loves his friends and teachers. I'm dreading the day he starts lower levels. The older kids can be rough.

He only shrugs, slowly eating the tiny pieces of vegetables left on his favourite blue plate.

"Is there something wrong, Baby?" I ask, this isn't like him at all. I make my way around the table and I kneel in front of him. "Did you have a bad day? Were the other kids mean to you?"

He shakes his head and he kicks his feet under the table. "No."

"Then what is it?"

He sulks but he doesn't answer.

"Andrew…" I urge him.

He sets his fork down beside the plate and then he turns to face me, and with glossy eyes he asks, "Will I get a new daddy?"

I'm caught off guard, and I swallow so hard I know he hears it. Then _I'm_ the one who's speechless.

"Why would you ask that?" I say, concern filling my voice. I haven't let anyone else in, and Andy has been oblivious to the men who satisfy my needs every now and again. I never bring them to the apartment. I sigh, wondering if this has anything to do with the fact that he saw Derek outside our door last night.

"MJ said Amy's getting a new daddy," he answers to my surprise. MJ is Uriah's five year old daughter, and Amy is Christina's seven year old. Will and Marlene died on the train too, MJ being only an infant at the time. And now Christina and Uriah are getting married in a month; I guess the kids are talking about it.

"I- I don't know, baby," I stutter, taking his tiny hand in mine. "Maybe one day," I shrug. "But… not right now."

"Do you still miss my daddy?" His face is so earnest and innocent, his penetrating eyes so identical to his father's, that I can't help but open up to him.

"I will always miss him," I say softly. "But if I ever decide to bring someone else into this family, you get to have a say in it. Okay?"

"Okay," Andy says with slight relief.

It makes me wonder, "Do you… _want _a new daddy?"

Quickly, he shakes his head. "No. I want daddy to come home."

"Andy," I say more forcefully than I intended to. "We talked about this."

His face sinks and it thoroughly breaks my heart. I didn't think you could love a person you never met until I saw how much Andy adores his father. He keeps a picture in his room, and he told me it was because he wanted to be able to recognize him if he ever saw him. And it doesn't matter how many times I tell him, he doesn't accept that his father is gone, because he's a hero and heroes don't die.

I pick him up in my arms and he wraps them tight around me, burying his face in my neck.

"Don't you want him to come back too?" he whispers in my ear.

"Of course I do, Baby," I answer, my voice breaking. "When two people love each other, it doesn't just go away. And I love your father very much." I rock him from side to side, trying to soothe us both.

"Even though he's not here anymore?"

"Even though he's not here anymore," I sob, unable to hold it back any longer. I feel like a hypocrite, asking my son to let go when I haven't even begun to.

"Don't cry, mommy," Andy says sweetly, and he touches my face with his soft, sweet, little hands. "I don't want you to cry."

"It's okay, Baby," I whisper to him. "People cry when they're sad remember? And it's okay to cry."

He nods, his eyes filled with sadness.

"Sometimes when I think about your daddy, I laugh too," I say to try and cheer him up. "He could be so funny sometimes." I begin to walk toward the bathroom. I figure dinner's a bust.

"Like me?"

"Yeah," I smile. "You're a lot like him. You know that face you make when you've done something naughty and you're hoping you won't get in trouble for it? He used to do that too."

"He did?" Andy giggles.

"Yeah," I sniffle, walking slowly down the narrow hallway. "And he hated peanut butter." So much so that he'd refuse to kiss me after I ate it. It was one of the many things we disagreed on. I _love_ peanut butter.

"Ew," he makes a funny face. "Is that why _I_ hate peanut butter?"

"Maybe." I flick on the bathroom light and put him to stand on the toilet.

"What else?" he asks as I pull his shirt over his head.

"He was strong… and brave… and selfless."

Andy stares at me in awe, and then he smiles. "I think I love daddy too."

"And your daddy would have loved you so much," I say from the bottom of my heart. Tobias and I weren't planning on Andy. He died before I ever knew I was pregnant. But I know without a doubt he would have cherished this sweet little boy with every bone in his body.

"Did daddy like to shower?" Andy asks with a big smile on his face as I turn the water on. He loves playing with the water, making shapes out of the soap suds.

"He did!" I lie with a laugh. I don't know how many times I had to drag Tobias to the shower or get naked just to coax him to follow me.

"Yay!" Andy grins happily and he willingly steps under the water. I stand to the side and watch him as he drenches every inch of my bathroom floor. He picks up the soap and rubs it all over himself, yelling, "I'm a big boy!" and I don't dare tell him all the places he's missed. His giggles are so comforting and as I watch him I feel so much less alone. I feel like Tobias _is_ here; he left a little piece of himself with me.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: So I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this story so far :) Bamberlee and I thoroughly appreciate all your reviews and follows and favourites. Keep 'em comin ;) lol**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**TRIS**

"Let's gear up, Alpha squad!" Colin shouts a dramatic battle cry. Illuminated only by the headlights of the truck, he thrusts his large rifle in the air three times. When he sees us all staring at him questioningly, he can't help but abandon his theatrical moment with a grin.

Christina laughs at him as she throws a few supplies into the truck- grenades, gas masks, a large rope, flashlights, night goggles and more bullets than we need. We don't know what to expect when we arrive at the site of the alleged factionless hideout tonight, so we're taking everything we could possibly need to get out of there safely.

"It won't stick, Colin," Christina teases. "No matter how many times you say it."

"Because you won't _let_ it," Colin passes the rifle to Christina and then he rests his back against the side of the truck. The light of the full moon reflects off his pitch black hair. "Just go with it, Chris."

"No," she smiles, setting the rifle down in the truck and then pulling her hair up, "Because it's _stupid_."

"I second that motion," Cora chips in. "I mean… Alpha squad? Really?" She throws a bag filled with cans of teargas into the back. When one of the cans rolls out onto the floor and she bends over to pick it up, Colin shamelessly stares at her ass with wide open eyes. Cora has a body most women would die for, her honey-brown skin is flawless and her hair is rich- dark and thick. She's confident, the kind of woman who knows she could get any man she wants, yet she's strangely humble, and she's always been a team player.

Watching them all interact with each other reminds me of old times and I can't help but smile. To be honest I miss my old team sometimes. We were always so different, but in a good way; everybody brought something unique to the table.

I look around me and take it all in. I don't remember the last time I was out here, mission base, in the middle of the night, standing in an outdoor parking lot filled with Dauntless trucks. Seeing it all again feels so strange, like I'm standing in the middle of a memory.

"I think everything's loaded," Cora adds. "That's as much as we can carry, anyway." She playfully pushes Colin out of the way and jumps into the front seat.

"Heeeeey," Colin jeers as he steps away from the truck. "I already called shot gun!"

I laugh at him and I take a seat in the back. Colin always _was_ fun to be around. He made every mission enjoyable and completely made you forget you were in absolute danger. When he jumps in beside me he says, "It's good to have you back, Tris."

"Don't get used to it," I tell him. "I'm only here as a favour to Harrison."

"Shame," he says earnestly. "You were a great squad leader."

"What he means is," Christina says in a low voice, jumping in the empty seat to my right. "Chad's an idiot. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten himself killed yet."

"He's like a cockroach," Cora laughs in the front seat, and then we're all laughing with her.

The four of us immediately quiet the second we see Chad and another man approaching the truck. I was told his name is Shane, only recently added to the team. He's a giant, the very opposite of inconspicuous.

From what Christina tells me, Chad runs this team a lot differently than I did. I focused on stealth, speed and agility, while he's all about brute force. He typically uses a lot of firepower and muscle, leaving behind a disaster in his wake, whereas I would have been in and out and no one would have been the wiser. I suppose it shouldn't matter as long as the job gets done.

Chad jumps into the back of the truck with all the equipment and Shane sits in the driver's side. "It's a pleasure to have you, ma'am," the large, bald man turns around and says to me with a nod, and then he turns on the ignition.

For no reason whatsoever Chad feels the need to clarify, "You will have all noticed Tris is with us for this mission, and she's very welcome, but _I'm_ calling the shots here." He's obviously not too thrilled about my presence here, but I'm not here to babysit him. My job is to make sure we see everything there is to see in that place.

"Whatever," Christina whispers beside me. I almost laugh and I suddenly wonder if anyone in this team actually listens to him.

We take off from the Dauntless compound, and it's not a long drive to where Harrison said we would board the train. We use the time to fill our vests with everything we think we would need. My team leaves the flashlights, just like I taught them, and they all pull a pair of night goggles. I put three grenades in my vest, and I make sure everything is secured tight. Christina passes me a pair of handcuffs and a can of tear gas.

I check my handgun three times to make sure it's loaded.

"You're nervous," she says to me as we jump out of the truck. The tracks begin to rattle and in the distance we can hear the train approaching.

"Apprehensive," I smile. "It's been a while… _and_ I keep worrying about Andy. I've never been out this late. He might be worried or have trouble falling asleep."

"Trust me, I don't think that feeling ever goes away," Christina says sombrely, patting me on the shoulder as we walk ahead of the others. "It's why Uriah and I agreed to not go on missions together. Someone always stays at home with the girls."

We glance behind us when the bright headlights of the train illuminate the night in front of us and the horn is loud in our ears. Then we start running alongside the tracks when the train is close enough behind us. It passes us so quickly that we're all suddenly hit by a forceful and cold wind, but then the train slows down a bit, just as Harrison said it would. We run faster, chasing the train until we find an open door. Christina's the first to jump in, and I grab onto the rail, pulling myself in behind her. All the others jump in behind me.

The train car is so dark we can hardly see each other, and the rattling and squeaking of the wheels on the tracks seems louder than usual. Christina and I claim our own corner like we always did when we were on missions together. I always loved working with her; I knew that no matter what she was on my six.

"So how do you guys decide whose turn it is to babysit?" I pick up the conversation right where we had left it, and I lean my back against the cold metal.

"We flip a coin. I know. It's juvenile," she chuckles. "We both love the job, but we love the girls so much more. We're both glad when we get to babysit."

"Well, I trust our children will still be in one piece when we get back," I laugh. When Andy's usual babysitter couldn't squeeze me in at the last minute, Uriah volunteered to watch him.

"Uriah is surprisingly good with kids though," Christina smiles.

"That's probably because he_ is_ one," I mumble, and Christina jabs me playfully in the side. We stare through the door for a while, even though we can't see much out there. After another minute of our dark, cold and bumpy ride passes, I say, "Chris, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How does Amy feel about you getting married?" I bite my lip when I ask the question because I know my best friend. I'm curious as to how they dealt with it, how the girls handled it, but I don't want her to read too much into it and she doesn't usually know how to do that.

"She's actually excited about it," she answers with a soft squeal. "We're officially moving into Uri's place so she gets a bigger room, and she and MJ get to be _real_ sisters like they've always wanted to be. Why do you ask?"

"Andy asked me if he's going to get a new daddy… because Amy's getting one," I confess softly.

"Oh…" Christina's grin fades immediately. "Well… Amy _loves_ Uriah. I mean who doesn't. But it was important for her to understand that he's not here to replace her dad. Nobody could ever replace Will just like nobody could ever replace Four. Loving a whole new person doesn't mean you've stopped loving another. But Amy's seven so…," she pauses, "I'm sure explaining these things to her is a bit easier than explaining it to Andy." With a shrug she says, "You should probably ask Uri. MJ is only a year older than Andy and he was the one who broke the news to her. Maybe he'll be able to help you."

I nod, but I don't say anything else.

"Does this mean things went well with Derek?" she grins, taking the conversation exactly where I knew she would, exactly where I wish she wouldn't.

"On the contrary," I grumble.

"You know, I'm still waiting for an update on how your date went," she scowls and folds her arms across her chest. Gone is Christina the soldier, and standing in her wake is Christina my best friend.

"Let's not ruin such a beautiful night," I say with a laugh, extending my arms out into the darkness.

"Fine," she laughs back. Then seriously she says, "I'm glad you asked though. I mean, it might not be Derek, but one day you might have to have that conversation with Andy… and I think it's great that you realize that." She stumbles over the words and it's probably because she's afraid I might take it the wrong way. But it's okay; I already know people wish I would just move on already.

"It's not really that," I confess.

"Oh." The disappointment is subtle in her voice. "Then what is it?"

"He keeps asking about his dad, and every time he does it makes me feel guilty."

"Guilty about _what_, Tris?" Christina touches my shoulder and leans up off the wall to face me. "It's not wrong to try and move on, you know. It's what Four would have wanted. He wouldn't want you to be unhappy, and he wouldn't want you raising his son alone."

But Tobias isn't here, and I hate it when people tell me what he would and wouldn't have wanted for me. They didn't know him like I did; if anyone knows what he would and wouldn't want, it's me. And what he wouldn't want is me settling with some random guy just so I wouldn't have to be alone, especially because of Andy.

I'd say I don't know how Christina and Uriah could somehow find happiness together after having both lost the love of their lives, but I do. They were nothing like Tobias and me. They didn't have the history we did. We all fell into the net together, but when_ I_ did, Tobias was already waiting for me. He didn't care who was around, he didn't care who saw. I barely got out of the net before he grabbed me and kissed me so hard, pouring out everything he had into it. After all, he had waited all of two years for me.

Not to mention when I got to Dauntless they were at the bitter end of a silent war with the Erudite. The second Tobias understood what divergence was, he knew I would be different just like _he_ was. And after his friend Amar went missing, he went on a mission to put an end to whatever the hell it was that was happening. He was adamant that no harm would ever come to me. To the Divergent he's a hero, but what they don't know is Tobias didn't start that war for them. He started that war for _me_… so I could be safe.

Sometimes I think my mother is the only one who understands. It makes me wonder if there's something different about Abnegation love. I tried to get her to return to Dauntless when my father died so she wouldn't be alone, but it wasn't permitted. Later that year she told me that even if she _was _permitted to go back, she wouldn't have. She couldn't bear to leave the house where they had spent so many wonderful years together. Every room is filled with memories of him, and just like me, she hasn't really been able to let go. She lies awake at night staring at the empty side of the bed just like I do. Every so often I can hear the phantom of Tobias' voice whispering, _'Goodnight, Beautiful'_.

_That's_ what I feel guilty about- holding on to Tobias and dragging Andy along with me.

"We're here," Chad shouts, thankfully before I have to give Christina an explanation.

"We'll talk about this later," she says insistently, and we all hoard up at the door of the train car.

"We stick to the plan," Chad commands. "We take a look around, make note of anything suspicious, and we interrogate _anyone_ who runs. We take as prisoner anybody who doesn't cooperate. Let's get the information we need by all means necessary."

"You got it, boss," Shane replies, looking overly excited.

"Now let's go!"

We jump off the train one by one, and stealthily we move behind the huge trees and buildings which appear to be growing toward the sky together; over time, what was man-made and what was natural seemed to have merged into one. I look around curiously, the moonlight so bright no one even needs the night goggles. I've never been this far north before. I never even knew anything was out here.

The buildings are far more run down than in the city, but obviously still occupied on the lower floors. The glow of candles and lamps can be seen through some of the windows. We move past all of them, heading straight to the big one at the back, where Harrison had instructed us to go.

The wind blows the leaves around us, and their rustling covers the sound of our footsteps as the six of us move in single file, our guns ready and pointed in front of us. The ground is uneven, concrete one minute and then earth the next. Quickly, we cross what used to be a road.

"There it is," Chad whispers, pointing to a large building ahead of us, at least fifty floors up. The walls are concrete but there are several windows, large and small, spread out across each floor. The light coming through the windows tells me that at least half of this building is occupied, and according to Harrison's source, the person we're looking for is almost at the very top.

"Harrison never mentioned which door, now did he?" Chad mumbles to himself. There are two, one to the far left and one to the far right.

"We're not seriously taking the stairs," I challenge him when I come to understand what he's implying. "This building has at least fifty floors. We won't make it half way without being spotted first."

"What do you suggest, Tris?" Colin asks me, looking at me attentively.

"We should scale the walls of the building. The trees grow alongside it on either side and they're tall enough to take us to at least the thirtieth floor. After that we can break one of the smaller windows higher up and climb the rest. We have rope; we can use it to help us climb up and then back down."

"She's right," Cora backs me up. She takes off her backpack and begins to open it up. "I have the rope right here."

"No one's climbing anything," Chad spits, grabbing Cora by the arm. "_I'm_ squad leader and _I_ say we're taking the stairs."

I give him an eye, but I don't challenge him. He's right, this is _his_ squad now, and he specifically asked that I not meddle in the way he chooses to carry out this mission. Those were the terms he made when Harrison asked that I tag along.

"Whatever you say, boss," I say nonchalantly, without any of Shane's enthusiasm.

"We're gonna split up," he says. "Christina, Cora, Shane, you guys go left. Colin and Tris, you're with me. Keep close. We'll do what we have to do and meet up at the top if we find anything there. Everyone clear?"

"Clear," the whole team says in unison.

My gut tells me this is a bad idea, but knowing the skill set of this team, I decide to let it play out. I'd rather not have to use firepower, especially if these people are innocent, but if they _are_ hostile, it might be our only way out of here.

Chad opens the door and we make our way inside; Colin sticks to my left, his gun always pointing wherever he's looking. It's dark on the bottom floor but we find the door that leads to the stairway and we begin to make our way up.

We move slowly, but the night is so quiet that our footsteps seem way too loud. I cringe.

"You're gonna get your squad killed one day, Chad," I whisper to him. He's a few steps ahead of me.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion," he growls.

"Well I don't need your permission. I worked with these guys for three years, some of them five. They're excellent soldiers and they deserve your best." I keep my voice down, but my tone is stern. "You keep making stupid decisions and watch how you'll lose them."

Colin doesn't say anything behind me, but I know he can hear me. If I can't have Chad removed as squad leader, I'll be sure to tell every member of this team to ask for a transfer, especially Chris and Uriah. They'll listen to me.

Chad begins to move slower, stopping entirely when he hears movement on one of the floors. There's a dim flickering light inside it, probably from a candle.

"Let's take a look on this floor," he says, not looking at me.

I don't answer him. I only keep my gun ready as he slowly pushes the doors open. I have all intentions of going home to my son tonight.

We step into a room full of sleeping people covered in blankets, thirty maybe forty of them. But something's off. They're not huddled together, there are no couples, there are no children, and I get the feeling at least one of them is already awake and pretending not to be.

"Something's wrong. We need to move," I whisper.

But Chad ignores me and he advances into the room. He kicks one of the snoring men in the leg and says, "What kind of intel does Harrison think we're going to get out of these people? They all look drunk."

"Chad," I insist. "We need to get-"

"Hand over your weapons," A deep voice says in my ear and I freeze. I get goose bumps when I feel the barrel of a gun pressed into my back. I don't turn around, but in the corner of my eye I can see two men standing behind us, the other one holding Colin at gunpoint. "That includes you blondie," one of the men says to Chad who immediately sets his gun on the floor.

I raise my hands in the air, and so does Colin.

Suddenly, the people in the room spring to life, each and every one of them armed. My heart races in my chest as about twenty guns are pointed at me.

We walked right into a trap. We were set up.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: The chapter we've been waiting for. Chapter FOUR ;) lol **

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**Chapter 4**

**TRIS **

Held at gunpoint and with our hands tied behind our backs, Colin, Chad and I are led up the stairs, exactly five floors up, by three armed guards. Someone switches the lights on, _all_ of them, and the dark, sleeping building suddenly becomes busy with activity; we hear movement and voices on every floor.

These people were lying in wait for us.

The men push open a set of double doors, leading us into what is obviously a holding room of some kind. There are cells on either side of the room, although they appear to be more like small cages; there are no walls, only bars that go all the way around. They're about fifty in number; twenty five on each side. Most of them are empty, but I pay close attention to the ones that aren't. There are factionless prisoners here, which means this is a factionless prison. For there to be a prison there has to be a judicial system of some kind. Which means Harrison is right; the factionless have some sort of organized governance.

One of the men unties our hands as another one opens one of the larger cells. It's dark in there, but I can see the rest of our team already sitting inside.

"Tris!" Christina quickly stands to her feet and rushes forward, but the factionless guard slams his gun against the steel cage. It rings out so loud that it hurts my ears.

"Get back!" he yells at her. Christina freezes, standing in place instead of making her way back to the bottom of the cell with the others. "I said get back!"

"Okay." She puts her hands up. Then slowly, she takes a few steps backward.

The cell door squeaks loudly as it is swung open, and the three of us are violently thrust inside; I land hard on the floor. The gate is slammed shut and the ringing sound of steel crashing against steel echoes in the dark room. I turn my head to see one of the men locking us in with a large key.

Christina rushes to me and she picks me up off the cold ground. Cora rushes to aid Colin, and Shane to aid Chad, but Chad swats Shane's hand away.

"Are you guys okay?" Cora asks insistently. She obviously put up a fight. Her hair is a mess, her face is red, and there's a long, deep scratch on her neck.

"We are," I answer. Then when I hear Chad coughing beside me, I suddenly become upset. I told him this would happen. "No thanks to Chad!"

"This isn't _my_ fault," he says angrily as he stands to his feet. "We've obviously got a leak!"

"A leak?" Christina asks, raising an eyebrow. "Who would betray us?"

"Harrison!" Chad shouts, flinging his arms wide open. "He led us right into an ambush!"

"Harrison would _never _do that," I answer snappily. "And _you'r_e the one who led us right into an ambush. I _told_ you we shouldn't have taken the damn stairs!" I hit the cage in frustration.

"She certainly did," Cora says, rolling her eyes at Chad.

"My plan would have worked if they weren't here _waiting_ for us," Chad seethes at me.

"I doubt that," I growl at him and I push him up against the bars. "Effective immediately, I'm taking charge of this squad."

"You can't do that!"

"I can!" I yell at Chad angrily. "In fact, I just did! Does anybody in the squad have a problem with that?" I look around at all the others standing with me in the dark cage.

"No, ma'am," they answer in unison.

"Good," I say. "I'm getting us out of here." Although I don't know how.

Chad excuses himself into a corner where he'll most likely sulk like the child he is.

"Thank God," Colin mutters under his breath. When Cora smirks at him, he squeals, "What? It's my girlfriend's birthday. I promised her I'd be home before daybreak."

"Speaking of which, we need to tread carefully when we get home," I say levelly, wiping the grin off Colin's face. "Even if we get out of here, we're not safe. Someone on the inside wants us out of the way and we have no idea who it is."

"Who has reason to play both sides?" Christina asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I don't think we have enough information to answer that question," I say. "We're going to have to investigate our own people. Nobody's off limits. If anybody has a problem with that, you're free to not partake in that part of this mission, but you _will_ need to keep quiet about it. We can't risk word getting back to the wrong ears."

"We're all in, Tris," Shane says, and I know the others are with me.

"Okay, good. Well let's start with figuring out how the hell to get out of here." I rest my hand on the cage door.

"They have all our equipment," Colin points out.

"Sounds like some good old hand to hand combat," Cora smiles, as if she hasn't had enough of that already.

"I think she was talking about the cell," Shane smiles back at Cora. I _was_, but we _will_ need to fight our way out of this building.

"Think you could break it?" I ask Shane, seeing that he's the muscle of the team.

He nods slowly. "I might be able to," he says, grabbing the door and then shaking it a bit. "But it'll be loud. We'll need to move fast. There are probably guards at the entrance of this holding room."

"So we need a plan before we actually break the cage," I nod.

Suddenly, down the hall, we hear voices and footsteps heading toward us. We all move to the back of the cage and take a seat.

Three factionless men appear. The tallest one rustles with the keys as another one points at me. "You! You're coming with us."

"Me?" I point to myself.

"Yeah, you," he snaps at me. "Evelyn wants to see you."

_Evelyn._

"Who's Evelyn?" Christina asks to no one in particular.

I shake my head at first, and then every single muscle in my body freezes. The second I recognize the name, an alarm goes off in my head. Tobias' mother, she's _here_.

I never met Evelyn, and Tobias never responded to any of her letters so I'm not sure how she even knows about me… or that I'm here. Whoever is giving them information must also know that Evelyn is my mother-in-law. As far as I knew, _no one_ knew that. What also intrigues me is that she has the authority to send for me.

Roughly, one of the men reaches in and pulls me out of the cell and he quickly closes the door behind me. Two of them lead me out of the holding room and toward the staircase while the other stays behind.

At least I'm out of the cell. This might be my chance to take a look around, grab the keys off one of the guards, free the others, and then get the hell out of here. Although, I will admit, curiosity has me pondering if I should stay a while. I'd like to know exactly what these people are up to, and more importantly, what does my estranged mother-in-law have to do with any of it? At least I know if _she's_ here they probably _weren't_ responsible for that train crash… unless she never meant to kill her own son.

I'm taken another seven floors up, which means I'm exactly eighteen floors from the ground.

The men lead me through a passageway with several doors on the right hand side. Some of them are cracked open, and when I look inside the rooms I see guns, _Dauntless _guns. Inside another room I manage to spot some vests, the same ones we use on our missions to hold as many supplies as we can. I don't doubt they've gotten their hands on every last piece of Dauntless equipment and firepower.

They _are_ stealing from us. The only question I have now is why. They might be preparing for some sort of attack, but no one's after them as far as I know. Which means they're the ones who'll be doing the attacking. But attacking whom? And _why_?

In the centre of the hallway we come upon a large wooden door, directly across from the elevator that I'm assuming doesn't work.

The guards open the door for me and I'm allowed to walk inside. My mouth falls open in surprise at what I see.

The light coming from the ceiling is a dim orange and it gives the room an eerie feel, but I immediately notice it's a well-furnished room; it actually looks like an office… or a lair. There's a huge desk and several nice chairs to sit in. The walls are painted a cream colour and hanging on them are a few framed photos of random flowers. The floor is carpeted and suspiciously clean. The entire room looks out of place, like it was taken out of an Erudite building and just inserted here.

"Have a seat," a female voice says to me. The guards leave my side; one steps outside the room entirely and the other waits for me by the door.

I turn to my right and there she is, Evelyn, Tobias' long lost mother. I know it's her because I see his face in hers. Her hair, her lips, even her ears- it's all Tobias.

"Evelyn," I say her name warily and it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. As she stands in front of me I scan her from head to toe. She's not dressed in any particular faction colour, but her clothes aren't withered and torn like you'd expect from the factionless. Her hair is well groomed, she wears a watch, and her shiny black shoes look almost brand new. She is _definitely_ at the top of their food chain, and I know without a doubt this space is hers, which means she's not only involved in this operation, she's at the very root of it. She is the leader Harrison was talking about, and it's entirely plausible. Anyone who could somehow manage to convince an entire faction she was dead is smart enough to run a faction of her own.

"Hello, Tris," she says casually, as if we've been acquainted our whole lives. She touches my elbow and she attempts to guide me to one of the chairs. Her hands are cold and dry.

"No, thank you," I say tersely, already feeling enmity toward her. "I'll stand."

Her face remains expressionless as she looks me right in the eye. "Suit yourself." She walks over to the desk and leans up against it. She presses her palms behind her and she crosses her ankles. "I must say it's a bit of an honour to finally meet you. Tobias never did introduce us." She says his name easily, far more easily than I ever could, even on my best day.

"But when would he have had the chance to?" I scowl at her. She damn well knows she abandoned him, and he never looked back.

Evelyn shrugs. "I guess I should welcome you."

I don't answer her, but I study her face the same way she studies mine. She looks cold, emotionless, like seeing me invokes absolutely no feeling in her.

"The last time I saw you, you were about two years old, still a tiny baby. Back then you were known as Beatrice," she continues. "Look at you now. Tris! Dauntless strong." She gestures at me with her right hand. "But you certainly are shorter than I expected. Both your parents are of good height."

Already agitated by the woman, I roll my eyes at her. "What do you want from me?"

"Funny you should ask that. I'm not the one who went barging into your faction, poorly at that," she answers flatly.

"You were expecting us," I say, but not even _I _believe that is the reason we were caught. If we had come up the sides of the building like I had suggested, we never would have been ambushed, and we would have been able to slide down the rope all the way to the bottom in a matter of seconds the minute we realized these people were armed.

"Even if we weren't," Evelyn says with a smug look on her face, "the staircase is the only way around this place. You think that's coincidental?" She scoffs. "No. I need my men to see who's walking in and out of here."

"Must be hard on your legs," I tease, although she actually appears to be in good shape. Then I ask, "What kind of operation are you running here, anyway?"

She pouts a little. "Why do you assume that we _are_?"

"Because you're obviously hoarding weapons, _our_ weapons, in the middle of nowhere," I answer. "And no one goes through that much trouble to hide something unless it's big. And someone inside Dauntless is helping you hide it."

She nods and then looks at me for a few short seconds. "You're a very smart girl… But I didn't call you here to answer any of your questions, dear."

"So then why_ did_ you?"

"Curiosity," she says with a peculiar look on her face.

I scoff at her. "I am so glad Tobias never responded to you when you reached out to him. He would have been ashamed to know what his mother had become… and what she's become a part of." I shake my head at her, almost feeling glad she left him. As bad as it was, Tobias became the man he was because of all that had happened to him, including being abandoned by this woman. She seems vile, and I don't know what would have become of him if she had been a part of his life.

Evelyn laughs at me, a hysteric laugh, and it makes me sick. "Oh how little of my son you know," she says. Then she walks over to me, her laugh turning into a bitter scowl. Leaning into my face she says, "Fortunately, he knows even less of _you_."

"What?" I ask, my voice laced with confusion. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

But Evelyn doesn't answer me.

"I don't want her with the others," she says roughly to the guards. "Take her outside. You can finish her off there."

_Finish me off?! _

I come alive when I realize Evelyn has no intention of letting me leave this place alive. "You can't do this!" I fight the guards, but it's two large men against one. They restrain me easily.

"I can do anything I want, Tris," Evelyn says nonchalantly. "It comes with being factionless."

"Why are you doing this?!" I yell at her as the guards drag me outside the room. But it's to no avail. Evelyn closes the door in my face as if sending me to my death were like squashing a bug.

"Where are you taking me?! Let me go!" I demand, but I already know they won't. Their orders were clear. The men practically throw me back down the stairs, and I almost fall over at least three times. I need to escape them or I _will_ die here.

_Andy, _I suddenly think to myself, and I picture my sweet son's face in my mind. I instantly know I _have_ to fight my way out of here. Dying is not an option. I can't leave him alone in this world.

When we arrive at the bottom floor, I jab one of the men in the stomach. He cries out and releases my arm fast enough for me punch the other in the face. For only a second I'm free of them both and I try to run, but one of them grabs me by my shirt and yanks me backward. He closes his hand around my throat and lifts me off the ground.

I thrash in his arms, struggling to breathe.

"She's feisty!" he says with something that sounds like a moan. "I like that."

"Me too," the other one grins, revealing the rotten teeth at the front of his mouth. He stares at my body and then all of a sudden his dirty hands are on me, fondling my breasts underneath my shirt. The sound of his moaning and the feel of his hand on me make me sick to my stomach. I squirm and try to scream, but they're both strong and I can't escape them.

"Do you think Evelyn will mind if we have a little fun with her first?" one of them asks, and he grabs me between my legs.

"Don't touch me!" I cry out raspily, still trying to fight them off. I manage to hit one of them.

For the first time in my life I feel riddled with fear, knowing exactly what these men plan to do to me.

"Keep fighting and it'll be worse, sweetie," he says, raising a gun to my head. "Be careful to not piss me off. If you give more trouble than you're worth, I'll kill you now instead of after."

With that I stop fighting, at least hoping that the longer I'm alive the more chances I have to make it out of here, even if it means I have to leave the others behind and send another team to rescue them. But I can't stop the tear that rolls down my left cheek at the thought of these men forcing themselves on me, inside me.

The men grin at me, amused at my fear, but when they hear footsteps approaching and they see who's coming, their faces fall and they immediately let me go.

"What the hell are you doing?!" a voice cries out from behind me, a voice that paralyzes even the air in my lungs; even my heart becomes silent inside my chest. "Who is this?!"

"One of the Dauntless intruders," one of them answers nervously. "Evelyn requested she be… dealt with, Sir."

"Move." He pushes both guards out of the way, and although I knew it was him, I'm not prepared when he stands in front of me. I've stopped breathing entirely and my lungs burn, begging for air.

I try to speak, I try to say his name, but nothing comes out.

He stares at me with wide eyes, looking just as shocked and confused as I am, but although he's looking right at me, he does nothing to suggest he at least knows me.

"Lock her up in the solitary room on the thirteenth floor in the east wing," he demands to the guards, and then he squeezes his hand tight around one of their throats. "You will take turns guarding her and you will tell _no one_ of this. And if you dare touch her again, _you're_ the one who'll be dealt with. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir," the man chokes out, fiercely rubbing at his neck.

He drops the guard and then continues walking. My eyes are glued to him, hoping he'll look back but he doesn't. There's an excruciating pain in my chest, screaming at me that something is terribly wrong. How is he alive? How is he here? He would never have abandoned me, and even if for some reason he had, he would never have left me at the mercy of these men.

My body shakes and my breaths are jagged. And when there's finally enough air in my lungs, I manage to whisper his name.

"Tobias?"


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I love you guys so much. Thank you all for your amazing messages and reviews! I absolutely love reading everyone's thoughts and suspicions about where the story is going and I am so glad you all are enjoying it :) And of course, major thanks to Bamberlee who continues to do amazing beta work! And without further ado...**

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**Chapter 5 **

**TOBIAS**

"Well _you_ look angrier than usual today," Tony says, looking up at me when I stand next to his table in the cafeteria. He sips his hot drink and moves his empty plate out of the way. There are crumbs and a fresh coffee stain on his white T-shirt; he eats like a child. "I thought you'd at least be content that everything went as planned last night."

I huff, pressing my hand against the wooden table.

On the contrary, there is no way in hell I could have been prepared for what I saw last night, or what I _think_ I saw.

Two of my men thought it was necessary to try and violate one of the captured Dauntless, and if _that_ wasn't disconcerting enough, the woman was the spitting image of the one who has been haunting me over the past years. I felt like I had seen a ghost and for a second I wondered if I was dreaming and just wasn't aware of it. By the time I realized I was, in fact, fully awake, another question stirred in my head. Whoever she was, why did my mother want her dead? Killing the Dauntless intruders was never a part of the plan.

I decided not to ask her about it. I just went to my room afterward, because for some reason I had the idea that some rest would help clear my head. I was wrong; I woke up just as agitated and confused as I had gone to bed.

I sit down at the table beside Tony and I take a sip of my beer.

"Isn't it… a bit too early for that?" Tony asks, looking at the dark, glass bottle in my hand. "Why don't you grab some real food? Might need your energy today."

With the bottle still at my mouth, I groan with discontentment. I almost forgot. I'm supposed to be starting training with some of the new recruits today.

I become even more depressed just thinking about it. It's taken a lot of energy and restraint on my part to bring the factionless army to where it is now; they're undisciplined, unruly, and the new ones always have to be taught that questioning authority will not be tolerated here. In actuality, I think an early morning beer might do me more good than breakfast.

"There's not a gleeful bone in your body, is there?" He stares at me for a minute or two as I finish my beer. When I don't answer him, he asks, "Are you actually going to say something to me or should I just be grateful I at least have your company?"

I give him an eye.

Tony is the closest thing I have to a friend; apparently we grew up together here. Apart from my mother, he was the person who took me under his wing and showed me the ropes again after I lost my memory. The Erudite were experimenting on innocent factionless people and I had been captured. I was rescued but not before the damage had been done.

It was difficult transitioning back here. I thought with time a few things would come back to me but nothing ever did. The only memories I have in my head are the ones I've made over the past five years; and even so, sometimes I wake up and this place feels so unfamiliar, so wrong, definitely not like the place I've lived my whole life. Whatever the Erudite gave me, it was potent.

"Do you remember those dreams I was telling you about?" I eventually ask Tony.

"Oh, the blonde you keep banging?" When I give him a sharp look he laughs softly. "Sorry. _It's not like that_," he mocks me. "I know. And yes, I remember. How could I forget?"

The dreams are strange and always about the same woman. Sometimes she's just there talking to me, sometimes we're just sitting down somewhere not talking at all. Sometimes we're in bed, entwined together, her lips on mine and me deep inside her. It all feels so real that sometimes when I wake up, I immediately look beside me to see if she's there, and there's always this emptiness that follows when I remember she isn't real.

Tony thinks it's because deep down I crave some sort of connection, or a real relationship with someone, but I don't think that's what it is. I'm not desperate; I have no desire at all to even speak to any of the women in this camp and every time I decide to entertain someone, I'm left entirely unamused.

"What is it _this _time?" Tony asks, pressing his elbow into the table.

The cafeteria is loud with conversation, children running around the tables. Still, feeling like it's important nobody hears me, I whisper, "I could have sworn I saw her last night."

Tony's dark eyes open wide. "Really? Where?"

"_Here_," I answer, absolutely aware of how crazy it sounds. "One of the Dauntless spies who were captured. I stood in front of her and I just froze."

"Hmm. So she saw _you_?" he asks casually. "Did she recognize you from any of _her_ dreams?"

When he smirks at me, I realize he's making fun of me.

"Well she _did_ look terrified," I answer him anyway. "But that was to be expected given the circumstances. Two of our men were taking her outside for execution," and grabbing at her body like vicious animals. "They say it was my mother's orders. And that was the _second_ thing I couldn't make sense of. Why would she have any of them killed?"

"Because they broke in trying to steal information, probably to sell to the Erudite," Tony says, but it sounds like a guess, and it's not a good one.

We already knew the Dauntless soldiers were coming and what they were coming for; there's someone among us feeding them information about our hideout and what we're doing here, but my mother has her own informant in Dauntless who warned us beforehand. The plan was to capture them and keep them all as leverage, trade them over for the exact locations of all the surveillance cameras in the city; ultimately, if we're going to attack them, we need to be sure the Dauntless can't see us, and we've been unsuccessful in trying to bring down their surveillance system from the inside.

There was nothing wrong with the plan; my mother assured me the people we were capturing were important enough that Dauntless would make the trade to spare their lives. Yet, now she wants to kill one of them?

And why _this_ one in particular?

"But why just her? She wasn't alone," I voice my thoughts.

Tony shrugs. "Maybe she wanted to send them a message, let them know we're not playing around. _Or _maybe she discovered they came for motives different than the ones we were made aware of, and she had reason to believe _that_ one was a threat."

I shake my head. It's not a long shot. It wouldn't be the first time my mother veered away from the plan without asking or at least notifying me.

"Sometimes my mother can be so rash and impulsive. She doesn't think before she makes decisions," I say with great irritation. "Do you really think the Dauntless will take lightly to us killing one of their leaders?" We have many of their weapons and our army has come a long way, but I don't think we're ready for the beating Dauntless would put on us if they came at us full force.

"It's true," Tony nods. "But you only get away with saying shit like that because you're her son."

_He _would know. He was my second in command for a while, but he stepped down after butting heads with my mother. She doesn't take well to people disagreeing with her. I'm the only person she listens to, the only one allowed to criticize anything she does. I still confide in Tony about most things though; after he stepped down, my mother requested his position remain vacant and that I, alone, be in charge of the army, but sometimes it can be a lot for one person.

"When's the last time you got laid? In real life, I mean," Tony asks out of nowhere and he brushes some bread crumbs off his pants. "What happened to what's-her-face?"

"Who?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"The tall brunette," he says, lifting up his arm to show her height. "Pretty. Big boobs and great legs. Was it Kim?"

"You mean Kate?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Her."

"What about her?"

"I don't know. Is that going anywhere?"

"No," I say flatly, staring at the empty bottle in my hand.

My mother is the one who actually introduced me to Kate, and then she pushed the idea of us having some sort of relationship, which was funny considering Kate would roll her eyes every time I mentioned my mother. We've hooked up a couple times; I call her over, she calls me over, but I think we both realize this is nothing more than just sex. I don't feel the need to hang around and talk after we're done, and she's not the type to ask.

"You should probably try a _little_ harder to make that work. Kate's hot; truthfully, I wouldn't have to try at all." Tony shakes his head. "But anyway, if you're starting to see your dream lady around the place… that is _definitely_ a sign of sexual deprivation."

I ignore him. I find I do that often. For someone who has been my friend my whole life, sometimes I feel like Tony hardly knows me at all.

"Where are the other prisoners?" I ask him.

"Locked up in the cell block. Where else would they be?"

"I think I'm going to have a chat with them," I say, and I push myself to my feet.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I said, I think I'm-"

"I said," Tony says through his teeth, "I didn't hear you." Tony stands and leaves the table before I do, leaving his empty plate and cup behind. It's probably for the better. I have a feeling my mother doesn't want me talking to these people, and Tony might need plausible deniability on his side.

* * *

I push open the door of the main cell block. There's only one guard at the door and he knows better than to try and stop me. I walk to the larger cells at the end where our prisoners are and I find them huddled in a corner together, whispering God knows what to each other. They're all dressed in full black and it's so dark at the back of the cell I can hardly see them at all.

They're quiet the first few seconds they see me standing there. But then, one of the women stands to her feet and charges at the door. She grabs onto it and threateningly yells at me, "Where did you take her! I swear if you hurt her, you're dead! You're all dead!"

I assume she's talking about the woman my mother had taken away last night.

"She's safe," I answer her, although I don't really need to. "But I can't promise you she'll stay that way. I need you to tell me what your mission was. Why did you come here? What were you looking for?"

"I'm not telling you _anything_," she spits.

Slowly, out of the darkness at the back of the cell, another woman approaches. She's tall, slim, with short, curly, black hair. She looks at me with unmasked curiosity, and then horror.

"F-Four?" she stutters, looking frightened. One slow step at a time she makes her way toward the front of the cell. She reaches her hand out ever so slowly, but when she tries to touch me I take a large step back. "Tobias?"

"How do you know me?" I ask venomously when she says my name.

"What the hell am I looking at, Four?" Her eyes are as wide open as her mouth. "H-how are you," she stammers. "How are you here? You're _alive_?" She puts her hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, is Will…. Is Will alive too?"

"Shut up," I say tersely. "I don't know who or what the hell you're talking about."

"I guess we found our leak," a deep voice says from the back. A man steps forward, skinny, blonde, with a shiny nose piercing and a tattoo of a bird on his face. "Who would've guessed Tris and the greatly decorated Four were traitors?"

"What did you say?!" The woman who seems to know me turns around and pushes the man backward.

"Really?!" he cries out. "Tris is the only one who's taken away, and then _he_ shows up here. You think that's a coincidence? You can't be _that_ stupid, Christina."

"Tris would _never_ betray us, Chad! And neither would Four!"

"I'm looking at living proof that they would!" The man points a hard finger at me. "Or have you forgotten _he's_ supposed to be dead! They obviously staged it!"

She shoves him up against the wall, hard, having neither weight nor height to her advantage. "Say that again and I'll knock the stupid right out of you."

Her strength is impressive, but I'm too confounded by the fact that _he_ just said I'm supposed to be dead.

Realizing I'll only become more confused the longer I stand here, I make a break for the door.

"Four! Wait! Four!" The woman yells after me. Why is she calling me that when she knows that's not my name?

I don't turn around; I walk faster. There are no answers here, but I know exactly where to find them.

* * *

"Where is the prisoner? I want her dead!"

I walk toward her, but I don't answer my mother who looks up and yells at me from across her desk the second I barge inside her pristine office. I quickly wave my hand at the guards, sending them outside.

"Tobias where is she?" she demands again.

I take a seat directly across from her and then I answer, "Why is she to be executed? How is she a threat to you? I thought the Dauntless weren't to be harmed."

My mother rolls her eyes at me and then she sighs and begins to aimlessly arrange a few papers on her desk. "Tobias, there are things you simply do not understand."

"Well then explain them to me," I answer quickly.

She drops the papers and looks up from her desk. "I received word that this one had been in direct contact with Erudite's leader. She volunteered herself to be a part of a new program of super soldiers, one whose specialty is to play games with your mind." She swallows hard. "You talk to her long enough and she can convince you of anything. Which is why I would rather_ not _entertain her," she says forcefully.

I lean back in the chair and my eyebrows furrow. The Erudite never cease to amaze me.

"You never told me about this new program," I say gravely. Could that be why I thought I recognized her when I saw her? Could she have somehow been toying with my head?

"I only recently learned of it myself, but I assure you, she's dangerous, Tobias," my mother says, but she looks down at her papers again and I get the feeling she's hiding something from me.

To be honest, I've been getting that feeling a lot lately. She's given me full control of the factionless army but nothing else. No matter how much I stress the importance of receiving all the information I need, she refuses to let me go with her when she meets with her spies, her sources inside the factions.

"What about the others?" I ask.

"As far as I know the others are just regular soldiers."

"Well, one of them seemed to recognize me from somewhere." I cross my arms, unable to forget the woman who knew my name.

My mother is still; she looks at me curiously. "A young woman?"

I nod. "One of the others called her Christina."

"I should have known," my mother huffs. "She is well acquainted with the other one. It's not hard to believe they're in it together. Whatever she said to you, do _not_ let it get to you," she says forcefully. "I'll have them both executed."

I shake my head at her. "I still think killing them is a horrible idea," as freaked out as I am by all of this. Although, I really shouldn't be. I, of all people, should know what the Erudite are capable of.

"Having them here poisoning the minds of everyone they come in contact with, is an even worse idea," she replies lividly, "Neither of them will give up any information so essentially they are useless to us."

"You kill them and Dauntless will send an army after us," I warn her. I hope to be the voice of reason, but I fail.

"Well then we'll need to be ready," my mother answers hotly, slamming her hand against the desk.

"And I already told you we're _not_," I snarl. The Dauntless sending soldiers here to investigate us meant our timeline had been shortened significantly. I was hoping to have at least a few more months of training with the men, but with this new development we're looking at weeks maybe days before we have to attack. That is, if we want to attack first.

"You keep saying that," she stands to her feet. "How much more time do you need, Tobias? You've spent _years _training this army."

"And the Dauntless have been fighting their whole lives," I say strongly, in case she hadn't considered that. "We need to be at our very best if we're to ever have a chance against them, and if we can't bring down the Erudite's first line of defence, then we have no hope of even making a _den_t in this endeavour."

Slowly, my mother makes her way around her desk and she sits on the armrest of my chair. She puts her hand on my shoulder and softly says, "I understand what you're saying, Tobias. I'm just tired of all the corruption and inhumanity openly taking place in this city. I am tired of their cruelty toward our people; they refuse to give us a seat at the table and would prefer to have us chasing after scraps like dogs. I'm just ready for it to come to an end."

And that's the only reason why I tolerate her- I understand her vision. It isn't right that the Erudite should be allowed to experiment on who they want, when they want, as if it weren't inhumane. They satisfy their curiosity at whatever cost, and they have the Dauntless to protect them, the Dauntless who are supposed to be protecting _everyone_, including the factionless. And anyone who willingly tolerates evil is an accomplice; this is why both factions will pay and a better system will be set in place, one where we are all equal.

"Every day I hate them for what they did to you, Tobias," she continues, and she rubs her hand softly against my hair. "The Erudite stole my little boy from me."

"I'm still here," I say to her, taking her hand, but it's not entirely true. The only things I know of my childhood are what my mother has told me. She filled in the blanks about how my father had died and how we left Abnegation together when I was just a boy.

She nods solemnly.

"I'll try and speed up the training however I can… but you need to be patient, and take this one step at a time," I say to her carefully. "Today's mission is to make sure our message is delivered to the Dauntless leaders before they send a team out here to look for their missing soldiers. It's already morning and they haven't returned; they will have already realized something went wrong."

"It's already on its way," she assures me.

I nod and then I look at my watch. "I should go. I have some new recruits coming in today." I stand to my feet and press a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Just as I'm about to walk through the door, she stops me. "Tobias," she says. "Why did you go to see the prisoners?"

"To remind our guards to be decent," I lie with a snarl. "I caught the men fondling the one you would rather have executed."

She nods and then says, "You never told me where you had her taken."

I pause. If I tell my mother where she is, she's as good as dead, and something very deep inside me is not okay with that. I feel like I need to see her again, just to make sure I'm not crazy, even after having heard an explanation for why I might have thought I recognized her. Strangely, a part of me wonders if there is more to it than that, even though I couldn't possibly begin to imagine what that would actually mean. But I can't let anyone harm her, not until I know for sure.

Regrettably, my mother knows every last inch of this building, and even though I threatened the men, they might not keep their mouths shut if she questions them. All that means is, I need to figure out if this is all really just a mind game or not. Because if it's not, I have to get her out of here… now.

Not saying another word to my mother, I close the door behind me.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**TOBIAS**

I don't waste any time in leaving my mother's office. I head straight for the east wing of the building and make my way down the stairs.

The private cells, strategically dispersed around our headquarters, were my idea. My mother thought constructing them would be a waste of resources considering we already had a room filled with large cells that served as a containment area for prisoners, but I convinced her that being at war with multiple factions would mean we'd have prisoners we'd need to isolate. Of course, they're also convenient for days like these when there is someone I'd rather isolate from _her_, even if it's just until she can manage to find out exactly where they are.

My footsteps echo as I walk through the hallway and then to the very end of the large, open space; as far away as he is, I can see the guard standing in front of the door.

This entire floor is unoccupied; a few pillars are the only things taking up space inside it, and the light shining through the giant glass windows bounces off the white walls. When we found this building, there were old tables and desks and computers thrown all over the place, like a storm had passed through it, and almost every floor was the same except for this one; there was not a single piece of equipment inside it and there was a randomly placed room at the very end of it. I often wonder what this floor was used for.

The guard fixes his posture as I get closer to him. He looks tired and he's wearing the same clothes from last night; a faded orange shirt with a pair of dark jeans.

I scowl at him. I don't even know his name, but I remember his face; I see it in my mind, that stupid grin he had when he was shoving his hands up _her_ shirt. Just the sight of him makes me sick to my stomach and I feel the urge to break his jaw.

"You're being relieved of your duties," I say roughly. "Tell your friend. You're not to come back here, either of you. And I better not hear about this from a single soul." I give him a threatening glare.

"Yes, Sir," he says, and without question he leaves. I watch him as he walks sluggishly all the way to the end of the room and only when he's out of my line of sight do I open the door.

It's dark inside; there are no windows and the only light is the one coming through the door. I don't know why, but I expect to find her in a corner, sitting with her knees curled up to her chest. But instead she's waiting for me, standing in the middle of the empty room with her arms crossed over her chest. She's not as tall as the other women who were captured along with her, but she looks just as strong, just as fierce.

I leave the door open behind me and I take a few steps inside to get a better look at her.

"Did either of the guards hurt you again?" I ask lowly as I step toward her.

But she doesn't answer. She just stares at me, angrily, like she'd walk right over and slap me if she could.

And then she does.

It's entirely unexpected, and I grunt a little when my face takes a hard hit on the left; I find myself looking at the wall to the right instead of in front of me. My cheek burns but I don't rub it; instead I slowly bring my face back around.

"That's the thanks I get for saving your life?" I growl at her.

She's standing right in front of me, so close that I can hear and feel her heavy breaths. I stare at her for a few seconds and she stares back, her eyes penetrating into mine, and it _is_ her. I gasp. I recognize those eyes, strong and determined, that familiar shade of light blue. I recognize her lips, her cheeks, the tiny bit of blonde hair that falls in front of her face.

I knew it. I _knew_ it was her.

She doesn't say anything to me; she only stares at me, looking as confused as I feel. If she's real, then what does that actually mean? And how terrified should I be given that I can't even begin to imagine the possibilities?

"What's your name?" I ask roughly. I don't want to be unkind to her, but if my mother _is_ right and this is all just a trick of the mind, I can't let her know she's affecting me.

She takes a small step back. "You really don't know who I am?" she asks me, and the sound of her voice makes me shiver.

"Obviously, I don't," I scowl. "And how _would_ I?" I hiss the question at her, but I really do want to know.

"Is that what she meant? When she said you knew little of me?" she asks, her voice breaking. And with her hands clutched at her side she says, "What did she do to you?"

"Who?"

"Evelyn," she answers strongly. "Your mother. What did she do to you, Tobias?"

This time I can't hide it; my body immediately reacts when she says my name. Not the way it had when the other woman said it, but more like every single cell I'm composed of is standing at attention, anticipating her orders. I become stiff and my breaths once smooth and easy are now a jagged mess. I have to fight the urge to grab her, shake her, get her to tell me who the hell she is whichever way I can. Fighting to keep control of myself, I say, "I don't know what you're talking about. But I can't help you if you don't tell me who you are."

"And why would you want to help me if you don't even know who I am?" She asks, her voice steady.

"Because I think killing you would be a dreadful mistake," I answer. "My mother, on the other hand, doesn't share those sentiments. If she finds you, she _will_ kill you."

For God knows whatever reason, her lips suddenly curve up into a subtle smile; so subtle you wouldn't see it if you weren't looking hard enough.

"No, she won't." She slowly shakes her head as she takes a step closer to me.

"You obviously don't know my mother," I say with a huff.

"But I know _you_," she says resolutely, "and you won't let her touch me."

My thoughts become chaotic, my mind is hit by a storm of scary and dangerous questions that I'm not even entirely sure I want to know the answers to. It's no longer whether or not she's real because she _is_. She's standing right in front of me, in the flesh. And this can't be another one of the Erudite's mind control experiments. I've been dreaming about her long before whatever new program my mother was talking about came to be. How am I supposed to make sense of this?

"Who _are_ you?" I ask nervously, as if I were standing in front of a ghost. That's certainly what it feels like.

"You recognize me, don't you?"

"No." My answer is rough and I suddenly regret having showed her weakness. "Why does my mother want you dead?"

"Why are you trying to keep me alive?"

"I don't have time for this!" I take a threatening step toward her, making the space between us even smaller, although there's no need to; it's only us on the entire floor. "Don't play games with me!" I look down at her seething, but she doesn't flinch.

"Games?" she smirks. "_You're_ the one asking me questions you already know the answers to, Tobias."

"I don't," I grumble softly, but I know she hears me. Realizing I've wasted enough time and it doesn't seem like I'll get anything out of her, I let out a breath and say, "Let's go." I can't leave her here. I turn around and begin to walk out of the room.

"Go where?"

When I stop and look behind me, I see she hasn't taken a single step. "We need to move. I'm helping you get out of here."

Out of nowhere, she begins to laugh, but she does step forward. "Now why would you do _that_?"

"I don't trust you can find your way out of here without getting killed first," I answer hotly, but it's not an actual answer, not to the question she was really asking. The truth is _I_ don't even know what the truth is; I don't know how or why she invaded my dreams, I don't know why I feel the need to protect her from my own mother even though it goes against everything I believe in, everything I've been fighting for my whole life.

She stares at me inquisitively again. There's almost no point in denying her an answer anymore; she knows I recognize her, or at least thinks I'm very curious to know who she is. I can see it in her eyes.

"Are you coming or not?" I snap at her. When she nods and steps out of the room I continue walking and she follows behind me. "Stay close," I command, and we quickly walk across the empty floor.

When we arrive at the staircase and I begin to make my way down, she asks, "Aren't we going to get the others?"

I give her an eye. Why would she expect me to set them free? "No," I answer harshly.

"But I need to get the keys to the truck or I might not make it to Dauntless," she demands. "It's too far away from the tracks. I can't go on foot."

It's only occurring to me now that of course she'd go back home. I don't know where else I was expecting her to go after she left here. And in that case, why would I take the risk to even help her? She will no doubt tell the other Dauntless leaders that I helped her escape and they'll draw their own conclusions about our leadership here and my loyalty to the factionless.

Apart from that, she knows exactly where the other prisoners are being held. If they planned a rescue, she would be able to lead them straight to the holding room. Setting her free would be just about the stupidest thing I could ever do.

When I hear a set of quick and hard footsteps coming up the stairs I decide I don't care.

"Fine," I say and I pull her away from the staircase and into another room nearby. I quietly shut the door and then I stand close to her so she can hear me. Softly I say, "I'll take you to where the others are, you get the keys and then we go. We don't have time for conversations, explanations, or anything of the sort. Got it?"

Having her this close to me is nerve-wracking, and at the same time it feels like breathing in fresh air. Not knowing why it feels like that is almost painful.

"Got it," she whispers, and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Good."

When the footsteps are gone, we come out of the room and make our way across the floor, quietly scurrying through the corridors that connect one half of the building to the other. Being seen is not an option.

She looks around curiously, but she moves quickly, never more than a foot behind me. Every once in a while she glances at me, though I can't read her face. I realize I still don't know what her name is.

Together, we make our way down two flights of stairs until we're on the eleventh floor. She immediately recognizes the door to the holding area. I wouldn't be surprised if she's mapped out this entire building in her head already. No doubt she probably could get out of here all on her own. Not that I'd take that risk.

"Go down one more floor and hide inside the room to your left," I say to her, both of us still standing on the stairs. "I'll go inside the holding area and send the guard upstairs. The second you hear him leave you come back up. Okay?"

"Okay," she nods and in only a few seconds she's on the floor below me.

I push open the doors to the holding area and I make my way toward the guard. Only when I get close enough do I realize he's fast sleep. His gun is nowhere within reach and the keys hang loosely off his fingers.

"Hey!" I yell at him, frightening him awake. He jumps and the keys fall from his hands, clattering on the floor. He picks them up and then wipes his face nervously before standing to his feet, suddenly springing to life. "My mother wants to see you," I say.

"Yes, Sir," he nods nervously, and just as I expected, he quickly begins to make his way upstairs. Everyone who lives in this building knows better than to make my mother wait. All that means is, I don't have much time before she sends him back or comes looking for _me_.

On cue, _she_ comes back up the stairs and rushes into the holding area. She runs past me and heads straight to one of the bigger cells at the back where the others are. I follow her so I'm close enough to hear what they're saying, but I stay out of their line of sight.

"Tris!" I hear one of them yell.

Is that her name? Tris? I don't dare try it out with my lips.

"Christina!" she yells back. It's her friend, the one my mother told me was also a part of the new Erudite experiment. I suddenly wonder if she'll be safe here, but in any case, she's not my priority. I can't concern myself with her and risk getting caught.

"How are you outside?" Christina asks her. They hold hands with the cell door between them. She doesn't wait for an answer. "Tris, something strange is happening here. I… This might sound crazy but… Four is here," she whispers.

Tris begins to stammer without forming any actual words.

"We need to go," I urge her after a few seconds have passed.

"Is that him?" Christina asks quickly, and I almost regret having spoken.

"Yes, but I can't explain now. I don't have time," Tris says nervously, her voice shaking. "I need the keys to the truck."

"What in the world is going on, Tris?" a male voice says.

"I swear to you, I don't know," Tris answers him.

"Sure, you don't," another one says sarcastically, and I have a feeling I know which one it is.

"We need to move!" I yell again, and this time my voice echoes in the dark room. "Or would you rather stay here with your friends?" The guard might come back any minute now.

"Give her the keys, Shane," Christina commands.

Whoever Shane is, he doesn't argue and he passes the keys through the cell door.

After quickly but gently taking the keys in her hand, Tris makes a break for the exit and I follow behind her. I can see it on her face she doesn't want to leave them here, but she's smart enough to know she doesn't have a choice. She begins to walk down the stairs.

"Stay behind me," I say through my teeth and I pull her backward.

"Let go of me!" she snarls, her eyes wet with tears.

"Do you really think you can walk down those stairs and not be seen?" I ask her, frustrated. If anyone spots us, getting her out of here will become a whole lot more complicated. She doesn't answer me, so I clarify, "Well, you _can't_. You'll have to follow me."

I lead her in the opposite direction, up to the twelfth floor, and make a turn into a hallway. In the very middle of it, there's an elevator shaft. None of the elevators in the building are working since we redirected the power to fuel more important things like the lights and the heating in winter. But the structure is sound, and the ropes are still strong.

I pry open the door of the elevator, and once we're inside I break open a small hatch at the very top, just big enough for a person to fit through. I give Tris a boost and she uses the strength in her arms to pull herself up and out the hole. I'm considerably taller than she is, so I only need to jump to grab onto the top, and I pull myself up behind her. Then, using the ropes, we climb down the elevator shaft. I take deep breaths and I never look down.

There's a maintenance door on the second floor, and we use it to climb out of the shaft. Then, quietly, we run down the hall and back to the edge of the east wing where there's a broken window with a tree branch sticking through it.

As much as my mother knows this building, I know it better.

We climb out and then very carefully we climb down the back of the tree. There aren't too many people on the first floor, but that doesn't mean I want to take stupid risks.

"This way," I say. I lead her to the back of the building and then deeper into the woods before we start to head toward the train tracks. She actually surprises me with how well she keeps up, though it shouldn't; I've always stressed to my men how well-trained the Dauntless are.

Maybe it's a stroke of luck, but as we're running toward the tracks I hear the train coming. We both run faster, hoping not to miss it. This is the best shot we've got at a clean getaway. The longer we're here waiting in broad daylight for a train to pass, the higher the chances of being spotted by someone passing through.

"We can make it!" Tris yells beside me, and with the way she's running I have no doubt we will.

Just as the last train car is about to fly past us, Tris grabs onto the rail and pulls herself inside, and then so do I. She walks to the back of the train car and leans her back against the wall.

I stay by the door and I watch her catch her breath.

"Are you coming with me?" she asks when she sees me standing there, and it almost sounds like a plea.

"No," I answer flatly. "I got you out. That's all."

She slowly walks back toward me and when she's standing right in front of me, she reaches up to touch my face, but at the last minute she changes her mind and pulls her hand back. A part of me wishes she hadn't.

"How did you end up here, Tobias?" she asks me and her voice breaks.

"End up where?"

"Factionless," she whispers.

"I've always been factionless. I came with my mother when I was four," I answer her, though I don't need to.

She stares at me again, only this time she looks more heartbroken than confused. "No, you didn't. You rejected her at every turn… and for good reason," she shakes her head. "You really _don't_ remember."

"Remember what?"

The train car rattles and Tris leans herself against the wall. She lets out a breath. "Tobias, you were Dauntless," she begins, "But you… you died… or at least we thought you did."

I don't mean to, but I take a step back and I laugh. It's not the first time I've heard of my alleged death.

"I think I would have remembered being Dauntless," I say brashly. "And as you can see, I am certainly _not_ dead. You can save your stories for someone who doesn't know better. I know all about Dauntless and your alliance with the Erudite, the technology you have access to, used to fool and control people," I say, but not even _I_ believe that's the right explanation for whatever or whoever it is she is.

She squints her eyes together. "What are you talking about? We took down the Erudite _years_ ago. There's no threat from them. They're already on thin ice. They know better than to run unsanctioned experiments. And even if they were, we have people in high places to inform us of that kind of activity. It was a protocol _you_ set in place to ensure the disaster that was Jeanine Matthews didn't repeat itself. The only threat in this city right now is your mother and the factionless."

I chuckle, looking her dead in the eye. Either she really believes what she's telling me, or she wants me to think she does. I think it's the latter and she's trying to fool me, but it's a worthless attempt.

"Maybe my mother was right," I say lowly. "You're dangerous. I should have let them execute you." The words sting and I know I don't mean them at all.

"So why didn't you?" she asks me, and as if to aggravate me further she says, "I'm standing right here. You could always take me back. But you won't do that… will you?" A tear finally falls from her eyes. "Don't you wonder why that is?"

I do. But I don't think anything good can come from subjecting myself to listen to whatever it is she has to say. She might not be a part of the new experiment my mother was telling me about, but talking to her is undeniably still dangerous. She might know about how I lost my memory and is trying to use it to her advantage. For all I know, it was the Erudite who put her face in my head after they wiped me; that is, as far as I know, when the dreams started.

I can't trust her any more than I can bring myself to harm her.

I decide I'll find the truth on my own, and wanting to leave her here as much as I don't, I jump off the train to go in search of it.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**TRIS**

I jump off the train and head straight for the truck, and then I race through the streets like a madwoman, my foot flat on the gas pedal. And although I can't make sense of anything that's happening right now, I try to organize as best a plan I can.

It's a risk going back to Dauntless since I don't know who betrayed us, but I need to tell Harrison about Evelyn, everything I saw in that factionless hideout, and how to rescue the others. Then I have to get Andy and take him somewhere safe, because after that I'm going back for Tobias.

I had spent the whole of last night thinking, trying to compose myself and mentally prepare for whatever Tobias would have done to me when he came back. But even so, I wasn't ready for the recognition in his eyes or that ever-present drive of his to keep me safe. It was so hard to keep it together, but I knew I had to. He might not have his memory, but he's still Tobias in every way, and the quickest way to scare him off would have been to bombard him with the truth.

The most important thing is that he's alive, and right now that seems to be all I can think about. All this time he's been right there, only an hour and a half away from me. And Evelyn knew and chose to keep him there, even though she knew that's the last thing he would have wanted. For all I know, she's responsible for whatever happened to him, however it is that he lost his memory. Harrison said his source told him the factionless were responsible for the train crash, and I believe it now more than ever. Evelyn made sure Tobias was not on that train when it was blown to bits.

My hands are shaking now and I grab tighter at the wheel. I can't stop the tears from flowing, after all I don't even know which of the fifteen emotions I'm feeling is provoking them, so I let them fall down my cheeks in thick, heavy drops.

As I pull up on Dauntless, I ditch the truck. I can't take it into the garage without being seen and if I'm spotted I'll be forced to report in, and they might not allow me to head back out, especially since I came back alone. I can't have that. I won't let anyone stop me from saving Tobias.

I take a jacket with a hoody from the bag which still sits in the back seat, and I pull it over my head, then I slip through one of the less trafficked doors and quickly make my way through the faction. It's almost midday so a lot of people are awake, but I look at no one and I do nothing to draw any attention to myself. I take care to avoid all the cameras.

I head for the living quarters and I let out a sigh of relief when I manage to arrive in front of Uriah's apartment without having been seen. I knock on the door three times before it's opened, but on the other side of the door isn't Uriah; it's his brother.

"Zeke!" I cry out and I wrap my arms tight around his neck.

He returns my embrace and then quickly pulls me inside the apartment. Quietly, he closes the door behind me. "Shhh. I don't want to scare the kids," he whispers with a finger over his lips. "They're already worried. How are you here, Tris? Are the others with you?"

"No. I… I escaped," I stutter. "Where's Uriah?" I ask before he can ask me how.

"He went into a panic when you guys didn't come home. And then early this morning we received a letter from the factionless leader demanding we give up the locations of all our security cameras around the city and destroy our surveillance room. If we don't they're threatening to kill the team," he whispers.

"They're planning something, Zeke," I say firmly. "They have all our missing guns and equipment. They're hoarding it, quite possibly for an attack." And considering how the men responded to Tobias, I'll take a guess and say he's the one training their army.

He nods. "So Harrison was right."

"He was."

"He and Derek are organizing a rescue. We've sent a response to the factionless leader that we've agreed to their terms, just to throw them off, and then tonight we swoop in and we get our guys out."

"Good. They're not safe there. Are you going?" I ask him quietly. He might be able to help me get Tobias out.

"Of course," he says. "So is Uriah. I don't think he'll be able to sleep until he's brought Chris home."

"Okay," I say with a nod. "I'll go with you. I know how to get in and out without being seen; believe me, you'll need my help. And Zeke, I'll need yours." I sigh.

"Anything you need, Tris," he says levelly, and he looks over at the room where I can hear the kids playing. "Come on." Zeke leads me over to the couch and we sit across from each other, a small glass table between us.

I lean forward. "First, you need to know we were set up," I begin.

"What do you mean you were set up?" he gives me an eye.

"They were expecting us. We were ambushed," I explain. "We could have avoided being captured but Chad is a fucking idiot. He put us all in danger. But, all in all, someone tipped them off that we were coming."

Zeke sits back in his chair with a frightened look on his face. "We have a leak."

I nod.

I understand his alarm. Not knowing who you can and cannot trust in situations like these can be fatal. If the wrong person were to know the details of tonight's rescue mission, it could all go south before we ever realize what hit us. It would be best to keep it on a need to know basis, and inform everyone involved to keep their mouths shut.

I've thought about who it could be from the second we were captured, and I still don't have a concrete answer because I'm lacking information. What I do know for sure is that I'd trust Harrison and Zeke with my life. And Derek, as scum as he is, doesn't seem like the type who would stoop so low as to help the factionless. So if the leak is indeed one of our leaders, that leaves only Chad, who just happened to be the first one to point a finger at Harrison. That could be a sign of his guilt, or it could just be Chad being his usual intolerable self.

"What are you thinking?" Zeke asks me.

"At this moment, Chad is the most likely suspect, but he's also locked away in a factionless prison."

"Wouldn't be far-fetched," Zeke mumbles, "allowing himself to be captured so he doesn't look guilty."

"I can't be too sure of that." I shrug. "We were taken to holding cells and they were seriously talking about executing us. They almost _did _execute me," I say with pain in my voice, remembering every detail of those men and their hands all over my body, the fear that ran through my veins at the thought of what they would do to me.

Zeke leans over the table and presses his right hand into my shoulder. "How did you escape, Tris?"

I open my mouth and it takes a few seconds before I can say, "Tobias."

I look Zeke right in the eye, and he stares back at me looking perplexed. "What?"

"Tobias was there," I say again. "He's alive, Zeke." I shake my head frantically. "But it's not… something's wrong. He doesn't seem to remember anything or anyone and he thinks Dauntless and Erudite are a part of some sort of scandal." I hold my head. "And the leader of the factionless? It's Evelyn, his mother. She did something to him. I know it sounds crazy. I don't know what's happening." I take a few seconds to collect myself, then firmly I say, "I _don't_ know, but it was him. It was him."

"Tris…," Zeke says my name carefully.

"It was _him_, Zeke," I cry and my lips begin to tremble. "Do you really think I wouldn't recognize him?"

Zeke only stares at me, and then he swallows hard.

"I need you to help me get him out," I plead. "I can't leave him there. I won't"

"Okay," Zeke finally agrees. "But we have to tell Harrison what you found out, Tris. _Everything_."

"Zeke," I sigh. I wasn't planning on telling anyone else about Tobias. Not yet, at least.

"We can trust him. You know that," he urges. "And if Four really is alive, Harrison deserves to know."

Harrison loved Tobias like a son, probably because he had no children of his own. He taught him everything he knows, from computers to guns to everyday life in Dauntless. Harrison was the one who encouraged Tobias to take up leadership, the only one who believed him when he said the Erudite were up to something.

"Okay," I nod. "But I can't be seen. You have to bring him here and then I have to leave. I need to take Andy someplace safe."

"I'll leave the girls with Shauna. Andy can stay over at our place."

"No," I shake my head. "He won't be safe here, Zeke. Chad saw Tobias. I know him. He will convince everyone that _I_ had something to do with the setup or whatever it is that the factionless are up to. And until I know who is really responsible, I don't want my son anywhere near Dauntless." I hold my head and slowly it begins to sink deeper and deeper between my legs.

"And what are you going to do with Four, Tris?" Zeke asks softly. I can't tell if it's curiosity or concern I hear in his voice. "If he's really there and he's a part of this, Derek will brand him as an enemy of the faction… or worse."

"I'll take him away from there, and I'll find a way to bring him back."

He sighs. "Tris, if what you're saying is true, he won't go willingly. How do you know he won't hurt you?"

I lift my head back up. Assuredly I say, "He won't."

Tobias has already had way too many chances to hurt me or to let me be hurt, but he never did allow either to occur. There was recognition and concern burning in his eyes, and I saw it, as much as he tried to hide it. He could have left me there. Instead, he carried out a meticulously thought out getaway, taking me down twelve floors through an elevator shaft, despite his fear of heights. Why would he do that unless something deep inside him was telling him that no harm was to ever come to me?

"If you run with him, there's no turning back," Zeke says, looking as worried as I've ever seen him. Running away with my late husband who miraculously showed up with the factionless in the middle of a conspiracy is a sure way to land me the title of traitor. But what other choice do I have?

"I know," is all I say.

"Then I'm in."

* * *

Zeke returned with Harrison within a matter of minutes and we talked for at least a few hours. I don't think either of them really believes that Tobias is alive as much as they both want to, but they'll see it for themselves tonight, or at least Zeke will. And then I'll find a way to bring him home, because he's in there. My Tobias is in there and I won't give up on him.

"Mommy," Andy says. He sits on his bed, anxiously kicking his little feet, and he watches me as I fold a few of his clothes and stuff them inside his blue backpack. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to see Grandma."

"It's visiting day?! Or is it Grandma's birthday again?!" He jumps up in excitement, and I have to remind him to be quiet. It was too big a risk coming home for silly things like clothes. I almost didn't, but I need Andy to be comfortable. I don't know how long he'll be in Abnegation, and I don't want him to think something's wrong.

"No, sweetheart," I say. "But it _is_ an important visit. Okay?"

"Okay," he says. "But it's already dark outside."

He jumps off the bed when I call him, and I pull his favourite black hoody over his head.

"I know. That's why we're taking some stuff," I explain, my palms on his cheeks. "We're not coming back tonight. We might be at Grandma's for a while."

He gasps. "Can I take Dino?"

"Of course you can." I smile a little, and after he grabs his favourite stuffed animal, I hold the backpack in one hand and then I pick him up with the other. "Remember to keep your head down, okay?

He nods and buries his face in my neck and I throw my cell phone on his bed.

I carry my son outside and close the apartment door, and exactly the way I came in, I leave Dauntless.

I put Andy in the front seat of the truck and I drive carefully. I glance at him every now and again; as he plays with his favourite toy dinosaur I wonder how I will explain all of this to him and if I even should. He might not understand why mommy's in trouble or how his daddy somehow resurrected from the dead. I know I _will_ have to try and explain that Dauntless isn't safe for us right now, but I decide it's better I don't tell him about his father for now.

In less than half an hour he's fast asleep, and we're almost at the Abnegation sector. I turn off the road and pull over into the thick bushes. I'd rather not leave a Dauntless truck in plain sight or there'd be soldiers here within the hour looking for whoever was driving it. I'll have to leave it here and walk the rest of the way.

I get out and close the door gently, not wanting to wake Andy. I walk over to the other side of the truck and I pick him up from the front seat. He groans a little, but he doesn't stir awake. He's heavier when he's sleeping, but I decide to carry him the entire way. I just want to hold him right now, close to me where I know he'll be safe.

And just like that I start to cry again, wishing I didn't have to put my little boy through all this. He's just a child.

I feel relief flood through me when I spot my parents' house, my childhood home. I approach from the back, hoping none of our neighbours are looking through their doors or windows. The last thing I need is for Marcus to find out I'm here. He loathes me. He's loathed me since the day he found out I knew Tobias was leaving Abnegation. I can't imagine how much he loathes me now knowing I followed his son to Dauntless and then married him.

I knock gently on the door, just hard enough that I know my mother will hear me. It's not so late that she'd be asleep. I hear her footsteps inside and my heart races for some reason. The second she opens the door, all dressed in grey, I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"Beatrice!" My mother cries out, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me inside. "Sweetheart, is everything okay?" She sees my swollen eyes and takes my face between her palms.

"Mom, something happened," I begin to say. "It's not safe for Andy in Dauntless. Can you watch him for me, please?" A tear streams down my red eyes and my mother's face becomes flooded with concern.

"Of course I will!" she says, and she quickly closes the door.

"No one can know he's here," I insist. "_No one_, Mom."

She nods and takes Andy from my arms. He's still fast asleep.

"Let me take him upstairs. I'll put him in your old bedroom. But when I come back down here you will tell me everything, Beatrice." My mother's voice is stern. "Everything."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I know m****any of you guys thought Tris was so calm throughout all of this and maybe she should have just told Tobias the truth. So ****I hope this chapter answered a few questions :) Can't wait to hear your thoughts!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**TOBIAS **

"Did they say how long it would take?"

My mother and I scrutinize the letter the Dauntless leaders sent in response to our demands. We're alone in her office, leaning against the front of her desk.

I take the letter from her hands and I read it again. The Dauntless agreed to disable their security system, all of it, just like she said they would. I suddenly wonder, how important can six people be? My mother has allowed many more than that to die for the cause.

"No," she answers me. She's read it about four times already. "I assume they'll let us know the moment it's done so we can release the prisoners."

"Do you really plan to release them?" I ask her out of sheer curiosity.

"Yes," she answers, walking around her desk to take a seat. "If we execute them, whoever is giving the Dauntless information is sure to run and tell them the second we do." I release a relieved breath. At least she's considered the consequences of killing them might be greater than we can manage. But even so, sending them back will only be buying us time and not enough of it.

"Still no idea who it is?"

"None," she sighs. "But it doesn't matter. My man on the inside knows everything they know. We'll always be a step ahead."

"Still, you know we might have to attack within days after the prisoners are released," I remind her. "They've seen too much. They'll come back. The fact that the Dauntless even sent soldiers here in the first place is a sure sign they're on to us."

"They're speculating."

"Not anymore," I scoff and I turn to face her. She leans back into her chair. "Not with these demands." I wave the paper in the air. "I really hope you know what you're doing," I say to her carefully. I've made it clear that our men are not ready for this attack. My mother keeps stressing our numbers, but this is a question of skill. Everyone in that faction above the age of sixteen has been trained to fight and kill; I'd go as far as saying that some start to train even younger. If we challenge them now, there's a great possibility we'll lose. My mother is hoping the element of surprise will be what turns the tide.

Before she can answer me, there are several loud footsteps approaching the door, and then Lucas, the head of our security team, comes barging in without knocking. His long, dark hair is wild and some of it sticks to his face. He's drenched in sweat, no doubt from going up and down the stairs.

"The prisoners are gone, Ma'am!" he says exasperatedly. "We've checked every floor. They're not here."

"What?!" My mother bellows. Instantly standing to her feet, she hits both her hands on the desk in front of her. "What do you mean they're not here?! How did they get out?!"

"We don't know, Ma'am. But the prison guard on duty is also missing. There's a lot of blood on the floor, so he's… most likely dead." Lucas swallows.

My mother growls and slams her fist into the desk again. "And the exits?"

"The exits are all manned. If they had walked out we would have seen them."

She turns to look at me, far more viciously than I'm used to. "And the other one? Where is she, Tobias?"

"I left her guarded in the solitary cell in the east wing," I say, knowing damn well Tris is long gone.

Lucas quickly shakes his head. "There's no one in any of the solitary cells, Sir. We checked."

"I told you she was smarter than that, Tobias!" my mother yells at me. "She most likely escaped and went back to rescue the others." She huffs and then turns to look at Lucas. "Well don't just stand there! Find them! They might still be in the building!"

Not if they escaped through the elevator shaft.

I run behind Lucas even though my mother's orders were not directed at me. I know exactly how the prisoners got out and I know exactly who showed them that route. I silently pray that Tris wasn't stupid enough to come back and rescue the others herself. If she is caught, I might not be able to save her this time, and I'm still opposed to anything happening to her before I get the answers I'm looking for.

I run down the stairs along with Lucas' men, and I watch them break off one by one on each floor. When we arrive at the twelfth floor, I yell, "I'll check this one!" and they all keep running down. I run to the middle of the hallway, and just as I suspected, the elevator door is pried open. What I don't expect to see is a lone Dauntless soldier, pointing a large gun at me.

He's tall, with dark hair and brown skin. I've never seen him before in my life, but he stares at me with utter confusion and undeniable recognition, the same way Tris stared at me when she first saw me. If this is all an act, it's a great one.

"Good to see you, Four," the soldier says.

Why do they keep calling me that?

Just as I'm about to reach for my gun, he pulls the trigger. But instead of a bullet, there's a dart lodged in my neck. And just as I pull it out, I feel my body go numb and my vision begins to blur.

"Fuck," I mutter, just before my body crashes into the ground against my will.

* * *

I hear voices first, distant angry voices.

"We cannot take him to Dauntless! They'll imprison him! Or worse!"

"And why would that be a problem?!"

"Because he is innocent!" I recognize Tris' voice as both become a bit clearer and a bit louder.

"Oh, please! He's been caught red handed and is playing the insanity card, and you're stupid enough to try and protect him?!"

"Say another word, Chad, and I swear I'll throw you off the roof of this building."

"Oh, I bet you'd like me to shut up."

"I'd love it!"

They're blurry, but I can see them now, Tris and the obnoxious, blonde man they call Chad, standing face to face, no less than an inch apart. There are three others, all standing behind Tris- Christina, the soldier who shot me, and another male I've never seen before. They're all dressed in full black, Dauntless standard issue mission gear.

I'm on the ground, in a strange, dark building. I don't see any windows, just a single door; a small but bright lamp is the only source of light. There's a bed and a night stand in the room, some mattresses leaned up against the wall to my right, and several black backpacks sit in front of them.

I try to pick myself up, but I'm still weak from the tranquilizer, and when I push my hands against the ground and try to bring them in front of me, I realize they're tied behind my back.

I've been kidnapped. Are they out of their damn minds?

"What do you people want with me?" I say groggily as I slowly come to.

Chad stands in place, but Tris and the others begin to make slow and careful steps toward me.

"Tobias Eaton," Christina says slowly, staring at me in awe and she takes another step closer.

"Careful, Chris," one of the men says. He grabs her by the arm and stands protectively in front of her. He's smart. Christina can handle her own, but not against me.

I scoff weakly. "Wrong Tobias, lady. My name is Johnson." I lean up against the wall behind me so I can look up at all their confused looking faces.

"Johnson? Is that what she told you?" says the soldier who shot me, his dark eyes are open wide and the light from the lamp burns bright in them. His voice is deep, angry, filled with venom. "What else did she tell you?"

"You can't begin to imagine," Tris answers with a frown. "I don't know what she did or how she did it, but I'm going to undo it, Zeke."

It doesn't sit well with me that Tris keeps blaming my mother for whatever the fuck is happening here. I may not have all the answers, or _any_ answers at all, but I do know I can trust my mother and I won't let them turn me against her. For all I know, that's what they're hoping for.

"You people are out of your minds," I say levelly, feeling stronger now.

"You heard it from _him_," Chad mutters behind them.

All of a sudden, the one named Zeke pulls his gun out of the holster attached to his right hip, and he hits Chad right across the head with it, hard. There's a loud cracking sound echoing in the room, louder than Chad's screams of pain, and it springs me to life, neutralizing whatever was left of the tranquilizer in my blood.

"Careful, big bro," the other one says, and that's when I see the resemblance between them. "He's still a leader."

"Well so am I," Zeke says, sounding quite irritated, and he nonchalantly slips the gun back inside the holster and begins to make his way back over to where I'm sitting.

Chad, holding his head and still grunting in pain, collects himself enough to yell, "If you all think you can threaten me to keep silent about this, you're all wrong!"

"Threaten?" Zeke yells back, flinging himself back around. "Don't for a second think I wouldn't _kill_ you and blame the factionless. You think anybody in this room would testify otherwise?"

Chad looks around him, and so do I. Why are _they_ trying to protect me from their own faction?

I realize this has gone way beyond Erudite experiments; something else is happening here, something frighteningly bizarre. Either way, I don't know what to make of all this, and I can't expect the truth from them; they seem to have their own agenda, although Chad doesn't seem to be with it.

What an interesting dynamic between peers. As messed up as it is, it's actually entertaining.

"That's my best friend sitting there." Zeke points a rigid finger at me, but he's seething at Chad. "That's the soldier who trained you, the leader who redeemed the faction you pledged your allegiance to after he stopped us from committing genocide. You'll keep your mouth shut. You owe him that much."

I pinch my eyebrows together. There it is again, the idea that I once lived in a faction I've never set foot in. These people think they know me, all of them, not just Tris. I start to wonder if maybe they're confusing me with someone else, someone else named Tobias who shared some resemblance to me. It's the only explanation I can think about, although it still doesn't account for my dreams.

Chad nods hesitantly and with a scowl on his face. Still holding his head, he walks out of the room.

Entirely disconcerted, I just continue to sit there quietly.

"Do you really think he'll stay quiet?" Tris asks.

"Not for more than a day," Zeke says softly to Tris. "So you can't stay here for longer than that."

Christina takes a step back for some reason. She looks confused but she doesn't say anything.

Tris nods. I wonder how she plans to relocate me all by herself. Although, I doubt resisting would be in my best interest. I imagine Tris is trying to keep me away from the Dauntless because their plans for me aren't anything I would look forward to, not that that should surprise me. I'm the one who's to lead the charge against them; I'm sure their informant has already revealed that to them.

But still she's protecting me, just as I protected her. Or so it seems.

"We should be getting back," Zeke's brother says, and Christina adds, "We _all_ should."

"Okay. Let's go," Zeke answers. He wraps his arms around Tris, and she squeezes him back tightly and buries her face in his chest. He whispers, "If Four gets dangerous, come get me or come home." I feel my entire mood shift inside me, from confused to bitter as fuck, and I have to look away from them.

I only lift my face up when I see his feet making careful and slow steps toward me. He stoops down and stares me square in the eye. "You better come back to us, you son of a bitch." And then he stands up and walks outside with his brother so that Christina and Tris are the only ones left standing there.

"You're really staying with him?" Christina asks, raising an eyebrow at her friend.

"I have to," Tris answers lowly.

"Tris, if you don't come back with us... they'll think you were involved."

"I know, Chris. But I can't leave him."

Christina pulls Tris aside and whispers something to her, but I don't hear what. Just as Tris is about to respond, Zeke's brother comes back inside and says, "We gotta go, Baby." I've gathered he's Christina's partner.

"Go," Tris says, after giving her friend a hug. She looks at her as she reluctantly walks out the door, hand in hand with the other.

Tris closes the door to the room, locking us both inside, and she hangs on to the handle for a few seconds. She stares at the metal door in front of her, taking slow and deep breaths. I think she's afraid… but of me? I've already made the mistake of proving to her that I won't hurt her.

"Just you and me now," I say to her, and she stands stiff. I shake my head. I'm not sure what her plan is, but I don't even know if I should oppose them. What if this _is_ the way to finding out the truth? "What do you want with me?"

She finally turns around. She looks lean but strong, taller from this angle. There's that lock of blonde hair that falls in front of her face again; it always seems to be there. "I want to know how you ended up factionless. What are you doing with Evelyn?"

"Where else would I be? Dauntless?" I mock.

She walks over to the bed in the corner and takes a seat on the edge of it. She presses her hands to the side of her, and then on her lap, then to the side again, like she doesn't know what to do with them. "How do you think you lost your memory?"

For no reason at all, I answer honestly. "Erudite. They were experimenting on factionless people, innocent people, and I was kidnapped. I don't know what they did to me, but when I woke up I didn't remember anything."

"Five years ago?" she asks knowingly.

I clench my teeth together. "Yes."

"And let me guess… your mother filled in the blanks, told you all about your life before you lost your memory."

"Yes. I was lucky she rescued me," I snarl. I summon my resentment for Tris' impertinent notion that my mother was somehow responsible for me having lost my memory. I remind myself that the Dauntless condoned the Erudite in all their experiments, and whatever is going on here, it doesn't change that. _They _are the ones responsible, not my mother.

"She didn't rescue you, Tobias!" Tris says strongly, pushing herself up off the bed. "She did this to you!"

I scoff at her ridiculous suggestion. As if I could ever believe such a thing to be true. I didn't remember my mother when she found me, and I still remember the look on her face when I told her I didn't know who she was; she was heartbroken. And I still have no memories of her from before, but with everything she's done for me over the past five years, I have no doubt she loves me and she'd do anything for me. "Tell me, why would my own mother take away my memories?"

"Because you had _none _of her," Tris answers angrily. "None worth remembering, at least. She created a whole new life for you, one where she could get_ everything_ she ever wanted, no matter the cost to _you_."

"Bullshit!" I exclaim.

"Is it?! How do you think you ended up being the one to train her army?" She flings her hands at me.

"Because I'm good at it," I growl. I'm _great_ at it. Growing up with nothing I was forced to learn to hunt, fight, strategize, work the streets so I could eat. It wasn't until my mother took control that the factionless stopped fighting one another for food. Why fight each other when the real enemies were comfortable in their beds with their stomachs full?

"How do you think _that_ happened?" Tris demands.

"I taught myself because I had to survive!"

"Really?" Tris asks with a sick laugh. "Come on. You're smarter than that, Tobias. Isn't it far more likely that you were already trained?"

I scowl, twisting my face at her, but I hear the ex-Dauntless from our camps telling me how much my fighting style reminded them of the faction that deemed them unworthy.

I can't answer.

"Didn't you ever just wake up and feel like something was wrong? Like you didn't belong there?"

Only almost every day.

"No," I lie, feeling sick in my stomach. I refuse to believe any of this. My mother would never do such a thing to me. It's far too absurd, far too cruel.

"You can fight this, Tobias. But you have to try," she says, shaking her head at me as if she knows I'm lying. "What do I need to do to make you believe me?" She takes a few steps closer to me. The lamp begins to flicker, and her shadow dances against the wall.

"I doubt I ever will," I say through my teeth.

"You have a tattoo of a raven over your heart," she says to me, taking another step closer, "And one with all the faction symbols that covers your entire back."

I immediately look up at her. "Anybody could have told you that." But that's a lie. Kate is the only one who has ever seen them up close.

Her face becomes hard, determined. "And what about the round birthmark on the inside of your left thigh? The one that tickles every time you touch it."

I stop breathing. I don't think even Kate was that attentive.

"You prefer tea over coffee, you only eat your eggs scrambled," Tris continues, taking another step. "You're allergic to pineapples and you're afraid of heights. You always wake up at two in the morning for a snack, you hate peanut butter, and you sleep with the covers even when it's hot as _fuck_."

My hands are bound but I push myself off the ground and I scramble to my feet. I close the gap between us, standing threateningly close to her, but Tris doesn't move an inch or show even the slightest sign of fear.

"How do you know all these things about me?" I ask threateningly. I've never told anyone about my fear of heights. I've never shared a bed with anyone for more than a few hours.

She smiles, her eyes wet. "I know every last little thing there is to know about you, Tobias Eaton. And somewhere in there, deep inside you," she pushes a finger into my chest, "you know every last little thing there is to know about _me_. It's why you couldn't leave me there to die."

My breaths become jagged, and my mind absolutely refuses to process what she's implying. "More and more you're making me regret setting you free. Cause now you seem to think I give a damn about you."

Tris pushes herself up on her toes, and I can feel her breath on my cheek. My lips tremble a little, but I bite them between my teeth, refusing to let myself acknowledge the desire she evokes in me.

She whispers, "You can continue to pretend as though you don't recognize me, as though you haven't begun to realize your mother has been telling you horrible lies, or you can begin to accept that there's a whole other life you don't remember."

I won't deny that my mother has always done what she's needed to do, as unorthodox as it may have been. But when it came to me she was different; I am her son, her _only_ child. Maybe she was misinformed about the new Erudite experiment, but she would never purposefully deceive me. And if she ever did, it had to have been to protect me from my own self, from my own past.

"Even if what you're saying is true," I humour her, "If anything my mother saved me."

"Saved you from what?!" Tris exclaims, taking a step back.

"I don't know why I left, but obviously I did," I say lowly, unintentionally admitting what I fear might be true. "And considering all I know about the corruption in Dauntless, why wouldn't I want to leave? Things couldn't have been that great if I chose to have my memory wiped."

"You would _never_ have done this to yourself," Tris scowls at me.

"Well you obviously didn't know me as well as you thought you did."

I say the words with the intention to throw her off, but they seem to hurt her more than I had prepared myself for, and the look on her face makes me feel like I stabbed myself in the chest.

I can't deny it anymore. She obviously means something to me, and if my dreams are any indication of what, I need to be very careful of her. For all I know, she's the whole reason I left Dauntless.

"You're right. Maybe I didn't," she whispers, and she backs off. With pain in her eyes, she turns to leave.

"Where are you going?" I demand, suddenly feeling anxious at the thought of her leaving. "You're just going to leave me here?"

She turns around. "You'll be okay for one night."

"Will _you_? Do you even know what you're doing or who you're messing with? If my mother or any of her men even see you again, you're dead."

"What's it to you?" she chuckles sarcastically. "You don't give a damn about me. Remember?" Before she walks out the door she says, "I'll be back in the morning," and then I hear the sound of not one, but three separate metal doors slamming shut. Wherever I am, I am not getting out.

* * *

**A/N: And Tobias has been taken! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! :) **


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**TRIS**

With my head in a whirl, I creep my way back into the Abnegation sector of the city. By the time I get there, it's almost two in the morning and I'm absolutely sure my mother is asleep. She had left me with a key to the back door and I use it to let myself in.

When I turn the lights on, I find her fast asleep on the couch in the living room, wrapped in a blue and yellow blanket I had grudgingly knitted when I was fourteen years old.

I step inside and she stirs awake at the sound of the door closing. She sits up and releases a breath I can see and hear all the way from where I'm standing. "Beatrice," she smiles nervously. "You're back."

"Yeah," I whisper. "We got him."

She walks over to me as I begin to make my way toward her and we meet somewhere in the middle. My mother wraps her arms around me and kisses me on the forehead. It's like she can see my soul is weary, and it takes everything in me to not break down in her arms. She sighs and then examines my face for a moment. "I'll be right back," she says, and she walks into the kitchen.

I begin to look around the house where I spent the first sixteen years of my life. Every time I come back it looks a little different; I believe my mother is bored so she occupies herself with housekeeping. She knits covers for the chairs, and sews bedspreads even though she's the only one who sleeps here.

I walk over to the fireplace where there now sits a beautiful arrangement of photos, all in tiny wooden frames she most likely made herself. There's one of me and Andy that we took on his third birthday, a school photo of me and Caleb when we were about eight years old, and an old one of my parents, when they were much younger, my father dressed in Erudite blue and my mother in Dauntless black.

The Abnegation don't believe in keeping photos around the house, but after my father died, my mother began to move away from the more ridiculous practices of the Abnegation. She figured if she'd be alone, she'd at least be comfortable in her own home.

She returns from the kitchen with a cup of warm tea in one hand and a pill in the other.

"Thank you," I smile and I take both items from her hands. "How did you know I have a headache?"

"Because you're my daughter. And because you're rubbing your temples and squinting your eyes," she chuckles. I hadn't even realized I was doing that. "Are you hungry, Beatrice? You left without supper."

I _am_ hungry, actually. Andy and I left Dauntless around supper time but we didn't eat, and after I dropped him off I went back with Zeke to help rescue the others and get Tobias.

"Oh no," I groan when a thought dawns on me. "Andy. He fell asleep before he could eat something."

My mother smiles at me knowingly. "I woke him up shortly after you left and made him a sandwich."

The pill still between my fingers, I put my hand over my heart. Natalie Prior has perfected the art of motherhood. "Thank you," I whisper, and I finally swallow the pill with a small mouthful of her special ginger tea. It's warm and soothing; almost makes me forget my head is throbbing. "Did he ask for me?" I ask with another sip of tea.

She nods. "I told him you stepped out but you'd be right back."

Andy is attached to me and I him. He doesn't sleep well if he can't hear me in the next room, and I can't function unless I know he's okay. Keeping him pacified will be a challenge, as I'll be in and out whenever I have to be for however long it takes to save his father. Apart from his babysitter Lila, my mother is the only other person who can seem to get him to relax for extended periods of time.

"I hope this isn't too much trouble," I whisper to my mother.

"Of course not," she smiles. Her eyelids are heavy and she sways a little on her feet.

"Oh Mom, you must be tired." I feel a hint of guilt for dragging her into this.

"I took a nap with Andy. It's the best sleep I've had in a while," she smartly rebuts. "Come, sit with me." She leads me over to the couch and after I sit she takes the empty cup from my hand and goes back into the kitchen. In no time she returns with another cup of tea and a plate with a few warm slices of buttered bread on it. She passes it to me and then after lighting a candle on the centre table, she turns the lights off.

"We must take care to not be seen. Ridiculous," she grumbles. "Who is Marcus to tell me when I should and should not see my own daughter and grandson?"

I chuckle softly. Then, in the candlelight, I take in a deep breath, savouring the sweet smell of my mother's freshly baked bread before I take a few bites. It's amazing how much more I prefer it over the sweet treats and sugared bread of Dauntless. Tobias always said the same, and she'd always give him more bread than he could carry every time we snuck in a visit.

"What do I tell him in the morning?" I ask my mother, thinking about Andy. I sink my back into the couch. "He'll expect to go to school. What four year old likes school?"

My mother laughs at me, and she sits beside me and pulls the blanket over her feet. "Your brother did."

"I remember," I smile. Caleb was always the first to raise his hand in class, and he had a ton of books that he borrowed from the library. It made me feel stupid for not noticing the Erudite in him until I had.

"So how did it go?" Mom breaks the ice, diving right into the topic that I know I need to talk about but at the same time would rather not. She had no doubt we'd rescue Tobias. Her concern was what am I going to do with him after.

"Horrible," I sigh. "He really believes everything his mother told him. He refuses to accept what's staring him right in the face."

"So he's just as stubborn as he's always been."

"Worse," I whisper. "He's been brainwashed."

Seriously she says, "You need to be careful, Beatrice." I turn my face to look at her. "Tobias is living in an entirely different reality. Right now, he's not the same person and he might not act in the way you expect him to. He might say things… do things…"

"He doesn't know what he's doing," I defend him.

"I know," she nods a few times. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I remember the exact moment when they told me Tobias was dead. I remember it vividly. At first it felt like time had stopped, like there was no air in the room, and after a few seconds of nothingness, there was pain- an unspeakable, excruciating pain, like I had been hit head on with the very train he was on. My body shook simply because it didn't know what else to do. My heart felt like it would explode right inside me, like it was clawing its way out of my chest. My knees folded, and my stomach clenched so tight I thought I was dying.

Nothing could ever hurt more than that.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

Mom sighs and I know she's worried._ I'm_ worried too. I'm scared out of my mind. But what else am I supposed to do?

"Mom," I begin. She looks at me anxiously. "If there was just the slightest chance that Dad was out there somewhere… Wouldn't you go looking for him?"

"In a heartbeat," she whispers.

I set the plate and the cup of tea on the centre table beside the candle. I scoot a little closer to her and I take her face between my palms. "This will be difficult, but I have to do this. There's no other way. And he's in there; I can feel it."

Maybe that is why the pain of losing Tobias never got old. Maybe that extra little magic we always had was trying to tell me he wasn't really gone.

"How did this even happen?" My mother shakes her head, placing her hand over my own. "Evelyn was always troubled, but this is much too far. As a mother, I don't know how she ever could." She shrugs. "I was devastated when you and your brother left Abnegation. As for _you_, I was as prepared as I could have hoped to be. You were my little girl, but I always knew you would follow Tobias. But Caleb," she frowns, "I was entirely unprepared for that, and even so, I would never do such a thing."

"Dad wasn't prepared for _either_ of us leaving," I mutter, and I hang my head; my hands fall to my side.

My mother instantly raises my chin. "You can't keep blaming yourself for that, Beatrice. You and your brother both had a duty to yourselves and we understood that. As parents you know your children will leave you one day. Refusing to let them go is just…"

"Selfish?"

"Yes," she answers. "And Evelyn's selfishness stands second to none."

She's right, as she always is. Even though Andy is just four years old it has crossed my mind that maybe he might choose to leave Dauntless. And as much as I would miss him, terribly miss him until it aches, if that is what he had to do to be true to himself, then I would let him go in love. I will love him always, and I know he will love me, no matter where we are.

Not to mention, Evelyn was the one who left Tobias. She had absolutely no right to steal him back.

"Besides, _you_ came home," my mother smiles. "You visited, even when you weren't supposed to, you kept us updated about what was going on in your life, you sent pictures, you wrote letters when your father refused to keep a phone. You reached out, and you should know your father appreciated that very much, even though it went against every rule he'd ever taught you. And he would be honoured to know his grandson bears his name."

What she doesn't say is that Caleb left Abnegation and never looked back; we were all genuinely surprised when he showed up for Dad's funeral. My mother met Andy when he was just a few weeks old; last I heard of my brother, he has a son about Andy's age whom none of us have ever met.

"You know, I had confessed to your father that I had known about you and Tobias from the beginning," she smiles. "I thought he would have been upset that I was permitting the two of you to meet privately, but he said he knew all about your late nights on the rooftop."

"He did?" I look at her curiously with my mouth open. I can't imagine my father knowing such a thing was happening and allowing it to continue.

She nods with the sweetest smile. "He said he allowed it for Tobias' sake. He knew Marcus was not the kindest father to him and you were a positive force in his life. To be honest, it was easy to see for anyone who was looking. Tobias was a different person after he met you. He smiled, he spoke, he was prone to tiny gestures that gave away his affection for you." She snuggles a little closer to me, inviting me under the blanket. "I remember the first time Tobias approached me. He was barely fifteen years old." I hear the smile in her voice, "And he introduced himself… said he was my daughter's best friend. Right then and there I knew where it was headed. He was always quiet but he went from being distant and closed off to being so courteous… self-controlled, determined."

"And mischievous," I smile, remembering how he would always wake me up at two in the morning to make him a sandwich as if he didn't know how to make it his damn self. He just enjoyed watching me standing naked in the kitchen making food for him, and I knew it made him happy, so as tired as I was I would oblige him. Then he'd start kissing my neck, touching me where he knew I liked to be touched. We'd always wind up having sex on the table or the kitchen counter or wherever we felt like, and then we'd go back to bed, sated, wrapped in each other's arms.

We were hopelessly in love, but Tobias and I were never perfect. We fought from time to time about work, about how much he was taking on, about how much of a crime he thought it was to let me help him carry his burdens. Tobias only cared about protecting me, as if it were his life's purpose, and it was always hard for him to understand that I wanted to protect him too. I was not the type of wife who could sleep knowing my husband was wide awake, regardless of how many times he sent me to bed.

Still, he insisted on keeping certain things to himself, not wishing to burden me with it. And just now when he looked me in the eye and told me that obviously I didn't know him as well as I thought I did, it reminded me of that. And it hurt so much.

I can't help but wonder if all this, everything that's happening right now, is a result of him keeping secrets from me. He told me he never once responded to his mother's letters, yet there he was, living with her all this time, albeit without his memory. But he had to have gotten there somehow; he might have gone to see her and she jumped at the opportunity to keep him there.

"He will find his way back to you, Beatrice," my mother says knowingly as if having read my thoughts.

"I know," I say with a sniffle. "I'm just afraid he was hiding things from me," I admit.

"You should be more afraid for his safety," she says lowly.

I look up at her.

"You have to trust who Tobias was. He would _never_ do _anything_ he knew would ultimately hurt you," she continues. "One day you will ask him how this all happened and you will get all the answers you seek. Justice, on the other hand, you might not. Dauntless leaders and their incessant need to establish dominance, they might not pardon him." She frowns. "Dauntless was always a cruel place. I don't doubt that it still is."

I have no reservations about Tobias being innocent in all this; he's acted solely on the lies he's been told. But my mother is right about Dauntless; having spent the first sixteen years of her life there, she knows it as well as I do, if not better. She left so she and my father could be together. Dauntless was much too harsh for my father, and Erudite too pretentious for my mother. My father was too miserable for Amity, and my mother too tactful for Candor. So Abnegation it was.

"Tobias helped make it a little better," I shrug.

"For his sake, I hope he did."

"I guess I have to be hopeful." I take my mother's hands in between my own. "What I can't do is do nothing."

"I understand," she replies. "Have you told him about Andy?"

"No," I say strongly, shaking my head. "And I won't. Not until he gets his memories back."

"And does my grandson know his father is alive?" she whispers.

I look at our hands. "Andy wouldn't understand what's happening. It's too complicated and I'm not going to let my son get hurt in all this mess." My voice breaks and I feel the tears rushing to my eyes.

"And what a mess it is," my mother whispers, pulling me closer. I lay my head on her chest and her hand immediately finds my hair. She rubs it tenderly, gliding her fingers through the tiny nots. It's all so comforting I feel like a child again, like nothing could hurt me here.

"How is Zeke?" my mother asks, and I wrap my arms around her waist. She pulls the blanket over us both.

"He's handling it okay."

"But how _is_ he otherwise?" I realize she's changing the subject. Most likely for my sake.

"He's good. He and Shauna are thinking about adopting."

"That's lovely," she says sweetly. "And Christina and Uriah?"

"Did I tell you they were getting married?" I look up at her.

"No, you didn't," she says with a smile. "I'm so glad for them. They deserve to be happy."

"I think so too," I whisper, feeling the tiniest hint of jealousy. With the wedding coming up, now more than ever I want Tobias back. It's not easy watching everyone else move on while feeling like I've been forever cemented in turmoil. Saving him might truly be my only chance at real happiness.

Softly, my mother begins to hum; it's the same sweet lullaby she sings to Andy when he visits and it's time for his nap. My eyes become heavy and the light from the candle seems farther and farther away. And just like my little boy always does, I fall asleep in the comfort of my mother's arms.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**TRIS**

"You're just going to starve yourself to death? Is _that_ your master plan?"

I stare down at Tobias who is staring back at me, defiantly at that. He sits on the floor like an angry child, with his legs crossed and his hands cuffed in front of him. He has no reason to be on the floor; there's a bed in the corner, a bed he obviously slept in. His breakfast is untouched, sitting on a plate on the table beside the lamp, and there I am, carrying his lunch in my hands.

He doesn't answer me. In fact, he spent most of the morning refusing to speak to me.

"You don't have to talk, but you _do_ need to eat, Tobias." He really does. All his late nights and stressful days at work had landed him several bad episodes of heartburn. It usually didn't bother him as long as he ate on time.

"_You_ need to let me go," he demands as I set the plate of food next to him.

"Well, I can't do that."

But what _can_ I do? I didn't actually consider what I'd do with him after stealing him back from Evelyn. It's not like I can force his memories back inside his head, especially since he's refusing to even consider the possibility that his mother might have lied to him. Or maybe he has and he just won't admit it; more than once his eyes have contradicted his mouth. Besides, not once has he tried to hurt me, and to me that says much. I've seen my husband fight; even with his hands bound, he could take me down in all of three seconds.

"At least drink some water," I say quietly, and I pull a bottle of cold water out of my knapsack. He doesn't take it.

I'm about to chastise him when I hear a loud knock at the front door of the safe house. It's a special knock- three times and then a pause, then twice, and then four times. The knock, along with three high-security doors, are to ensure that movement in and out of this place can only be achieved by a very specific group of people. Namely, the leaders of Dauntless. Even if someone were to happen upon it, they could never get in, especially if it were locked from the inside.

"I'll be right back," I say to Tobias, and I set the bottle of water on the ground next to him.

I open the first door and then the second, and I peep through the tiny hole in the third door. Zeke, I expected to see, but not, "Harrison!" I cry out his name and I open the door with both fear and excitement. I'm not sure it's a good or a bad thing he's here.

"Tris," he smiles and nods. Zeke stands to his right and Christina to his left. I didn't expect to see _her _either.

"At least he hasn't killed you. That's a good sign," Zeke says, only partly joking.

"That's not funny, Zeke," Christina says, pushing him from beside her. She walks inside and pulls me into a tight hug. "Are you okay?" she asks. She looks worried, maybe a lot more worried than she should be.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say.

"Let's get inside," Harrison says, and he walks in and closes the large metal door behind him.

"Harry, what are you doing here?" I ask him as I punch in the codes for the second door. "You can get in trouble for even talking to me."

"I had to see him for myself," he whispers as we make our way toward the room at the back.

After the last door opens, we all walk slowly into the dark room, but Harrison moves the slowest, staring at the man he once called son, the man whose eulogy he bravely stood up and read as if it weren't the most heart breaking thing he'd ever done in his life.

He inches closer and closer, until he's standing right in front of him, until the light from the lamp maps out every square inch of his face.

"F-Four?" He stammers.

"Why do you all keep addressing me as a fucking number?" Tobias growls from the floor, looking entirely unamused.

To my surprise, Harrison smiles. "Oh, it's him all right." He looks at the bottle of water on the ground and then at the untouched meal just sitting beside him.

"He's refusing to eat," I mention to them.

Zeke laughs, deep and loud. "He won't keep that up." He pushes his hands inside his pockets and leans against the wall.

Tobias passes Zeke a death glare, and Zeke only smiles in return.

"Don't antagonize him," I plead, hiding a small smile. "He's already being difficult as is." But Zeke means no harm. He's just glad his best friend is alive.

Still standing by the door is Christina. She looks concerned, though more for me than she does Tobias. I suddenly wonder why she came along with them. I don't think she was in agreement with us capturing Tobias, much less me staying with him.

"Not that I'm not glad you're all here, but what's going on?"

They all exchange glances with each other, as if deciding who will answer.

Zeke loses.

"We need to get you out of here," he says. "Now. Chad already gave up your position. Derek will be here in a few hours."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I wail. "It only took him all of twelve hours to open his mouth?!"

"We all knew Chad would be a problem, Tris," Zeke says levelly. "The second he saw Four it was over."

"We have much bigger problems than Chad," Christina says, rolling her eyes at Zeke. She leans on the doorpost and crosses her arms. She looks at me and says, "The factionless hideout we raided has been deserted. Evelyn and her men are nowhere to be found, sort of like you and Four, and that paints a _very_ ugly picture. Derek is calling for Four's head. And he wants _you_ brought in for questioning ASAP."

"Why?"

"You know why, Tris," Christina says exasperatedly. "Chad is telling everyone you're a traitor and that Four is alive and working with the factionless, who just happen to have a shitload of our artillery. He's already advertising your leadership position and he's riling up the faction against you. He wants you tried for treason and is under the impression that he alone will be judge and jury."

Harrison nods. He turns to look at me. "It is one of the greatest shit storms I've ever seen, second only to the shit storm Max left in his wake."

"I've done nothing wrong!" I exclaim. "And he is innocent, Harry." I point at Tobias, who only sits there looking up at us as if we were speaking a language foreign to his own.

"You and I both know that. Everybody in this room knows that," Harrison shakes his head. "But Derek and Chad aren't for it, not with Four being alive. Especially Derek, for reasons I'm sure you can imagine."

I gasp and I forget to close my mouth. "Are you kidding me?!" But of course Derek Coleman would detest my husband being alive, for too many reasons to mention, _me_ being one of them.

"Derek hasn't said anything official," Christina interjects. "I think he's giving you a chance to bring yourself in." She finally steps inside the room and, softly, she rests a hand on my left shoulder. "There's still a chance for you, Tris. You helped us escape. Derek will help you if you let him."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zeke and Harrison exchange a glance. I don't need to imagine what they're thinking.

"I can't do that, Chris." I shake my head.

"So how do you expect to get yourself out of this?"

"We get the information we need and we get to the bottom of whatever's happening so that the right people pay for it."

"And how do you suppose we get it, Tris?" She sounds frustrated.

"We could start by asking _him_," Harrison answers for me. He's looking right at Tobias. I'm not even sure we should be having this conversation in front of him. In the event that he _does_ escape, the last thing I need is for Evelyn to know I'm on the run. She'll hunt me down like an animal.

Zeke laughs again and he sits himself on the bed; he's seemingly too well relaxed considering the situation we're in. "Who? This stubborn fuck?" Zeke looks at Tobias. "You're not getting anything out of him."

I'm inclined to agree with Zeke. Tobias isn't ready to talk, not yet at least. Still, Harrison asks him, "Four, what is Evelyn really doing? Is she planning some sort of attack? And how did you even end up there?"

Tobias looks up, his dark blue eyes dancing over all of us. "And why exactly do you think I would answer any of your ridiculous questions?"

"Like I said," Zeke mutters.

Harrison slowly crouches down until he's almost eye to eye with Tobias. "Because we're on _your_ side, Four, even though you don't know it yet."

Tobias scoffs, and then he laughs and it echoes in the room. "The Dauntless are only ever on the side they think is most beneficial to them."

"Who told you _that _shit?" Harrison says lowly.

"Probably the same person who told him his last name was Johnson," Zeke answers from the bed.

Tobias shakes his head at us, his face cold and hard. "You know, people will be looking for me."

"Those people aren't your friends, Four," Zeke says solemnly; his face is as serious as it's been since he set foot inside this place. "_We_ are your friends."

"I don't associate with tyrants," Tobias says gravely.

Zeke swallows hard, looking his best friend in the eye. "I told you," he says to Harrison who is still crouched down in front of Tobias. "We won't get anything out of him. We need to find and interrogate Evelyn."

"Am I the only one who thought she was dead?" Christina asks. Unfortunately, it's not a rhetorical question, and the answer is yes, in this room, she is. Both Zeke and Harrison knew Evelyn was alive and had reached out to Tobias.

"Well the dead just keep coming back to life lately," Zeke saves us all, answering her question without actually answering it. Zeke loves Chris like a sister and he knows she'd feel hurt if she realized he was keeping secrets from her, even if they weren't his to share.

Christina shakes her head and gently tugs my arm. When she walks through the door of the small room, I follow her into the corridor.

"Tris, I am _begging_ you to come home," she softly pleads. "This could get _very_ ugly and you will be at the centre of it. I know what you're trying to do… but you have to consider that it might not work. He is _not_ cooperating. This is _not_ the Four we know. And you need to really think about the consequences of what you're doing to figure out if it's really worth it. There'll be _no one_ to save you if this goes too far, and then you'll both be gone."

"I don't expect you to understand," I whisper. I don't think the words through, they just come out of my mouth because deep down that's how I really feel.

Christina takes a step back. "You don't expect me to understand?" her mouth hangs open. "Really, Tris?" She shakes her head at me and she looks at me with eyes I don't recognize. "You are unbelievable. Do you know that? You're not the only one who lost someone in that crash, Tris!"

Livid, Christina turns around and makes her way toward the exit.

"Chris, wait!" I chase after her, and I grab her by the elbow.

She spins around and yells at me. "You think I can't see right through you?! I know what you think about me and Uriah. That we just ended up together by default, because we were both desperate and tired of being lonely. And it wasn't like that! And it's unfair for you to act like that's what it was, because it wasn't!" she repeats.

"I never said that!" I yell back.

"You don't have to, Tris! I see the way you look at us when we're together. How do you think that makes me feel? Knowing my own best friend can't find it in her heart to be happy for me?!"

"I _am_ happy for you, Christina!" I exclaim. "I just…," I choke over my words. "I don't know how you do it… and I wish I could." I shrug. "Don't you think I want to move on? I've tried and I can't. There's just something inside me that refuses to let him go. I want so badly to find happiness again, but… I can't seem to." I wipe away the tear rolling down my cheek. "Every morning I wake up and there is a hole in my chest, Chris. And he's _here_. He's standing right in front of me! Why would I walk away from him _now_?"

Christina nods slowly, but she seems more disappointed than sympathetic. "Tell Zeke I'll find my own way back," and she turns around and leaves.

A part of me wants to chase after her, but what would I say? I'm not leaving Tobias and I _don't _expect her to understand, though maybe not in the way she interpreted it. I've never judged her and Uriah, I might have even envied them from time to time. But Christina and I are different; she's open and trusting, she's an explorer even when it comes to things of the heart. She's not afraid to test the waters to see what suits her best. I've already found what suits me best, and nothing else fits. How do I even begin to explain that without sounding pitiful or weak?

"Hey," I hear Zeke say from behind me. I turn around and find him standing in the corridor, staring at me tenderly. I wonder how much of that conversation he heard. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

* * *

Tobias is awake, but not that much awake that he could run. I don't know what Harrison gave him, but it made him weak enough that we could relocate him without much of a struggle. We're at one of the bunkers now, much closer to the city, but underground, beneath one of the old commercial centers. There's so much rubble and overgrown bush, to find the entrance, you'd have to know exactly where it was.

Zeke and I wait for Harrison outside. We lean against the front wall of the broken down building; Zeke sips on a bottle of water. It's almost sunset and the view is serene. The whole place is quiet until we hear the sound of rocks and broken cement crunching underneath Harrison's feet.

As he steps through what used to be a doorway, he says, "Oh, the irony. Four actually had this place built."

I pinch my eyebrows together. "In the middle of nowhere and under a building?"

Harrison shrugs. "It's one of many. At least you won't run out of places to take him if Chad is ever on your tail."

"Paranoid son of a bitch thought of everything," Zeke mumbles beside me with a smirk.

It's not a lie. Tobias' paranoia is what made him so good at his job. He could find loopholes and security threats just by thinking too hard, and then he'd stay up all night writing, only to add a paragraph or two to the Dauntless security protocol. I don't know how many bunkers and safe houses he had placed around the city. And he never did tell me why, he just joked about it once and said, "_Baby, one day you might be on the run, and I need to know you'll have somewhere to go."_

Somehow, I don't think he was joking anymore.

Coming to stand between me and Zeke, Harrison rests his back against the wall. He pulls out his box of cigarettes and he sticks one in his mouth. Reaching in his pocket for his lighter, he says, "Christina's right, you know. Running makes you look guilty."

I give him a side eye. I, at least, didn't expect to hear that from _him_.

"And my other options?" I ask flatly. "Lay them out for me, Harry. Do you want me to take him to Dauntless where they will ultimately execute him because he's not in a position to defend himself? I damn well wasn't going to leave him with Evelyn. And we talked about this already," I turn my head back forward. "You knew I was taking him away from there."

"I did," Harrison nods, blowing out smoke through his mouth. "What I didn't know is that Chad would pressure Derek into a treason charge."

Zeke huffs. "You're good for kidnapping but not aiding and abetting?"

I sulk. I'd like to think of this as more like an intervention than a kidnapping.

"On the contrary, I _am_ good for it," Harrison answers. "I'm sure as hell not letting them execute either of you, so we're about to step into a world of chaos where the Dauntless leaders are divided; that never ends well for our faction. The Dauntless are practically incited by chaos."

"We outnumber them three to two," I say to Harrison and Zeke nods. "We can maintain control. Besides, I'm not afraid of Derek and Chad."

"Well you should be," Harrison warns casually. "Together, they're capable of a lot more damage than you could imagine, especially with Chad behind the wheel." He turns to me. "I'd do anything for you, Tris, _and _Four. But he wouldn't want you taking these kinds of risks. Especially not for him."

"But deep down he'd be so damn proud of you," Zeke butts in, looking at neither of us and sipping on his bottle of water. "And Harrison knows that."

Harrison raises both arms in the air, a sign of defeat, and he jumps into the driver's side of the truck and starts the engine. My eyes follow him curiously. I never expected him to be entirely okay with this, but I never thought he'd actually discourage me either.

"Ignore Harry," Zeke says, pushing himself up off the wall. "He's just worried."

"And you're not?"

"What I'm not is surprised," he smiles. "If there was one thing Four couldn't shut up about, it was how grateful he was for you. You were always in his corner, unconditionally and wholeheartedly. And no matter how much of yourself you had to give up, you'd do it over and over again for him."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow. "He used to give me hell for it." Almost every day.

"But he loved you for it," Zeke says seriously. "Now keep your chin up and your eyes open." He playfully brushes his finger underneath my chin.

"Okay," I smile.

"And stay put," he warns. "If anything happens, we'll give you a heads up. If you need me or if you have to leave the bunker, let me know; there should be a radio inside. Code names only, and stay on my emergency frequency."

Unlike Harrison, Zeke has no reservations about this. He wants Tobias back as much as I do, and he knows if anyone is to bring him back, it will be me.

"Thanks, Zeke," I say to him just as he gently pulls me into a hug. "I'm sleeping at my mother's. That's the only time I leave."

"Okay. Bring our boy home, Tris," he whispers, just before climbing into the passenger's side of the truck and driving off with Harrison.

Christina had asked me once if I was sure Zeke didn't have feelings for me. I told her it didn't matter if he did. Not only was he married, but he blamed himself for my husband's death, a man who was his best friend, his brother. Zeke could never look at me and not see Tobias, or the pain in my eyes. Besides, he knew who my heart would always belong to. So it didn't matter at all. It _doesn't_ matter.

* * *

I feel triumphant when Tobias finally recovers from whatever drug they had given him, and the first thing he asks for is food. Maybe he had forgotten he was supposed to be starving himself to death, or maybe the burning in his stomach finally became unbearable. Either way, I don't bother him; I just place his food on the table and leave him to eat.

This room is a lot brighter than the last one, with white light panels lining the ceiling. It's also a lot bigger and much more equipped. There's a bedroom, bathroom, a small kitchen, and an empty spare room. There's a gas generator inside, a small fridge, an electric stove, some canned food and bottled water. We could stay here considerably longer than we would have been able to at the safe house. There's only one door, but it has a thirteen digit password; and there's also the fact that Chad has no idea this bunker even exists.

"Your friend is right," Tobias says out of nowhere. "I'm not the person you remember." But he holds his fork the very same way, and he chews ever so slowly, methodically, almost as if he were counting. He sits straight up, with his free hand on his lap; never on the table. It's one of the many invisible scars his father inflicted on him.

"In some ways you are." When I smile at him from across the table he looks at me curiously, and then he diverts his eyes back to his food. I say, "I forgot about this side of you. You were a stubborn asshole when I first met you." I chuckle.

"In Dauntless?"

"No. We met in Abnegation," I answer, surprised at his sudden desire to entertain me. "You loathed conversation and you found every possible excuse to avoid them."

"Oh really? So why did I talk to _you_?" He sizes me up with his eyes.

So many times I had asked myself that very same question. I was never the prettiest girl in the room, nor did I have the prettiest hair or the best smile, the best looking body, the best anything really. But Tobias saw me.

"Because I managed to convince you that you weren't as terrible as you thought you were. _And_ I proved to be quite interesting… if I may say so myself," I answer.

"Well you _did_ kidnap me under the pretext that I was your dead boyfriend. It doesn't get much more interesting than that," he says levelly, and he continues to chew his food.

This time, _I'm _the one to give him a curious glare. "I never said anything about a boyfriend. You came to that conclusion all on your own. I'd love to know how." I cross my arms.

He scoffs, but it's a few seconds too late. "I can read between the lines."

"I see," I say, and there's a hint of hope in my voice. I know Tobias; even if he _was_ starting to wonder if all I'm telling him is true, he would never say so until he was absolutely sure that it was.

"So, Abnegation?" He raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. "Sorry, I can't imagine myself in grey. Not even if I tried."

"Well you wore it for sixteen years. Despite what your mother told you, you didn't grow up factionless," I say, and I fail to hide the venom in my voice. I roll my eyes at the very thought of her filling his head with rubbish, erasing every wonderful moment we ever spent together, making it like they never happened at all.

"Why do you hate her so much?" Tobias spits. He almost slams his fork down in his plate. "I can see it all over your face."

His sudden change in temperament doesn't faze me at all. I almost expected it.

"I hate her because she abandoned you when you needed her most," I say levelly. "I hate her because she's a liar and a thief. She's taken things from you that you can't even begin to imagine," I huff. "Tobias, she's taken your _life_. God knows she deserves to lose hers." I whisper the last part, and I don't mean to outrightly threaten her, but Tobias doesn't see it that way.

He freezes. "You're going to kill her?" He looks me dead in the eye.

"I wouldn't _not_ kill her if I ever had the chance," I answer honestly.

"Why?!" He blurts out so loudly that I jump. "So you can continue to live out whatever crazy fantasy you've created inside your head?!" He breathes heavily, and threateningly he says, "You can do whatever you want to me, but leave my mother out of this!"

Angry, though not at him, I get up from the table.

"Believe me," I say nonchalantly and with every conviction, "When you find out just how much she's stolen from you, you'll want to kill her yourself. And that's a promise."

My heart breaks, because right then and there I realize that whenever Tobias gets his memories back, _if _he gets his memories back, he will be distraught. He will wake up to a world where he has a son he doesn't know and a vile mother who deceived him and used him for her own benefit, ripping him away from everyone he loved. And just for a split second I wonder if maybe it isn't better to just let him be, allow him to find peace in ignorance… because if the truth destroys him, how am I supposed to bring him back from that?


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**TOBIAS **

_It's a perfect night, not too warm, not too cold. The stars sparkle above our heads and the moon lights the path in front of us. We're running through a garden though there's no one chasing us, and she's laughing, trying her best to keep up with me. _

_She yells my name so I stop._

"_Where are we going?" she asks me._

"_You'll see. We're almost there."_

_I take her hand in mine and we break off from the path, cutting through several tall rows of wild quinine until we arrive at a small field covered in pink and white cone-flowers. There's only a small part of the field that's bare, covered only in grass, and I take her there. _

_I pull out a blanket from the small backpack I brought with me, and I lay it out on the grass._

"_This is so beautiful," she whispers, looking all around her. _

"_Yet still not as beautiful as you," I take her into my arms and she giggles._

"_If you say so." _

"_I do say so."_

_With a smile, I kiss her tenderly, lovingly, molding her sweet, soft lips with mine. Her hands are cold, but that's not the reason I shiver when she slowly glides them under my shirt and then up my chest. Her skin against mine is sensational, and I want more of it._

_My hands run up her back, and they are pleasantly surprised when they find no bra strap to unhook. _

"_Oh," I tease her. "You came expecting things."_

_She giggles against my lips. "I expect nothing less from you."_

"_Good," I whisper, and I slowly lean her down onto the blanket until she's lying flat on her back. I take her lips again, and my fingers expertly work to unbutton her shirt. I expose her body, and my hands don't idle for a second; they stay on her, exploring her, touching her. _

_She breaks away from my lips, moaning sultrily as my fingers graze across her nipple. _

_I smile, enjoying every sound she makes because of me. I kiss her cheek, and then I nibble on her ear. She turns her head and my lips find that one spot on her neck that makes her shiver. I kiss down her collarbone until my tongue finds the hard bud of her breast. _

_She digs her hand into my hair as I lick and nip her, and she breathes erratically, moaning with every swerve of my tongue. She whispers my name and it makes me hungrier. _

_My mouth kisses its way to her other breast, just as soft, just as delicious as the first. My hands move downward, and boldly push themselves under the waist of her leggings. She opens her legs for me because this territory is mine, and my finger slides its way through her soft and wet entrance. _

_She moans again, squeezing around my finger and pushing her breast deeper into my mouth. As I slide in a second finger and then move them both in and out and inside her again, she wiggles underneath me, breathing loudly, frantically. _

_On my knees now, I pull off the leggings entirely and there she is, beautiful and naked, lying in a field of flowers, biting her lips, craving me as much as I'm craving her. _

_I open her legs wider and she doesn't resist. Her thighs tremble and my lips slowly kiss downward, each time closer and closer to her centre. Her body begs me and I don't deny it what it wants, because I want it too. My tongue greedily runs along the length of her sex and she cries out in pleasure as I lick her bud. I'm ravenous as I taste her, nibbling and sucking at her sweet middle. She tastes delicious, so divine. _

_Her hands are in my hair again, pushing me deeper in. _

_I smile. I've memorized her; I know what she wants, when and how she wants it. And I am always ready to oblige. I attack her harder, and my fingers come back to feel more of her. Her back arches as I work, and she cries out, grabbing onto my hair, the blanket, her legs, her breasts. I move faster, and when her legs begin to tremble to the point where I'm squeezed between them, I know she's almost there. I feel triumphant as she writhes naked in front of me, and even more so when she grabs onto her blonde hair as if she were trying to tear it out of her scalp. _

_She moans louder now, her breaths quick and hysterical, and with one long and shrill gasp, she shudders into completion. I feel it as her insides quiver, only to contract around my fingers, and she rides it out until there are tears in her eyes. _

_I climb on top of her and kiss her lips again. Her breaths are still chaotic, jagged. "Tell me what you want," she whispers with a rude smile._

_And on top of her, looking deep into her blue eyes, I feel the urge to ask her something, something important. _

"Fuck!"

I'm startled awake by the sound of glass breaking. There's not supposed to be anyone else here and I'm unarmed, so I'm careful but ready when I step out of the small bedroom. I'm suddenly even more grateful Tris untied me before she left.

I sigh with both relief and disappointment when I look into the kitchen area only to find the glass of water I had been drinking splattered on the floor.

"How the-" I groan. There's no wind in here, no movement at all. I suppose I left it too close to the edge of the table.

I bend down and I'm stupid enough to pick up the pieces of broken glass with my bare hands and expect not to cut myself. I close my eyes and try to relax a little when I see my own blood running down my finger; my heart is still racing and my hands are still shaking from when I was frightened awake.

After I've taken a few slow and deep breaths, I stand and make my way toward the sink. I throw the pieces of glass in the garbage bin, then I turn on the faucet and let the water run over my finger for a while. Something tells me to open the smallest cabinet on the right, just above the sink, so I do. Inside it is a first aid kid. I pull out a large Band-Aid and wrap it around my finger.

As I'm standing there I begin to remember… I was dreaming again. It feels even stranger after the fact, now that I've met the woman in my dreams, and I don't think I can deny any longer that she provokes the very same sentiments in me in real life.

I have feelings for her; it's why I can't bring myself to hurt her. And my dreams feel incredibly real, so real that the evidence of my arousal is still bulging through my pants, so real that when I consider it all, it forces me to wonder if they are dreams at all.

Could it be that they're more? More than just thoughts placed in my subconscious to confuse me? Could it be that all along I've been trying to tell myself there was more to my life than I could have ever imagined?

But that _can't_ be the truth, because that would mean the person I've come to love and trust most in the world is the one who has deceived me in the most unimaginable way. It's a disheartening realization, an unthinkable one, and I need answers. I _need_ to speak to my mother. There has to be another explanation.

"I need to get out of here," I whisper to myself, although I have no idea how to do that. I'm locked inside a high security Dauntless bunker and Tris won't be back until morning. Still, determined to get out of this place, I grab a small knife from the kitchen and walk to the large metal door that's keeping me inside. There's a glowing blue keypad to the left of it and there's only a handle on the door. I'm not getting out of here without that pass-code.

I let out a frustrated breath, but then I have the craziest thought. For a second I push it back, refusing to entertain it, but something stronger inside me begs me to be honest with myself even if just for the shortest moment. So I stop to really think about the fact that ever since Tris left, I've been able to find whatever I've been looking for just by thinking about it- the sheets for the bed, the glass to drink water in, the Band-Aid. I never searched tirelessly for any of those things. I just went and got them as if I knew where they were.

I clench my jaw together and I imagine the unimaginable; maybe I _did_ know where they were. Maybe I've been here before and I just can't remember because it was more than five years ago.

I decide to test the theory. If I have been here before, then I know the pass-code.

I don't think; I only breathe, and slowly I place my hand over the keypad. It hovers there for a while, just until I feel the inkling to move my fingers. I don't second guess myself and I allow my fingers to land wherever they want to; they type in thirteen numbers before they stop, a long combination of numbers I've never seen before.

2-3-2-8-7-4-2-3-7-7-4-6-7.

There's a soft metallic thud as the door unlocks and I freeze in place, questioning my sanity. When I finally bring myself to move, all I can do is push the door open. I stare at the other side of it as if almost afraid to step outside, and that's when I realize that I _am _afraid_._ Stepping through those doors might mean accepting an ugly truth, a truth I've been rejecting since the moment I laid eyes on Tris.

"But you need to know," I whisper to myself, and I swallow hard as I take the first step.

I walk out of the bunker and up a flight of stairs until I find myself inside an old building. The bunker seems to lie directly below it. I follow the moonlight until I find the exit, and when I walk out into the open I look around me to see if anything looks familiar. Nothing does.

I look up at the stars to catch my bearings, knowing I must head north if I am to find my mother and the rest of the factionless, but I'm hesitant to move when something tells me to walk in the opposite direction. I look south and I don't know what lies in that direction, but I won't let fear of the truth stop me from finding out what it is. And I don't think I can deny it anymore; something inside me has been giving me answers. I believe it's the same part of me that knew that pass-code, the same part of me that has been showing me visions of Tris over and over again, so I listen to it.

I head south and I walk until I come across the train tracks. I don't know what time it is; Tris left just after sunset and I don't know how long I've been asleep. Not sure if there are trains still running, I begin to walk beside the tracks, and to my sweet surprise, I only walk for about half an hour when I hear one coming up behind me.

I jump on and I ride it deeper into the city. I stand by the door and as I look at the passing view, I recognize the route. I'm headed straight for Dauntless.

I don't worry when I get there; I know how to get in. I was, after all, the one who taught some of the men from the factionless army how to get past Dauntless' security system and inside the compound. I short out the wires to one of the maintenance doors, and I sneak inside when it pops open. I walk until I enter one of the main hallways; I avoid the cameras and frequently trafficked areas, and I no longer ask myself how it is that I know where they are.

I let my legs do the walking, turning wherever I think I should; and though nothing in the underground faction looks familiar, I walk as though I know exactly where I'm going. When I arrive at the residential area of Dauntless, I look at the numbers on the doors and I walk past each one until I come across the one that says _764_.

My heart races inside my chest, and I feel anxious, but I stand in front of the door and somehow I _know _this is the one.

I take the knife from my pocket and I pick the lock, then slowly I push the apartment door open. It creaks softly and I step inside and close it behind me. Not knowing exactly where I am, I walk quietly and I don't turn on any of the lights; for all I know there could be someone inside.

I carefully look around for a bit. The apartment doesn't look too familiar, but it definitely feels strange standing inside of it. I walk over to the TV stand when I see several framed photos on top of it.

The first one I pick up is a picture of Tris, and that's when I know I'm _exactly _where I'm supposed to be, and if that weren't bizarre enough, beside it, there's a picture of her and _me_, in Dauntless black, laughing in front of the Ferris wheel.

My mouth opens, but no words come out, and as I'm standing there paralyzed with the photo in my hands, I begin to feel a heaviness in my chest. Not willing to let it all consume me just yet, I put the picture down and I take a look at the others; there's a picture of Tris with a small baby in her arms, and another of an Abnegation couple. The last picture to the right is one of the same Abnegation woman with a baby boy sitting on her lap; he looks to be about one year old.

Tris did say she was from Abnegation. These must be her parents. But who is the child? Tris never mentioned having a son, and it invokes a strange feeling inside me; something in between confusion and jealousy I think. If she recently had a child it undoubtedly means there's a man in her life, a man occupying the space that I'm almost sure was once mine.

I suddenly feel violated, like something has been stolen from me; like _she_ has been stolen from me even though I have no memories of whenever it was that she was mine. I look around some more, frantically at that, but I see no evidence of another man; maybe her relationship with the boy's father didn't work out. Or maybe the baby isn't hers at all. He doesn't look like her, at least not in the pictures.

There's a digital clock on the TV stand and it flashes the time in bright red. I realize it's a lot earlier than I thought it was, and I decide to not linger in the apartment anymore. I still have time to catch the train and head north to see my mother. I grab the picture of me and Tris as evidence, in case she refuses to tell me the truth that only she knows, and I sneak back out the way I came in. But when I'm standing outside of Dauntless, I feel it again, that urge to go somewhere else instead of my mother's hideout.

Chances are, whatever the truth is, I won't get it out of my mother so I decide that for the rest of the night I will trust my gut, because my gut just might actually be _me_ from a time I can't remember.

By now my head is aching and I can't process my thoughts at all, but I don't try to sort them out. If I think I might collapse, I might lose my mind before the night is through.

I only walk for about fifteen minutes before it dawns on me that I'm headed for Abnegation. My fists are clenched the whole way, and every step I take feels painful, not like it was when I was on my way to Dauntless. Going to Dauntless felt like a mission, like I had a purpose to fulfill. Going to Abnegation feels burdensome, most likely because wherever my feet are taking me, I will only learn more about the past that was hidden from me.

I jump back on the train, and I let it take me the rest of the way. I try to let the wind in my face calm me, but it doesn't work, and all of a sudden I find myself shouting at it. I begin to bang on the metal of the train car until my knuckles bleed, and only when I feel like I might explode I fight back the pain, I fight back tears, and I bottle up the hurt, the confusion, the frustration.

I feel frantic when I jump off the train, but my steps are hesitant. I watch the simple grey houses all lined off in perfect rows, all identical to each other. I couldn't possibly know which one was once mine, so I don't think; I just move. I suddenly wonder if Tris is here. If this is where she's staying at night, it wouldn't be wise. It would probably be the first place people would think to look for her. Or maybe it's so obvious that it would be the last.

I find myself at someone's front door and just like I did at Tris' apartment, I know this is the one. The light is still on inside, so I knock. It doesn't really matter who lives here now; I'm factionless so they would just assume I was looking for food. Proof that I used to live here would be enough.

An older Abnegation man opens the door, tall with salt and pepper hair, looking to be in his late fifties. He smiles politely and says, "I'm sorry. Give me a moment please," and then he steps away from the door only to return with his glasses on.

"Good night, Sir," I say to him. "Sorry to bother you."

The man stares at me dumbfounded, and he grabs his chest as if he were having a heart attack. When he takes a very large step back, I'm afraid he might fall and I go to catch him.

"Are you okay?" I ask him frantically. "I didn't mean to frighten you. I just wanted to ask if you knew about the people who lived here before."

"T- T- Tobias?" The old man stutters.

"How do you know my name?" I'm quick to ask, and my hands fall from his side.

He mumbles quietly for a few seconds, and with large fearful eyes he says, "Because I gave it to you."

"Who are you?" I whisper, and I get that restless feeling in my chest again, like I'm about to find out something I'm not really ready to find out.

He looks like he can barely breathe, and then raspily he whispers, "I'm your father," his hand still grabbing at his chest.

I gasp, and this time _I'm_ the one who looks like I'm having a heart attack. "My father?" I ask in utter confusion. "But my mother said you were dead."

The old man's eyes open wider still, and he grabs onto the doorpost. "Your mother is alive?"

My heart races as if it will beat its way out of my chest, and my lungs feel dry and empty. It all feels like just too much, too much too quick, so I take off.

The man who just told me he is my father yells after me, but I run away from that house so fast that after a few seconds, his voice fades into nothingness. The action feels so familiar and I let my legs take me again, believing they'll take me somewhere safe where I can try and figure out what I am to do now, although all I really want to do is to find my mother and ask her why she did this to me. Why would she do this to me?

I grab my chest and I force back the pain and the anger again, although it almost feels like it's already too much. I take a right and then a left, and then into someone's yard. I make a break for the back door and I stop to sit on the stairs, heaving.

I've been told this is what being in a simulation feels like, and I wonder if maybe that's what's happening. Maybe I'm strapped to a chair somewhere with wires connecting my head to a computer, with some strange Erudite-made serum coursing through my veins. It's a far less painful explanation than the alternative.

When I look to my right, I see a flower pot with a cactus. For some reason I lift it up, and when I do I see a rusted key beneath it, the key to the door no doubt.

Wherever I am, it's a safe place, and without being told, I know whose house this is. I know this is Tris' childhood home because so far my feet have only been taking me places I've already been.

Quietly, I push the key into the keyhole and turn the lock. The door creaks loudly so I don't open it all the way. The lock clicks when I close the door behind me and I take slow and careful steps inside. It isn't too dark in the house, the moonlight shines through the windows and lights the way for me.

Over the fireplace, I see a few pictures and when I take a closer look at them, I'm not surprised at all at who I see; I doubt anything else could surprise me at this point.

There's a picture of a much younger Tris and another boy her age. It's funny how I know it's her, even though she looks to be no more than ten years old in the photo. I don't recognize the people in the second picture, a young Erudite teenager with his arms around a Dauntless girl. But it's the third picture that earns my attention. It's one of Tris and the same baby boy, but he looks older in this picture, and he has a striking resemblance to… _me_.

_It can't possibly be. _

But I can't think about it long enough, because I hear a pair of soft footsteps coming toward me. I can't run, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I raise my arms and I stand frozen in place.

"Who's there?" I ask quietly, as if it were my house that someone else had broken into and not the other way around.

And out of the darkness, I hear a tiny voice whisper, "Daddy?"

* * *

**A/N: Dum dum dummmmmmmmm! Sorry for the late post guys but I really hope it was worth the wait! Can't wait to hear what you guys thought about this chapter and what you think happens next!  
On a much grimmer note, Unfortunately, I won't be able to update until further notice. The world has turned upside down with COVID and I'm a doctor so my plate is full. Not many cases where I am (Thank God), but still have to be prepared for the worst. Please do your part and practice social distancing! Stay inside and read fanfiction! ;) xoxo  
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	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: And we're back! Thank you all so much for your patience, encouragement, messages, and for keeping me in your thoughts! Things have cleared up over on my end and I'm free to continue on with the story :) I hope you're all still here lol Please enjoy this chapter! Looking forward to your reviews :)**

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**Chapter 12**

**TOBIAS **

He just stands there about three feet tall in a pair of blue and white pyjamas, holding on tight to a tiny, stuffed dinosaur.

"Daddy?" he says again, looking right at me, and I forget how to breathe.

I had seen his resemblance to me in the pictures, but standing face to face with him, looking right into those dark blue eyes, there's no doubt the child is not just Tris'… he's _min_e.

I have a son.

In shock, my knees fold, and I land gracelessly on the wooden floor.

He makes a few quick steps to me, and he smiles as he examines my face. "You came home," he says. "I knew you'd come home."

When he fearlessly wraps his tiny arms around my neck, I almost collapse. The sweet scent of fresh powder on him and the feel of his tiny body leaning against my chest provoke a tidal wave of emotion inside me, and I barely set my hands on his back, afraid I might squeeze him too hard.

"What's your name?" I whisper when he finally lets me go.

"Andy. Andrew Tobias Eaton," he says proudly, standing up a little straighter when he corrects himself.

Tris gave him my name.

"And this is Dino." He gestures at the brown dinosaur in his hand. And then, holding up four fingers in the air, he says, "I'm four, just like _you_, Daddy. Well, I'm actually four and a half." He pouts pensively.

For a moment I'm confused, but then I remember that's what the others call me- Four.

"And what are you doing up, Andy?" I say his name and as it rolls off my tongue, my heart swells until it feels as though it will burst.

The feeling in my chest is indescribable and I fail to comprehend it; how could this little boy feel so much like _mine_, how could he take up so much space inside my heart when I've only just met him? I feel like I could explode right where I kneel.

"I'm hungry," he answers softly.

Somewhere between a smile and a sob, I manage to say, "I get hungry in the night, too."

"You do?" his eyes open wide and a bit of his dark hair falls over them.

"Yeah," I nod. "But… you shouldn't be making snacks by yourself."

"I know that, Daddy," he shakes his head and giggles. "Grandma's coming to make me a sandwich."

_Oh shit_.

"Andy, who are you talking to?" rings the tired voice of an elderly woman who I can now hear walking down the stairs; the boards creak under her feet.

"Daddy," Andy answers gleefully, as if it weren't the strangest thing in the world that he was talking to his dead father.

"Oh shit," this time I say the words out loud. I stand to my feet and take a few steps backward, but Andy follows me and takes my hand, as if asking me to stay. But I can't stay. I'm not supposed to be here.

I'm about to let go of his hand and make a break for the back door, but Andy looks up at me pleadingly, and I don't have the strength to tear myself away from him.

"What do you mean da-" The old woman freezes when she comes around the stairs and sees me standing there.

And then she screams.

"Wait," I beg, trying to quiet her before she wakes all of Abnegation. "I don't want to hurt you." I raise one hand in the air and Andy holds onto the other quite tightly.

"Beatrice!" the woman shrieks, grabbing onto her large grey coat before picking up a glass vase from the bookstand beside the stairs. I think she'd throw it at me if Andy weren't standing right beside me. "Beatrice!"

"Andy, go to your grandmother," I say lowly, and I gently nudge him in her direction. She's the same Abnegation woman from the picture, undoubtedly Tris' mother.

"No," he frowns.

When a frantic pair of footsteps come running down the stairs, I take a few more steps backward and I head closer to the door. I don't expect the Abnegation to have guns, but that doesn't mean I want to push my luck. "It's okay. I'll leave," I say out loud, one hand in the air.

I'm startled when a familiar voice says, "Mom! Stay back!"

"Tris?" I gasp. I don't run. I just stand there, still holding Andy's hand.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Tris yells at me, wearing a white T-shirt and shorts; and unlike her mother, she advances fearlessly. "Get away from him!"

I let go of Andy, and it agonizes me to my core when he looks up at me in horror.

His stuffed dinosaur falls from his hand when Tris takes him up in her arms, moving him away from me, and she puts him down at the bottom of the stairs next to her mother who is still shaking and holding the vase in her hand.

"Tobias?" the old woman finally says with recognition blooming in her eyes. Her shoulders relax and Tris takes the vase from her mother before she can drop it.

"Mom, take him upstairs," Tris commands her mother, her eyes never leaving mine, and my eyes never leaving Andy's.

"But I want to stay with daddy," Andy pleads, and I feel something break inside me.

"Come on, Andy," his grandmother urges, pulling on his hand. He sulks, but he follows her up the stairs.

Tris stares at me long and hard; even in the darkness I can see the shock in her eyes. Only when she hears the sound of a door closing upstairs does she say, "You remember?"

"No," I answer tersely.

Her shoulders fall. "So how did you get out of the bunker? And how did you find this house?"

But I don't want to answer any of her questions. I feel angry and deceived; is there _no one_ alive on this Earth who hasn't been keeping things from me?

"When were you going to tell me I have a son?" I seethe, my jaw clenched tight.

"When you were ready," Tris answers softly. She doesn't even deny it.

"And who would be the one to determine when I was ready? _You_?!"

"Yes," she answers boldly this time, and she takes three hard steps toward me. "Because I am his mother, and I can't just let you into his life."

"Why the hell not?!"

"Why _should_ I?!" We stand face to face. "Only a few hours ago you were refusing to listen to _anything_ I was saying to you! And you said it yourself- you are _not_ the person I remember, and you don't get to decide when you will and won't be the man who was his father!"

"It doesn't change the fact that I _am_ his father," I growl.

"I don't care," Tris answers fearlessly. "I will protect my child from anything and anyone that could hurt him, and that includes _you_."

She's standing so close to me that I could grab her if I wanted to; if she were one of my mother's soldiers I probably would have. But as angry as I am, my hands are pinned to my sides as if they've been trained to stay there.

"You won't even let me talk to him?" I shake my head at her. How could she keep him from me?

"So that you can say what exactly?"

Before I can think of an answer, there's a frantic knock at the front door and both our eyes divert toward it. More than likely one of the neighbours heard the commotion and decided to come make sure everything was okay.

"Shit," Tris huffs at the same time I say, "We need to hide." She isn't supposed to be here either.

Having heard the knock, Tris' mother comes downstairs and signals for the both of us to go up. We climb the stairs carefully enough that our footsteps won't be heard from outside, and we hide inside the first bedroom on the right. Tris keeps the door cracked enough so that we can both look through it; from here, we have a perfect view of the front door and if her mother doesn't put the lights on, whoever's there won't see us looking.

Tris' mother looks up the stairs one more time before opening the front door. When she does, there's a man standing outside, the same man whose house I just visited. The same man who said he was my father.

"Marcus?" Tris whispers, and she shoots me a curious glance.

The man looks frantic, and I can barely hear what they're saying but I do notice when he grabs his hair and tells Tris' mother that he thinks he might be losing his mind. She invites him inside but he refuses, looking behind him every five seconds as if he were afraid someone was following him.

"But he was here!" I hear him say. His voice is guttural.

"Marcus… Tobias is dead."

I can't look at him anymore so I close my eyes. All this time I thought my father was dead, when _I'm_ the one who's been dead all along. At the thought of it, my breathing accelerates and it becomes so loud I can hear it over everything else. It only begins to quiet when I feel a warm hand enveloping my own. I open my eyes to find Tris staring at me worriedly, with my hand in hers. How is it that she calms me so?

"Is he really my father?" I whisper to Tris, and I look at the man again.

"Yes… to a certain extent," she says the last part with disdain.

It leads me to ask, "Is he any better than my mother?"

"No," she whispers back. She doesn't elaborate.

"So I take it I don't like him very much."

"To put it lightly," Tris says. "You left him and never looked back. It's the first time I've seen him in ten years. He wasn't even at your memorial service."

"Faction before blood?" I pathetically make excuses for the man as if I know him.

"My mother went," Tris says with a slight shrug. She eyes me carefully. "Even my estranged brother sent a letter extending his sympathies."

I nod, understanding I must have been dealt a very shitty childhood. "So when it came to parents, I hit the jackpot."

Tris doesn't answer. Instead she turns her attention back to her mother and my father.

"I know," he says defiantly. "But… I _saw_ him, Natalie. He was older but it was definitely him. And he said Evelyn's alive!"

Tris' mother is polite when she says, "Maybe it was a dream." She shakes her head. "You should rest, Marcus. It's very late."

He seems determined to prove his point, I can see it in his face, but eventually he gives in and says goodnight. I don't know what he's done to drive a wedge between us, but if Tris' mother feels it's better for my father to think I'm dead, then I have to trust that that's the wiser thing.

After he leaves, Tris' mother makes sure he's a ways off before she closes the door and signals for us to come down the stairs. "He's gone," she says quietly, with a hand over her chest. She takes Tris' face in between her palms. "Beatrice, I am so sorry."

Tris must be short for Beatrice.

"Why are you apologizing? None of this is your fault, Mom," Tris says gently, and she fixes her mother's coat. "You need to rest. Let me take you upstairs." Taking her mother by the hand, she says to me, "I'll be right back."

I nod.

Tris' mother seems like a sweet woman. It makes sense that I would run to this house when I ran away from my own for whatever reason. I only now notice that the Abnegation man in the pictures, presumably Tris' father, is not here.

I sit in the dark for a while, looking around me, wondering just how many memories did I make in this house. I knew where the key was for the backdoor, which can only mean Tris used to leave it out for me. All of this explains why I feel bonded to her, the reason I've been dreaming about her, the reason I can't look at her and deny that she's important to me; we have years of memories between us, years of love.

When I look over by the back door, I see Andy's stuffed dinosaur on the floor where he dropped it. Tris is still upstairs, so I walk over to where Dino is and I pick him up. It's a small thing, soft, and truthfully there's a part of me that wants to hold onto it. If Tris won't let me see Andy, then at least she could let me have this. But by the way he was holding onto the thing something tells me he's missing it right now. I doubt he's asleep. I just met _my_ dead father too, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I suddenly feel guilty. Maybe I had no right being upset with Tris for not telling me about Andy. None of this is her fault, or his, and he is probably just as confused as I am right now, which is much more confused than a four year old boy should ever have to be.

Wanting to see him at least one more time, and willing to beg Tris if I have to, I take the stuffed dinosaur upstairs. I hear her talking in the room at the very end of the hallway, and then I hear Andy's voice.

"But why were you yelling at daddy?"

"I was just scared," Tris answers him softly. "I didn't expect him to come here."

"But I _told_ you daddy would come home," Andy says with such certainty, a certainty he shouldn't have had because as far as the world was concerned, I was dead. I was dead and my son was at home waiting for me to come back.

"Yes, you did," Tris' says, sounding just as heartbroken as I feel.

"Can we show him all the pictures we took? So he doesn't miss anything?"

But I've already missed so much- his birth, his first steps, the first four and a half years of his life. I hear Tris' words echo in my head, '_When you find out just how much she's stolen from you, you'll want to kill her yourself. And that's a promise.'_

I'm filled with so much rage that I drop the stuffed animal on the floor and I run down the stairs, not caring to be quiet. Tris' pain, Andy's pain, _my_ pain, it all lands on my shoulders and I struggle to stay upright. Maybe _I_ wouldn't want to kill my own mother, but I can tell that the man inside me, the one who knows everything I've forgotten, wants to tear her to pieces.

I was rabid with misplaced anger before, but not anymore. I know exactly who is to blame for this.

Without a word, I leave Abnegation, and this time, I _do_ head north.

* * *

"Evelyn!"

I roar her name at the top of my lungs, and I barge into her hideout like an animal. With my hands bloody from pounding at the train wall and my face sweaty from racing to find her, I push through all of her guards as if they were curtains in my way. Most of them are too shocked to react anyway.

With no one brave enough to stop me, I storm inside my mother's bedroom, demanding an audience. I find her wide awake, wrapped in a long, dark blue, satin night robe, sitting in front of a small fireplace.

The hideout is much smaller than our headquarters, but her room is just as extravagant. If she'll be on the run she'll at least be comfortable. I look around the room in disgust and I spot three guards inside, one of them being Tony. He doesn't look at me. My guess is he's hoping I won't notice him.

"Tobias! You're okay!" my mother says and she has the audacity to run to me and embrace me. "Thank God," she whimpers into my neck. "Where were they keeping you? How did you escape? I was afraid they would harm you."

Slowly, I pry her hands from around my neck and I push her an arm's length away from me.

"Why would they?" I growl at her.

She takes a small step back and studies my face. She rubs her hands against her robe. "Is- Is something wrong? I don't understand."

There are so many things wrong that truthfully I don't even know where to begin.

"You told me he was dead," I say flatly, choosing to start there, with Marcus, although it's what I'm least upset about.

"Who?"

"My father."

My mother's eyes square in on mine, and instead of surprised she just looks angry. "What did they tell you? Tobias, you don't seriously believe-"

"-I saw him," I interrupt her. "I spoke to him."

"You… you spoke to your father?" she asks slowly. "Tobias, you have to stay away from him. He is dangerous!"

"As dangerous as Tris?!" I blurt out, my body now stiff.

This time she _is_ surprised, afraid almost. She looks exactly like someone whose worst secret has been exposed, like someone standing naked in front of a crowd.

"Outside," she points to the door. "All of you!" she commands her men and the three of them scurry through the door. Tony is the only one who bothers to look at us both before walking outside, fearfully at that, and with good reason; he pretended to be my childhood friend when in fact I had no childhood here.

After I'm done interrogating my mother, he is next.

When Tony closes the door leaving me and my mother alone in the room, I pull the picture from my back pocket and I slam it hard on her large nightstand. "Don't bother lying to me!" I demand.

She picks up the photograph and her face sinks deeper the longer she looks at it. She doesn't claim the photo is fake or altered. She doesn't pretend to not know what she's looking at. She doesn't deny anything at all.

"So you _did_ know," is all I can say.

"About you and Tris?" she mumbles. "Yes, I did."

"And you tried to have her killed?!" I shout, remembering her going to great lengths to try and get Tris executed. If I hadn't seen her that night, she would have been. "What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?!" I slam my hand so hard against the nightstand it burns, and her small bedside lamp comes crashing to the ground.

"Tobias. I-" my mother stammers. "Tony told me you were still dreaming about her. I feared you would recognize her. I feared exactly this!"

She cries as if her words don't incriminate her, as if there was nothing wrong with making me live under the presumption that I belonged here with her. At least she confirms what I had suspected about Tony; he was spying on me for her.

"You mean you were afraid that I would find out you stole me from my _family_!" I growl. "So you made up an entire Erudite experiment and told me Tris could make me believe _anything_ just so I would dismiss every word that came out of her mouth?! Are you really that sick?!"

"_I_ am your family, Tobias! I am your mother!" she screams at me, and she takes a large step closer to me.

"Are you really?" I ask, my voice raspy. "Did we have _any_ kind of relationship at all before this? Whatever this is?" I fling my arms between us. When she doesn't answer, I yell, "Tell me!"

"No," she answers after a while, with tears in her eyes. "You wanted nothing to do with me after I left you with your father."

I swallow hard. "So if you left me with him, and I went to Dauntless, how did I end up factionless?" My tone is soft but threatening, and my face is stern, demanding the truth from her.

She looks me in my eyes and then she looks away, most likely out of shame or anger, but I couldn't possibly care less how she feels. If she's looking for me to pity her, she'd better start looking elsewhere.

"Either you tell me the truth, or I make you tell me," I threaten her.

"Fine," she swallows and she goes to sit at the edge of her bed.

I remain planted where I stand.

"About five years ago a team of Dauntless soldiers came to investigate us," she begins. "Through their security cameras they had noticed increased activity in a presumably unpopulated area, and with some digging they stumbled upon our main headquarters. They started asking questions about what we were doing in such a large group, and… I saw you with them so I approached you." She pauses and shakes her head. "I told you I would tell you everything I knew if you would just sit down and talk to me. I had sent you so many letters, Tobias, so many messages," she cries, "But I never heard from you, not once. And I believed it was fate that made you find us that day."

I look questioningly at my mother. "Fate?"

"Yes," she answers strongly. "Because you sent your team ahead so you could stay and talk to me. And I was so glad, because I couldn't allow their newfound information to reach Dauntless."

My mouth opens when I understand what she's saying to me. "You… killed them?"

"We sabotaged the train," she says, as if it's any different. "It was the very beginning of our resistance, Tobias. We were at a very fragile place with minimal order and almost no resources at our disposal."

"You keep talking as if your actions are justified!" I yell at her. "You kept me here, knowing damn well I wanted _nothing_ to do with you, so that I could help you establish order and fuel your resistance?!"

"I kept you here because you are my son and I wanted you with me!" She stands from the bed and clenches her fists at her side. "Tob-"

"Why can't I remember?" I growl at her, cutting her off. I approach her now, slowly, venomously. "What did you do to me?"

"Memory serum," she whispers.

I pinch my eyebrows together. "What?"

"Memory serum," she says a little louder. "I had a vial in my possession. It was a gift from someone who sympathized with me and all I had been through with your father. It was intended for me to use, but I decided I'd overcome the hurt some other way, and I saved it."

"And you used it on me?!" I point at myself.

"It was the only way you would stay," she whimpers.

I'm too horrified to speak. Too horrified to move. I stare at her, wondering what on Earth is actually wrong with her. "I want them back," I say tersely. "My memories. Give them back to me." My voice shakes and I'm sure that's because my entire body is shaking.

A tear rolls down her cheeks when she looks at me and says, "I can't."

I step closer and my hands clench into fists on their own. "What do you mean, you can't?"

"It can't be done," she sniffles. "Once taken, the effects of the serum are irreversible."

"You knew this and you still gave it to me? You willfully stole my entire life away from me?" I ask the question so calmly that I surprise even myself, because boiling inside me is the desire to set this room on fire with her locked inside.

"I gave you your life, Tobias!" she bellows. "I opened your eyes because you refused to see!"

"Refused to see what?!"

"That _my_ people matter! Even when you saved the city from Erudite's plan to destroy it, you never accounted for the factionless. No changes were made for us the way they were made for Divergents. We weren't granted safety and equality, and that was something _you_ had the power to influence." She points an accusatory finger at me.

"So it's my fault?! Is that what you're saying?!"

"No!"

"And what do you mean I _saved_ the city from Erudite?" I suddenly remember what Tris had said to me on the train, after I helped her escape my mother's verdict. She said the Erudite threat was long gone, something of the past, a problem I had already taken care of. And my mother just spoke of it in the past tense instead of the current and very real threat that she never failed to paint out for me.

"You were lying to me this whole time weren't you? About _everything_," I painfully deduce. "The Dauntless were never in bed with the Erudite." When she doesn't answer I laugh and say, "You invented… an entire conspiracy… to make me help you?!"

"It's called foresight, Tobias," she says with a growl. "They've done it once they will do it again."

"No. That is called lunacy!" I cry out. "And exactly what was I helping you do? What are really your intentions for this army?"

She steps so close to me that I can feel her breathing, I can see her twisted logic making sense in her mind. "This army will be the new warriors and protectors of this city, and we will remain incorrupt," she answers levelly and she stands firmly in front of me. "We will take our place because we have earned it. We will have a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs." Not that _she_ is lacking in either of those things.

"You plan to overthrow Dauntless?" I raise an eyebrow at her. "How is that any different from the corruption you say you're trying to prevent?" I scoff. "You're already corrupt."

I've heard enough. Even without my memories, it's become clear to me that my mother is not someone I want to be around. And given that she has no idea how to undo what she's done, and I have no idea how to make her pay for it, I have no reason to torment myself further with her presence.

"You're leaving?"

She runs after me when I start to move toward the door.

"Tobias!" she yells, grabbing onto my arm. "There are things that you do not understand!"

"Why do you always say that to me?! What's there to understand?!" I rip her hands off me. "The only thing _I_ need to understand is that you left your son… and then you tore me away from mine, and I don't know if I'll ever get him back." My voice breaks and I feel crippled all of a sudden.

"What?" she asks quietly and her hands fall to her side.

I turn to face her completely. "Did you know I have a son?"

She shakes her head as if I'm talking nonsense. "You… No. No."

"Well, I do. He's four and a half years old," I say serenely, with an image in my head of _my_ baby boy holding up four fingers in the air. "His name is Andy," I choke out, and this time I can't stop the tears that have been fighting to set themselves free ever since the moment I let it sink in that I don't really know who I am.

"Tobias, I am so sorry. I swear I didn't know," my mother says so quietly that I almost don't hear her.

But I don't want her apology. It means less than nothing to me. I doubt it would have changed anything even if she _had_ known.

I turn around and keep walking even when she continues to cry out my name.

When I push open the door, the three guards are outside, and I look at the one who pretended to be my friend for five years; I look him in the eye and all I see is deceit. Tony approaches me, but before he can say anything, I allow the angry son of a bitch boiling inside me to take over. In one quick move, I pull the knife out of my back pocket and I drive it so hard into the side of his neck that it pierces his skin like butter.

I stare into his wide eyes as he grabs onto his throat and begins to gag; a river of blood pours down his fingers. When I realize I have no words for him, no words at all, I turn around to leave.

The other guards don't bother coming after me. I trained them. They know I will kill them both. And there's a fleeting but very present feeling of minor satisfaction inside me when I hear Tony's body crash into the ground, dead.


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Sorry for the late post! Another tiresome week. But here's chapter 13! :) And a special thank you from Bamberlee and me goes out to our faithful reviewers who love and defend this story ;) This chapter is for you.  
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**Chapter 13**

**TRIS**

I'm desperate to tears after having combed through all the likely places, both in and outside of the city, and not finding Tobias anywhere. My heart broke over and over again with unadulterated disappointment when no matter where I looked there was no trace of him.

I can only imagine he went back to see Evelyn, wherever it is that she fled after they evacuated the secret headquarters where we had originally found them. I know without a doubt he has questions for her, important ones, but what I fear is that she can do it again- make him forget that he ever knew me, erasing the past few days from his memory. And if she can, then everything I've done has been for nothing.

I walk back to Abnegation feeling defeated; my feet drag the entire way and I couldn't care less which of my mother's neighbours see me. My heart aches like I've lost him all over again, and when I finally arrive at my parents' house, I'm hesitant to even open the door. When I turn the knob I'm crushed with guilt; going home makes me feel like I've given up on finding him.

"He's not at the bunker," I say quietly to my mother after I walk inside and close the door behind me. She sits patiently in the living room with all the lights turned off and a single candle burning on the small centre table. "He's not at Dauntless, he's not in Abnegation, and I don't see any of the factionless _anywhere_."

"And he's not here," my mother finishes for me. "I turned over everything in this house, and I even walked around the yard."

I give her a disapproving eye when I take a seat beside her. "You shouldn't be outside, Mom," I scold her. "It's three o' clock in the morning." She's still wearing her coat, so I know she's cold, and the doctor has told her to avoid exactly that. My mother's still young and healthy, but more and more she's starting to complain of pain in her bones.

"I couldn't just sit here, Beatrice," she says, staring at the burning candle. "I saw my son-in-law tonight. I really _saw_ him. And although I knew he was alive, there was something unreal about seeing him here, standing inside this house."

My mother had always loved Tobias, even before we transferred to Dauntless. She had taken him in like a son; he was always welcome at our home, and she permitted him to stay for longer than what was socially acceptable in Abnegation. Of course, he'd always have to leave and then come back after Marcus and my father were asleep. And even after we transferred, she enjoyed our secret visits. It was almost as if I couldn't come if I didn't bring Tobias.

My mother takes my hand. "We'll find him," she says to me.

"Where?" I groan in desperation. "And how? He's not anywhere. What if he doesn't _want_ to be found?"

"Think, Beatrice," my mother says gently, gliding her thumb across my fingers. "Where else might he have gone?"

I hold my head. "Evelyn," I answer assuredly. "Probably to confront her about whatever it is that she's done to him. But I don't know where Evelyn is, and I don't know if she'll let him leave. And I was so close," I whimper. "He was finally coming back. He found his way here, and to Marcus; it has to be because he's remembering."

My mother nods. "Well then it's just a matter of time, Beatrice."

"Is it?" I groan, looking at my mother with pain in my eyes. "If he goes back to Evelyn and she realizes he's onto her, she won't let him go," I say dejectedly. "What if she does it again? Whatever it is she did to take away his memory? What if I never find him again?"

I sink into the couch and lean my head backward until I'm staring at the ceiling; I see nothing but the water in my eyes.

As painful and difficult as dealing with death is, there's a certain closure that comes after the grief. You're forced to keep moving because what other choice do you have? But knowing Tobias is out there somewhere, alive, redeemable, and I'm just not able to find him, I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep again.

My mother sits up and she takes my hand a second time. "He just found out the life he's been living for the past five years is a lie," she says slowly. "A lie fed to him by the person he was made to believe he could trust above all others. Chances are he feels betrayed. He might just need some space."

But I don't _want_ to give him space. I know how Tobias is when he's terrified, when he feels betrayed, when he's hurt or confused. He makes up scenarios in his head where everything is spiralling out of control and all the odds are against him. He acts as though he's alone, as if he needs to go through it all by himself, and I don't know what will happen if I'm not there to remind him he doesn't.

When I hear tiny footsteps coming down the stairs, I come alive but my heart sinks even deeper into my chest. I turn around before he makes it all the way down. "Andy?"

"What's happening, Mommy?" he asks. He probably heard us talking.

I push myself up off the couch and I quickly make my way up the stairs, meeting him halfway. The stairs aren't well lit and God forbid he should fall. "Andy, you need to stay in bed," I urge him. "It's really late."

He stops walking. He looks me right in the eye and asks, "Where did daddy go?"

I turn around to look at my mother, wondering how he even knew his father was gone, but she looks to be just as surprised as I am. Sometimes Andy can be too smart for his own good.

Slowly, I bend my knees and I pull my baby boy into my arms. I think tonight might just be the most difficult night of my life. It sure feels like the longest one.

"I don't know, Baby," I say, my voice breaking. I rub his cheeks. "I don't know."

With sadness in his eyes, he asks, "When will he come back?"

I fake a smile though tears are streaming down my face. I can't lie to him. "I don't know that either. But you have to go back to bed." I kiss him on his forehead and fix his hair. "I promise you, we'll talk when it's morning."

Andy doesn't look too pleased with my answer, but he turns around nonetheless, and he slowly walks back up the stairs.

I hear when he closes the bedroom door, and I walk down and take a seat at the bottom of the stairs, my head in between my palms. "What am I supposed to say to him, Mom?" I ask pleadingly across the room. "I didn't want this. Andy shouldn't have to be a part of this." It aches, and I sink my face between my legs.

My mother stands and makes her way over to me. She sets the candle on the kitchen table and then takes a seat beside me on the stairs. We barely fit comfortably.

"Beatrice, you knew this would be difficult," she says firmly, using a tone she doesn't often use with me. "You said it yourself."

"I did. But I really thought I was ready for it."

"And you _are_," she whispers to me. "More than anything Tobias admired your strength, and he always told me _you_ were the reason he often found his own. He needs you to be strong for him again."

I nod, knowing deep down that as hard as it is, I can't give up. Only two nights ago, I was the one trying to convince _her_ of that.

"My emotions are all over the place. Is it strange that sometimes I get so mad at him?" I turn and ask my mother.

"Why do you?"

"I think there's a part of me that blames him," I confess softly. "Because he _promised_ me he wouldn't see her. He promised," I choke, thinking of all the times Tobias swore to me he wanted nothing to do with his mother. "And it's not like I asked him not to. That was _his_ mother, _his_ decision, and I supported it." I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "If he had changed his mind, he could have just told me. And instead of accepting that he was on that train when it crashed, I would have gone looking for him, because I would have known he was with her," I say resolutely, then I sink even deeper into myself. "Sometimes I wish he knew exactly what he was putting me through so I could give him hell for it. But he doesn't, and all I'll be doing is yelling at a man who doesn't remember me."

My mother frowns and she rubs her hand over my hair. "Oh, Beatrice," she sighs. "You can't think like that."

"I don't know what to think," I cry. "I feel so confused… and scared." Because I know without a doubt that as angry as I am with him, I love him so much more than that and I'd do anything to have him back.

"You have to stay strong." My mother kisses my forehead, and she pulls me into her arms. As old as I am, that still feels like the safest place I could be sometimes. But that feeling is suddenly interrupted; she and I both jump when the back door swings open, and someone steps inside the house. I quickly stand to my feet and when I come around the stairs I'm hit with a strange combination of shock and relief when I see who's standing there, the candle lighting up his face.

He came back.

"Tobias?" I whimper, not sure if I should run to him, but absolutely wanting to.

He walks toward me but he doesn't say anything at all.

"Where did you go?"

"To see Evelyn," he answers gravely.

Only when he's standing right in front of me do I notice that his eyes are red and swollen, just like his hands, only his hands are covered in blood almost all the way to his elbows.

I gasp. "Tobias, what did you do?" I ask in horror, taking his hands in my own. "Whose blood is this?"

But instead of answering me, he looks at me and softly says, "You were crying."

"Answer me," I say sternly, fearing the worst possible thing. I knew I told him he'd want to kill Evelyn himself when he realized what she had done, but I didn't think he would actually do it. Nor would I ever want him to. "Tobias, whose blood is this?!"

"It's not hers… if that's what you're thinking." His face is expressionless.

I exhale, feeling relieved even though he didn't actually answer the question, then I examine the rest of him and I notice there's blood on his sleeves as well. "Come on," I say as I pull the dark T-shirt over his head without asking permission. He doesn't fight me; he only raises his arms and then quietly follows me toward the kitchen sink. I drop the dirty shirt in the garbage.

"I'll get you a clean shirt," my mother says, still standing by the stairs. She makes her way up quietly.

I put the water to run, and I don't wait until it's warm before I push his hands underneath it. He flinches, but he doesn't pull them back, and he stares at me as I gently rub a cloth over his hands. His knuckles are torn and bruised, but there's no way all that blood was his. I don't ask him again whose it was.

Tobias washes his elbows and I dry his hands with a kitchen towel just as my mother is coming down the stairs. She has a grey shirt in her hands, no doubt my father's, and with concern in her eyes, she says, "Sorry. It's all I have but it should fit. Andrew didn't keep many T-shirts."

"It's perfect, Mom," I say with a small smile, remembering my father in his large grey coats and buttoned down shirts. I take it from her hands and as I'm putting it on Tobias, I see the tattoo on his chest, the raven over his heart. I button the shirt slowly and I can't help but look at it, remembering the day he got it. He told me I was his only family; I suppose that's why he's here now and not with Evelyn, even if he doesn't know it.

"I'll get some bandages as well," my mother says with a quick gasp when she sees his hands.

Then, for just a moment, it's just him and me in an Abnegation house looking at each other, and as he stands there looking so tall and perfect in my father's grey shirt, it takes me away to an alternate reality where we both chose differently. But I don't linger there for too long; there's no point in it.

"We need to leave. It might not be safe for you here," Tobias whispers when my mother is out of earshot, completely bringing me back to reality.

"What do you mean?"

He bites his lip. "I came straight here after I left Evelyn. I don't think I was, but I might have been followed. I had to fight my way out; she wasn't too keen on letting me leave."

"Does she know that you know?" I ask carefully.

He nods. "And she knows about Andy."

I sense it when my pupils dilate and I suddenly feel the urge to strangle him claw its way back up inside me. "You told her about him?!" I yell in disbelief.

"I was upset!" he answers quickly. "I… I had to know if she knew!"

"You brought that woman into my son's life?!" With my mouth open, I turn off the faucet and walk away. My hands find my hair so quickly, and all I can say to myself is, "Oh my God."

"Tris, please. Let me help," Tobias says pleadingly. "We have to go back to the bunker."

I swiftly turn around, and I point a rigid but trembling finger at him. "If she hurts him, I won't ever forgive you for it." The words are venomous, but they are truthful. I love my husband with all my heart, but there will be no mercy for the person who makes the grave mistake of hurting my son.

Tobias doesn't answer me. He only offers me a nod.

"Will she be safe here?" I ask quietly, referring to my mother.

"Yes. It's me they want," he answers.

"Are you armed?"

"No."

I let out a frustrated breath. "Then we need to hurry."

My mother comes back down the stairs with two fine pieces of cloth. Gently, she wraps one around each of Tobias' hands. "Thank you," he whispers to her. My mother only smiles.

"I have to go, Mom… and I have to take Andy. It might not be safe for him here," I explain quietly.

Her hands still on Tobias', she looks frightened just a little. Her eyes scan over us both, but she nods and says, "Okay. If that's what you need to do."

I pull her into my arms. "Keep your gun close just in case. You remember how to use it?"

"Of course I do," she smiles knowingly. I often thank my lucky stars that my mother was once Dauntless.

"Ok. I'll go get Andy," I say and I run up the stairs and into the bedroom that was once mine, leaving my mother and Tobias downstairs.

Not to my surprise, my son is wide awake, sitting up in bed with his dinosaur in his hands. "We need to go, Baby," I say to him, careful not to frighten him.

Strangely, he smiles and he hugs Dino a little tighter. "Daddy came back?"

"Yes, he did," I answer, though not enthusiastically. I grab his backpack off the floor, and I throw his things inside it. I give him his favourite hoody and he pulls it on himself while I pack. When I'm sure I have everything, I pick him up off the bed and quickly make my way down the stairs. He's all too ready to comply, no questions asked.

He looks around curiously and when he finally sees him, Andy doesn't say anything to Tobias, but he does smile at him.

Tobias stares longingly at Andy.

"Let's go," I say firmly, breaking him from his trance.

"Be careful," my mother begs me, giving me another hug. I squeeze her a little too tight.

"I will," I reply, and then the three of us are out the door.

We walk swiftly through Abnegation, and I lead Tobias to where I had hidden the Dauntless operations truck. He's on the lookout, he stays close behind me and he's quiet, but he looks agitated, like he would explode if I were to say the wrong thing to him. I figure this is probably not the best time to ask him what Evelyn had to say.

With Andy still in my arms, I walk into the bushes until we arrive at the truck. I throw the keys to Tobias and I set Andy's backpack in the back seat. I sit in the passenger side and my son sits up in my lap, wide awake and in his black hoody, his eyes darting between me and his father curiously. I silently pray he doesn't choose this moment to ask questions.

Tobias jumps in the driver's side and slams the door too hard. He fumbles with the keys but eventually he finds the right one and starts the engine. He reverses the truck out of the bushes and onto the road, and he stares straight ahead, his jaw clenched the entire time. I probably should be driving, but that would mean he'd have to hold Andy, and that feels very unsettling to me, though I'm not proud of it.

He picks up speed, and the wind howls too loudly in my ears. Andy buries his head into my chest and he shivers from the cold, but he springs back to life when Tobias, for no reason at all, slams his hand against the wheel. Not once or twice, but five times. His hands are shaking, and I realize he's losing control of himself. Andy clutches tightly onto my shirt, and his eyes are bright with fear.

"Pull over," I demand.

"We need to move."

"I said, pull over!"

Tobias doesn't look at me, but he does listen. He slows the truck and pulls over on the side of the road. Only when we come to a complete stop and the wind has quieted, can I hear how hard he's breathing.

"Get out of the truck," I say, my tone brooking no argument. I put Andy on the seat and I exit the vehicle. When I give Tobias an eye he steps out, though reluctantly, and he follows me to the side of the road, a few feet away from the truck, just far enough that Andy can't hear us.

"You are angry. I get it. But you do _not_ get to behave that way in front of him," I say irately, pointing at our son in the truck. "He is scared and confused and you are making it so much worse! So you are going to calm the fuck down, and then after you do that we are going to get back into that truck and we are all driving somewhere safe. Do you understand me?"

My breaths are heavy now, and I look directly at him although he's looking somewhere above my head. I suppose it's easier to look into the darkness than into my eyes.

He doesn't answer me.

"I said, do you understand me?"

Tobias takes in a few breaths, quick and jagged ones, and I notice his hands trembling again. When he does decide to look at me, the intense pain in his eyes almost makes me want to look away, but I stand there, unable to move because I know what happens next. I know that look; it's the one he makes just before he breaks down.

"Tobias," I whisper his name, and I take a step toward him. I take his hand and say, "It's okay."

Slowly, he shakes his head at me, his wet eyes never leaving mine. With brokenness in his voice he says, "How could she do this to me?"

I take another step toward him, and without thought I throw my arms around his back and I pull him into me. He buries his face into my shoulders and although I can't see his tears, I hear them, and it breaks every bit of my heart when he asks me again, "How could she do this to me?"

My own tears begin to flow as I just stand there holding him, not knowing what else to do. His arms creep around me, and he holds me so tight I can barely breathe, but I don't dare tell him to let me go.

"You'll get through this," I whisper to him, and I feel as he clutches onto my back. The hardest part was always getting Tobias to admit how things made him feel; but once he did, everything else flowed. I think this is the beginning of him really accepting the horrible thing that has happened to him. And come to think of it, he might have to go through it twice, as two different men; the man he is now, and the man who he will be when he gets his memories back.

"Will I?" he eventually asks me, his voice sounding a little calmer, but his body still shaking.

I pull away and I take his face between my hands. "You will," I say firmly, staring him right in those eyes that are slowly becoming more and more recognizable with time. "Because you're not going through it alone. I'm right here with you." I rub my thumb across his cheek and whisper, "We'll get through this together… the way we always have."

Holding my waist, Tobias presses his forehead to me, and with his eyes closed he just breathes for a while. With the passing minutes his breaths become more fluid, more controlled, and the muscles in his hand slowly relax until they're just set on my waist instead of gripping it.

After he's calmed down, there's no sound except for the rustling of trees, and two crickets arguing back and forth.

"You ready?" I ask him when I realize we have been in one spot for too long.

He nods slowly, and he begins to walk toward the truck but he doesn't let go of my waist.

Andy had climbed over to the driver's side when we weren't looking and he's right there waiting for us when we arrive back at the truck. He stares at his father and then lifts his arms up in the air. Tobias picks him up immediately and holds him tightly, and Andy whispers something in his ear. I don't hear what.

"Can you drive?" Tobias suddenly asks me, and with my son looking so peaceful and nestled in his father's arms, I don't have the heart to say no. So I drive us to the bunker, with Tobias in the passenger seat holding onto his son for dear life the entire way, and Andy finally falling asleep.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**TRIS**

It's almost sunrise when the large broken-down building that sits on top of the bunker comes into view; I can see the slightest streak of orange and yellow piercing through the horizon. I leave the truck behind another old building nearby, and Tobias and I walk back down the broken pavement with Andy still fast asleep in his arms.

We walk into the old building and down the stairs until we're at our safe harbor. I enter the thirteen digit pass-code for the large metal door and as it unlocks I push it open, ushering Tobias and Andy inside. I immediately dim all the lights and I'm suddenly glad there are no windows in the bunker; the lack of sunlight might help us all to get some sleep.

"I'll take him to the bedroom," Tobias says, but I stop him.

"I can take him," I say, and though reluctantly, Tobias hands him over.

I feel guilty when I take Andy from his father's arms knowing the state Tobias is in right now and all he probably wants to do is hold his son for a bit longer, but Andy is his most talkative when he's actually supposed to be asleep, and I promised him we'd talk in the morning. I don't want him asking Tobias questions that truthfully I'd rather be answering myself. So just in case he wakes, I prefer to be the one tucking him in.

Tobias' eyes land on mine and they're filled with a pain and longing I'm sure I could never understand. There's also the tiniest hint of betrayal, and I'm not sure if it's directed at me or at his mother. He made it clear he was upset I hadn't told him about Andy, and here I am again, robbing him of the chance to do the smallest of things- tuck his son into bed. But just the same, I carry my own burdens, and nothing about this is simple. If I had my way, Andy wouldn't have known his father was alive until his father was actually back to being his father and I'm not afraid to say so.

Even so, I remain quiet. The situation, the moment, all of it feels so delicate, and I feel like one wrong move, one wrong word could make either one of us fall apart, both for justified reasons.

Tobias stands by the bedroom door for a short while and I feel his eyes on me as I walk quietly into the bedroom with Andy in my arms. Luckily, he doesn't wake; I can only imagine how incredibly tired he is. He's been up for most of the night.

The room is warm, so I take off his hoody and leave him to sleep in his pajamas. I place a gentle kiss on his forehead, praying that at least his dreams are peaceful. Then I turn off the light in his room and leave the door cracked like I always do.

When I come out of the bedroom, I find Tobias standing in the spare room, his back against the wall and his arms folded, his face expressionless. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing at all. I look around the empty room and wonder if we're to sleep on the cold, hard ground, but then I remember who built this place.

I spot a small closet door at the far end of the room, and Tobias eyes me curiously as I walk over to it. As I open it I sigh; I find a small, thin mattress folded at the top, two pillows, and a few spare sheets and blankets inside. My dear husband thought of everything.

I roll out the mattress on the floor and then spread a sheet on top. I pull out a second sheet for Tobias, and when I hand it to him, he lowly asks, "Am I still your prisoner?"

I hesitate for a moment, but then softly I answer, "No." He is here by choice. He could have left and never come back. He could still leave if he wanted to. Now that he knows the truth, the ball is in his court… somewhat.

"Will you ever let me be alone with him?" he asks the real question that was on his mind.

I close my eyes and exhale. "Tobias… don't," I beg him.

"Don't what?" he scoffs. "I think it's a reasonable question."

"Made in incredibly aberrant circumstances," I reply, my frustration heard. When I see the hurt in his eyes I say, "I know you're upset that I won't let you talk to Andy, but-"

"Not at you," he quickly clarifies. "I understand. I just… It feels like I'm being punished." He looks away from me and the muscles in his neck and jaw all clench.

"You're not," I assure him, shaking my head. It might feel that way to him, but it's not just about _him_. It's about Andy too.

I look at the sheet in his hands which are still wrapped in the bandages my mother had placed over them. It reminds me, "You never did tell me whose blood you were covered in."

He huffs. "Does it matter?" he gives me an eye.

"Yes, it does."

"Why?" he snaps at me.

"Because that is _not_ how we are going to resolve this," I say strongly.

His whole face is stiff now. "Then how? What's _your_ plan?" he asks softly, but he seems upset.

I sigh into my chest. "I don't know, Tobias, but what I _don't_ plan is to be on the run my entire life. I want you, me, and our son to have as normal a life as possible when this is all over, but we won't be able to do that if you go on a killing spree," I say nervously, because I know Tobias, and I know he would do just that.

Tobias was the best at what he did, and I saw it for myself during my training. Three of the other initiates had attacked me, threatened by my rise through the rankings. Tobias had been waiting up for me and when I didn't show he came looking. He found me just in time, just as Peter, Al and Drew tried to throw me into the chasm. It would have scared me, how livid he was, had I not been already terrified for my life. In awe, I watched him fight the three of them as if he were a machine- an agile, powerful, killing machine. And he _would_ have killed them if I weren't there to drag him back into his senses.

Tobias shakes his head at me incredulously. "Normal," he says gutturally.

"What? You think that's too much to ask?" I question, and then I'm suddenly afraid to hear his answer.

Tobias is quiet for a while and he stares blankly at the wall behind me. "It's irreversible- the serum my mother gave me," he eventually says through his teeth, and I stiffen. "I am _never_ getting my memories back, so if _that's_ the sort of normalcy you're waiting for, you'll be gravely disappointed." His back sinks deeper into the wall and he swallows so hard I can hear it.

"Are you sure she was telling the truth?" I ask him, my voice trembling. It's not that it would change how I feel about him. It's just that I hadn't for a second considered that this might be permanent.

"For once in her life, she was," he growls, "And I'm not sitting around waiting for some miracle to happen. They will pay for what they did to me and what they made me do, every single one of them." I see the anger taking up space in his eyes and I see his crimes long before he ever does them.

"And in one final and senseless act of revenge, you will get yourself killed or end up spending the rest of your life in prison," I caution him, pulling the sheet from his hands and throwing it on the mattress. I walk back over to the locker and pull out a single pillow, my own way of urging him to get some rest. Being tired and angry is far worse than just being angry.

"So I'm just supposed to stay here and do nothing?" he says lividly. He glances at the mattress on the floor and then back at me.

"You're supposed to be patient, Tobias," I urge him pleadingly, knowing full well what could happen if we don't tread carefully.

"Patient?!" he cries out.

"Yes. Patient," I say strongly. I drop the pillow on the blanket and walk back over to him. "I know this is hard, but-"

"Do you really?" he rebuts me.

"Don't go there," I warn him with a stern voice, realizing the peace is about to be broken.

"Why not? What makes you think you have _any_ idea how hard this is for me?! What makes you think you have the right to tell me how to handle this?!"

"Do you really think this is only hard for _you_?" I snap. "Tobias, I can't even look at you without feeling wrecked! And I have been up and down with my son-"

"-_Our_ son," he snarls.

"Fine. _Our_ son," I correct myself heatedly, "in the middle of the night, when all he is supposed to be doing is sleeping. I am on the run from my own people _and_ yours, with a treason charge dangling above my head because I am out here trying to save _your_ difficult ass! But this is hard for _you_?!"

He gives me a disbelieving look. "Yes! It is! Because I have been lied to in ways you couldn't even begin to imagine._ Everything_ I thought I knew, turns out I don't! And you can't just expect that to change because _you_ showed up!"

His words hurt so much that for a few seconds all I can do is stand there and look at him and wait for him to take them back. My eyes begin to fill with tears when he doesn't. Maybe I'm being unfair, considering he doesn't actually remember me the way I remember him, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

"I see," is all I say. I step out of the room.

"Tris," he runs behind me. "Tris, wait." But I feel like I want to escape him, like maybe I should.

Maybe Christina was right. Maybe I should really think about the consequences of what I'm doing considering that Tobias and I might not be on the same page, and if he doesn't get his memories back, we might never be. Maybe I'm fooling myself thinking I could trust him to do what's in our best interest.

"Just leave me alone." I wipe away the single tear rolling down my cheek and I walk toward the large metal door protecting me from whatever's out there waiting for me.

"Tris, where are you going?"

I ignore him, feeling too hurt to try and find an answer.

"Tris-"

"What do _you_ care?!"

"Of course I care! You're putting yourself in danger! Both the Dauntless and factionless are after you! It's not safe out there for you alone," he says behind me.

"I've _been_ alone, Tobias. I've been alone for the past five years," I say, punching in the code to unlock the door. "I think I can manage for a few hours."

"You throw that in my face as if this is _my_ fault. As if I _chose_ to leave," he says angrily. "Yet you say I'm not being punished."

Before entering the last few numbers, I turn around and confess, "I know you didn't choose to leave, Tobias. None of this is your fault, but neither is it mine." I swallow. "So I don't think I deserve to pay for it in any way," my voice breaks. "I've already gone through hell once… and I'm not trying to go through it again."

"I'm not the enemy here, Tris," Tobias says quietly.

"You're not… but you _can_ be," I say to him. "The decisions you're making now are the ones that will determine whether or not you get to reclaim what was taken from you. And regardless of what you think, you can't do it on your own. It's going to take the both of us."

"So why are you leaving, Tris?" he begs, his eyes wide and pleading.

"Because I need to think about the risks I'm taking. I need to decide whether or not this is all worth it," I answer honestly.

My answer surprises him so much that his breath catches in his throat. "And if you decide it's not?" he asks quietly.

"Then when Andy's had enough rest, I'll take him and leave. You'll be free to kill whoever you want and the consequences will be your own." The words incite as much pain in me as they seem to in Tobias.

He shakes his head and lowly says, "You can't keep him away from me forever."

"I can... and I will if I have to," I admit. "I won't let you hurt him."

"Why do you think I would hurt him?!" Tobias demands, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You already did!" I answer strongly. "Last night when you left."

His mouth hangs open. "I- I needed answers… and I went and got them from the only person who had them."

"But you can't just leave him!" I try to explain. "He worries about you, and he's scared that you'll disappear from his life again. And you don't think it would ultimately hurt him if you kept making brash decisions?! What if you didn't manage to escape Evelyn? Or do you really think you can take on _all_ of her men? And even if you could, do you think you could take on Dauntless too when they come for you? Do you want to watch your son grow up from behind bars?" Taking a step closer to him I say, "He loves you and he doesn't even _know_ you. So _think_ before you act. This is _not_ just about you, Tobias. Don't for a second think this is just about _you_." I pause, and Tobias only stares at me. "Now that he knows you're alive, he might… expect that you're here for good." In fact I know he does. Only an hour ago, I did too.

Tobias' shoulders sink. "And what do _you_ expect?"

"I don't know what to expect anymore," I whisper.

"Stay," he pleads quietly. "Please. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Tris," he confesses. "But I know I can't walk around here and pretend that I am okay, because I am _not_."

"And you think _I_ am?" I ask him. "But I am _trying_. I am here taking dangerous risks for a man who doesn't even remember who I am, because I believed we might actually have a second chance. I guess I forgot to ask you if that was what _you_ wanted."

"It _is_ what I want," he takes my hand and looks right into my eyes; it gives me goose bumps. "I want my family back."

"More than revenge?" I ask him softly. "Because you might have to choose between the two."

Finally understanding, Tobias closes his eyes, then he nods and whispers, "I'm sorry. I'd never mean to hurt you or Andy. I just… I have all this anger inside me, and I don't know what to do with it. I have _nowhere_ to put it." He takes a breath, a long desperate breath.

"You will get your chance," I reassure him, because he will if we play our cards right. "But I need you to trust me."

"I do," he says softly, and I know he does, or he wouldn't have come back.

I squeeze his hand a little, and then, all on his own, Tobias confesses, "Most of the blood was Tony's. He was a man who posed as my friend for the past five years. He knew what Evelyn had done to me and he played along; he was her spy." He takes in a slow breath. "Finding out he was a part of the plot to keep me there, away from you, away from Andy, I… I lost control."

He takes a step toward me and takes my face into his hands. "I can't explain it," he continues, "And I can't fight it. The anger… it's deeper than I can put into words, than I can understand… because I don't remember. And at first I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I can't deny it anymore. Tris, I love you… for a thousand reasons I can't remember," his voice breaks. "I feel the urge to protect and defend you at all costs even though I don't know the first thing about you, and the fact that those memories were stolen from me, _you_ and the opportunity to raise my son were stolen from me, it drives me insane… and I don't know if I can control it."

As Tobias' stare penetrates me, I feel the water build in my eyes and I don't know if it's from hope or from despair. Up until tonight, his actions have always led me to believe that something in him still cared for me, and it's what drove me to act as I did. But hearing him say it out loud provokes more emotion in me than I could have ever imagined and it terrifies me.

Softly I say to him, "You know what's driving _me_ insane? I remember."

I remember all the reasons I love him, why I would do anything for him. I remember the things he would do or say to make me laugh, the things he did that made me upset. I remember how he couldn't go more than a few hours without touching me, kissing me, and the way he looked into my eyes when he made love to me for the first time. I remember how I spiralled into oblivion after he died. I remember the pain so vividly; it was like being burned alive. And leaving him, even if it meant to keep Andy away from danger, would tear me apart all over again, because I can no longer separate the man he was from the man he is; deep down I believe they are one and the same.

With tears in my eyes, I walk back to the spare room and I turn off the light. Tobias walks in carefully and he says my name quietly when he finds me sobbing into the pillow. Behind me, he lays himself on the mattress and he pulls me into him so that my back is flush against his chest.

"I fell apart, Tobias," I whimper, staring at the wall. "I felt something die inside me the very second they told me you were gone. There was this hole in my chest that I couldn't get rid of. I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, and sometimes it felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to die too, and I probably would have. But one morning I woke up in a pool of my own blood. Christina took me to the infirmary, and that's when I found out I was pregnant," I choke out, remembering the day as if it were yesterday. I was terrified, I was in pain; I was pregnant and my husband was dead. "I almost lost him," I continue to say. "The doctors told me if I didn't pull myself together, I _would_. I didn't want to lose my baby so I had to find the strength. He was the only piece of you I had left," I cry. "He was born a few weeks early, but everything was okay and he came home with me. And since then he's been my entire world."

I turn around to face Tobias, his arms still wrapped around me. His eyes are glossy and his face pained. "I don't want to go through the pain of losing you again," I cry, "but I can't lose _him_. And I swear I don't want to abandon you, Tobias. I don't. You've been abandoned way too many times." I place my hand on his face as the tears stream down mine. "But I will if I have to. So if you will be reckless, let me know, because I will _not_ put our son at risk."

In the darkness, he stares into my eyes and I can see the fear and doubt in his.

"We've both lost so much, but we haven't lost each other, Tobias," I tell him, shaking my head. "I'm right here, Andy is right here and we're yours… Why would you do anything to jeopardize that? For just a moment, as incredibly hard as it is, don't allow yourself to be consumed by what you've lost. Focus on the chance we have to be a family again. Can you do that? For me? For Andy?"

I bite my lip to stop it from shaking and I wait for an answer. But not for long.

"You're right," Tobias says remorsefully, closing his eyes. He takes a breath and says, "I'm sorry, Tris." He lifts his lips to my forehead and he places a tender kiss there. He pulls me closer and I feel warm against his chest. His lips against my skin, his gentleness, it's so familiar, and even in my pain it forces the slightest of smiles out of me. It's not a stranger lying next to me, with his loving arms wrapped around me, with the strength and control to make his demons heel. This is my Tobias.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**TOBIAS**

"Daddy."

The cry is so distant I almost can't hear it, even when it sounds out a second and a third time. It feels like I'm dreaming and only when I feel a tiny hand shaking my shoulder do I realize I'm not.

"Daddy," I hear a little louder.

I slowly stir awake and the first thing I notice is Tris snuggled into my chest, her arms carelessly flung over my waist. My arms are cradling her, slowly rising and falling with her chest as she breathes. It feels so surreal, so perfectly peaceful. I've only dreamt of holding her like this, and now that she's in my arms, I suddenly understand the emptiness I felt when I'd wake up and find no one beside me. Who could ever forget this feeling?

"Are you awake?" I hear my son whisper. When I roll over on the mattress I see him standing over me, still wearing his blue and white pajamas. His eyes are wide and bright and every bit like mine.

I don't think I've ever felt this content after being woken up.

"Hi, Andy," I whisper to him with a smile. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm hungry," he answers softly, looking at his sleeping mother.

Even in her deep sleep, Tris must hear him, because she immediately opens her eyes. "What time is it?" she asks me sleepily.

I stare at my empty wrist for a second before reaching my hand down into my pocket to pull out my watch. I'm so tired it takes me a few seconds to read it right. "It's 1 o' clock in the afternoon," I groan.

Suddenly alert, Tris' eyes fly open and she gasps. "Oh no. I'm so sorry, Baby. Give me a second," she pleads with Andy. "I'm coming."

"Okay," Andy answers contentedly, rubbing his eyes, and then he quickly scampers out of the room.

Tris and I now lie face to face, and I'm amazed at how natural it feels to me. I suppose because I've seen her from this angle so many times before in my dreams. My hand finds her cheek, and all I can do is stare at her as my thumb skims across the smooth skin of her face. I can't help but notice how effortlessly beautiful she is. Her hair is a mess and the lines from the pillow case still mark her face, and even so she looks angelic.

"We might have overslept," Tris says groggily and a little nervously. I suppose this _is_ slightly awkward for her. Not too long ago we were at each other's throats, and now my hand is caressing her face, _her_ hands are lying over my waist, our legs are intertwined, and the entire lengths of our bodies touch.

As for me, I won't deny I want to feel her skin instead of her jeans on me. We're both still fully clothed; we were tired after we got back to the bunker and emotions were so high we didn't bother to change. We just fell asleep.

I chuckle. "Well, we _were_ up all night. That's to be expected."

Tris smiles at me and her eyelids fall ever so slowly over her eyes.

"You're still tired."

"Only a little," she yawns.

I move her hair out of her face. "I can make something for Andy to eat… while you get some more rest."

She stares at me curiously for a while, studying me. "Are you sure?" she whispers with the slightest hesitation.

"Yes," I answer earnestly while searching her eyes.

Tris let me have it after we got back to the bunker, and for good reason. It didn't take long for me to realize she was right; now that my son's involved, I have to really think before I move, and whatever I do, his well-being must always be my greatest priority, or I don't deserve to be a part of his life. And more than revenge, more than making Evelyn pay for what she did to me, I want to be a part of my son's life just as I want him in mine. I won't ever do anything to jeopardize that. "Please," I beg her.

"As long as you understand it's more than just a meal," Tris says seriously.

"I do." I nod. I understand it might be a small gesture from me, but it could mean the world to Andy.

"Okay then," she whispers.

My fingers still sway against her cheek, shifting a strand of hair or two out of her eyes. Her gaze is so strong, mesmerizing.

I've noticed she possesses a power over me. She always seems to be able to bring me back when my mind is spiralling out of control. I remember how I felt when I was looking at my father after believing he was dead all this time, and then again when we were on the way to the bunker and all I could do was think about how much my mother had taken away from me. Tris touched me, and although nothing around me made any sense, I felt comforted and safe.

"Have you always been my compass?" I ask her earnestly.

"Only for most of your life," Tris says with a shy smile.

Without a doubt I know that's why I dreamt of her- she has always been the most important person in my life. And even though it's a life I don't remember, a large part of me recognizes her and misses her- loves her; all I've ever wanted to do since the moment I saw her was hold her and touch her, so I do. My fingers glide themselves into her hair and slowly I bring her face to mine. My lips seek out her own and my body shivers when they connect.

I only meant it to be a chaste kiss, but it sparked something inside me- or _someone_. I become hungry for her, desperate almost, and I deepen the kiss, parting her sweet lips with mine. My fingers curl into her hair and I bring her face closer still; my breaths are jagged as my mouth greedily tastes hers. Tris moans sweetly, and she presses her body closer into me. It's a pleasant surprise when she takes charge of the kiss, eagerly attacking my lips. She tugs at my hair, and she only lets up when Andy yells from the kitchen, "Mommy! You're taking too long!"

"Go," she laughs against my lips.

Reluctantly, but with a grin on my face, I slowly push myself up from the mattress. Tris' eyes stay on me as I walk toward the door and I feel content when I see she's grinning, too. I almost don't want to leave the room, but I can't leave my four year old to starve while I caress his mother.

I turn on the lights when I walk out of the room and it takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust. I squint all the way to the kitchen and I try my best to not bump into anything on the way there.

"Are _you_ making me breakfast, Daddy?" I hear Andy ask me, and I smile at the tiny blob sitting at the table when I realize it's him. He's sitting there expectantly like the prince he is.

I rub my eyes and groan. "I certainly am," I answer. It's actually lunchtime, but since there's no sunlight in the bunker and he just woke up, Andy seems to be under the impression that it's morning. I won't be the one to tell him it's not, since breakfast is significantly easier to make than lunch.

I rest my back against the fridge and blink a few times. When my eyes are finally accustomed to the light, I see Andy grinning at me. "What are you going to make me?" he asks giddily.

It amazes me just how quickly he's welcomed me into his life, as if he didn't just meet me last night. I met my own father last night and I still haven't decided if I should speak to him or not.

"Well… what do you want?"

"I don't know," Andy shrugs, raising his hands in the air. "Mommy makes eggs sometimes. Or Pancakes."

I walk up to the small pantry and say, "Well, let's see what we have in here." I doubt there are any eggs or flour, or anything perishable. I open the left side of it and I peep through its contents. "Macaroni, some noodles, canned beans, expired oatmeal," I take the last one out and throw it in the garbage under the sink. "Mayonnaise, peanut butter."

"Ew!"

"You don't like peanut butter?" I immediately turn around, and Andy shakes his head vigorously, expressing his dissatisfaction with the horrid food paste.

"Smart boy," I smile. "Why is that even here?"

All of a sudden, I hear quick footsteps behind me when Tris walks out of the bedroom and right into the kitchen. She grabs the jar of peanut butter from my hand. "That's _mine_." She looks at the jar and smiles sweetly for some reason, and then, pushing herself up on her toes, she kisses me on the cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I say, though I don't know what for.

"There's fresh bread somewhere in there," Tris says, looking inside the pantry. "My mom gave me some."

"Yay!" Andy claps, jumping up and down in his chair.

"You want grandma's bread?" I turn and ask him.

He nods. "And macaroni."

I give him an eye. "You want bread and macaroni for breakfast?"

"He's asked for much stranger things," Tris laughs, still looking through the pantry. "Be glad it's something you can actually make."

I chuckle and say, "Very true." I can't remember the last time I actually had to cook something. I turn around and take one of the pots from the rack. I fill it with water and put it to boil.

Tris smiles at me as she sets the bread on the counter. "Well… I'll leave you boys to it."

This time I'm the one thanking _her_, and my eyes follow her all the way back to the room. I don't think she could ever understand how much her trust means to me. When I told her I wanted my family back, I meant it, and the fact that she's giving me a chance to prove myself, to spend time alone with Andy, only reinforces what I already know; Tris loves me just as much as I love her. I won't disappoint her; I won't disappoint either of them.

I look at Andy and smile as I open the small blue and yellow box of macaroni and pour it into the boiling water.

"Where were you, Daddy?" My son wastes no time in asking me. I don't know if he means to ask where I went last night or where I've been his whole life.

"I had to go see someone," I answer, assuming it's the prior. "I'm sorry I left without saying anything. It won't happen again."

"And before that?"

I stir the boiling pot of water. "I was taken away," I explain to him, "by some bad people. They didn't let me come home."

"So you didn't want to go?" he asks, and his eyes hold a hint of sadness.

"No. I didn't." I shake my head, and I feel the same anger from before creep up inside me again.

Andy seems pensive, but satisfied, as if he understands this situation in its entirety, although I know there's no way he could. I'm glad he doesn't require much of an explanation. It might confuse him if I tried to explain exactly how I was taken away, or that I have no memory of a life with his mother while still harboring in my heart a lifetime of love for her.

"Mommy got sad when she talked about you," Andy reveals earnestly. "Were you sad too?"

My anger turns to grief, and I leave the pot and walk over to my son. I bend down until I can look him right in his eyes. I place my hand on his cheek and say, "I was. Every day I woke up, I felt like something was missing."

"Me too," he frowns, and it breaks me even more inside. I know Tris is right, and finding a way to get my life back is more important than vengeance. But how hard it is to not run outside right now and capture the ones who played a part in breaking my son's heart and tearing them all to pieces, one by one.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Andy," I say tenderly, and he searches my eyes. "I'm sorry I missed so much. But I'm here now… and I'm never leaving you again."

He smiles and his eyes become bright with hope. "I'm really glad you're back, Daddy."

I smile back and then I pick him up out of the chair and I just hold him tight, for all the years I couldn't. "Me too."

* * *

Tris sits beside me on the bed eating the reheated macaroni like she barely has the energy to chew. She had slept for a few more hours while Andy and I ate, did the dishes and then played together for a bit. He told me all about his Uncle Zeke and Aunt Christina and his godfather Harry. He and I had an amazing few hours together. Tris was so exhausted she slept through the noise.

Andy still runs back and forth across the room, entertaining himself with Dino who is apparently terrorizing the city, and I can't keep my eyes off him. Maybe for another man, watching his kid play is such a normal, trifling thing, but for me it's the pinnacle of the life I _do_ remember. And although we've locked ourselves inside a bunker, this is actually the most liberated I've felt in five years; it's just the three of us and I feel whole.

"How long can we stay here?" I ask Tris, never minding what's beyond that big metal door for now.

"For as long as we need to," she answers quietly. "The only people who know we're here are people who won't hurt us. And we have enough food to last a few weeks, but I don't think we'll be here that long."

I nod. I know at some point we'll have to return to reality, but I'm okay with that. I _am_ content for today, but I won't deny the urge to set things right still burns inside me.

Tris puts the empty bowl on the nightstand and then snuggles into me, our legs hanging over the bedside. My arm instinctively snakes around her back and I hold her against me. Together we watch our son gasp in awe as his toy dinosaur scales the bedroom wall. Whenever we _do_ decide to leave my prison made sanctuary, I need to ensure he's safe.

"You really don't have a plan?" I speak softly as Andy plays.

"I know what we need to do. What I don't know is how is we're going to pull it off," Tris sighs. "Step one was getting you to come to your senses."

"Which I did," I whisper jokingly in her ear.

"Which you did," she smiles briefly. "Step two, you have to tell me everything you know about what the factionless are planning."

"Step three, we find a way to stop Evelyn before she can actually do it," I infer.

"Exactly," Tris nods into my chest. She looks up at me thoughtfully. "I see you're back to calling her Evelyn."

After knowing what she's done, as much as I can't deny that I still love her, there's no part of me that could call that woman _Mom_ ever again. "I feel like I don't know who she is anymore."

"That's because you never did," Tris answers dismally and I shudder inside. It's a horrible thought, that a woman I hardly knew essentially kidnapped me and used me for her own twisted purpose. I couldn't have known, but I still feel like a fool. When my face sinks, Tris says to me, "Don't worry, Tobias. We'll stop her." She takes my hand and she entwines our fingers together. It amazes me how perfectly they fit.

"It shouldn't be too hard with my intel," I say levelly. I know Evelyn's entire battle strategy because I'm the one who came up with it.

"It _will_ be if they should choose to lock us both up the second we set foot in Dauntless," Tris whispers gravely. "Which is why we're not going back there yet… not without a peace offering."

"Does information count?" I ask, after all it's all we have to offer.

"Yeah," she nods slowly. "I need an update from Harrison and Zeke. I'll call them tomorrow and see if we can ask them to make a deal for us. Then we have to find a way to prove our innocence. That's step four."

"And how would we do _that_?" I raise an eyebrow. I can imagine that from their point of view I'm a faction traitor who faked my own death and now Tris has gone rogue.

"I don't know," she sulks and her gaze sinks.

I look at her carefully. "You don't sound too sure this plan will work."

"That's because of who we're dealing with," she answers, shaking her head a little bit. "It could go either way." She glances at me and then at Andy. "I'm glad he at least had today to just be a normal kid. His whole life is about to change in one way or the other."

As she rests against me, I look down at our entwined fingers, at my thumb threading softly over her palm. I think of how effortlessly Tris and I found ourselves in this position, and how even if we get through this unscathed, Andy's life will be a bit different now that I'm back in the picture.

"He asked me where I was all these years," I mention to Tris, "I was glad he didn't ask about _us_; I don't know how to explain any of this to him."

"He looks fine with it if you ask me," Tris chuckles, looking at him sweetly.

"That's because he doesn't understand."

"He _does_, actually," Tris looks up at me seriously. "He understands his daddy's home. As soon as he was old enough to want something, that is what he wanted. And he knew I wanted you back too, so he wouldn't expect anything else but this." She raises our hands a little. "Children are curious, but they don't really _care_ about the details. They only care about what _is_."

I nod a little. "I wish the world was that simple when _I_ looked at it."

Tris huffs. "Adults tend to complicate things."

"We do, don't we?" I agree, looking into Tris' eyes. "After I saw Evelyn last night, I almost lost it. My mind went all over the place and I kept thinking about everything that was wrong with this entire situation. But you know what Andy said to me?"

"What?"

"He said, '_Everything is going to be okay, Daddy. We're together now_.'"

Tris squeezes my hand and smiles, and I'm sure her eyes become a little wet. "His logic is sound."

I agree wholeheartedly. Andy's words and his tiny arms around my neck were all that held me together in that moment. I was driving myself crazy thinking about everything I had lost, the wrong that was done to me, and I never stopped to appreciate the fact that I had found my way home, and that I had a son waiting for me.

I suddenly wonder, "How did he recognize me?" I was taken before Tris ever knew she was pregnant, which is why Andy never appeared in my dreams. Curiously, I glance at him; he's now sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. Dino runs back and forth between his knees.

"He has a picture of you in his bedroom," Tris explains to me. "I thought he should know what his father looked like."

I smile, remembering I _did_ see a small picture of her and me in her apartment which I still haven't mentioned I broke into. "Thank you, Tris," I whisper earnestly and she smiles back.

"There's absolutely nothing to thank me for, Tobias," she says sweetly. "You both deserved as much."

But I know nothing of what I deserved. I can only hope that I was a better man then than I am now, and that I'll be a better man again once this is all over, with or without my memories. That's what _Andy_ deserves.

My baby boy yawns loudly, and his arms stretch out in front of him. His eyes become heavy and he stands to his feet. Drowsily, he walks over to us and I pick him up and put him to sit beside me on the bed. He bends over and rests his head in my lap and my hand instantly finds his hair. In less than a minute his breathing becomes so even that I imagine he's fast asleep.

"I think he's all played out," I whisper.

"You think?" Tris giggles. "I'm surprised he lasted this long. It's only five o'clock but it feels like midnight."

"You had a rough night," I say to Tris. "You should probably take a nap too."

"I won't argue that."

When Tris sits up, she helps me to adjust Andy in the bed without waking him, and we place Dino nearby where we know he'd want him. Tris covers his feet with a sheet as I press a kiss to his forehead and wish him sweet dreams, and then we walk quietly out of the bedroom. Andy looks so tiny on the large bed, and even though I know I'm only one room away, it's incredibly difficult to leave him even if it's just for a nap.

"I know I never met him," I say softly to Tris when she turns off the light. "But when I saw him last night, I felt it… that he was mine… and I couldn't explain how. I just _knew_. And suddenly it was like nothing else in the world mattered; I felt like nothing could ever be as important as him."

Tris rests her head on my shoulder as we both glance back at Andy one last time. She takes my hand and says, "Welcome to parenthood."

* * *

**A/N: Things are getting a little better for team Eaton, and I'm hoping you guys are enjoying it :) Thank you all for your reviews on the last chapter! And forever thanks to Bamberlee who keeps making time to keep this story great ;) **


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**TRIS**

I give Andy a warm bath, a long one, and then I change him into a fresh pair of pajamas. He smiles at me the whole time, feeling rather content after having spent the day napping and talking to his father.

I couldn't help but stare at them; I always knew Andy took after Tobias, but it became so much more evident when they sat face to face. And everything was so natural between them- a genuine bond that you'd swear had been years in the making. Watching them make up for lost time was both beautiful and heart-breaking to watch.

"Mmmmmm," Andy smiles as he sniffs loudly. The pleasant scent of hot chocolate creeps into the bedroom from the kitchen.

"You want hot chocolate?" I ask him, as if he'd ever say no.

Andy nods with a grin, and excitedly jumps off the bed. He looks up at me with bright eyes, pleading for me to take him into the kitchen. I realize I really have to set the mood for him to fall asleep tonight. He napped for most of the day, and now he's filled with all this energy.

"Ready!" Tobias yells from the kitchen, and Andy takes my hand and practically drags me out of the bedroom.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," I concede as I stumble sleepily behind my son.

Tobias laughs when he sees Andy pulling me out of the room, and the look on his face almost stops my heart. It's the first time I've heard him laugh like that, or seen him smile like that since we found each other again. It's surreal, this moment where we're just a normal family, and nothing outside of this bunker matters.

Andy lets go of my hand and excitedly sits himself at the table while I smile at Tobias for a little bit too long. Our evening was pleasant; while Andy slept we talked a little, laughed a little, kissed a little, like when we were teenagers. In fact, he's still wearing the grey shirt my mother gave him- my father's shirt, and if his hair were short enough, I'd think I was standing in a memory.

Slowly he walks toward me, and when we're face to face he softly asks, "What is it?"

His eyes are penetrating, and I unconsciously smile just a little wider. "It's been a while since I've seen you in grey."

"Oh," he says. He looks down at the shirt and then pulls on the hem. "I _do_ wear it well."

I chuckle louder than I mean to, and my cheeks suddenly feel warm at the thought that Tobias looks handsome in anything… and in nothing. I'm sure I begin to sweat.

I decide to walk away and feed my son before I continue to make a fool of myself, but Tobias takes my hand and says, "Tris, I wanted to thank you… for today."

I take a step back so I'm standing in front of him again.

"I needed that time with Andy… more than you know," he whispers, and he gently brushes his thumb against my palm. I find we touch each other easily now, without hesitation, so much so that even if Tobias hadn't confessed the love in his heart for me, I would have known it by now. I felt it in the tender kisses we shared after putting Andy to sleep.

"I think we _all_ did," I answer earnestly, and I feel a tinge of guilt creep up inside me when I think of how reluctant I was to let Tobias even know Andy existed. I confess, "At first I wasn't sure I could trust you with him… even though I did imagine how much you needed him… and how much he needed _you_. But I was wrong to doubt you."

"You weren't, Tris. None of this is easy," Tobias says quickly. "You did what you thought you had to do. And I'd never hold protecting our son against you."

"I know you wouldn't," I nod, but I can still see how my actions may have caused Tobias even more pain, even if it _was_ to protect our son. I don't think I'd ever felt so torn in my life, but it's because I love them both to the ends of the earth and back. I look into his eyes and say, "But I don't ever want you to feel like your pain doesn't matter to me too."

When I begin to hang my head a little, Tobias catches my chin between his fingers and slowly nudges it upward. "I know it does, or I wouldn't be here," he says just before leaving a soft kiss on my lips. And just like it was before, it's impossible for me to stop kissing him. I ache for him so much that my knees begin to fold. But before I can collapse into him, the moment is disturbed by the sound of someone on the other side of the front door.

"Andy, go back inside the bedroom!" I say forcefully to my son who had been sitting quietly at the table. Although I know there are only two other people who know that code, I'd rather not assume the person opening that door is a friend.

Letting go of me, Tobias rushes into the kitchen and pulls a large knife from the drawer.

"Go inside, Baby," I say again to Andy, but before he can make it to the bedroom, the door unlocks.

"Who's there?!" I demand, shoving Andy behind me at the same time Tobias steps in front of me with the knife in his hand.

"Don't freak out!" a familiar voice answers before stepping inside. "It's me!"

"Zeke?" I ask at the same time he pushes the large door open and walks through with both his hands in the air. I let out a sigh of relief as it closes behind him.

"Uncle Zeke!" Andy cries out, and he rushes from behind me to greet the man who I believe might be his favourite person in the world.

Zeke groans as he picks Andy up, yet he effortlessly throws him in the air a few times. Andy giggles loudly, and I don't miss the slightly jealous look on Tobias' face as he returns to the kitchen to put the knife back in the drawer.

"What are you doing here, Tris?" Zeke asks me, although I could ask him the same thing. "I thought you were sleeping at your mother's." His eyes glance curiously at me and then at Tobias.

"I _was_," I answer awkwardly, placing my hand on my hip, not really sure what to say after, considering Andy is sitting happily on Zeke's forearm and I'd rather not have to explain that in front of him. I'm not sure why, since Andy already assumes his parents are together.

"Oh… Well… I brought Four some clothes," Zeke stammers nervously for some reason. "I wasn't sure you had any for him, _and_ I could smell him all the way from Dauntless," he smirks. I only now notice the large, black plastic bag he had set on the floor.

"Thank you, Zeke," I smile earnestly, and I feel my shoulders relax a bit. It might be because I no longer have to worry about washing Tobias' clothes every single day, although I've taken a liking to seeing him in my dad's shirt. Who knows, maybe wearing some of his old clothes will help to trigger his memory.

"It is the very least I can do, Tris," Zeke says. He eyes Tobias again who is still staring at him from the kitchen only a little less than threateningly. "What's going on here? I thought Four would be here alone and handcuffed to the wall or something." Zeke looks over at the empty corner where we had left Tobias the first night we put him in here, handcuffed and drugged.

I shudder.

Tobias, on the other hand, casually holds out his arms in front of him and says, "Sorry to disappoint you, But I am here of my own free will."

Zeke's face suddenly becomes hard. "You got your memories back?" he asks quietly.

"No," I answer for Tobias, and Zeke's eyes shoot back at me. "But he _did_ find out the truth."

"I see," he says softly, and I see how his face sinks, as subtle as it is. "And how are you taking it?" Zeke asks Tobias, who sarcastically answers, "Gracefully."

I stop a snicker at my throat. It's not entirely a lie. In another version of this reality, all of the factionless are already dead.

"As expected," Zeke smiles, teasing his friend. "You never _could_ resist her." Shaking his head, he smiles at me knowingly, and then he sets Andy back on the ground. "So there I was worried _sick_ about you, and you two are here playing house?" Zeke folds his arms across his chest and laughs at us, eyeing us both with amusement.

If there is ever anyone who could find a reason to laugh in the middle of a crisis, it's Zeke.

I walk up to him and push him in the shoulder and I take Andy's hand. "Zeke!" I scold him. "Watch your mouth in front of Andy."

"It's a start. It'll do for now," he says a little less jokingly. His face is entirely serious when he says, "Harrison wanted to come along but he couldn't. Derek's got everybody on a tight leash. He knows we're all close so he's got eyes on all of us, waiting to see which one of us will lead him to you."

"How do you know he didn't follow _you_?" Tobias asks, leaning against the counter.

"Because I'm smarter than Derek and a hell of a lot smarter than Chad," Zeke says, taking off his dark jacket.

I take it from him and throw it across one of the chairs. "And Christina?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I think I'm smarter than _her_ too."

"That's not what I mean and you know it," I roll my eyes at him as I walk back over.

Taking a step closer to me, Zeke puts his hand on my shoulder. "Hey… you let _me_ worry about Christina," he says seriously. "She's having a hard time with this, but that's not on you. Okay?"

Tobias eyes Zeke as Zeke eyes me. Andy eyes the three of us curiously.

"Okay," I say half-heartedly. I hate to feel like I'm being forced to choose between my husband and my best friend, especially because I know who I would choose.

Tobias approaches us and he picks up the bag of clothes from the floor. "Thank you," he says evenly, but his voice is a bit tense. It's strange seeing him this awkward around Zeke, and I have to remind myself that technically he doesn't know him at all. I suppose it's natural that he would feel a bit threatened, considering Zeke is the one who shot him with the tranquilizer and helped to drag him here.

"No problem," Zeke answers sincerely.

"It's good that you're here, actually," I input. "I was supposed to call you. We need to talk."

He lets out a breath. "Then let's talk."

* * *

I take Andy to bed after he's eaten his supper, and then the adults all sit around the kitchen table to discuss business. Zeke and Tobias both shift in their seats a few times, and _I'm_ the one who breaks the silence even though I already heard most of the story earlier from Tobias.

"Why don't you start from the beginning, Tobias," I say from beside him, and I gently set my hand on his own.

He nods and looks Zeke right in the eye. "Evelyn told me that five years ago a team of Dauntless soldiers had gone to investigate them," he begins. "They were in the beginning phase of starting up a revolution- hoarding weapons and calling in anyone who was willing to fight, but Dauntless had detected the suspicious activity in the area."

"I remember," Zeke says with a frown, placing his hands on the wooden table. And of course he would remember; it was _his_ team that was sent in to investigate. "On the cameras around the city we saw them hauling supplies, piling up their food. It was strange. We'd never seen them behave in that way before. The factionless were always segregated even amongst themselves, and it looked to us like they were trying to make a faction of themselves."

"In a way, that's _exactly_ what they were doing," Tobias answers. "But they were figured out, so when the team was sent in and when Evelyn saw _me_ with them, she coaxed me to stay and talk to her because she knew she couldn't allow the others to return to Dauntless with that information."

"She orchestrated the crash," Zeke deduces, sounding angry, and his fingers all clench together in a tight fist. He always gets emotional when he talks about that train crash. I don't think he can think about it without remembering he was supposed to be on it.

"She did," Tobias confirms levelly.

"That's what Harrison had said," I say to Zeke from across the table, remembering the meeting we had just before _my_ team was sent into the factionless. It seems like so long ago. "He said his informant had told him so."

"Who _is_ your informant?" Tobias quickly turns his head to ask me. "I knew someone had betrayed Evelyn but I never did figure out who it was."

"I really don't know who it is," I answer honestly.

"Neither do I," Zeke adds. "But I wish I did. I'd try to convince him to come forward. It would be helpful if someone from inside the factionless attested to the truth of the matter since Chad had demeaned our intel because we lacked the evidence to support it," Zeke says angrily, still clenching his fists in front of him. "We had returned to the crash site _and_ the factionless hideout, but we never found anything or anyone."

"That's because they evacuated," Tobias explains with a nod. "They knew you'd be back so they relocated all their resources."

"So you're telling me all of this is connected?" Zeke asks as he puts the pieces together. "I remember it well, but everything went quiet after the crash, so I never thought to connect those factionless incidents with the current ones." His eyes widen as recognition slowly creeps into them.

"After I was brought on board, I taught them how to be more discreet," says Tobias. "The movement never stopped. We just got Dauntless off our trail." He hangs his head just a little, and I can tell he regrets everything he ever did to help them.

"And why did you end up staying with her anyway?" Zeke queries carefully, not wishing to sound as if he were accusing his friend of anything.

"She was desperate," Tobias answers with a small frown. "She said she had written so many letters and I refused to answer any of them. So she gave me some sort of memory serum that she got from God knows where, and basically rewrote my history and told it back to me."

Zeke shakes his head with disdain just like _I_ did the first time I realized what had happened. "How sick _is_ she?" He asks. I don't think there are limits.

"Sick enough to admit that she and I had no kind of relationship at all before she took my memory," Tobias answers.

This catches my attention. "So you weren't meeting with her in secret?" I raise an eyebrow.

Tobias shakes his head slowly and he looks at me inquisitively. "She said it was the first time we spoke since she left Abnegation."

"_She_ said," Zeke says carefully.

"Does it really matter?" Tobias asks.

"It does," Zeke says strongly. "If you were meeting with her before the crash there might be a trail, and your best friend Derek is bound to uncover it. It'll only add fuel to his theory that you abandoned Dauntless and killed your team to cover up your tracks."

I gasp; the thought is horrid, but that's not the only reason why it bugs me. I also hate the idea of Tobias having lied to me. Instead of worrying about how incriminating it would look if he really _were_ seeing her in secret, he looks at me knowingly and asks, "Do _you_ think I was meeting with her, Tris?"

"I don't know what to think," I confess, not looking him in the eye. "But I'd rather hope you weren't lying to me."

"I don't think I was," Tobias says sincerely. "But I can't say for sure. I only know what she told me." Tobias sinks a little in his chair, and I feel horrible for making him feel guilty about something he might not have even done.

"What _can_ you say for sure?" Zeke asks him in a low tone.

"She used me," Tobias snarls. "She lied to me about an Erudite-Dauntless coalition to take over the city."

Zeke raises an eyebrow, which is exactly the reaction_ I_ had when I heard it. "You mean the one that already happened and was foiled?"

"Yes. The very one," Tobias answers with obvious annoyance toward his mother. "All in all, she believes that something like that could easily happen again because certain factions hold too much power, while the factionless hold no power at all."

Zeke nods. "So what phase are they _now_ in their revolution?"

"The _last_ phase," Tobias says, "For years now Evelyn has been bringing all the factionless together, and she made herself a pretty decent army."

"With what intention? Burn the city to the ground?"

Tobias takes a breath. "I initially believed it was to stop the Erudite from conducting inhumane experiments on factionless people. I only recently found out her plan is to actually overthrow Dauntless and replace it."

"Replace Dauntless?" Zeke laughs loudly at this, and I quickly hush him before he wakes Andy.

"Yes," Tobias answers seriously. "As in kill all of you and then occupy the space you now hold as the city's defenders and police."

Zeke gives him an eye. "Is she out of her mind?!"

"We've established that," I mumble.

"I mean, I know," Zeke says with a smirk. "But does she really think her army is _any_ match for ours?"

"Well, _I_ trained them." Tobias shrugs a little, and he leans back into his chair.

Zeke's grin immediately plummets, and for good reason. Every year, Tobias' initiates had always come out on top. And when he was promoted to head of security, he ensured that every Dauntless soldier was at the top of their game. Given time, he could turn the weakest punch into a knockout.

"Fuck," Zeke mumbles under his breath.

"Do you have a timeline?" I chip in, looking at Tobias. "Do you know exactly when they plan to attack us?"

"Well I was the one who kept pushing it off," he explains to me. "I kept telling Evelyn the men weren't ready. But when your team found us, things were essentially sped up."

"So you _don't_ think they can pull it off?" Zeke asks, his voice laced with curiosity. He scratches the hair on the side of his face.

Tobias leans forward again and looks his old friend right in the eye. "They might not, but that doesn't mean they won't do a lot of damage before you take them all down. And on the other hand… they might."

Understanding what he's saying, Zeke says, "So we need to make sure we never find out which it is."

Tobias nods. Whether the factionless win or lose, it'll be dirty, and it'll be on _his_ hands. After that, there's no pardon to be had from Dauntless.

"Do you know where they are _now_?" Zeke asks him.

"I do, but now that Evelyn knows I know everything, she might not stay there. She's probably moving as we speak."

"Any idea where she would go?" I ask.

"She has several options; I made sure of that. But it wouldn't be hard to flush her out if you guys have a source."

"Well, she has one too," I remind them both. "And we still have no idea who it is. So we have to take care who we go to with the information needed to stop the factionless and save Tobias. We won't be able to do either if the wrong person catches wind of it."

Zeke raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you sure you want to involve the Dauntless in this, Tris? I thought that's what we were running away from."

"What other choice do we have now, Zeke?" I ask him. "You need an army to defeat an army, and information is the best way to win a war. Besides, it's the only bargaining chip Tobias and I have, so we have to make it work for us."

"You're thinking if Tobias comes forward with the intel he has it'll buy him some leverage?" Zeke asks me skeptically.

"You tell me," I sulk, but by his reaction I don't feel too hopeful at all anymore. In fact, I feel frightened now.

"Without his memories, I really can't say," Zeke answer me cautiously. "It'll land on Derek's table and we can't really expect him to be fair and honest. Four knows the law better than anyone, but that's _Four_."

"And technically… I'm not Four," Tobias says. Then out of nowhere he adds, "What I'd like to know is… who's this Derek I keep hearing about?"

I feel my heart race inside my chest for some reason, and I instantly bite my lip. "He's one of the Dauntless leaders. He holds your old position as head of security; he's in charge of the Dauntless army."

Tobias nods slowly, evenly, the way he did when the gears were turning inside his head. "I've gathered he doesn't like me very much," he looks at me and says. "Is it just because he's in love with you? Or is there more to it?"

I almost gasp, and Zeke sits frozen in his chair.

"I heard what Christina said to you just before she walked out," Tobias explains, and his eyes are softer than I had expected. "Derek is hoping you'll turn yourself in so he can go easy on you."

Zeke lets out a heavy breath. "Still sharp as fuck, I see."

I suddenly feel uncomfortable, as if I were naked in front of them both. Tobias might not yet remember his feud with Derek, but when he _does_ remember, how do I tell him that I actually went on a date with the man? Do I ever mention that he tried to kiss me when I obviously didn't want to? I'm even more relieved now it never went any further than that.

"Trust me, there's a lot more to it than just Tris," Zeke says for me when I fail to remember how to speak. "You and Derek have been at it for years."

"Well that puts me at a severe disadvantage," Tobias says pensively, still looking at me. I wonder if he sees the guilt that's written all over my face. "I don't imagine him allowing me to be the hero in any version of this story."

"Hmmm," Zeke smiles with sudden optimism. "Then let _him_ take all the credit."

Both Tobias and I immediately turn and give Zeke an eye.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

Excitedly, Zeke explains, "We go to Derek with the intel like you suggested. But we let _him_ take the credit for figuring out the factionless, let _him_ be the one to stop them. He'll have his name written down in some history book somewhere that no one will ever read, just like he's always wanted, and in return you ask for pardon."

I squint my eyes a little. "I see where you're going with this." It's a win-win since Tobias and I only want our lives back. Derek can keep the glory.

"Tell you what. I'll talk to Harry, see what he thinks," Zeke continues. "I'll radio in if he believes we can use the information to our favour, and if he thinks it's a good idea, we'll talk to Derek and set up a meeting with you."

I want to ask what we're to do in the event that Harry _doesn't_ think it's a good idea, or Derek refuses to meet with us. What do we do then? But I don't want to dampen the mood; this is the closest we've come to having an actual complete plan.

"It's attractive, but how can we be sure he'll bite?" Tobias bravely asks what I couldn't.

"You can almost always count on the Dauntless' need to win a fight, Four," Zeke answers with a smile.

_Almost_ always. Unfortunately, there's no good in being almost pardoned.

* * *

**A/N: What's in store for the Eaton family? We'll find out soon enough! Bamberlee and I would like to thank you guys for your continued love and support. Please review and let us know what you thought of this chapter :) **


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**TOBIAS**

"I'm done," I hear Tris say softly.

I look up to see her stepping out of the bathroom with nothing but a white towel wrapped around her. Her wet hair sticks to her neck and shoulders, and small droplets of water run down her arms and legs. My eyes somehow manage to capture every single drop as they slowly make their way down her body, making her shimmer under the dim light.

I'm sure I stare for longer than a minute, and I only remember to blink when I feel my eyes start to burn. She looks exactly like she did in my dreams, not a day older and just as beautiful. Except that in my dreams I'd walk up to her and kiss her without hesitation, I'd take her into my arms and playfully rip the drenched towel right off her skin. But I'm _not_ dreaming, and as much as the tension between us has shifted from discord to desire practically overnight, I don't deny there's still awkwardness there.

On my part, it might be because when I touch her I'm filled with both love for her and hate for my mother. When I kiss her I want to pull her in closer while at the same time wanting to leave this bunker and set everything else on fire. I love her, but I _hate_ that I can't remember why, and sometimes I don't know which is stronger.

"Tobias?" Tris whispers when I've stared for a little bit too long.

"Yeah," I say quickly, and I clear my throat. I'm sure she hears me when I swallow. "Yeah, okay," I say nervously, and I grab a towel from the locker then quickly walk past her into the bathroom. I let out a heavy breath when I close the door behind me, and I can only seem to think about her as I get undressed. I can't deny how much I want her, and I know she wants me too, since we're both so terribly bad at hiding it. But although I secretly wish we would stop trying to, I fear ruining things between us. The love I feel is real, but based on a life with Tris I can't remember, and Tris loves _that_ man, but is that man really me?

Needing to clear my head, I stand under the shower and close my eyes as the warm water trickles down my face. I instantly feel relaxed when it touches my skin and rushes down the length of my body.

It was Tris' idea that a warm bath might help us fall asleep a little easier; it's the middle of the night but it might as well be mid-afternoon because she and I are both wide awake after having slept for most of the day. I sigh, hoping a long bath is enough, because my mind is so full yet so empty that it's hard to not think about anything for long enough to fall asleep.

When I'm done showering, I search through the bag of clothes Zeke brought until I find a dark T-shirt and a pair of shorts that both fits and is comfortable enough to sleep in. I slip it on and I hang my towel up behind the door and walk back into the room. I find Tris lying down peacefully under the covers with her beautiful blue-grey eyes wide open.

"At least _Andy's_ asleep," I say with a smile, walking over to where she lies.

"For now," Tris groans. "Don't be surprised if he wakes us up at two in the morning."

"I really wouldn't be," I shrug. "He slept for most of the day. As did we."

"Oh no, he almost _always_ wakes me up in the middle of the night," Tris says with a chuckle. She lifts the sheet up, inviting me under. "If he's not hungry, it's because he had a bad dream and wants to sleep in my bed."

I imagine it in my head without even trying to and I can't help but smile. "He's an amazing kid, Tris," I whisper, and I lay myself beside her. "But then again, you _are_ an amazing mother." I say the words earnestly, remembering everything she said to me last night. Strangely, I felt comforted knowing she'd risk anything but Andy to save me. It's like he awakened a paternal instinct inside me that I never would have imagined existed.

"Well… I didn't exactly raise him all by myself," Tris shrugs and she shuffles her body until she's a little closer to me. "I had some help from our friends."

"The same people who helped you kidnap me?" I ask somewhat seriously.

"Yes," Tris laughs, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Well, I'm grateful there were people looking out for him after I was gone," I say with sincerity. "I guess it's safe to say I had great and loyal company," which is much more than can be said about the company I kept at the factionless. I easily killed the person I thought was my only friend.

"Your friends would do anything for you, Tobias, and they would do _anything_ for Andy. Especially Zeke and Harry."

Zeke is hard to read, but I can see he really cares for Tris and Andy. He's supposedly my best friend; it makes sense that he would look out for them after I was gone. It was definitely awkward seeing him with them though. I can see they made their own little family without me. Truth be told it made me a little jealous.

"Zeke seems nervous around me," I confess quietly to Tris. I pull the covers up a little higher when I feel a slight chill in the room.

"And you around him," she answers. "It's strange to look at, because you two were like brothers. But I guess that's expected since you don't actually remember that."

"I guess so," I say with a slight frown, wondering if that's the same reason she feels awkward around me. I've realized now that this is hard for everyone who ever knew me- the fact that I don't remember them. "Has he radioed in yet?" I suddenly remember to ask. He should have arrived at Dauntless by now. I'm not too certain his plan will work, but for now it's the only plan we have.

"Ugh. I forgot to take the radio," Tris groans, holding her head.

"Don't worry. I'll get it," I assure her when her unwillingness to get out of bed is plastered on her face.

"Thank you," she whispers with a small smile, and I get up from the mattress and make my way into the kitchen. I open the cupboards above the sink and push my hand all the way to the back, pulling out the radio. When I walk back into the room, Tris eyes me suspiciously and asks, "How did you know where it was?"

I place the small radio beside the mattress and then I lie down again. This time I wrap my arm around her waist, only because the urge to do so is too strong.

"The same way I remembered the passcode for the door and found you in Abnegation," I admit. "If I don't think about things too hard, they just… come to me. I think there are still some things there in my subconscious."

She nods and there is a hint of hopefulness in her eyes. "Do you know what the numbers are? The passcode?"

"No," I shake my head. I've never seen those numbers before in my life.

"They spell my name on the keypad," she smiles sweetly. "The name I had when you first met me. Beatrice Prior."

I give her an eye, remembering her mother _did_ call her Beatrice. "And how did Beatrice become Tris?"

"_You_," she laughs, and she playfully pushes me in the shoulder. "You had the _audacity_ to tell me the name my mother chose for me when she first laid eyes on me was unsuitable."

Effortlessly, she makes me laugh, and as we lie face to face I can't help but wish I could remember her, _really_ remember her. If I feel this way about her now while not having a single memory, I can't imagine how wonderful every day with her must have been.

"Tell me about us," I say, staring into her eyes.

Tris' face suddenly becomes serious. "What do you want to know?" she whispers.

At first I think to tell her I want to know everything, but then I remember something that troubled me from our conversation with Zeke. I scoot myself a little closer to her and ask, "Did I often keep things from you?" remembering the way her face had sunk when she spoke of me meeting Evelyn in secret.

At first Tris seems surprised by my question. But eventually she answers, "You often wanted to… but I hardly ever let you."

"But why did I want to?"

Tris sighs, and she takes a few breaths before she explains, "It was difficult for you to open up sometimes. You didn't have the best childhood, and it made you a bit… closed off."

I nod a little, remembering she had said that my father was no better than my mother. "But even with you?" I ask again, not understanding how that could be. It goes against everything I'm feeling right now.

"Sometimes I had to beg you over and over again to just _talk_ to me," Tris replies. "I don't know how many times we fought about it."

Tris' eyes sink just a bit, and I suddenly feel gravely disappointed in myself, even if it's a version of me I don't remember. I ache at the thought of hurting her.

"We were married, weren't we?" I suddenly ask. Tris stares at me, probably wondering where the question came from, but I had wanted to ask since this morning. There's an intimate familiarity between us that goes far beyond romance or companionship. I can read her eyes the way she is able to read my actions; I can sense her emotions and she can sense mine. Without being told, I know we are two parts of a whole. "We fight like a married couple," I say, making a poor attempt at explaining myself when Tris is silent for too long.

She smiles nervously for a moment. "We _are_… married. Technically." She bites her bottom lip. "After you were presumed dead, Dauntless issued me your death certificate to present to Amity so they could update their registry and I could re-acquire my maiden name if I should so choose. But… I never took it in."

"Why not?"

"I just couldn't," she whispers and she places a gentle hand on my cheek.

"And why did we get married in Amity?" I ask curiously, placing my hand over hers.

"We eloped," she grins. "It wasn't planned. It just… happened. We had a moment and conveniently there was a priestess nearby."

I smile a little. We were spontaneous I see. "How long ago?"

"Next month would make ten years… for half of which you were… dead," she cringes. "So I guess it's really just five."

"But we were together before that."

"Yes," Tris quickly says. "Two years- _five_ if you count our juvenile Abnegation adventures."

I shift a little on the mattress. "I'm asking a lot of questions, aren't I?" I ask nervously, hoping I don't seem too eager.

Tris blushes at me and she runs her fingers through my wet hair. "You can ask me anything you want to, Tobias." She rubs her feet against mine and the feeling is indescribable. Her skin is so smooth and warm.

Taking her up on her offer, I ask, "Why did we leave Abnegation?"

"We were different," she says seriously.

"Divergent," I assume.

"Yes." She eyes me curiously as she answers.

I had heard about it from Evelyn a few times. I had no idea it applied to me, but it makes sense now. I had believed that growing up factionless is what made me feel like I could never really belong in one specific place, but it was always my Divergence.

"So we were happy? In Dauntless?" I continue to ask. I snake my arm around her waist again, pulling her closer into me, right where I want her.

"When we were together, yes. Being with you in Dauntless was the most at home I'd ever felt. I felt so _free_," Tris says sweetly. "You did too. I think it was like an escape for us. Some people change factions so they can be new people. You and I… we just wanted to be ourselves."

I nod understandingly. "Why do the others call me Four?"

"It's a Dauntless thing," Tris answers with a smirk. "During our training we have to face our worst fears. Most people have ten or fifteen. You only had four."

"Four fears?" I pinch my eyebrows together. It's strange hearing what a good man I was, strong and brave and fearless, hero of Dauntless. I don't think I've ever felt that important or significant amongst the factionless, even though I was their leader's son and leader of their army.

"Is this a Dauntless thing too?" I slowly sit up and I pull the dark T-shirt over my head so she can see my tattoos. I had seen her staring at the one on my chest before, at her mother's house in Abnegation.

"The tattoos? Yes." Tris sits up too and she slowly traces her fingers along the bird over my heart; she looks deep in thought. I remember when she had just taken me, and she told me about my tattoos to prove that she knew me.

"Does it mean anything?"

"Yes," she smiles. "I have the same one." She pulls the neck of her small white shirt to the side, revealing her left collarbone. I gasp a little when I see them, three birds in flight, birds identical to mine. "One for my mom, my dad and my brother," she explains. "When I told you the ravens were for my family, you got one for me."

Because _she_ was my family, she needn't explain.

"And what about _this_?" I turn around and show her the large one on my back. I remember the first time I saw it, I was so amazed. I asked my mother but of course she couldn't tell me what it meant. Since then its meaning always plagued me, so I hold my breath, anxiously waiting for Tris' explanation.

"You said it represented what you wanted to be," she whispers. She rubs her fingertips down my back and it feels incredible; the skin of my arm is instantly filled with goose bumps. "Brave, honest, selfless, smart, _and_ kind… although you frequently struggled with kindness." She chuckles. "And it covered your scars. You never told me if that was on purpose but I always thought it was."

"My scars?" I turn my head around a little.

"Yes," she answers softly, and she continues to rub her fingers along my back, tracing the flames into my sides. "Your father was a monster. I think that's why your mother left."

"Does Marcus know about Andy?" I suddenly inquire.

"No," Tris answers sharply. "Nor will he ever."

I completely turn around and I look her in the eye. I sit face to face with the only person who knows every last thing about me, even the darker things- the broken things. And here she is wanting a chance to be with me again even though I don't remember anything about _her_. I'm sure at one point I knew all her secrets too, but I don't anymore and it seems so unfair to her. She deserves someone who knows her inside and out as well. I can tell she has no interest in entertaining my arch nemesis, Derek, but I'm sure others did try.

"Tris," I say her name pleadingly, and it glides so sweetly, so smoothly off my tongue, I know without a doubt I've said it at least a million times. "How come you never…" I pause. I'm so close to her now I can't deny the way she pulls me in. I take her left hand and I rub my thumb over the length of her empty ring finger. For a second I wonder where my own wedding ring is, or if I ever had one at all.

"Found someone else?" Tris finishes for me.

I nod.

Tris takes my hand and slowly she rubs it alongside her arm. My breath catches when I feel her soft skin filled with goose bumps under my fingertips

"Because you're the only person who does that to me," she answers, and I understand entirely. If it was impossible for me to move on without my memories, how hard it must have been for _her_.

"It's mutual," I whisper with a smile, letting her run her fingers up my arm. "I don't remember anything else except your face and how I feel about you," I gently touch her cheek. "And even without my memories I know I've never felt anything that compares to this." The way she calms me, the way I couldn't stay away from her, the way I had to protect her, the way I felt something drastically shift inside me when I saw how hurt she was, I believe it's all a testament to how deeply rooted my love for her really is.

"I had a feeling," Tris blushes. "It's how I knew you wouldn't hurt me."

When Tris wraps her arms around my neck, I can't help but press my face to hers, and my lips find her own in less than a second. They are warm and sweet and inviting, and I hungrily part them with my tongue, wanting to taste every part of her mouth. I grip her arms when she fiercely returns my kiss, her hands exploring my chest and back. When I run my hands up her sides, I shiver at the feel of her smooth skin.

Her fingers slide up over my hair and curl into it, tugging it ever so slightly, and she sighs my name against my mouth. My hands, once steady, now shake as the intensity of the kiss continues to rise, and they climb up and under her shirt to eagerly explore her.

I pause, but Tris slips her hand over my own and pushes it upward, until her full, supple breast rests in the palm of my hand.

"I might not want to stop," I confess against her lips before it goes too far.

"I wouldn't ask you to," Tris replies, and she hungrily claims my lips again. My fingers twitch with desire as I feel her, and they seem to roam her body without my permission now that they have hers.

Tris' hands leave my own and she draws her shirt into her fists. She breaks away from the kiss only to pull her shirt over her head. She finds me again, and our bodies are flush now; her engorged nipples rub fiercely against my chest and I become mad with desire. I kiss her harder now and as my arms are wrapped around her it doesn't feel like she's another person, it feels like she is an extension of not only my body, but my soul, and with every touch I ache to be closer, to become one again.

I lay her down on the mattress, and my lips kiss the sweet skin of her neck. I work my way down, tenderly kissing and caressing her breasts. Tris gasps loudly as I taste her nipples, properly paying my respects to them before kissing her navel. She smiles a small, shy smile, as I trace my fingers against the tiny scars beneath there, the evidence of our son. And as I kiss her there, my thumbs rub at her thighs, slipping under the hem of her shorts. Tris moans ever so slightly, and impatiently she begins to push the tiny garment off her. I oblige her, pulling it down her legs until she's completely bare in front of me.

"You are so beautiful," I whisper, balancing myself on my knees, between her legs.

Her face filled with emotion, she puts her hands on my waist and draws me toward her. She slips her hands under my boxers, and her skin against the most sensitive parts of me drives me wild- wilder than I already am. I kick the garment off me, wanting nothing more between us, and Tris' hand instantly grips me and she strokes me up and down.

I moan loudly into her ear, suddenly feeling overtaken by pleasure.

To my surprise, Tris pushes me over so that she's on top of me. She's strong, stronger than she looks. She kisses me ferociously, battling my tongue with her own, and then she leaves tiny wet kisses all along the length of my chest. I heave with pleasant surprise when I feel the warmth of her mouth suddenly claim me, and my hips buck forward on their own. She works confidently with her hands and mouth, knowing exactly what I want, and she doesn't hold back. I'm shocked, but with full appreciation for her fearlessness as she gives it all to me until I'm unable to catch my breath.

My hands find her soft hair, and my thighs begin to tremble. Then, just as I think I'm about to explode, she stops, and she climbs to sit on top of me. Slowly, she slides me inside her, and she cries out sweetly as I gasp at how warm and tight she is inside. "Oh Tris," I moan under my breath as she rides me like the devil, and I have to grab on to her hips to slow her down so I can enjoy her for longer, although the view alone of the perfect mounds on her chest is enough to make me come undone.

Before it's too late, I flip us back over, and her fingers are in my hair again, egging me on as I thrust inside her. She moans my name, over and over again, just like she always did in my dreams, only it sounds so much better in real life. I caress her as we move in sync, and I feel it inside- the way my body has memorized hers. I know exactly where to touch, where to rub, where to kiss, where to clutch at. I know how to twist her, I know the depth and angle to make her lose control. I rely on my instincts, trusting them to give her what she wants, and they do not fail me.

With one final gasp, Tris climaxes, clenching so tight around me that she brings me along with her.

I breathe hard into the mattress, making pathetic attempts to catch my breath. I only stop when I realize Tris' breaths are unsteady too, but not like before. When I move to look at her I realize she's crying and I instantly take her face into my palms.

"Tris, what's wrong?" I say frantically, hoping my fears haven't materialized and I didn't ruin everything with my unchecked desire for her. "Did I-"

She shakes her head at me a number of times. "No," she whimpers, and the tears flood down her cheeks. She tries to smile a little but she fails. Tris rubs at my cheek slowly and then she presses a tender kiss to my lips. "I've missed you so much," she cries, and I instantly pull her into my chest, holding her tight to me. I've realized her tears are my kryptonite.

"I've missed you too," I utter lovingly, remembering every second I craved something without knowing what it was, every morning I looked longingly beside me and not knowing who I was looking for.

Tris sniffles and her hands grab tightly on to my arms. Her face is still pressed against my chest, right over my heart. I hold her closer because I can feel it too, the reason neither of us could forget about the other.

"I love you, Tris," I whisper tenderly into her hair. "So much. I never stopped loving you."

And with a sweet kiss against my chest, she whispers back, "I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Is this the moment we've all been waiting for? :D Can't wait to find out! R&R**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**TRIS**

The slight chill on my toes is what wakes me. I pull my feet back under the covers and slide them a little to the right in search of Tobias' warmth, but there's nothing there. I yawn and stretch out my arms to find him, but even _they_ come up empty. When I finally open my eyes, I realize he's not here.

I'm not alarmed at first and I lie patiently alone on the mattress, giving him a few minutes, thinking maybe he's in the bathroom. But when he's gone for too long and the bunker is perfectly quiet, I promptly decide I should go looking for him.

I groan as I get up off the mattress and I tiredly pull on my clothes. Still feeling a bit chilly, I wrap the sheet around me before stepping out of the room. The first thing I do is peep on Andy who is surprisingly still fast asleep and very much alone in his bed.

"Tobias?" I whisper, but there's no answer. I check the rest of the bunker, but it's small enough for me to realize within seconds that Tobias isn't inside.

I shiver a little when I take my hand out from under the sheet to put in the passcode for the front door. Not necessarily because I'm cold, but because I'm suddenly frightened that Tobias might have left. I know how confusing this all must be for him, and maybe last night was a little bit too much, but it would be a lie to suggest that either one of us didn't want that moment together.

As the door opens, I quickly walk up the stairs into the old building that lies on top of the bunker, and that's when I see him leaning against the wall, looking out through the large hole that used to be the front door of whatever once stood here. I feel when my shoulders sink from pure relief, and I finally remember to exhale.

I slowly walk up behind him and I tug the sheet even closer to me when the cool wind of dawn begins to hit me. It's still a little dark out, but it won't be for long. I can see the faintest light blue behind what's left of the stars.

"Tobias?" I say his name carefully, wondering what thoughts were so disturbing to have brought him out here. He doesn't turn around, but the air is so quiet I know he heard me approaching.

When I'm standing directly beside him, he doesn't look at me. Instead, he stretches out his arm and wraps it around my waist, drawing me into him. Leaning into his chest, I look forward to see what he's staring at, but I don't see anything except for some trees and old buildings beyond the broken street.

I look up at him and ask, "Is everything okay? Why are you outside?"

He takes a few slow, steady breaths. "Needed some air," he answers lowly, and then he swallows.

I wrap both my arms around him, bringing him under the sheet with me, and I continue to look up at him. His face looks troubled; unfortunately, I'm not the least bit surprised. "What's wrong, Tobias?" I ask him.

He rests his back against the wall and he turns himself to face me, his arms still wrapped around my waist. He lets out a jagged breath and says, "I want to remember, Tris," and he looks intensely into my eyes. "I want so badly to remember all the things you do. I want to remember the first moment I knew I was in love with you, the first time I kissed you."

I sigh, entirely unable to imagine how he must feel; those memories are precious. But I remind him, "You might not remember anything about our life together, but you can _feel_ it." I put my hand over his heart. "Evelyn didn't take that away from you. She couldn't. _No one_ can," I assure him.

Some bonds are just too strong to break.

"I know," he answers softly. "I dreamt about you every night… every single night for five years until I thought I was crazy." He moves one hand from my hip to fix my hair. He gently pushes it behind my ear. "And then that night when I saw you for the first time… I knew something was so very wrong. Tris, I look at you and I just _know_ that you're where I belong... but that scares me more than you can imagine," he chokes out.

"Why?" I take his hand in mine, and I search his eyes carefully.

"I'm afraid to disappoint you," he says in a tone that suggests I should have known. "I _am_ and at the same time I'm _not_ the man you fell in love with. Could you really be happy with me, even if I never remember anything?"

Understanding where his mind has drifted to, I squeeze our fingers together. "You're afraid one day I'll end up changing my mind about you if you never get your memories back?"

Tobias doesn't answer me, but his eyes tell me all I need to know. I smile, and though I don't mean to, I can't help but chuckle a little.

He pinches his eyebrows together. "What?" he asks me with surprise in his eyes.

"You're more _you_ than you think, even without your memories," I smile and shake my head. "We had a very similar conversation once… on an Abnegation rooftop… the night before your choosing ceremony. You were afraid I'd change my mind about you, about Dauntless, though you had no reason to be." I place my hand on his cheek and I'm filled with emotion as I'm taken back to that moment. "Just like now."

I'll never forget that night. I was so terrified I was losing my first love forever, all up until he kissed me and promised me he would never forget me.

The irony isn't lost on me.

And after having spent the last five years without him, it's so much easier for me to understand now how he was never distracted by other girls in Dauntless the way I feared he would have been. It's like we've imprinted on each other, and it's impossible to want anyone else.

"I never did know how to live without you, Tobias Eaton, and even when I was forced to, I never learned," I confess. It's something I often felt ashamed about. I feared it made me weak, but at the same time I didn't care to force myself forward. I wasn't hurting anyone but myself by holding on to him.

I take his hand again and I entwine our fingers together. "So even if you don't get your memories back, I'm open to making new ones, because you're still _you_; you are all the things I love about you," I continue to say wholeheartedly. "And for so long I've been haunted by the thought that I'd never see you again, that you'd never know your son. So now that it doesn't have to be that way anymore, why would I ever want that?"

Tobias presses his free hand into my back, pushing my chest into his, and he leaves a tender kiss on my forehead. "And what if we can't work things out with Dauntless? Where do we go?" he asks. "I certainly can't go back to the factionless. Not that I would want to."

"It's gonna be okay, Tobias," I assure him strongly, realizing he's worrying about more than just one thing. "_Everything_ will be okay."

"Do you really believe that?" he whispers.

"Yes," I answer with surety. "Because we're both innocent in all this and I don't believe life would give you back to me only to take you away again."

He presses his forehead to mine and he stays there for a while, taking slow and steady breaths. When he kisses me softly, paying special attention to my bottom lip, I laugh lightly against his mouth. "It's funny how you say you're not the same man I fell in love with, but you kiss me the same, you hold me the same, you make love to me like you've memorized every inch of my body."

After last night, there's not a sliver of doubt in my mind that the man in front of me is my Tobias, the same Tobias who studied me and learned me until he became an expert on pleasuring me until my body trembled.

Tobias smiles knowingly. "I told you… if I don't think about it, certain things come back to me. Besides, my dreams were sometimes quite vivid." He has a rude look in his eyes and his cheeks flush with colour as he blushes uncontrollably.

"What exactly did you dream?" I ask out of curiosity.

"We had a lot of sex, didn't we?" he asks me with a grin, essentially answering my question.

"We did," I laugh, and I bury my face into his chest to hide my own embarrassment. "What else did you dream?"

He tenderly brushes his hand against my hair. "One time I dreamt we were lying down on our backs in a large net somewhere," Tobias says. "There was this huge hole in the ceiling and we were looking up at the sky. It was late in the evening but it was cloudy, and you kept pointing out shapes and animals. I didn't see it. I just saw clouds," he laughs.

I don't.

Tobias and I had done that once during my initiation. I told him as much as I enjoyed my new life living underground, I had missed seeing the sky, so when training was over for the day he took me to the net and we looked up through the hole in the ceiling until it was too dark to see anything but stars.

I pull my face away from his chest and curiously I ask, "What else?"

He looks down at me thoughtfully. With a shrug he adds, "In one of my dreams you were crying. I don't know why, but you kept saying it was because you left him. You were saying it over and over again. I told you it wasn't your fault but you wouldn't stop crying."

I stop breathing and every hair on my arm stands at attention. That was the night my father died.

"Tobias… those aren't dreams," I say hesitantly, and I'm suddenly hyper aware of my breathing. "Those are memories."

We both stare at each other with wide open eyes, and we don't blink or move, not until we hear something rustling in the bushes.

"Someone's there," Tobias says gutturally, and he instantly pushes me behind him. "Go back inside, Tris," he commands.

"Wait!" someone yells, and I feel my body stiffen. It's a woman's voice and Tobias seems to recognize it, because he stands still instead of moving back inside. "It's me," the woman says, and I can see her now. She's tall and slim, factionless, with fair skin and long brown hair; she approaches us with both her hands in the air. "I have some information you might need."

"Kate?" Tobias says nervously, and then he stops breathing.

* * *

**TOBIAS**

"Who?" Tris whispers carefully beside me as Kate slowly makes her way toward us.

"It's okay. I know her," I manage to say quietly, but I still push Tris to stand behind me. I have no idea why Kate's here or how she found us.

"How do you know we can trust her?"

"I don't. But I want to hear what she has to say." I haven't seen Kate for a while, but I always got the impression she disliked my mother. If she's here alone, she _might_ be here to help. But the second I start to feel like she's a threat, I'm taking her down.

"How did you find us?" I ask Kate when she stands only a few feet away from us. The early rays of the sun are reflected against her brown hair.

"Harrison," she answers. Her hands are still up in the air and I spot a small bag in her right hand. "Shouldn't we go inside?" She looks behind me.

"We can talk out here," Tris says firmly, taking the words out of my mouth. Andy's inside the bunker and no one but me or Tris is getting _anywhere_ near him.

Kate nods quickly. "Tobias," she begins, and I feel Tris stiffen behind me. Kate slowly allows her hands to fall to her sides. "I need to apologize to you."

I'm quiet for a while, waiting for an explanation, but then I realize there's only one thing she could be apologizing for. "You knew," I say brashly.

"To a certain extent," she quickly explains. She's nervous, more nervous than I've ever seen her. "I knew what your mother had done to you, but I didn't know you had a family… a wife and a son?" She shakes her head and glances at Tris. "I would have told Harrison if I had known you were acquainted with him, even if it was to forcefully extract you."

"You're Harrison's informant?" Tris asks, stepping out from behind me even though I try to keep her there.

"Yes," Kate exhales. "I met with him about a year ago."

"Why?" I ask her. My mother's people, as much as some of them disliked her, were all indoctrinated. I never imagined in a million years that one of them would actually betray her, so even when we became aware that someone had been giving the Dauntless information, we had no idea who it could be.

"At first I was all for Evelyn's ideas and dreams of equality," Kate begins. "But then she got carried away, she became as bad as the people she wanted to overthrow. She was keeping resources for herself, gave herself certain privileges that no one else had, and she started treating some better than she did others. When I caught wind of her plan to attack Dauntless for no reason other than her need to be a tyrant, that was the final straw for me," she says sternly. "I have family there, innocent people."

"I didn't know either," I confess to her. "I only found out a few days ago."

"She was lying to everyone," Kate shakes her head. "When I realized that, I tried to stay in the loop; I even accepted her offer to spy on you for her, thinking she would have at least been honest with you about the war she was trying to wage, since you were the one training her army. I figured I'd share whatever information I found with someone inside Dauntless I could trust. But you were so closed off… I knew you were a dead end from the first night."

Clutching at the blanket, Tris gives me an eye. Something tells me she'll want an explanation and I won't want to give it to her.

"She's been watching me this whole time?"

It's a rhetorical question, but Kate answers, "She was always afraid you'd get your memories back. It haunted her. She became paranoid about it and insisted we tell her if you even hinted about remembering anything."

"That's why she wanted me killed the second I set foot there," Tris says bitterly from beside me.

"Yes," Kate nods, and her eyes scan Tris curiously. "She couldn't take the risk that Tobias would have seen you." She then looks at _me_ and says, "Because Tony had made it clear that you never really forgot about Tris. It's why she kept him around even after they had that falling out. He was the only person you confided in, and she needed him to tell her all the things you never told her, and believe me he did. I suppose that's why he's dead." Kate twists her head to the side and gives me an eye.

That's _exactly_ why he's dead. He had the power all along to keep me there or set me free. He made the wrong choice.

"Anyway," Kate adds lowly. "She _did_ let him in on some useful information that I managed to extract before you stabbed him in the neck. And _that's_ why I'm here."

"What do you know?" I quickly ask.

"The memory serum.. It came from Amity," she answers. "You need to go there and ask for Johanna Reyes. If anybody knows how to reverse it, it's her."

My heart swells. Could there really be a cure for it? Could I really get all of my memories back?

"That name sounds so familiar," Tris whispers beside me, looking up at me.

"She's the leader of Amity. You've definitely heard her name before," Kate says. "But be careful. Evelyn is turning over houses looking for you two. If she finds you, no one will ever see either of you again. _You_ she won't kill," she says to me. "But you'll wish she did."

"Let me guess," I snarl. "She's planning to kill my wife and keep me locked up for the rest of my life."

"Something like that," Kate says slowly, letting out a breath, which means it might actually be a little worse than that. Evelyn knows about Andy now, and her pathological need for a son might drive her to raise him herself. I stand rigid; she'll be dead before she ever lays eyes on him.

"I have to go. But I brought some things," Kate slowly stretches out her hand with the small bag. "I didn't know if you had any fresh food."

Carefully, Tris reaches out and takes the bag. "Thank you," she says levelly. "I'll take these inside." Tris' eyes dart between me and Kate, probably sensing the tension there and deciding to give us some privacy, despite the fact that she might not actually want to.

I really wouldn't mind if she stayed. I don't have anything to say to Kate that I couldn't say in front of Tris. Despite whatever feelings Kate might have had for me, I never had any real feelings for _her_, and she knew that.

"Thanks again, Kate," I say to her as Tris walks down the stairs and back into the bunker.

"It's no problem at all. Good luck." Her eyes glance at the ground and then at the bushes behind her.

Feeling the awkwardness building, I nod and turn around to leave. And then it occurs to me to ask, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she instantly answers.

"Who is Evelyn's source in Dauntless?"

"Tall guy," she says. "Slim, annoying. He has a nose ring and a tattoo of an eagle on his face. I think he was one of the ones who were captured along with Tris."

I only know one person who fits that description.

_Chad_.

I nod slowly, thinking how much I'll enjoy killing him, and considering how much the others seemed to detest him, I don't think I'll be the only one. "Thank you," I say again to Kate.

"You're welcome, Tobias," she says, and I feel her eyes on me as I head back inside.

I take one final breath of the cold morning air as I step into the bunker. As the door closes behind me, I walk into the kitchen and I find Tris emptying the contents of the bag Kate left us on the counter. It's not much, but it was kind of her.

"Who's _she_?" Tris asks knowingly, not looking at me. She still has the sheet wrapped around her.

I walk up to her and I gently turn her toward me. When her hands fall from the counter, I lift her chin so I'm looking right into her eyes. They're penetrating, and I can see the pain inside them. Sincerely, I say, "No one who means anything to me. She was just someone to pass the time… back when I thought you were a figment of my imagination." I figure honesty is the only way to go in this situation. Lying about it won't do any good at all.

"Does _she _know that?" Tris rolls her eyes at me, and when she turns her head away, I gently tug it back.

"Yes."

Tris frowns a little, and her voice breaks when she admits, "It was agonizing… hearing her call you by your name. I'm used to being the only person who did that."

When her eyes sink to the floor again, I don't bother to tell her that everyone in the factionless called me by my name. I understand it was the only name I knew, but I also understand our history and how much that name means to her. I'm sure she feels like something special has been stolen from her, and I know that feeling all too well.

"I'm sorry, Tris," is all I say.

She shakes her head a little and wipes the tear that rolls down her right cheek. "Don't apologize, Tobias," she insists. "It's not your fault. And it wouldn't have been your fault even if she _had_ meant more to you." She looks up at me sternly, and I can tell she's trying her best to be strong and level-headed about this, even though I'm sure it feels like a dagger to the heart. I don't even want to imagine Tris with someone else, much less look them in the eye.

"But she doesn't," I assure her, sensing her uncertainty. When Tris tries to look away from me again, I quickly pull her closer. "She _doesn't_, Tris," I say strongly. Then, having her attention, I hold her face in my hands and tenderly whisper, "She knows my name, but she could never know me like you do." Without ever deciding to I bring her lips to mine. I kiss her slowly but deeply, pulling her closer to me with every sway of my lips until she's flush against me. I moan softly as Tris returns my kiss, and I feel her arms slowly creep around my neck. I kiss her harder, and I feel my desire for her becoming stronger the more I give in to it.

I don't know how long we kiss like that until we both pull away to breathe. Then, with her face still in my hands, we stand there for a while with our foreheads pressed together, our eyes closed, and our breaths mixing in the middle. Then Tris presses her ear into my chest; we wrap our arms around each other and somehow our bodies end up slowly swaying from left to right, almost as if we were dancing. The warmest feeling of comfort comes over me.

"I miss the sound of your heartbeat," Tris whispers with a small smile. "Always steady… like a song."

"It beats for _you_," I say without thought, and before I can even process what I just said, Tris looks up at me and giggles. Her cheeks flush and her eyes seem suddenly brighter. She pushes herself up on her toes to place the sweetest kiss on my lips.

I smile in pleasant surprise.

"You know, that's _exactly_ the kind of corny shit you'd say to get yourself out of trouble," Tris laughs, and with her eyes wet, she cups my cheek with her palm. "I always knew you were still in there. I _knew_ it," she smiles sweetly. "Your memories are shoved into a corner somewhere, but they _are_ there."

"And now we know how to bring them to the surface," I remind her.

Tris' face suddenly becomes serious as she thinks about what Kate said. Her hand slowly falls from my face and she nods resolutely.

I take both her hands into mine. "So are we going to do this? We're going to Amity?"

"If there's a chance we should take it," Tris says determinedly, and I agree. "With your memories back, we'll have a much better shot at winning over the Dauntless, because then you'll know who you're dealing with, _and_ you'll know the people who are loyal to you."

"What about Andy?" I ask, looking at the bedroom where my son sleeps peacefully. "It won't be safe for us to take him with us."

Tris sighs and stares at the bedroom along with me. "Maybe I should have left him in Abnegation."

"We can sneak him back in," I quickly suggest. "Tonight. No one will know he's there."

Tris thinks about it for a second before she concedes, and then she presses her face into my chest again, breathing me in. I can almost feel the wheels turning inside her head, and just like her, I hate having Andy in the middle of all this, but if this is what it takes to keep our family together, then this is what we must do.

* * *

**A/N: Forever thanks to Bamberlee for her editing wonders! :) And also to our readers, reviewers and followers. I LOVED reading your thoughts on the last chapter. What did we think of this one? Hope you're all excited to see what happens next! ;) **


	20. Chapter 19

**So sorry for the late post guys. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it ;) **

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**TOBIAS**

It was another amazing day with my son.

There really isn't much to do in the bunker but Andy somehow always manages to keep us all entertained and happy. I made him lunch, _real_ lunch this time. There was rice and canned meat in the pantry, and we cooked it up with some of the vegetables Kate had brought. While we ate, he told me stories about his babysitter Lila, his teacher, and about his friends at school. He had my full attention all day, especially knowing we'd have to take him to his grandmother's when the day was over.

I dreaded nightfall; I actually wished it away, as much as I knew leaving for Amity was important. When it was time to go, I asked Tris to drive to Abnegation and I sat in the passenger's side with Andy on my lap. He loved the wind in his face; he said the air is never so fresh in Dauntless. He pointed at the moon, at the trees, at just about everything we saw on the way.

Natalie was both surprised and glad to see us. We had stayed for a short while to update her on everything we had put together, but then quickly came the time to leave. I hugged Andy and I promised him I'd be back soon; I have no idea what I'll find in Amity, but I'm certain nothing there could keep me away from him for too long. I squeezed him so tight and I just didn't want to let him go. Even now, as much as I'm certain Tris and I must do this, being away from him is agonizing. And it only gets worse; every minute I'm on this train I'm another mile away from him.

"He'll be okay, Tobias," Tris says knowingly as her eyes carefully examine my sulking face. She sits beside me on the cold, hard floor of the train car, our backs pressed against the wall. She reaches over and takes my hand. "Abnegation is the most obvious place, which is exactly why it's the _last_ place they'd think to look for us. And my mother would protect Andy with her life if she had to. You might not remember, but she was Dauntless and she's still handy with a gun."

I smile, imagining the fifty year old Abnegation woman wielding a gun. Only a few nights ago she came real close to throwing a loaded vase at me. "I don't doubt any of that," I say. "Or I wouldn't have agreed to leave him there." I know he'll be safe with Natalie, especially considering I asked Zeke to have someone trustworthy guard the house. I certainly would have preferred they both stayed in the bunker for the night, but if Tris and I were to take longer than a few days, other members of Abnegation would have quickly realized Natalie was missing, which would have ultimately incriminated her in all this, compromising her safety.

"But you miss him," Tris finishes for me.

I nod. "I wish I didn't have to leave him."

"And soon, you'll never have to." Tris pulls me a little closer to her and presses a sweet kiss to my cheek. I immediately smile at the thought of always having them both close to me. Optimism is my only choice at this point, because I can't imagine living out any version of the future that doesn't include Tris and Andy.

Tris lays her head on my shoulder and we stare through the door for a moment. It's dark outside, and the trees are only a black blur as we speed past them. The starry night sky, however, doesn't seem to move at all.

"So what do you know about Johanna?" I ask Tris, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever awaits us at Amity.

"I hear her name every now and again at the leaders' meeting," she answers. "But I don't think I've ever met her. She hasn't been in leadership for too long, and even so, the Amity don't often involve themselves in the city's politics."

I nod, remembering the few encounters I'd had with the Amity while carrying out my mother's orders. They cringe at the very idea of conflict. "You think she'd help us willingly?" I raise an eyebrow. I'd hate to have to force the information out of her. Not that I wouldn't.

"The Amity are supposed to be kind, right?" Tris shrugs against me.

I huff. "More like non-contentious… at least the ones _I've_ met."

"Well you never had any complaints about their _last_ leader," Tris says suggestively. "You had to work with him often… fence guarding matters, and you two got along well enough."

I'm about to ask about him when, over the noise of the train, I suddenly hear the sound of static coming from Tris' pocket. And then I hear, "Belle, this is Bird. Come in."

"Zeke!" Tris gasps, and she quickly jumps upright. My shoulder suddenly feels too empty.

"Belle, this is Bird. Come in," Zeke repeats the phrase one more time as Tris fights to pull the large radio out of the tiny pocket of her jeans. She has to twist herself to the side a little in order to get it out.

"This is Belle. Go ahead, Bird," she answers the second the radio is out of her pocket. There's an unmistakeable level of excitement in her voice.

"You guys already on your way? Over," says Zeke casually on the other line. When he called this morning we told him we had met Harrison's informant and that we'd be going to Amity tonight to ask Johanna Reyes what she knew about the memory serum.

"Affirmative. We've left the haven and the egg is in the barn with the hen. Is my guard in place? Over."

"You know it. And the hostage? Over."

"I've got the hostage with me. Over," Tris laughs.

"He bein' a good boy? Over."

"He certainly is," Tris answers, smiling widely at me. "Over."

"Good," Zeke says, and I can hear the grin in his voice. "Well stay frosty. Don't get off too close to the fence. There are Dauntless guards patrolling out there."

"Roger that. Will let you know when we're back at base. Over."

"Okay. See you guys tomorrow. Over and out."

Twisting the nob on the top of it, Tris turns the radio off, and then she maneuvers herself again to shove it back inside her pocket.

Feeling just a little bit awkward after hearing that conversation, I ask, "Are you sure that's safe? Using the radio outside of the bunker?"

"It's Zeke's personal frequency," Tris nods. "Meant for emergency purposes only. Aside from his wife and brother, I'm the only other person who knows it."

I nod slowly and Tris smiles shyly at me.

I believe at this point my jealousy of her relationship with the man who is supposed to be my best friend is obvious. But I suppose without my memories, I couldn't possibly analyze the situation objectively, and maybe I should just be grateful someone had been taking care of Tris in my absence. Although, gratefulness is not the first emotion provoked by such a thought.

My mouth feels dry and my chest heavy. I wonder if this is how Tris felt when she met Kate, though this is slightly different; I can't imagine if I had come back to find my wife and my best friend together. But even if it were so, I couldn't really be mad, could I? As far as they both knew I was dead. And Zeke would have been good to her. He _is_ good to her. And maybe my jealousy is stupid and pointless because Zeke has his own wife and has absolutely no need of mine.

"Do I know her?" I ask out of curiosity. "Zeke's wife?"

"Yes, you do," Tris answers with a single nod. She tucks herself beside me again and my arms instinctively make room for her. "You, Zeke and Shauna were all in the same initiate class. She said if it weren't for you, she would have been factionless. She came _that_ close to failing initiation."

"So we're friends then?"

"You could say so," Tris answers.

"Do they have any kids?" I ask casually, as if I'm not still unsettled with how good he is with Andy.

Tris shakes her head. "Not yet," she says. By the way she bites her lip, I get the feeling there's more to that story, but if there is she doesn't say so, and I only ask, "Are _you_ friends with her?"

"We're friendly," she murmurs with a shrug, "Although she's much closer to Christina than she is to me. I guess it's the whole sister-in-law thing." Tris smiles, but I see the pain in her eyes when she says Christina's name.

"You miss Christina," I say softly, and I take Tris' hand. When I feel how cold her skin is, I rub her hand between mine.

Tris nods and though the wind blows her hair back and forth in her face, I still notice when she frowns a little. "She's my best friend… or at least I hope she still is." Slowly, her eyes sink to the floor.

I lean down and press a soft kiss to her hair, feeling a bit guilty I'm the reason they're fighting, and also silently questioning what their friendship was like. I would have expected that Tris' best friend would have been as helpful as mine, if not more so, but Christina and Zeke couldn't possibly disagree more about what their role is in this whole ordeal. And it's not that I don't understand why anyone would hesitate to help us, but Christina has all but refused. Tris deserves better than that.

I'm tempted to ask what _my_ relationship with Christina was like, but I keep my thoughts to myself, not wanting to stir up the wrong emotions in Tris, and also not wanting to be a hypocrite. After all, here I am burning with jealousy because _my_ best friend made it his business to take care of the family I had left behind. And that's all because I don't remember who these people are or what they're like, so I can't really pinpoint their motives. And I will admit, reluctantly in Christina's defence, that by having a negative opinion about any of them, I might be doing them a disservice. Tris trusts Christina; maybe that's all I need to know.

When Tris' attention is suddenly drawn back to the passing trees outside, I ask, "What's wrong?"

"We should probably get off now," she sits up to say to me. "I think we're already too far out."

I get up first, then I help Tris to her feet and together we walk toward the doorway. The wind picks up as we stand at the edge of the car opening, and it's too dark to see where we are, but Tris seems to be able to navigate the area well enough.

Hand in hand, we launch ourselves into the darkness and land hard on the ground, but we don't fall. There aren't many trees where we are, so we take our time to run off the momentum. My breaths are quick and shallow, and I pick up a strange smell in the air- a mixture of grass, produce and animal dung.

"I can smell the bullshit already. We are _definitely_ in Amity," I manage to say jokingly in between breaths as I run, and I manage to steal a laugh from Tris. Her frown quickly transforms to a grin, and for the next few seconds, my eyes are on her instead of on the path in front of me.

We come to a halt a moment later, and we begin to search our surroundings. With the moon hidden behind thick clouds, the only light comes from some road posts nearby, but I realize we're several yards away from the worn path that the Amity trucks travel to deliver food to the city. I recognize it because we had raided them last winter when we were running short of food.

"There are supposed to be Dauntless guards there," Tris says, looking into the distance. "But I don't see anyone."

"Doesn't mean they're not there," I say levelly. "We need cover."

Tris nods, and we begin to head straight for the orchards.

The fruit trees are tall, and above me, the branches grow into one another, forming a kind of tunnel. Dark fruit hang among the leaves, ready to drop, and there are already so many on the ground. It's the only sight we see for about fifteen minutes before we come out on the other side.

Pinpricks of light are the first sign that we're nearing the domestic area of Amity, then squares of light that turn into glowing windows. As we walk farther, we eventually make out a cluster of buildings, and when we're a little closer, we see that all the buildings except the greenhouses are made of the same dark wood, and they're all unpainted.

There doesn't appear to be anyone outside, but we hear laughter coming through the open window of one of the houses, and the lights are still on. Unlike the rest of the faction, it appears someone is still awake inside.

"Should we knock?" Tris asks me, sceptically looking at the small Amity house.

"Well, we might not have a choice." We have no idea where Johanna Reyes actually is, and we were expecting to find at least one or two people we could ask. We'd forgotten the Amity aren't really people of the night like the Dauntless and factionless. "But it should be okay," I add. "It's dark… and I doubt these people would know we're on the run."

"True," Tris whispers, and she takes the lead, but I walk closely enough beside her that I could pull her out of harm's way if need be. We walk up the small wooden porch, lit by a single light bulb that hangs just above the door. Tris knocks twice, and when the laughter from inside the house stops, the sound of wind chimes fills our ears.

Not too long after, a woman comes to open the door. She's short, chubby with black hair and glasses. She wears the typical orange and red of her faction and she smiles at us as if it's perfectly normal for two people who are obviously not from this faction to be knocking on her door at ten o' clock at night.

"Good night," the woman says chirpily. "May I help you?" Her eyes flash from Tris to me then back to Tris.

"Good night. Um… We're looking for Johanna Reyes," Tris says, and it sounds like a question. I remain silent at her side.

"Well, you're almost there!" the woman grins. "Continue on this path," she points down the dirt road, "and after you pass the Dome, it's the third building on the left. Two storeys high, glass windows; you can't miss it."

"Thank you," Tris smiles, and not wanting to risk being recognized, we quickly turn around to continue on our way. I hear the door close behind us before we've even stepped off the porch. "Well _that_ was easy," Tris whispers to me.

"She just told two random strangers where to find their leader," I point out.

"Welcome to Amity," Tris chuckles. "They often straddle the line between trust and stupidity."

"So it seems," I laugh. I can only hope Johanna is that welcoming.

Following the woman's directions, we find the two storey building easily, and we notice the lights shining through the windows. We'd knock, except the front door is wide open and I'm again shocked by the lack of security here. My mother always had at least three men guarding her door at all times. But I suppose Johanna Reyes doesn't execute her people for the slightest infraction and therefore isn't terrified of them.

When we walk inside the building, there's an open door on the left and we see a woman inside. She sits facing the window, but when she hears us approaching, she immediately stands and walks toward us.

She's a short woman, dark brown skin and black hair. A scar stretches in a thick line from just above her right eyebrow to her lip, rendering her blind in one eye. She wears a long orange robe.

"Good night to you. Is there something I can help you with? Is there a problem at the fence?" she asks; she has a lisp when she speaks. I suppose because we're dressed in black, she assumes we're Dauntless guards- a quite reasonable conclusion, and probably why the last woman was so keen on helping us.

Tris is rendered speechless for a moment, and she stares blankly at the woman. At first I think she's staring at the scar on her face, but then she says, "Oh my God… it's _you_. _You're_ Johanna Reyes?"

The woman gives Tris an eye. "I certainly believe I am. And with whom do I have the pleasure?"

"You mean you don't recognize us?" Tris asks her expectantly.

Staring Tris in the eye, the woman stills for a second, and then she smiles at us, wide, the way someone would smile when they see an old friend. "Yes!" she exclaims. "I believe my name is the tiny signature at the bottom of your marriage certificate."

I gasp and stare curiously at Johanna when I realize _she_ is the one who officiated our wedding ten years ago before either of us were established leaders in our faction. I hope this means we can trust her.

She quickly approaches Tris with open arms, and when she's close enough, Tris embraces her and laughs lightly. Her reaction to _me_ however, is not as warm. She only nods at me and sends a small smile in my direction. I suppose my distaste for close physical contact is not a new habit of mine.

"Well… If you're here to renew your marriage vows I regret to inform you that I've long left the church," Johanna says to us. "I can still do the ceremony but it would be more of a civil wedding."

"No. That's not why we're here," Tris shakes her head.

"Well what could you both possibly need at this hour?" Johanna asks with a friendly smile. "I'm sorry; I don't remember your names."

"Tris and Four," Tris tells her. "Although, _you_ might remember us as Beatrice and Tobias. We used our birth names when we got married."

Johanna instantly freezes and her smile disappears. "As in Tris and Four Eaton?" she stutters.

"Yes."

With troubled eyes, Johanna glances back and forth between us, and then takes a step back away from Tris. She definitely knows who we are.

"Come. Quickly," she says as she turns around and bids us to follow her, leading us inside the room she just came out of. When we're all inside she closes the door behind us. There's nothing inside but a few chairs around a small table. There's a pot of warm tea sitting on a woven coaster on the table. "Sit," she urges us, so we do. She pours us both a cup of tea and passes it to us. I'm careful to smell it before I take a sip. I've long heard of the psychedelic concoctions of the Amity.

"Is something wrong?" Tris asks her worriedly.

Johanna sighs. Facing us, she retakes her seat by the window. "You must forgive me. I'm afraid the years haven't been too kind to me. I do remember your faces, but when I read your names in the letter, I never made the connection."

"What letter?" I ask.

"A few days ago I received a letter from Dauntless leadership vehemently forbidding Amity to aid two Dauntless defectors. It was more than a bit confusing to read, since _you,_" she glares at me, "are supposed to be _dead_. I attended Four Eaton's memorial about five years ago." She crosses her legs and takes a sip of her tea. She stares at us expectantly.

"We can explain everything," Tris quickly says.

"Well an explanation would certainly be necessary if you're seeking asylum. Lucky for you both, I am not nearly as fond of Mr. Coleman as I was of you two, as short as our encounter might have been. And I don't interfere with Dauntless politics so I don't see why they assume they can interfere with Amity's. I will grant you a few days, but no more. I cannot put my faction at risk."

Tris and I both take a quick glance at each other.

"That's not actually why we're here," Tris says to her. "But we were hoping you could help us with something else."

Johanna pinches her eyebrows together. "What exactly?"

"What do you know about the memory serum?" I cut right to the chase, not wanting to be here longer than necessary. If the Dauntless sent a letter to Johanna, it could mean they knew we'd come here, and if that's the case, they'll be on the lookout for us.

Johanna raises her eyebrows at us. One goes far higher than the other. "I know that it is controlled by Amity's leaders, both spiritual and constitutional, and given that you are not from this faction, you should not even be aware of its existence."

"It was administered to me by my mother," I explain, still holding the hot cup of tea in my hands.

"Your mother?"

"Evelyn Johnson. I don't know how she got her hands on it, but she did. She's factionless now… but used to be Abnegation."

Johanna nods slowly and her eyes widen a bit. "I think I might know who you're talking about, though I pray I'm wrong," she says with a bit of awe in her voice.

"She's tall, thin, with dark hair," I vaguely describe my mother, but painfully remember every detail of her face, the length and texture of her hair.

"I truly don't recall her name or what she looked like, but it's not very often we give the serum to someone outside our faction, and I do recall a factionless woman being among the few. But that was a _very_ long time ago… more than twenty years ago to be precise."

"But why was it even given to her in the first place?" Tris asks, sounding just a bit upset, pressing an elbow into the table and leaning forward.

"_I_ was the one who decided to give the serum to her, actually," Johanna says, and I instantly sit up straight. She rests the cup of tea on her leg. "She had run away from her faction and had come seeking peace among the Amity. She was a troubled woman, one who sought relief from the trauma brought on by an abusive husband, and grief from a child she had left behind. She pleaded and I empathised with her, so I gave her a vial. She left with it and never came back, so I assumed she used it." Johanna eyes me curiously. She almost looks frightened now. "Four… _You_ are her child?"

"Yes," I simply say, though it's with great resentment that I admit it.

"And you said she administered it to you?"

"She did," I answer strongly. "About five years ago. She kidnapped me, faked my death, and took my memories so I would stay with her. I was living with the factionless until Tris found me."

"Five years later?" Johanna gasps in horror, and she almost spills her tea. She worriedly eyes Tris. "And all this time you thought he was dead?"

"Yes," Tris answers with a slow nod.

"Dear Lord," Johanna groans and she uncrosses her legs. "I had believed giving the serum to your mother was an act of kindness given the pain she was in. But I can see now that it was gravely misused. I should have known better," she shakes her head. "She was too conflicted; erasing her husband meant erasing her child, and though I could sense her hesitation, I ignored it. It was foolish of me. Forgive me." Her eyes are pained with sincerity.

"Please don't blame yourself for my mother's actions," I shake my head. I know better than anyone that all the good intentions in the world couldn't stop her from doing what she really wanted to do. It appears as though she takes pleasure in misusing the people who try to help her.

"I _am_ responsible to a certain extent," Johanna says to me, placing a hand on her thigh. "And it is important that I accept that. I truly am sorry this happened to you, Four."

I nod, accepting her apology although it doesn't change what's already been done. And I'm not upset that Johanna gave Evelyn the serum. I'm upset Evelyn didn't use it on herself. I'm not sure what that says about me, the fact that I would have preferred my mother not remembering I was ever born.

"Can it be reversed?" I get to the real point.

Johanna sighs, and the look she gives me is an answer in itself. Still, I wait expectantly until she says, "Not to my knowledge. We have several members here who have received the serum, some more than three or four decades ago. None have ever reported regaining a single memory." She shakes her head. "And they have no reason to withhold such information."

I let out a slow breath, trying to keep my discouragement at bay, but I can't ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. It weighs me down so much it becomes difficult to breathe.

Johanna looks at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I'm sure this is not the news you wished to hear."

But it can't be right. It can't be. I quickly shake my head and say, "But I'm having dreams." Obviously something went wrong. I never really forgot Tris, not entirely.

"Memories," Tris quickly corrects me and I nod.

"I _thought_ they were dreams, but… apparently they are dreams of things that actually happened," I clarify.

Johanna sits up straight in her chair. She eyes us both curiously. "When did the dreams start?"

I shrug a little as I think back. "I've been having them for as long as I can remember." I think it's safe to assume I started dreaming just after I was given the serum. It's hazy, but I do remember the day I woke up in my mother's bed, not knowing who or where I was. When I opened my eyes and I saw her, apart from confusion, there was disappointment. I didn't know who she was, all I knew was that she wasn't the woman I was hoping to see.

"Then your mind has been fighting the serum this whole time, and that is entirely unheard of," Johanna says strongly. "Do you dream of a specific time period, a specific place, a person?" she asks quickly, almost excitedly.

"Just Tris," I answer and I glance over at my wife for a second. I don't miss the way the corners of her lips curve up into a faint and beautiful smile- a smile I can now say without a doubt I could never forget.

Johanna sweetly says, "Why am I not surprised?"

"What do you mean?"

She brings her cup to her mouth and takes another sip of her tea. "Many of the fence guards bring their partners around here," she begins. "Especially during the time of our festivities; they rather enjoy our peace serum. So it's not strange that we would see the Dauntless in our neck of the woods. But none of them had ever walked into my church, absolutely sober, and asked me to wed them." She chuckles. "It was easy for me to see the magic in your love. It radiated from your eyes when you looked at each other, and that was the only reason why I went through with the ceremony." Johanna looks down at her tea for a second and Tris looks at me and smiles. It's so easy for me to smile back. I want with all of me to remember that day.

"And that love hasn't changed one bit," Johanna continues, looking at us with awe. "You and Tris truly share a love that is uniquely pure and effortless. I don't see that too often. And it makes sense that a strong love would challenge the serum." She thinks for a second. "You see, the serum was designed to elevate the spirit, the mood, bring forth a feeling of inner peace by obliterating everything that stood in the way of that. But you dream of your past because your reality before the serum was more blissful than your reality after it."

"What are you saying?" I ask her.

"I'm saying although I've never seen it happen, it might not be impossible for you to regain all of your memories," she answers seriously. Tris' eyes open wide and she takes my hand and squeezes it. "Focus on Tris. I believe _she_ is your way home. You must only be patient. With time it will all come back to you. It's already begun to."

"Time is not on our side," I say levelly, and I can hear the disappointment in my own voice.

"Well it's a good thing love is timeless," Johanna says with a smile. It seems like such an arbitrary thing to say, offering no solutions, yet strangely comforting. And although she still hasn't given us a physical cure, her faith is contagious, and I find myself smiling back at her. I feel my hope restored just a little and that will have to be good enough for now. At least she believes it can be done.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Johanna," Tris reads my mind. "Especially since something like this has never happened before."

"Well it's not as though we have the largest sample size," Johanna shrugs. "There have been maybe a dozen members that have taken the serum."

"And why was it given to them?" Tris asks warily. I notice she hasn't touched the tea. Her cup is still full and resting beside her elbow.

"The memory serum is only given to those who request it," Johanna quickly replies. "After the Erudite… situation, it became a crime to administer a serum under duress or without consent."

"_You_ were the one who actually pushed for that law," Tris says softly to me.

Funny how it never worked in my favour.

"But why would people ask to have their memories erased?" I ask Johanna sceptically.

"We get a lot of troubled people here," Johanna sighs and she glances out the window for a second. "People in search of peace, others trying to escape a traumatic past; there is more wickedness in our city than you could ever imagine. But even so, we encourage those who request it to undergo a month of spiritual therapy and meditation to see if they can achieve healing without erasing their past. If they prove they cannot, then and _only_ then do we grant them their wish, because once done it cannot be undone. All traces of the past are wiped clean." She clears her throat and gives me an eye. "Or so I thought."

"Can I ask… where exactly do you get this serum?" Tris asks out of sheer curiosity.

"You can certainly ask," Johanna says with a smile, "I, however, cannot tell you." Taking the final sip of her tea, she adds, "Actually, I believe I've already told you all I can."

"Well in that case, we won't keep you any longer," Tris says to her.

I nod in agreement. Although I feel like there's so much more I want to ask, I know there isn't.

Without having touched her tea, and I only having taken a small sip of mine, Tris and I stand from the table.

"And I pray this unfortunate situation you've found yourselves in with the Dauntless is resolved quickly," Johanna says, though she doesn't seem too optimistic. "You were quite a leader, Four," she nods at me.

"Did we ever work together?" I ask her curiously.

"No," she shakes her head. "But your absence was noted even here. We never had this much Dauntless traffic in our faction when you were head of security. Mr. Coleman seems to be of the opinion that Dauntless is somehow entitled to Amity land." She scoffs.

Tris chuckles lightly, and rolls her eyes at the mention of Coleman.

"Anyway, good luck," Johanna says, before ushering us out. "And take care to not be seen by anyone else."

"Thank you for your help, Johanna," Tris says sincerely.

I only nod. I _am_ grateful for her help; I just wish there were more. But I cling to her advice, and I take Tris' hand as we walk out of the building. Tris _is_ my way home, she's always been, and I've always been trying to find my way back.

* * *

The night is dark and quiet, so Tris and I walk slowly with our arms wrapped around each other, savouring the peacefulness of it all. We were both anxious to get on the midnight train and head back to Abnegation, but we missed it by a few minutes. Which means we're stuck out here until morning.

I look around at the trees on either side of us. "Where on Earth are we going to sleep? You sure you don't want to head back to Johanna? I'm sure she wouldn't mind giving us a room for the night," I suggest entirely for Tris' sake. I can sleep anywhere, but I'd rather she be safe and comfortable.

"I don't know," she sighs. "I trust her, and she genuinely seems to want to help us, but I don't want to have her mixed up in all this. Especially with Derek making it his business to ask her to _not_ help us." She rolls her eyes, although I'm certain Derek's letter was more about me than it was about Tris. He wouldn't want her sleeping out in the cold any more than I would.

"Well, she _did_ say she didn't like him very much," I mumble.

Laughing softly, Tris presses herself a little closer into me. "You're right. And I suppose sleeping on an actual bed is not a horrible idea."

"It's really not," I jest.

Chuckling just a little, Tris stops walking and she turns to face me. She removes her hand from my waist and wraps her fingers between mine. Then she looks up at me seriously and asks, "How are you, Tobias? I mean… how do you feel about what Johanna said?"

"Which part?" I ask with a soft huff, because a lot of it stayed with me. Strangely enough, I keep thinking about how different my life would have turned out if Evelyn had just taken the serum herself.

"The part where she said it's not impossible for you to get your memories back." Tris frowns. "I know it's not a cure like we were hoping for-"

"-But it's all we've got," I say, and Tris' eyes quickly meet mine. "And I think she's right." I glance at our hands that are almost fused together between us. "You're my way home, Tris. You _are_ my home."

Tris' eyes become wet and her lips curve up into the faintest smile. "And you are mine."

I tug her toward me, and leaning down I press a kiss to her lips, gently parting them with mine. It suddenly feels like there's electricity coursing through my veins instead of blood, and my heart is filled with love instead of disappointment.

Even without a tangible cure for the memory serum, I'm feeling hopeful and safe as we stand in the cold Amity night with our lips dancing together. I know in my heart even if I _don't_ get my memories back, Tris and I will be okay. Our love is too strong for us not to be.

Pressing her hand into my cheek when she pulls away from the kiss, Tris smiles sweetly and says, "I want to show you something before we head back to Johanna. It's not far."

I nod. "Okay," I say, and I wrap my arm around her waist again.

In order to stay hidden, we turn off the path and continue walking behind the trees with Tris leading the way. There's nothing but the sound of dried grass crunching under our feet until she asks, "And how do you feel about everything else? Evelyn… the serum…"

"I don't know," I admit. "Is it wrong to wish Evelyn had erased herself instead of me? Because I do. Is it supposed to mean something to me that she cherished the memory of me so much she decided to carry it along with the dreadful years she spent with Marcus?"

"No," Tris says flatly. "As a mother, I call bullshit. What she was supposed to cherish was _you_."

I'm so surprised at Tris' words, I almost miss my next step, but they come as a relief, because deep down I know my feelings are justified. I pass her a grateful nod.

"What about _you_?" I ask her, and I press a kiss to her hair. "What do _you_ think about all Johanna said?"

"I think there's something she's not telling us, although I'm not sure it's anything that pertains to _us_ specifically," Tris answers.

I nod. "Yeah, I got that feeling too. I mean… why wouldn't she tell us where they get the serum from? And should a faction be allowed to have a serum like that at all?" I ask with a scoff.

"Believe it or not, it's not the first time you've asked that question," Tris says with a smirk. "During the Erudite uprising, you fought hard to have Jeanine's death serum banned."

Raising an eyebrow, I look down at Tris who is tucked away in my side. "I had to _fight_ for that? You'd think that was common sense."

Tris laughs a little louder than she should. "Yeah, you'd think so. But factions don't easily part with their serums, which is how the Law of Duress came to be. Because to be honest we _all_ have them. Yeah, the death serum was lethal, but so is the Dauntless fear serum at the wrong dose, or the Candor truth serum. _Any_ of those serums could be _seriously_ misused if the wrong person had access to them."

"That's true," I concede. I suppose she's right. Evelyn often compared the serums to wealth and their connection to control. In that regard, the factionless really are powerless.

"Where are we even going?" I ask Tris with a soft laugh as I look around me. We've been walking for several minutes now, and away from Johanna instead of toward her. Not that I mind. The cool night wind in my face and the sound of the rustling trees is actually quite soothing. It might be what is helping me to remain calm and positive given the circumstances. Or it might be the single sip of tea I took.

"You'll see. We're actually almost there," Tris says with a smile.

She walks a little faster now and she pulls me along with her. I begin to drag my feet through the tall rows of wild quinine, and I get goose bumps all over my arm when I get the strangest feeling of déjà vu. It's only amplified when I find myself standing at the edge of a small field of pink and white coneflowers, only barely lit up by the starry night.

Tris grins and she turns to face me. She wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me, but all I can seem to do is look around me. There is something remarkably familiar about this beautiful place.

"It's gorgeous, isn't it?" Tris whispers and I finally look down at her. When she smiles up at me I see a picture of us in my mind, in this exact spot. But we were lying down in the grass instead of standing in it.

I suddenly remember the dream I had when I was locked inside the bunker, the dream that made me question everything I thought I knew about myself… and about my mother. This is exactly where we were, and I remember right before I woke up I was looking into her eyes, wanting to ask her something important.

That's when I realize, "This is where it happened, isn't it? This is where I asked you to marry me," I say in awe. I feel as though my heart stops beating inside my chest.

"Yes," Tris smiles in sweet surprise. Her voice is thick with emotion and her eyes gloss over with tears when she says, "And I said yes."

I grin at her, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. I slide a hand over her cheek, one finger anchored behind her ear. Then I tilt my head down and kiss her slowly, and the sweet taste of her lips sends a warm ache through my body. Tris wraps her hand around my arm, holding me there, pulling me deeper into the kiss. When her tongue slides against my own, my entire being comes alive, and my soul cries out for her.

Giggling away from my hungry lips, Tris says, "Careful. Don't rile me up if you're not gonna take me all the way."

"Who said I wasn't going to?" I say rudely, gently rubbing my hand down her arm, knowing exactly what I crave. Her skin is incredibly smooth and soft. I want to kiss her there.

"Out here?" Tris laughs, and she looks at the darkness around us.

"It's not like it would be the first time," I chuckle, thinking of so many of my dreams. I'd lost count of the many places where I'd sunk myself inside her.

Biting her lip, Tris says, "No, it wouldn't," and she takes a few steps backward. She grins as she presses her back against the trunk of a small oak tree, and I greedily chase her.

My lips find themselves everywhere. I kiss her neck, her cheek, her shoulder, and as I devour her lips I work to pull the tight jeans off her. She's not entirely out of them when my fingers find her middle, and she gasps when they slide against her wetness. Feeling ravenous, I drop to my knees and I open her legs just a little before sinking my tongue deep inside her. She moans loudly and in less than a second, her fingers are in my hair, threatening to pull them out from the root. She tastes marvellous, and I become gluttonous, sucking at her bud until her legs shake.

With ragged breaths, Tris manages to say, "I want you inside me," and I instantly become even harder than I already am.

When my mouth leaves her body, Tris steps out of her jeans, and as I stand to my feet, she impatiently rids me of mine. I lift her by her hips and press her up against the tree, and she wraps her legs around my waist, but not before I drive myself into her.

She moans loudly as I thrust inside her, and her arms are wrapped so tightly around my neck I can barely breathe. But my body becomes so overcharged when she cries out my name, I have no need of oxygen.

The harder she grabs me, the harder I thrust, sending her higher and higher up the bark of the tree. "I love you," I whisper in her ear as I feel her begin to clench around me.

"Say it again," she urges me, and she sinks her nails into my back.

"I love you, Tris," I moan. "I love you." And I thrust faster now, knowing she's close.

Suddenly, Tris attacks my lips with her own, and when her mouth begins to quiver and she gasps as though the air surrounding us is not enough, I sink myself deeper into her, bringing her along with me as I explode into a million pieces inside her, crying out her name as I cum.

The silent air becomes filled with our heavy breaths, and we both spasm against the tree. Tris' head slowly falls to rest on my shoulder, and I feel as the strength in her legs disappears.

I chuckle a little into the soft skin of her neck. "Looks like you need to lie down, Love. You ready to go back to Johanna now?" I tease her.

Tris laughs weakly as she stands on her feet. Playfully, she pushes me. "Give me back my jeans."

"Is that a yes?" I grin, and I pick up her jeans off the grass. I don't take my eyes off hers when I help her get into them.

"That depends. Is there more where that came from?"

"Definitely," I say gutturally. "The night is still young."

Tris covers her mouth to stifle a laugh, and grinning, I quickly pull my pants on.

"Well we should head back before she falls asleep," I say, then I pull her into me and I don't fight the urge to kiss her again. The kiss is deep and hard, and I feel insatiable.

Tris' face is flushed and she smiles against my lips. "Just because I've got my pants back on doesn't mean you should tempt me. Or we might not make it to Johanna's."

I smile widely, accepting the challenge, and in less than a second my lips are on hers again.

"Belle, this is Bird. Come in!" Zeke shouts over the radio, ruining this incredibly perfect moment. "Belle, this is Bird. Come in!" But Tris' hands are in my hair now, and my lips are now fighting with hers for dominance. "Tris! Answer me!"

Tris pulls away with both annoyance and worry when Zeke calls her name over the radio. My lips greedily chase after hers but they come up disappointed. Huffing a little, she picks up the radio off the ground. "Ugh," she groans. "What is it?"

Zeke sternly says, "They know where you are. Get out of there. Now!"

Straightaway, I feel my body stiffen and I'm suddenly more alert. My eyes quickly scan our surroundings, looking for movement.

"Oh no," Tris groans worriedly, and I pull her into me.

When I see the headlights of what appear to be Dauntless trucks approaching quickly in the distance, I say, "We really need to move, Tris." My hand closes around hers and I begin to lead her back the way we came. "We can't get back to Johanna without being spotted," I say lowly as we cut through the Amity field. "And for all we know, she's the one who tipped them off."

"She wouldn't do that," Tris assures me, shaking her head.

"Either way, we'll have to settle for cover," I say.

"Can we make it to the fence? I really didn't see anyone there."

"We can if we run," I tell her, and immediately we both pick up the pace until we're running through a cornfield. We crash over cornstalks and the heavy leaves cut my cheeks and arms, but we don't stop. When we arrive at the orchard, we breathlessly sprint down the centre aisle of it.

The purr of engines closing in behind us chases us into the trees, and side by side Tris and I race through them. By then, the cars have caught up to us and the headlights creep through the bushes, illuminating the leaves and trunks in front of us. When I hear shouts in the distance and the sound of car doors slamming, I grab Tris' hand and I run faster, pulling her with me. I run faster than I can possibly run and though the night air is heavy in my lungs, I keep breathing it in, knowing if the Dauntless catch up to us, it might be the end of us both.

"There it is!" Tris yells when the fence finally comes into view.

And the next thing we both hear is a gunshot. Gunshots mean we're in range.

"Let's go!" I yell, glancing to my right every second to make sure Tris is keeping up with me. When we finally get to the fence, I run alongside it, pushing against it until I find a hole. I hold the chain links open for Tris to crawl through when I hear a menacing voice yell, "Stop!"

A man runs toward us, his gun pointed at Tris, and when I realize what he's about to do, I lose all control of myself. "Tris!" I yell and I dive in front of her, shielding her body from the bullets. I feel as they pierce my back, one by one, and it might be the sudden loss of blood, but I begin to feel strange inside.

"Tobias!" Tris cries out into my chest. She screams for me, her body pressed hard between mine and the fence, but I can't seem to move. "Tobias!" she cries out again, sobbing this time, grabbing my face between her hands. "Tobias! No!" she cries.

I feel limp, but awakened somehow. And as weak as I am, my hand finds her cheek and slowly I graze my fingers against it. I look into her eyes and I see her, I _really_ see her. _My_ Tris. And where there was once nothingness, there are now endless visions of her, in grey, in black, in nothing at all.

I remember. I remember _everything_.

I gasp as the dots unscramble and connect inside my mind, then I gasp again in awe at my brave wife, because it's all I can seem to do in that moment. "Hello, Beautiful," I say breathlessly, my voice breaking. It was always my favourite pet name for her, because she _is_ beautiful… in every fathomable way. And looking at her, I feel like I can't breathe, yet I feel like it's the first time I've taken a breath in years. I feel like I'm dying yet I feel so alive. "What did I tell you about trying to get yourself killed, Baby?"

Tris gasps. "Tobias?" she whispers. Her eyes open wide with recognition.

"You have to run, Tris."

"No. I'm not leaving you," she cries, and I know it's a losing battle asking her to abandon me.

"You don't know how to give up on me, do you?" I whisper, grazing her cheek with my fingers. So many emotions rise up inside me, fighting for control, but my adoration for her wins. All this time she's been with me, even though I didn't remember who she was; she risked everything to try and save me.

When my hand is about to fall from her face, she grabs it. "Never," Tris answers firmly, her cheeks stained with tears.

I collapse into her arms when my knees fold, but she catches me and together we fall to the ground. Tris cries as she holds onto me, and I see my blood on her hands, on her clothes.

If this is where I die, really die, there's so much I would want to say to her, but the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, "I need you to know I never lied to you." I shake my head slowly, remembering the day it all happened, the day my mother forced the serum into my veins. "I never kept anything from you. At the last minute, I decided to stay and talk to her. I had never seen her before then," I say slowly as I fight for air. "I would have told you the second I got home. I was never going to hide it from you, Tris."

My eyes flood with tears when I remember the way my mother sent her men after me when I tried to escape. She was wise to send ten of them; I couldn't fight them all off, not at the same time.

"Tobias, don't," Tris cries, and the pain in her eyes cripples me more than the burning in my back.

"Tell Andy I love him more than anything in the world," I utter softly, and I feel my heart break inside me. I have a son, and he is beautiful.

"You'll tell him yourself," Tris says insistently.

"I love you," I say to Tris, my voice sounding faded, and I press my forehead on hers out of pure longing and sheer weakness.

"Tobias," she continues to cry. "Tobias, hold on! You can't die on me! I can't go through this again. Don't leave me again, please," she begs, grabbing onto me wherever her hands lie. But I feel like I'm dying. I feel the life oozing out of me, out of the tiny holes in my back.

"Don't move!" the soldiers yell as they all approach us. I can't see them, but I recognize one of their voices. "Stay on the ground!" he yells, but of course Tris does the exact opposite. I try to stop her, but I'm too weak.

Tris stands to her feet and fearlessly pushes him backward, away from me. Livid, she yells, "Why did you shoot him?! You didn't have to shoot him!"

"Tris," I choke, remembering whose voice that is. I gather some strength and I reach out my hand to her.

She runs back to me and throws herself on the ground. She squeezes my hands. "I'm right here. I'm right here."

"It's Chad," I suddenly remember to tell her. I can't believe I hadn't.

"Yes, Baby. Chad was the one who shot you."

"No, Tris. It was _Chad_," I say again, and all of a sudden, I feel like I don't have the strength to say anything else, to explain what I mean to say.

"Come with me!" Chad demands, and he tears Tris away from me, the last bit of life I cling to.

Tris thrashes in his arms, demanding he let her go, even though I imagine the other soldiers pointing their guns at her. In my mind I'm pleading with her to just be still and cooperate before they harm her, but my lips can't seem to move.

"If he dies, so do you!" Tris screams venomously. "And that's a promise, Chad!" Her voice seems more distant now, and the night seems to be getting darker.

"Tris," I manage to whisper, but my lips freeze again and I feel when the darkness of the night takes over me, leaving nothing at all.


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**TRIS**

"You're gonna be okay, baby," I sob like a child, frantically rubbing Tobias' dark hair over and over again until it lies smooth and flat on his head. He's unconscious and lying face up in the back of the truck. My knees are most likely bruised; they're sore from all the times I've landed on them as the truck speeds on the uneven road, but I don't get up.

I press a kiss to Tobias' forehead just as we take a hard turn toward Dauntless, and before the truck even comes to a complete stop, it's suddenly surrounded by soldiers dressed in full gear. I hear a familiar voice screaming orders and I can't help but throw my head back and sob a little harder.

From this point forward, Tobias' life is in Derek's hands.

"Get him out of the truck. Now! They're waiting for him," Derek shouts and then all of a sudden there are several pairs of hands on me, ripping me away from Tobias.

I grab on to his bloody shirt, and then his arms and his feet as they pull me away from him. "No!" I yell, but no one listens. I try to fight them off even though I'm sure they'd knock me unconscious before they ever let me go. I kick one of the men in his kneecap and just as he raises a heavy fist in the air, Derek viciously orders, "Let her go!" and he pulls me away from them.

I don't bother to thank him. Instead, I quickly jump out of the truck and try to follow behind the men who are carrying my severely injured husband inside Dauntless, but Derek grabs my arm and pulls me back. "Let go of me!" I yell at him.

"Tris, you need to come with me," he answers softly, but his grip on my arm is so firm I can feel my fingers going numb. I swing my head around to look at him and I notice his green eyes look darker than usual.

"I have to go with him," I say through my teeth, barely able to speak at all.

"You can't," Derek answers calmly, but his eyes are filled with more worry than I had expected, and something else I don't recognize. "He's going into emergency surgery. I promise we'll keep you updated on his condition, but you _cannot_ go with him."

My shoulders sink and I feel like the entire world rests on them. I want to be by Tobias' side, I want to hold his hand through all of this. I feel like maybe somehow he will know I'm there, he'll be able to feel me and he'll fight harder to come back to me. But I also know I'm fighting a losing battle.

As my body accepts defeat, it relaxes, and I feel Derek gently slide his hand down my right arm. Before I realize what he's doing, he closes the cold, metal cuff around it.

I look down at my arm and then up at him. "Where are you taking me? A cell?"

He sighs. "I don't want to have to do this, Tris… but you know I do."

"You _don't_," I shake my head at him with tears running down my cheeks. "You're the head of security. You could do whatever you want." And he could, even with all the soldiers here waiting to take me away. If he ordered it, I could very well sleep in my own apartment tonight after they escorted me there.

"What I want is to find out the truth, and you and Four are our main suspects in whatever the fuck is going on out there with the factionless. I can't just let you walk away… as much as I would want to."

"Don't bullshit me, Derek," I snarl, and then willingly I give him my other arm. There's no point in fighting him on this. I have neither the energy nor the desire to fuel his ego, because ultimately that's all it's ever about with him.

He sighs, and then he begins to lead me away, toward my cell and away from my husband. And although I know Tobias is long gone, I can't help but look behind me the entire way.

* * *

I try to compose myself as I pace back and forth inside the cold, dark cell, but I won't deny I've let out a scream or two.

"He'll be okay," I say to myself, over and over again. I need to believe it more than anything; I don't know if I'd be able to survive it- getting Tobias back only to lose him again. For a brief moment he was in my arms- my husband, my soulmate, the love of my life. He looked at me and he recognized me.

I hold onto the precious memory like a crutch, I breathe it in and I breathe in deep because there's no damn air in this cell. In my head I replay his voice saying '_Hello, Beautiful_,' because it's all that's keeping me together.

More than a few hours have passed and no one has come to check on me. I've never been on this side of the law before, but I somehow doubt we leave our prisoners this unattended. I feel like they've abandoned me on purpose, the way they believe I've abandoned them. They're torturing me, knowing damn well I'm losing my mind worrying about Tobias.

A part of me can't help but wonder if Derek will really do all he can to save Tobias. On one hand, he _might_, even if only just to hold it over our heads or rub our faces in it one day. It would make him feel like he owns us, thinking we owe him our lives, and I imagine him sleeping like a baby at that thought. But on the other hand, he might _not_ do all he can, just out of pure spite.

I look toward the darkness when I finally hear footsteps coming toward me, and I wipe my face with my hands but it's a laughable effort; though the tears are gone, my eyes are almost swollen shut.

Before I can make out anyone, I hear keys jingling, and then the last voice on Earth I'd ever want to hear says, "I'd leave you locked up in here for weeks if it was up to me."

My blood immediately begins to boil.

"But obviously it's not, though you wish it _were_," I snap back at Chad, correcting his grammar, because I _hate_ him to the point of being that petty. This is _his_ fault, all of it, and my first instinct is to wrap my fingers around his scrawny little neck and choke the life out of him. Not a damn soul would miss him.

"Turn around," he says, rolling his eyes at me when he gets to the door of my cell. When I don't move he yells, "Turn around, Tris!"

"You're going to pay for this," I say venomously. "All of it."

Chad steps a little bit closer to the cell. "That's the second time you've threatened me." He holds two fingers in the air. "You better watch yourself."

"And _you_ better pray my husband survives," I say, and then I freeze, suddenly wondering if he came with news. "Why are you here, Chad?" I quickly ask.

"Harrison sent for you," he answers with a scoff. "They're allowing you to see Four. "

"He's okay?" I cry out. But Chad ignores my question. I quickly turn around and push my arms through the small opening in the cell door as he had requested. He's at least smart enough to cuff my hands behind me before letting me out. When I turn back around, he huffs as he fumbles with the keys, trying at least four of them before one finally fits and the door creaks open.

Looking frustrated, he grabs my arm and pulls me out of the cell. "Let's go," he growls at me and almost throws me down, but I catch my balance and I kick him off his feet. His back crashes into the ground with a loud thud, and he cries out like the baby he is. And with my hands tied behind my back, I press my heel hard down into his throat until he gags.

"You can talk _stupid_ all you want, but don't you _ever_ manhandle me," I seethe at him as he claws at my ankle with his fingers. "I might be your little prisoner for now, but I'm still a leader here, and I can kill you with or without my hands cuffed behind my back. And God knows you've given me more than enough reason to."

He fights for air but I don't lift my foot off his airway until he nods three times.

I step back and levelly say, "Now tell me exactly where you're taking me and_ I'm_ choosing the route. Because if you think you're going to parade me around my own faction in handcuffs you're out of your mind."

Chad doesn't look at me. He rolls himself over and then pushes himself to his feet. As he rubs the dirt off his clothes, he rasps, "He's still at the infirmary. And don't touch me again," he growls as he grabs my arm. If I didn't wish to slice his throat this very minute, I'd laugh at him.

* * *

I'm relieved when the front door of the infirmary comes into view; even taking the least trafficked route, I grew tired of people looking at me and whispering, although that's the least harmful thing they could do. The Dauntless don't take well to traitors. If Tobias and I can't prove our innocence, they will kill us.

Knowing he's somewhere behind that door, my legs move faster and so does my heart. Chad keeps up with me only because he has to. Reluctantly, he opens the door and leads me to Tobias' room. We walk past the front desk and the nurse tries not to make eye contact; she knows me well. I can only hope she is as gentle with my husband as she is with my son.

When we arrive at Tobias' room, as if to punish me, Chad opens the door far too slowly. I end up pushing past him, but when I see Tobias, I freeze in place. He's unconscious, with a large white tube sticking out the right side of his chest. It's connected to a rectangular contraption with bubbling water inside. His abdomen is covered in gauze, straight down the middle, all the way from his heart to his waist. Both his arms are stretched out, connected to IVs. There's a small tube in his nose giving him oxygen, and he looks pale, like they drained most of the blood out of his body. My eyes are fixated on him and I don't see the walls, I don't see the floor, I don't see anything else in the room but Tobias and the white sheet under him.

"Tris?" I hear Harrison say. His voice is distant and his image blurred. I know he's standing there and he's not alone, but I can't help but focus on Tobias who looks like he's closer to death than life.

As I stare at him, pain and anger fight for control of my body, and ultimately anger wins. I scream out, and I thrash even though my hands are cuffed behind my back. And as if knowing what I was about to do, Zeke grabs me, pulling me away from Chad, away from the man who did this. I scream at him to let me go, but he doesn't. Instead, he pulls me closer until my cries are muffled into his chest.

"He's alive, Tris," Zeke whispers over and over again, and I barely hear him over the sound of my own crying. "He's alive."

Zeke rocks me back and forth and I feel as Harrison sets a comforting hand on my shoulder. The moment feels too familiar; neither of the two had left my side for even a second at Tobias' memorial.

"Take off her cuffs, Chad," I hear Harry say.

"But-"

"I said… take them off," he presses him.

Chad obeys, although I imagine reluctantly, and the second my hands are freed I wrap them around Zeke and then around Harrison, my need for comfort stronger than my need to tighten my fingers around Chad's throat. I hold onto them until I have the strength to turn around and face my husband, and when I finally do, my heart shatters into a million different tiny pieces.

Almost unable to see through the tears, I run to him, and carefully I take him into my arms. His body is warm and his breaths are steady and it comforts me a little because Zeke is right- he _is_ alive, and as long as he's alive there's a chance.

I sit beside him on the bed and I kiss his face and rub my hands over his hair. "Tobias," I whisper his name, hoping he can hear me though he can't open his eyes or move. Tobias has always been so strong that seeing him this frail, this weak, it breaks me. "I can't believe this is happening," I sob, squeezing his hand. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"Yeah? How _was_ it supposed to happen?" Chad interjects, although no one is speaking to him or actually wants him inside this room.

"I want him out of here!" I scream at the top of my lungs, so viciously it scares even me.

"You're excused, Chad," Harrison says without hesitation, and without so much as a word, Chad walks out of the room. It's unlike him and it might be the most decent thing he's ever done.

"He's so _fucking_ unbearable," Zeke mumbles the second Chad closes the door behind him.

"He's a _coward_," I growl through my teeth. "He knew he couldn't take him so he shot him in the back."

And only when the room goes eerily quiet and I turn and watch as both men's faces become as hard as brick, do I realize they didn't know it was Chad who shot Tobias.

"_What?!" _Zeke yells in rage when he finally finds his words. His hands quickly draw into hard fists and his eyes become twice as dark. "That son of a _bitch_!"

"Don't," Harrison says sternly as he grabs Zeke by the arm just as he is about to storm outside and give Chad the greatest beating he's ever had in his life. "Not that he doesn't deserve it, but we need to tread carefully."

"What he deserves is to _die_!" Zeke says heatedly, pointing at the door as Chad stands on the other side. "And why the _fuck_ do they have him guarding Tris?!"

"Because Derek is a piece of shit," Harrison quickly affirms, glancing between me and Zeke. "But I'll deal with it."

Zeke rolls his eyes as he tugs his arm away from Harrison.

"Zeke, _I_ will deal with it," Harry insists. "You're already on thin ice as is."

"What's going on?" I ask, my curiosity sparked. "What do you mean by that? Is Zeke in trouble?"

Harry sighs and pushes his hands inside his pockets. "Zeke spent a few days in that very cell where you are right now."

"What? Why?"

"Chad wants to have me tried for aiding and abetting traitors," Zeke answers. "When Derek asked him why, he elaborated in detail my involvement in removing Four from the factionless hideout. He said I smacked him upside the head and well… he had a pretty bruise to prove it. He also knows I'm the one who gave you the heads up when they were on to you the first time."

I gasp. "Why didn't you deny it? It's your word against his, Zeke."

"Couldn't do that without compromising the others," he answers with a slight shrug.

"So what about Chris and Uriah?" I ask. I try not to think about Christina. It aches.

Zeke smiles a little. "They… acted under duress. That's what my official statement said, anyway."

"I _knew_ it was a mistake taking him along," I hold my head in one hand and Tobias' hand in the other.

"We didn't have a choice," Zeke says gently. "And we knew the second he saw Four he would sell us out."

"I'm so sorry, Zeke," I shake my head. "I never meant for anyone else to get hurt." Maybe it was selfish of me to ask for help and involve others knowing how dangerous this could turn out to be. And I should have known something was wrong the last time Zeke came over to the bunker. He almost looked like he was planning to spend the night because he thought I wasn't going to be there with Tobias.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Tris. This isn't your fault."

"It _is_, because _I_ got you involved."

"I would have been upset if you hadn't," he says evenly, and undoubtedly I know it's true. Zeke would do anything for Tobias, and he'd have never let me undertake all of this on my own. It's the whole reason why I went to him in the first place.

"So how did you get out?" I ask.

"He's on… administrative leave," Harry answers for him.

"You've lost your leadership position," I deduce with a frown.

"Just for now," Zeke shakes his head. "Don't worry about it too much."

"Don't worry?" I ask, literally unable to do anything but that since we were caught. My face has never felt so heavy. "Who's filling your position for the time being?"

"Nobody," Harry shakes his head. "We voted and both Derek and Chad believed this isn't the right time to invoke new leadership. I wanted to involve the faction considering how the large majority is loyal to both you and Zeke, but even _that_ came to vote." He sighs. "This whole thing's a mess, Tris. It's basically us against them."

"Well then let's be glad there are more of us than there are of _them_," I say strongly, looking Harrison right in the eye.

"Yeah, but technically two thirds of us aren't an acting leader of this faction," Harrison says carefully. "If it comes to a vote, I'll lose every time."

"What are we going to do?" I ask quietly, feeling a bit defeated. Without Zeke, Harrison's right, we're outnumbered in leadership. And Derek has quite the following; he could almost get away with anything he wanted to.

But I look at Tobias and I remember why I'm doing this. Whatever happens, whatever it comes to, I won't give up on him- I can't. The truth is, I think the hardest part might be over now that he remembers. I smile thinking about how he was with me, body and soul, not too long ago.

"He remembered," I tell them softly, squeezing Tobias' hand a little. "Just before they shot him. He remembered."

"Are you sure, Tris?" Zeke pleads, taking a large step closer to the bed.

"Yes," I say without any doubt in my mind. I saw it in his eyes and I heard it in his voice. It was all him. "He protected me," I tell them tearfully. "He shielded me from the bullets."

"That's Four all right."

"So we can still do this," Harrison whispers.

"Absolutely," Zeke strongly confirms, nodding his head a little. "With his memory back, at least we'll have a fair shot."

I nod. Taking Tobias' face between my palms, I tell him, "We're going to get you out of this, Baby. You're gonna be okay. We're all going to be okay." And I count my lucky stars, praying that I'm right and that everything will be worth it in the end.

"What happens now?" I turn again to ask Harrison. "Will he stay here? At Dauntless?"

"Lucky for us it's something the doctors seem to be able to manage here," he says. "If he complicates he'll have to be transferred to Erudite, and nobody wants that. We don't need them lurking in our internal affairs and they don't want any more of our people in their building."

Almost as if he had heard us, the doctor walks inside the room and shares a polite nod with all of us. A small medical unit from Erudite lives inside the compound, but I've never seen him before; he must be new. He has brown skin and jet black hair, and he wears a pair of blue scrubs and a long, white coat. He's tall like Tobias, but thinner. He carries a bunch of papers in his hands.

"Mrs. Eaton, may I speak with you privately for a moment?" His voice is very deep and a bit raspy. He must be tired. It's the middle of the night and they were operating for hours.

Zeke and Harrison are about to walk out when I say, "That won't be necessary. Whatever you have to say to me, I want them to hear."

The doctor nods courteously and then introduces himself saying, "My name is Dr. Ben Watson. I'm a trauma surgeon. I'm the one who operated on your husband."

"Is he going to be okay?" I stand to my feet and face Dr. Watson. "Will he be okay?" I ask again.

The doctor sighs and then he straightens his back a little. "Mrs. Eaton, the damage to your husband's body was extensive. The bullets entered through his back but they ricocheted and caused considerable damage in both his chest and abdomen. He received injury to his right diaphragm and his right lung, along with liver injuries and multiple intestinal perforations. We saved what we could, and resected what we couldn't."

And though I know more about guns than I know about medicine and surgery, I know what the words _considerable damage _imply. My hands begin to go numb and with my lips trembling I ask, "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying your husband is lucky to be alive, Mrs. Eaton," Dr. Watson says. "Many wouldn't have survived the gunshots and much less the surgery, but… your husband seemed as determined to survive as we were to save him." He sighs. "We were glad to see his kidneys received no damage. There were also no complications during the surgery, and his vitals have remained stable post-op. We're giving him everything he needs for his body to heal and we're hoping he does just that."

"So you expect him to make a full recovery?" Zeke asks before I can. His face is distorted with a mixture of hope and anxiety.

"Post-op complications are a real possibility and I need you all to remember that, but know that we will take every measure possible to avert them," Dr. Watson ensures us.

I feel as the blood rushes back to my fingertips, and I smile with optimism. "How long will he need to be here?"

"There is no real timeline for critical cases like these," Dr. Watson explains slowly, "We take it day by day. But if all goes well, he would be released from our care in about three weeks."

I hear Harrison release a breath of relief behind me, and my shoulders relax for the first time in hours. Three weeks is a long time, but I've been yearning for Tobias for five years. I return to my place by his bedside and smile at him. Tobias has _always_ been strong, determined. I have no doubt now he will leave this world on his own terms.

"Why hasn't he woken up?" I ask Dr. Watson.

"The surgery was lengthy and stressful on his body," he answers. "He needs time to rest in order to heal and regain strength. He is also heavily medicated for the pain. Just give him time."

I nod, and I thank the doctor for all his help. He's very kind, but that's not unusual; most of the Erudite doctors who agree to work in the other factions are Divergents.

"Before I leave you, there's the matter of the paperwork," he continues, pinching his thick eyebrows together. "Due to the fact that your husband's surgery was an emergency, we did everything we had to in the moment, but there are a few consent forms I'll need you to sign. And from this point forward everything we do we will need your permission, which can only be overridden by the head of Dauntless security."

The last part immediately catches my attention. "Why should Derek be able to override my decisions?"

"Your husband isn't only a patient, Mrs. Eaton. He's a suspect in an ongoing case, which makes the circumstances surrounding his care a bit complicated."

I understand it's not Dr. Watson's fault, but that doesn't make me hate the idea any less. There's no comfort in being reminded of the fact that Derek is ultimately the one in control and I could never trust that he'll do what's best for Tobias.

Sensing my uneasiness, Dr. Watson sets the paperwork on the table beside the bed. "I'll leave you with these so you can read and sign. I'll be right outside. Just let the nurse know when you're ready to hand in the papers."

I only nod.

"Thank you, Doctor," Harrison says as Dr. Watson walks out of the room. I can't seem to find my words.

Groaning in exasperation, Zeke digs at his hair and goes to rest his back against the wall. "Can he do that? Does he really have that authority?"

"He does," Harry answers at the same time the person in question walks inside the room with his lap dog at his side. Chad closes the door behind them and then takes his place at Derek's side. He crosses his arms in front of his chest with a disgustingly smug look on his face.

"Just leave us alone!" I yell at them, immediately infuriated at the sight of them both. How dare they come in here?

I've never wished another person dead, not even Marcus or Evelyn, but with so much emotion running through my veins, if either of the men in front of me were to come to a cruel and bitter end, I would truly be glad. They are the only ones standing between life and death, between incarceration and freedom, neither of them deserving of that honour.

"Tris," Derek begins.

I take a few quick steps toward Derek. He looks down at me and I glare up at him unafraid, though I know my eyes are filled with pain. "If you think I'm letting you kill my husband, you have another thing coming," I snarl at him, challenging him.

His eyes square in on mine. "If I wanted him dead, he would have been. Who do you think called in a trauma surgeon from Erudite and ordered to have him rushed into surgery the second he got here?"

"You're not the hero here, Derek," I say flatly. "You're not fooling anyone."

"Tris… I am trying to _help_ you," he loudly states as he reaches out and grabs my hand.

It's a grave mistake. Both Zeke and Harrison are beside him in less than a second and it's suddenly crowded in this part of the room.

"Let go of her," Zeke says menacingly, breathing down Derek's neck. He stands daringly close to him.

"Or _what_?" Chad butts in, and he casually runs his fingers through his blond hair. "You forget you have no authority here anymore?"

"He doesn't, but I do," Harrison says darkly to Chad. "And I'm sure I told you to leave this room."

"He's her guard," Derek growls. "He doesn't leave her side unless_ I_ say so."

"You listen to me you sick piece of shit," Zeke glares at Derek as he literally rips his fingers from around my hand. "You think you can intimidate her with obvious and pitiful power plays?"

I pull my hand away. I hate to admit it but I _do_ feel intimidated at times. The truth is I feel hopeful one minute then helpless the next.

"I'm not the one displaying abuse of power here, Zeke," Derek spits, glancing between him and Harrison. I suddenly remember I'm not even supposed to be here. Chad most likely went to fetch Derek when Harrison sent him outside the room.

"Are you sure about that? Then why the fuck is _he_ guarding her?" His eyes glare at Chad for a brief second before returning to Derek.

"Because he's the best person for the job," Derek answers stupidly.

"He's the one who shot her husband you insensitive _fuck_."

"You're overstepping, Zeke," Derek says, and I can hear the irritation in his tone. He feels disrespected, but truthfully none of us ever did respect him.

"Am I?" Zeke queries sarcastically.

"Derek," Harrison growls, and reluctantly Derek looks at him. "There is _no_ reason Chad has to be the one guarding Tris."

The five of us stand there, leaders of Dauntless, fighting like we always have. I can count on one hand the number of times we unanimously agreed on something, and it was always trivial things, things of no consequence. And now, one of the most important people in my life lies in their hands. It's nothing short of tragic and my face sinks to my knees when I think about that reality. I don't think I start crying, because I don't recall having ever stopped. I quickly wipe a tear away, but not before everyone can see it.

Looking at me with some sort of sympathy, Derek says, "I'll have someone else on her duty first thing in the morning." He pauses. "That's the best I can do."

"I'll be fine," I say strongly, looking at Zeke and Harrison. I may feel helpless and overwhelmed right now, but I won't give Derek and Chad the pleasure of basking in it.

"Good," Derek says, though not to anyone. "Chad, escort the prisoner back to her cell please."

I don't resist as Chad places the handcuffs on me, but I do look back on Tobias one more time. I memorize the pattern of his slow breathing and I mimic it. It calms me, makes me feel closer to him.

I don't look at Derek, but I feel his eyes on me as Chad takes me outside of the room. I pass a grateful smile to Harrison and Zeke who I'm sure will hear a few words from Derek for what they did.

"Let's go," Chad grumbles as he walks me through the halls, back to my cell. "He's going to be executed," he adds. "I don't even know why we're going through this much trouble to save his life."

I struggle a little, wanting so bad to hit him in the face or shoot him in the knee.

"Why do you want him dead?" I hiss at Chad. "You ungrateful child! You of all people should know everything he did for the good of this faction."

"Because two weeks ago he _was _dead," he says nonchalantly. "It doesn't matter what he did back then. He's a traitor now, and traitors are executed in this faction."

"If he dies by _any_ means, so do you," I remind him.

He scoffs at me. "Look at you, twice the innocent widow. Well played, Tris." His eyes scan me from head to toe before he says. "You don't deserve to wear our colours. But you know what? You're going to get away with it, all because Derek wants to fuck you." He rolls his eyes. "So does Zeke it appears… if he hasn't already. I imagine that's why he's so willing to help a traitor. You must really deliver." He grins. "I wonder how Four's going to feel about _that_ when he wakes up."

"_Fuck_ you, Chad," I hiss at him. He's so vile that even the air he breathes is left tainted and I'm tempted to hold my breath.

Looking at me with disgust, he says, "Naw… not me. I'd rather not. I personally don't see what all the hype is about," and he shoves me inside the cell. I huff, but I don't say anything; he isn't worth any of my words. The only thing he deserves is a day of reckoning.

He locks the cell door in front of me, and then, as he's walking away I say, "Chad," and he turns around. "I take it back… I _will_ kill you… regardless."

* * *

**A/N: Exhale, because Tobias is alive! Can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter :)**


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**TRIS**

I somehow manage to fall asleep in the dark, quiet cell, but even in my dreams the image of Tobias looking so pale and weak haunts me. He's always been the strongest person I've ever known, and I never imagined I'd ever see him look so helpless. But then again, him enduring all that he has is a sign of his strength, his will to survive, to be with me and our son.

I release the longest breath at the thought of my baby boy, thankful he's away from all this, safe with my mother, yet broken-hearted when I think about how scared he must be, wondering why his parents aren't back yet. I don't know when I'll see him again, and my chest feels tight all of a sudden. I try to distract myself, thinking about what it'll be like when this is all over. I always imagine the three of us in a small house somewhere. It's become my safe place when my thoughts get the best of me and the air feels too thin.

I don't pace as much in the cell today. I breathe easier now knowing Tobias is alive, knowing he has a good shot at surviving this. But I still ache; I want to hold him until he wakes up, I want to hear his voice, I want to feel his lips against mine. I want to look into his eyes and tell him how much I've missed him. I want him to tell me everything, and I want to tell _him_ everything, filling every gap in time we've suffered. More than anything, I just want us to be together again.

But I don't forget where we are or the situation we're in. We weren't supposed to find ourselves in Dauntless until we had figured out a way to stop Evelyn and until we had enough evidence to prove our innocence. Both will be a hell of a lot harder to figure out now with me behind bars and Tobias unconscious. But it's not impossible; we have the most loyal friends and I know they'll do whatever they can to help us end this nightmare. They'll help us get our lives back. We just need to be strong.

"Soon, Tris," I whisper to myself, and I take in a deep breath of the air that surrounds me. It's far less unpleasant now. Either someone opened a few windows or I'm getting used to the old, crusty air. I believe it's the latter.

"Soon what?" Derek's voice startles me and I jump. I didn't even hear him approaching. I immediately turn around and there he is, standing tall in all his glory.

"Nothing that concerns you," I scowl at him, my disdain for him blatantly written on my face and etched in my tone. It's grown over the past few hours. While sitting here doing nothing, I had time to contemplate what Zeke had said to him about power plays. It never occurred to me that Chad guarding me was a calculated decision; I had assumed he'd taken the role since it was his arrest. But looking back at it now I can see how heartless it was and how Derek _meant_ for it to intimidate me, to remind me of who was in control. He took advantage of me when I was most vulnerable. "Why are you here, Derek?" I ask with much contempt.

With his hands behind his back, he takes a few steps closer to my cell. He looks pristine as usual- not a wrinkle on his dark jacket, not a hair out of place. His boots are black and spotless, like he had them shined just before he came down here. "You forgot these," he says as he reveals the handful of papers he was holding behind his back. "Dr. Watson asked me to have them signed."

"Well, why don't _you_ sign them?" I toy with him. "Since you're obviously the one in control here."

He lets out a heavy breath. "Tris," he groans and rolls his eyes at me. "I don't have some sort of evil plan to force you into subjection."

"Oh, really?" I say under my breath.

"Look, I'm sorry about Chad," he continues. "I wasn't thinking. I already assigned you a new guard." He nervously runs his free hand through his hair.

"Fine," I concede. "Well you can leave the papers on the floor and go."

I'm about to turn back around when he says, "I'm also here to take your statement." He raises his chin in the air a little. I can see he enjoys this. He's not fooling anyone.

"I'd rather someone else did," I say with a scoff.

"Well I'm the only head of security at Dauntless, Tris," he says proudly. "And I'm the one you want on your side." As if I needed reminding. He sets the papers down on the ground in front of me, and crosses his arms in front of his chest as he rises back to his feet. "Tell me what happened the night your team went to the alleged factionless location."

"Alleged?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "We found an entire warehouse full of factionless and stolen weapons. How is that an _alleged_ location? And didn't Chad give you a report?" I spit his name. It feels vile on my lips.

"Yes, he did," he answers, "And in that report he states that you purposefully sabotaged the mission, leading them into a trap that ultimately led to the team's capture. "

"That's a lie!" I counter angrily. "Chad was the one who fucked up the mission when he started thinking with his ego instead of his head! We would have _never_ been captured if he had listened to me. Besides, _I_ was the one who set up the plan to rescue everyone before Evelyn had a chance to execute them!" I remember that night so clearly and I'm certain Chad does, too. "Chad is intentionally setting me up! He has made it _very_ clear to me that he wants Four dead for whatever despicable reason."

Quite honestly, it doesn't make much sense. Chad usually acts on his own behalf, but he has nothing to gain from Tobias' death. Unless he's afraid that Tobias being re-instated would mean _he'd_ get kicked out of leadership. Or… my initial hunch was right all along, and Chad really _is_ the one working with Evelyn, and he knows Tobias is a loose end. I gasp when I remember Tobias' last words to me. He kept saying Chad's name. Could he have been trying to tell me?

I stare blankly at Derek for a moment, wondering just how much influence Chad has had on him over the past weeks. If they're in this together, Tobias and I don't have a fighting chance to stay in this faction.

"Tell me about Evelyn," Derek demands, entirely ignoring my rant about Chad.

I take a breath, wondering how much I should tell him, and I feel my fingers begin to shake. "What about her?" I ask hesitantly, but aware that I need to know just how much he knows, even if just to ascertain his loyalties. "She's their leader."

"Who just happens to be… Four's mother," Derek says inquisitively, and he stares at me as he waits for an answer. "Is that true?" Thankfully, he really doesn't seem to be the wiser, but I feel my pupils dilate because I know exactly where this conversation is headed, and there's no real way back from there.

"Yes, but… it's not what you're thinking," I shake my head quickly, trying anyway. "I know how it looks, Derek, but you need to listen to me. She tricked him-"

"What it looks like is you and your husband allied yourselves with the factionless for God knows whatever reason and went on the run when you got caught," he loudly interrupts me.

"Listen to me," I begin to explain. "His mother wiped his memory, filled his head with lies and convinced him he grew up there and he worked for her. The team and I stumbled upon him by chance, but after I found him I couldn't leave him there. I had to get him away from her. But because he couldn't remember anything, I couldn't just bring him home either. That's why I took him and ran."

Derek stares at me with the most incredulous glare. "So you're saying you have absolutely no connection to Four's dealings with the factionless?" He takes a step closer to me.

"I didn't even know he was alive," I admit sincerely.

"So why did he help you escape?" Derek asks and his eyes reek of disbelief.

"Because he thought I looked familiar," I say. "His memories were still there, just buried somewhere he couldn't access them."

"Well if he thought you looked familiar, why did you have to kidnap him? Why didn't he just go willingly?"

"It wasn't that simple," I groan, trying to stay calm. As frustrated as I am, I'm well aware of how difficult this is to swallow. It seems ridiculous to me, too. "He grew to believe he was someone else. He wasn't going to just let that go because I told him so."

Derek chuckles and the look on his face infuriates me. Not only does he not believe a word I'm saying; he also feels the need to ridicule me. "Is that really what you're going with, Tris?"

"I'm not making this up," I say forcefully. "Chad saw it for himself! Oh, but I'm betting he didn't put _that_ in his report, did he?" I scowl. Every day I find a new reason to murder him. It might be the easiest thing I ever do. The second I confirm he's the traitor, he is dead. "_He's_ the one you should be questioning," I mention, but careful not to say too much. If Chad knows I'm on to him, it might make things considerably worse for me.

Derek nods a few times. "Ok. Well, out of respect, I'll give you some time to rethink your statement and then I'll come back. We'll start this conversation from the beginning, and I'll be expecting a different set of answers."

Filled with anger, I grab onto the bars of the cell. "Why? My answers won't change!" I yell. "If you don't believe me, go to Amity. Speak to their leader. She'll tell you _everything_."

"Who, _Johanna_?" Derek grimaces. "I actually know Johanna quite well, and she's a _lunatic_," he stresses. "Besides, I don't want the other factions involved in this. We'll handle our own affairs."

"Oh, how convenient for you," I say sarcastically.

With one large and quick step, Derek stands so close to me I can feel him breathing; the bars are all that separate us. "Tell me the truth, Tris," he urges me. "I can help you, but I need to know everything."

"I _am_ telling the truth!"

_"Are_ you?" he counters. "Tris, everything about this screams that Four is a traitor. From the train crash that killed everybody but him-"

"He had nothing to do with that!"

"-and the bunkers you fled to? The bunkers _he_ had built?" He glares at me. "Quit the bullshit. This plan was years in the making, Tris, and it's impossible to refute. Why can't you see how bad this looks?"

"What his motive, Derek?" I question him tersely. "Aren't you the same person who kept telling him he was too just? Too honest? And now you're telling me you sincerely believe that that same man willingly betrayed his faction? What does he have to gain from that?"

"You tell me," he scoffs. "What do _you_ have to gain from protecting him? What's in it for _you_? Which reminds me," he rubs his cheek a little. "What's in it for _Zeke_? After all you did drag him into this, and he lost his leadership position because of it. He's damn lucky that's the only punishment he faced."

I'm left speechless for a moment, because I _did_ drag Zeke into this, and I suddenly taste guilt on my lips even though I know Zeke would have helped me whether I asked him to or not.

"He was trying to help save his best friend," I say calmly. "Nothing more."

"And by his best friend you mean… Four?"

I give him an eye. "Of course. He felt he owed it to him. Zeke blamed himself for Four's death and you _know_ that."

Derek laughs a little. "Are you really that blind, Tris?" he says. "Because I don't think that's the only thing he feels guilty about."

"Whatever the _fuck_ do you mean?" I seethe at him, although I really doubt his answer is anything I'd want to hear.

"I see the way he looks at you," Derek says. "Like he cares about you more than he knows he should. And I don't think I'm the first person to tell you that."

He's certainly not, but I ignore him just as I ignore them. Just as I ignored Chad yesterday. Zeke would never do anything he knows would hurt Tobias. "I don't expect you to understand how friendship works, Derek, considering you have no friends."

"I'm sure he'd love to be more than your friend, just like _I _would, but of course he would never say anything to you," Derek continues lowly, and he rubs one of the bars between his fingers a little. "Not even if Four had stayed dead. Because everybody knows your heart lies with the traitor."

I lean in closer to him and threateningly say, "Get the fuck out of here, Derek, if all you're going to do is stand there and accuse us."

He doesn't move. "I'm accusing _Four_," he answers nonchalantly. "Not you. Not Zeke. Fuck, I empathize with Zeke. He's not the only man in this mix-up who is going to make stupid decisions because of you." He glances at my lips for a second and it makes me want to vomit. "Everything incriminates _Four_. So nobody else has to go down with him."

"I would _never_ betray my husband," I seethe.

"And that's exactly what I'm afraid of," Derek says with a slight frown. "I guess this is why you refused to go out with me. All this time you knew he was alive."

"I didn't!" I yell out of frustration and anger and the desire to tear him to pieces. "Why are you making this about _you_?!"

"So you just didn't want me then," he says softly, and if these bars weren't standing in my way, I'd smack him across the face.

I scoff so loudly it echoes in the dark room. "Are you so arrogant it is _that_ hard for you to consider the possibility that someone might actually just not want you?!" But I already know the answer to that question. I already know Derek only kept pursuing me because I kept telling him no. He's so used to women throwing themselves at him that he thinks he's above rejection. I'm not the type he usually goes for- tall, beautiful, gorgeous hair, perfect skin, no baggage. When it comes to me it's only about the chase, about conquering the one woman who isn't hopelessly enthralled by him.

"Well want me or not, I am your only way out of this mess," he finally backs away from the cell. He shakes his head at me, as if he is in any position to be disappointed in me. "Have you ever considered he's not the man you thought he was? And he pretended to lose his memory, if that's even what happened, so he wouldn't have to face you? He left you here, Tris, yet you're protecting him. And here I am trying to help you, the _only_ person trying to help _you_, and you're refusing me still."

"Because I need you _so_ much, Derek," I say sarcastically. The tension behind my eyes begins to build again.

"You are a horrible judge of character. Do you know that?" he scowls at me. "Where's your best friend, Tris? Has she been in to see you at all?"

It feels like a jab to the heart. Every time I think about Chris it aches. Aside from Andy, she was the one who held me together when I was at my lowest, and it hurts so much to think that I've lost her.

"You have the visitor's log," I answer rudely, trying to hide my pain. "You know she hasn't."

"And I'm not surprised," Derek almost grins. "Christina has _always_ been jealous of you, Tris, since your initiation. Or have you forgotten that already?"

Honestly, I had. It was too long ago and no longer relevant to either of our lives.

"Why were _you_ the one who ended up with the instructor when she's so much prettier than you?" Derek continues on his stupid rampage. "At least that's what _she_ thought. I disagreed wholeheartedly and I found_ I_ was more insulted by her opinion of you than _you_ were. Christina has always been so shallow, so uninteresting, yet wanting the best of everything as if she deserved it. And I know she let you have it because she thought you cheated your way to the top during initiation."

"I didn't cheat!" I needlessly correct him. "You scored me. Not Four."

"Doesn't matter," he shrugs. "Was all the same to her.

"She's not like that anymore," I say with all my heart. "Unlike you, most people tend to grow with time."

The first few years of our friendship were the hardest. We had our differences, but it never changed how much we cared for each other. Having Chris in my life made me wonder if that's how it felt to have a sister- someone to fight with, make dinner and have sleepovers with, someone who won't stop touching your things but you let them keep doing it because you know you can call them whenever you're falling apart. And our bond only grew stronger with time. I would never question her loyalty. Derek is stupid to think we're the same people now that we were ten years ago.

"You have too much faith in people, Tris," Derek shakes his head at me again. "I know better. People don't change. They only hide the ugly pieces of themselves for long periods of time. Right now, Christina is somewhere crying her eyes out wondering why Four is alive and Will isn't. How come you get another chance to be with the love of your life and she does not?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but she's happy with Uriah," I say to him, even though I had wondered myself if maybe that's the reason she was so reluctant about me helping Tobias.

"That's not the point, Tris. That's not how jealousy works."

"You would know," I say with a sly smirk. Derek has always been jealous of Tobias. He must be boiling inside at the fact that he came back from the dead; it's just one more thing Tobias did that he could never do. And I know he is toying with me, trying to get inside my head, and more than anything else I just want him to leave before I implode.

"You think I'm jealous of a man on death row?" he cackles.

"Derek, would you just go away?" I almost beg him, finally having had enough of him. Took me long enough.

"You have one last chance to come clean, Tris," is his reply. "I'll give you time to think about it. I can say he coerced you, used your son to manipulate you. Nobody will hold that against you."

"You are despicable," I spit at him.

He grimaces. "Whether you like it or not, Four is going down," he says strongly, pointing at the floor. "The only thing that's up for debate is whether or not you're going down with him." He stares me dead in the eye. "Think about your son, Tris."

"You can go to hell, Derek," I say irately. "Don't pass GO, don't stop to piss, just go straight to hell. _Nobody_ will miss you."

"Andy will be brought back from Abnegation this morning." Derek shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket and acts as though he weren't put off in the least by my last comment. "Hiding in plain sight. Smart."

I gasp and I'm sure my heart stops beating. "Stay away from my son, Derek," I instantly warn him, and my voice trembles.

"He'll be placed in his godfather's custody for the time being," he says while walking away from me.

"Derek, stay away from my son," I say again, but stronger this time.

"He won't be harmed, Tris," he insists.

"And my mother?" I ask nervously, wondering how they found Andy, if they raided her house, if they hurt her.

Derek stops walking. "Technically, she should be charged with kidnapping… But I have far more important infractions to deal with." He turns around to say, "Everything I do, Tris, is for your benefit. Whether you believe it or not."

"That's too bad," I answer him. "Because I don't."

"You're right," he says softly. "It _is_ too bad." And he looks me in the eye for what feels like a solid minute before walking out of the room.

All of a sudden I begin to feel a familiar wave of hopelessness. It comes and goes along with the ability to catch my breath and think straight. It's brought on by the sickening thought of this all ending horribly wrong, with Tobias and I charged as traitors and facing execution. It makes me sick to my stomach, but for a moment I wonder if Derek is purposefully backing me into a corner, or if he's right, and at the end of it all, the only real choice I have to make is whether I'll die with my husband or betray him in order to keep our son safe.

I scream out loud, trying to drown out my thoughts, because if it came down to it, I already know what I'd do, what Tobias would want me to do, and the reality of that is so painfully unbearable. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, while at the same time being obligated to, because I can't abandon my baby.

* * *

**A/N: Tris has some difficult decisions here! Curious to hear your thoughts! And what do we think about Derek?  
Thank you Bamberlee for being forever amazing and for making this story squeaky clean! :D #Beta**


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 **

**TOBIAS**

Darkness is the only thing I seem to be able to process during the first few moments when I start to wake. My mind is blank for a while, but then I start to feel discomfort, a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then fright follows when I remember where I was before I blacked out- protecting Tris from a flight of bullets. My heart begins to race and my mind follows soon after.

"Tris!" I suddenly cry out her name, looking for her in the blurry room. I try to sit myself up but I can't, and when I try to stretch out my arms I'm met with painful resistance. "Tris!" I yell for her again, but instead of hers, another familiar voice responds.

"Four, you're okay!" he says to me, and I feel his large hands on my shoulders. "Stay calm, you're in the infirmary!"

But I can't seem to stay calm; I need to know if she's okay. "Where's Tris?!" I groan in the loudest voice I can muster.

"Keep still!" he urges me, pushing me back down against the bed. "You'll hurt yourself!"

I think I already have. My abdomen hurts like hell, and so does my side, and both of my wrists. I lay flat on the bed though not by choice, and I stare up at the white ceiling. I can see it clearly now, even the texture of the concrete.

"Breathe," he says worriedly. "In and out. You're okay."

I try to listen; I take a few deep breaths to slow my heart and control my panic, but then an entirely new emotion surges inside me when I realize who's speaking to me.

"Harrison?" I whisper his name. And I turn to the left of me to see him standing there- the man who was more of a father to me than Marcus ever was, who taught me everything I knew and helped me become all that I am… or _was, _at least.

"That's right," he says, and even if I weren't looking right at him, I could hear the smile in his voice, "It's me."

It feels like I'm looking at a ghost, and then all of a sudden reality catches up to me and it begins to weigh on me like a ton of bricks on my back. I remember everything now- my life at Dauntless, my life with the factionless, and my thoughts become too difficult to put into words. I just lay there heaving and staring blankly at an old friend, hoping the comfort of his presence will be enough to help me keep my sanity as I process it all.

Suddenly there's the sound of metal clanking against metal, and I realize my hands are shaking. Harrison removes his arms from my shoulder and presses them on my hands instead. Looking into my eyes, he gently says, "You're home, Son, and I know that's both the best and worst thing that could ever happen to you. But we'll help you get through it."

I nod and I swallow so loudly it rings in my ears.

"Where's Tris? I want to see her," I say shakily, and I try to sit up again, but the pain makes my attempt pitiful. When I look down on my chest, I see a large, white tube sticking out of my side, and there's a long piece of gauze taped along the length of my abdomen.

"Don't try to move," Harrison warns me again. "Tris is locked up, but she's okay," he answers my question. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Tris and I were running toward the gate. They had found us." I look at the cuffs around my wrists and I feel my face sink along with my mood. "Guess we didn't make it," I say grimly.

"You're alive," Harrison says strongly. "That's all that matters."

"Barely, it would appear," I say with the slightest chuckle, only half joking. I gesture at the tube in my side and ask, "What's all _this_?"

Harrison lets out a breath and he stands up straight, letting go of my hands. "You had surgery. Your insides took a beating, Four. Doc says you'll be down for a while." Harrison frowns a little, making more obvious the extra lines in his face he never had the last time I saw him. I also notice the extra grey hair; makes it seem like I've been gone a lot longer than five years.

"Well do you think you could have them take these off?" I look at the cuffs one more time and I try to wiggle my hand out of it, although I know better. "It's not like I'm gonna get up and run out of here."

He smiles at me and nods. "I'll see what I can do, Four."

"_And… _while you're at it, I'm fucking hungry. Could you bring me a burger from that deli close to the chasm?" I tease him, feeling my spirits lift just a little. "I'd _kill_ for some Dauntless food right now." I can't deny I'm glad to be home and around a friend, regardless of the circumstances.

Harry crosses his arms, and he doesn't laugh with me. "You can't eat for ten days," he says lowly.

I give him an eye. "Funny."

"I'm not kidding, Four," Harrison shakes his head. I search his eyes for the punchline and come up very disappointed.

"Fuck," I mutter. "Anything _else_ I should know?"

"Well, the chest tube stays in for a week."

I shrug. "What's one more hole in me?"

Harry loses control of himself at my unintentional dark humour, and before I know it he's laughing so hard with his arms around me. I wish I could hug him back. I wish I weren't handcuffed to a bed with tubes sticking out of me. I wish my mother never kidnapped me. I wish she had never found me at all.

"You can't imagine what the past few years have been like, Harry," I whisper, remembering how much I fought with myself and with Evelyn. I always knew something was wrong, but I never had an imagination wild enough to arrive at the truth.

Slowly, Harry lets me go, and he pulls up a chair and takes a seat beside the bed. He's pensive for a while, breathing evenly and saying nothing. He looks at me without staring, shifting his focus every few seconds.

I rarely saw this side of him- the Harry who wants to be there for you but truly doesn't know how. He almost always knows what to say, but sometimes there really are no words.

"You spoke to Zeke?" I ask him, wondering how much of the story he knows. The more, the better. The less I have to relive it. Remembering all that I do now, even thinking about it is so much harder. I thought I was angry before… but it's nothing compared to what I feel brewing inside me now.

"I did," Harry answers. "Can't say it wasn't terrifying to listen to."

"I can't quite put into words how I feel about it," I say gravely, staring at my toes. "She took _everything_ from me, and had the audacity to try and justify herself." I feel my fingers start to shake again, and this time out of pure anger. I avoided her, I ignored the factionless messengers she sent to me, only for her to take me regardless of what I wanted. She made me help her become all that she is, and now all I want to do is destroy her.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Four. God knows you didn't deserve it." Harrison can't help but stare at my abdomen. "Any of it."

I shrug it off, knowing it doesn't matter what I did or didn't deserve. "This is my reality now, and I have to see how I survive it."

"And survive it you will," he insists. "Because that's what you do. You take the shit people throw at you, and you overcome it."

I smile a little, remembering every single time Harrison ever gave me a pep-talk. He always seemed to have more faith in me than I did in myself. In a way he admired me as much as I admired him.

"And I know the circumstances are shit, and I know you're mad as fuck," he continues. I look up at him when he presses his hand against the bed. "But forgive me for being glad you're alive." He smiles at me.

I feel my body relax, and for a moment the anger dissipates. '_Where there is life, there is hope,'_ I once heard, and I find a brief moment of hope in the here and now and I cling to it, not sure how long it will last.

"_I'm_ glad I remember everything now," I shake my head a little. "I'll need every bit of information inside my head if I'm going to stand a chance in a trial at Dauntless… and if I'm going to stop Evelyn."

"Do you know where she is _now_? We've been looking but they disappeared without a trace."

"I know all the possibilities, but she might choose to hide somewhere else if she thinks I'll betray her."

"It's okay," Harrison assures me. "I have someone on the inside. It's hard to get in contact with her sometimes, but she'll reach out soon enough. Did she find you?" he pinches his thick eyebrows together.

"Kate? Yeah, she did." And suddenly I remember the last thing she told me. "Fucking Chad!" I yell. "Kate told me it-"

"I know. I know," Harrison says quickly, and he urges me to be quiet, pressing a finger over his lips. "She told me too."

"You haven't told anyone," I ask him with a bit of surprise. I'm sure he's still in leadership; he's in a better position than anyone to deal with a traitor.

"Honestly, I'm not sure what to do with that information," he begins to confess. "Tris has been removed from leadership for obvious reasons and Zeke lost his leadership position for aiding Tris. And I don't trust Derek. I have no reason to believe he's any less guilty of treason than Chad. But it's our word against theirs. And unlike you, there's no evidence against either of them."

I nod, understanding the complexity of the situation, though I doubt Derek would mingle with the factionless. His superiority complex would never dare allow him to see them as equals.

"Doesn't matter though," I growl. "If Chad is still breathing by the time I get out of this place, he won't be for long." All this time that son of a bitch knew where I was, he knew I didn't belong there, he knew I was being used, he knew my wife and son were grieving for me. And after all that, he had the audacity to shoot me in the back. "He's easily earned himself a few bullets to the head."

"Oh, trust me, he has," Harry nods. "But I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Zeke- this is not a war we're going to win by force. We have to outsmart them or we'll lose our faction. Until we can prove him guilty, we can't touch him or we'll be digging ourselves in a far deeper hole. Especially since we don't know which side Derek's on."

I'd like to pretend he isn't right, but there's no way to legally come back from an unsanctioned killing of a faction leader. Reminds me of Max's trial. He almost got away with his crimes.

"But if Chad continues to relay information to Evelyn, we'll lose our faction either way. The minute she finds out I got my memories back, she'll attack. She won't risk me trying to stop it."

"Fuck." He holds his forehead. "So how do you suggest we take him out of the picture?"

"I'll have to give it some serious thought." I sigh. "As long as he's a leader, whatever Derek knows, _he_ knows. There's no way to keep information from him."

"And what about Derek? How much information should we keep from _him_?"

"I'll take care of Derek," I say with a smirk. "I know how he plays. Five minutes with him and I'll know where he stands."

Harrison nods. "And if he's not with Chad and Evelyn, we begin to clear a path to Chad's conviction."

But that's a gross oversimplification.

"A far too lengthy path that unfortunately involves Derek actually listening to me. He's never enjoyed having to do that," I remind him grimly.

"If the evidence against Chad is strong enough, he'll have to."

"Technically, Derek doesn't _have_ to do anything." I remember the power that came along with my previous position in Dauntless. It's one of the reasons why I never wanted it, and not wanting it was the reason Harrison convinced me I was the best person for it.

Harry sighs into his palms. "Well for argument's sake, let's say Derek _does_ listen."

I'd scoff loudly if I weren't sure it would hurt like hell. "Then I'd start to suspect I've woken up in an alternate reality."

"Yeah?" he laughs. "And what happens next in this alternate reality?"

"Oh, that's easy, Harry," I grin. "We kill Chad. I'm sure Tris would be _glad_ to do the honours."

"Honestly, I'm surprised she hasn't killed him already," he says thoughtfully. "Derek had him guarding her; Zeke and I had to intervene. She was at the brink of snapping his neck."

"I'd pay good points to watch that," I grin wickedly, imagining my wife getting the justice she deserves. "I don't know what would be more satisfying- watching Tris kick ass, or watching Chad get his ass beat. Who the fuck cares if it's not real?"

Harrison laughs at this for a minute, and then he earnestly says, "I've missed you, Four." I turn to look at him. "You know when Kate told me there was a new leader among the factionless, I never in a million years would have thought it was you."

"How _do_ you know Kate?" I suddenly wonder. "How did you know you could trust her?"

"She's my niece, actually," he confesses, and it catches me by surprise. They look nothing alike. "Closest thing I have to a daughter," he adds. "I never told anyone this but I had a little sister… she followed me to Dauntless but didn't make it through initiation. She was forced to live factionless and I never heard from her again." His face sinks, understandably so.

As an only child, I can't imagine what it must be like to be separated from your siblings the way Tris was separated from her brother and Harrison from his sister. "What's her name?" I ask, wondering if I had ever met Harrison's sister without knowing, although Kate never mentioned her mother.

"Hannah," he says with a small smile. "But I doubt you knew her, if that's what you're thinking. Kate found me to tell me she had died a few years before… and well… she looked so much like her mother I couldn't stay away." Though he smiles, his eyes hold a hint of sadness. "She's a brave and strong young woman. She would have done well here if given the chance."

I instantly agree. "She definitely would have," and I can't help but smile. Kate has always been her own person, defiant and opinionated. I was never drawn to her romantically, but she was far more interesting than most and I always respected her.

Harry clears his throat and raises an eyebrow at me. "Something you want to tell me?"

I catch myself and I retract my smile, tucking it away as if it were never there. "Not really," I huff, annoyed that my face gave me away.

"Does Tris know?" he asks knowingly, and with a bit of concern in his voice.

"She does… and she knows it's no threat to her," I answer honestly. My heart aches as I think about how Trist must feel knowing I was with someone else, even if it meant nothing to me.

"Good. Then it's in the past."

I hope it is. Tris and I were always each other's one and only and I guess that's not true anymore for either of us. I'm not sure how it'll affect us. In fact, I hope it doesn't affect us at all. I believe that in the wide array of things we have against us, we needn't worry about things we can't change or things we couldn't help. All that matters now is getting our lives back and keeping our son safe.

"How's my girl, Harry?" I ask him, and I know he can hear the heartbreak in my voice, but I don't care. I've never hidden how much I love Tris, not from anyone.

"She's scared," Harrison answers with a careful tone. "I can't tell you the last time I saw Tris scared."

The thought of her locked up alone in a cell somewhere inside this compound makes me sick to my stomach.

"She's worried about Andy. I am too," I say, and though I can't remember the last time I prayed, I thank God Andy wasn't with us when they found us. "I have a son, Harry." I look up at my old friend with untainted emotion on my face. "I have a son."

"I know," he smiles at me proudly and sets his hand on my own. "I'm his Godfather."

"He told me," I say with a small grin, remembering the afternoon Andy and I sat and talked about everything he wanted to talk about. "I'm surprised Zeke didn't put up a fight."

"Oh, he did!" Harrison cackles. "And he lost." His face falls slowly and he says, "Listen, someone tipped Derek off that Andy was in Abnegation." I feel my fists clench and I'm about to yell at the top of my lungs when Harry hurriedly says, "Don't worry, Four. They're going to bring him back today and he'll be with me until we sort this whole thing out. Your son will be safe."

My breaths are heavy, but I trust Harrison, and that's the only reason I try to stay calm. But if anything happens to my son, Derek will never again see the light of day. Fuck their laws.

"And when can I see Tris? I need her to know I'm okay or she'll worry herself to death. "

"I had her brought in yesterday when you were still asleep."

"Bring her back," I plead. I think I might want to see her more than she wants to see me. I just want to hold her again, tell her I remember every precious moment with her, watch her beautiful smile and let it take away everything that ails me right now.

"Technically, she wasn't even supposed to be here before. You're both suspects in an ongoing investigation and therefore should have no contact," he reminds me. "You know that. You know every inch of that damn protocol book."

I do. "Which is how I know that after both Tris and I give a detailed, recorded statement, a plea can be made to lift the separation order, especially considering that we're married."

Harrison smiles at me though I don't smile back. "I'll look into it," he says. "And if you want to go that route, you need to get your story in order. Your statement needs to be as detailed as possible in order to give strength to your case."

"Even so, I'll need more than just my word. I'll need evidence." I stare off at the room door wondering exactly how the fuck I'm going to prove my innocence.

"What about the serum?" Harrison suggests. "Where did Evelyn get it?"

"Amity," I answer. "That's where they found us. We were talking to their leader about how to reverse it."

"Johanna?" He crosses his arms and sits back in the chair.

"Yes," I reply. "You know her?"

"I may have met her once or twice," he says. "I'll try to get in touch and see if she'd be willing to testify. There's no way they can undermine the testimony of a faction leader, especially one as neutral as Johanna. It might be enough for them to drop the treason charges at least, for both you _and_ Tris."

"It might. It might not," I whisper, being well aware of my chances. There is nothing typical about any of this, and given the circumstances, it's hard not to be pessimistic. "At the end of the day, it all boils down to Derek, and how fair he's planning to play."

Harry tilts his head a little. "And if we find out he _is_ with Chad and Evelyn?"

I scoff, thinking of how much simpler that would make things. Technically, Harrison could lead a coup and reinstate Zeke and Tris, since proving Derek and Chad's guilt would actually be far easier than proving my innocence. And if Derek's proved a traitor, he dies instead of me.

"I should be that lucky."

* * *

**A/N: TOBIAS IS AWAKE! :D And with his memories intact! What do you guys think happens next? R&R :D **


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**TOBIAS**

"Denied."

Derek looks smug as he leaves a long sheet of paper on the table beside my bed. I presume it's the plea to lift the separation order between me and Tris that Harrison had drafted up for me. I can't read what it says, but I don't miss the large red stamp on the front of it that reads just that, '_DENIED'._

I've been expecting Derek, but can't say I've been looking forward to it. There are few things I don't miss about Dauntless. He is one of those things.

He looks down at me, and I see that same old superiority complex of his shining through. Only _he_ would feel empowered by another man being incapacitated and lying helpless in the infirmary. Still, I scoff at the sight of him. Derek hasn't changed one bit; his hair is too shiny, there's way too much pride in his eyes, and he's dressed as though he stopped in on the way to his own wedding.

I quickly glance at the paper, but I don't take it, lest he think I'm in agreement. "Did you even bother to read it? Or did you just stamp it and bring it over here?"

"You should know better, Four," he answers me cockily, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Your plea to lift the separation order cannot be approved, especially given that you and Tris are no longer married."

I smirk at him and I count my lucky stars that Tris never took that death certificate to Amity.

"On the contrary, I believe we are."

"Come on, Four," he scoffs. "You know marriages are immediately voided with the death of a spouse. I don't need to tell you that. And you, though very much alive," he eyes me from head to toe, "were declared legally dead, which legally voided your marriage in our records."

"Except that Tris and I _weren't_ married in Dauntless," I inform him with a rude smile. "We were married in Amity, and she never took in the death certificate. So as far as _their_ original records are concerned, she and I are still married." With a condescending tone straight out of _his_ playbook, I say, "That's why she still signs my name, Derek."

I watch as his face slowly plummets. He can't even hide his disappointment. "Well in that case, I guess I'm just here to collect an official statement from you." He lifts his chin a little and I see when he swallows. He uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands inside the pockets of his very dark designer pants. "But I'll be generous and tell you that's the best way to lose this case. Once you pass in your statement and reconcile with Tris, you can't alter it; you can't add or take away from it."

"Yes, I know what the word 'alter' means, Derek, but thank you," I say sarcastically. "And if you really want to be generous, you'll keep Chad away from my wife."

"So you remember who Chad is now? Your memory just conveniently comes back the second you set foot inside Dauntless?" he pouts a little. "I won't lie. I was sort of hoping the whole memory loss story Tris gave me was true."

I imagine him interrogating her alone in a dark cell at the very bottom of the compound and I cringe. My tone suddenly becomes darker. "I don't need to explain myself to you, Derek."

"Actually, you do!" he says with glee, and he grins.

"Aaaaahh," I nod slowly. "You're right. I keep forgetting. I see you got that job you always wanted. Head of Security!" I taunt him with sarcasm as bright as his shoes. "How's _that_ working out for you?"

"Surprisingly well… as of late," he answers anyway.

"Oh, I'm absolutely sure you're enjoying this." Derek was vying for that position the second the bullet touched Max's skull, and he was distraught to find out it had already been offered to me. He promised me I'd fuck it up and he'd be right there waiting to claim what was rightfully his. I suppose he believes this is the fulfillment of his deranged prophecy.

"We don't need to be enemies, Four," he quickly says to me. "As you know, with the position I hold, I have a lot of influence in this matter and I can help get you out of this."

I search his face for a moment, looking for the slightest hint that he's mocking me, but I don't find any. I'd laugh if it weren't so painful. Why on Earth would he be willing to help me? "There's a catch of course. There's always a catch with you."

"You need to walk away from Tris, Four," he's bold enough to state, as if he has some sort of unspoken claim on her. "Don't try to bring her down with you."

"Oh?" My breath catches in my throat and I almost choke. This time I do laugh. "And here I was thinking you had a moment of clarity and wanted to do what was best for Dauntless. But no, this is about you trying to get your hands on the one thing you never could seem to." With the strangest grin on my face, I shake my head at him. I don't know why. I've always known he was pathetic.

He's been after Tris from the first day he laid eyes on her, and I don't blame him. She's a spectacular woman. Even though it meant being charged with treason, she kidnapped me for heaven's sake and locked me in a bunker as if she could force the memories back inside my head. I smile at the thought of it, of how brave and loyal she's always been.

"As if you know where my hands have been," Derek interrupts my thoughts and my grin slowly fades as I imagine the worst. I scowl as I shove the grotesque image of his hands on my wife from my mind. Seeing my reaction, he continues, "I understand now why you could never keep your lips off hers. They're softer than a cloud."

My jaw clenches and my hands ball into tight fists. My blood suddenly runs hot and my chest feels tighter than usual. I realize I don't know what Tris has been doing over the years, or with _who_, and though I'm well aware of the fact I'm in no position to hold it against her, I silently pray that Derek is only fucking with me. But I get the feeling he's not.

I vaguely remember the conversation Tris and Christina had the night they kidnapped me. In fact it was more of an argument. Although Tris was refusing, Christina had far too easily insisted she let Derek help her, as if it weren't the strangest idea. That, along with the fact that Tris always became noticeably uncomfortable at the mention of Derek's name, suggests there was more happening between them than Tris has let on. She might not have wanted to tell me, for obvious reasons. But whatever was happening between them, in the end, she chose _me_. I try to let that comfort me.

"Tris is a lot smarter than your usuals, Derek," I say calmly. "I'm sure she sees right through you."

"And for some reason she's blinded by_ you_." His face twists in anger and it makes me feel just a little bit better. "The very memory of you was toxic to her. But maybe this is what it'll take to open her eyes."

"You don't need to worry about my wife's eyes. They're as wide open as they are beautiful," I say levelly. "And with that said, I also need you to stay away from my son," I raise my voice now. "You could have left him in Abnegation with his grandmother. He doesn't need to be around all this."

"_Your_ son?" Derek is daft enough to ask, and I'd punch him in that big mouth of his if I weren't handcuffed to this damn bed.

"What the _fuck_ are you implying?" I growl at him.

"Nothing," he smirks after having gotten exactly the reaction he was hoping for. I shake my head, a little disappointed I took the bait. Andy's mine and I know it, _he_ knows it, anybody with eyes and a thinking brain knows it; my son looks so much like me, it's frightening.

Derek is a pitiful human being. He's always been pitiful. He'll say anything to try and get the upper hand in any given situation. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he'd just invented his alleged moments with Tris. After all, she had never wanted anything to do with him before, and from what I can tell, he's still the same insufferable fool now that he was then.

"Good," I say with a very slow nod. "I'd hate for you to say or do anything that would further make you look like a jackass."

Derek rolls his eyes. "I just think he should be with his mother," he casually lies. He's touching Andy just to show us he can. He wants me to know that at any given moment, he can take my son away from me, even from Tris.

I keep my threats inside my head for now. Like it or not, it's not in my best interest for him to abhor me any more than he naturally does.

"His mother is in a prison cell," I remind him. "You put her there."

"Not for long," Derek utters under his breath. I imagine he'll find some loophole to have her charges dropped. I won't stop him from doing so if it means Tris will be pardoned. But I dread to think of what he'll demand from her in return. He reaches out to retrieve the paper from the table, and as he crumples it inside his palm he flippantly says, "Anyway, what do you have to say for yourself, Four?"

He should be recording this. It's telling that he isn't, but I decide to use it to my advantage; it's just him and me. Putting my disgust for him aside and going out on a limb, I get right to the point, as I'm sure he's already heard the major details of my disappearance. "Evelyn is going to attack Dauntless. Let me help you or she will level the place."

He immediately raises his eyebrows at me. "Are you seriously threatening us?"

"I'm trying to help you," I answer him. "I need you to put aside the bullshit for five minutes and listen to what I'm telling you, Derek. We don't have much time."

"And how convenient that _you're_ the only one who knows how to save the day." He gives me an incredulous look and I immediately know this won't end well. Even Zeke had suggested the only way Derek might play along is if _he_ gets to play the hero, but we hardly have time for Derek's complexes right now.

"Don't be an idiot, Derek."

"Oh, I'm not the idiot here," he quickly responds. "I understand Zeke, but I can't believe you got Tris and Harrison buying this story. You really expect me to believe you were kidnapped, drugged and then brainwashed by your own mother? A mother who also apparently faked her own death? Looks like the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree."

"You clearly don't know the first thing about Evelyn and what she's capable of," I warn him, and he really does look like he doesn't know. Derek never did have a poker face, and unfortunately, I believe it's safe to say Chad is working alone, or at least not with Derek.

"Four, I came here for a confession." Looking annoyed, Derek tosses the piece of paper in the trash. He then crosses his arms in front of him again. "Don't waste my time."

I look him in the eye. "I'm giving you something better. I'm giving you the information you need to save this faction, since I'm sure you've already heard most of the other details from Tris."

Haughtily staring back at me, he shakes his head. "I have, and I don't think we need your…_help_," he shrugs. "Do you really think the factionless stand a chance against us?"

"They're far more prepared than you think they are, Derek." It was always one of his weakest points, his chronic ability to underestimate people. It's why Harrison originally never wanted him for this job. Derek can hardly see anything above his own head or around his own ego.

"Are they? Cause last I knew, they were threatening to kill Tris' team if we didn't shut down the surveillance cameras around the city, which means they can't do a damn thing while we're watching. And now they've just disappeared with nothing to say for themselves."

"I'm pretty certain there's a plan B," I assure him. I was the one who was pushing to have the cameras deactivated because it meant we'd lose fewer men. Evelyn couldn't care less how many of her men died during her attempt to take over.

"See, why don't I believe that?" He taps his foot.

"Well, you should," I urge him. "Because a lot of lives depend on what you do next."

Derek freezes for a moment and his face appears hard. I recognize that look. He feels threatened, and I can hear it in his voice when he says, "We'll see whose life depends on what. You keep this up and there'll be a _second_ tombstone with your name on it pretty damn soon."

Strangely, I feel the urge to smile. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"What I'd like is for you to be exposed as the traitor you are. And you _will_ be. I will bury you under all your crimes, Four," he growls. "And then _Tris_ will bury you… again."

I hate her name in his mouth, so much so that I bear the pain and sit up a little when I say, "And even then, she'll _still_ be mine, Derek." I shake my head at him. "In no version of this story do you end up with Tris."

Derek doesn't answer me. He only turns around and walks out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Though not in my best interest, I _meant_ to piss him off, if only just to prove a point. The only thing he wants more than me dead, is my wife.

I don't plan to give him either of those things.

* * *

**TRIS**

"Take me back to the day you found out your husband was supposedly dead."

I stare at the older Erudite woman who sits across from me holding a pen and notepad, wondering since when has a psych evaluation been a part of the interrogation process of Dauntless prisoners. It's only been ten minutes and I'm already tired of her stupid questions about my personal life. I have a feeling Derek's behind this. But to what end, I'm not sure.

"Why would I want to go back there?" I'm defensive in my answer. Even now, even while knowing Tobias is alive, thinking about that day is so gutturally painful it cripples me.

"I was told you visited the crash site shortly after. That must have been quite a graphic view."

"It was," I answer tersely.

"Did you have nightmares? Did you dream of the crash, or of what you thought were your husband's last moments?"

I swallow, and then I stare at the wall for a moment as though it's not the only thing I've stared at for the past few days.

"From time to time. But they stopped." I'm careful when I respond, considering she's writing down almost everything I say. I did have nightmares at first. I'd dream Tobias was laughing and talking with Will in the train, and then they'd both just burst into flames. I dreamt of him trying to escape the blast only to become engulfed in it.

"Did you have trouble sleeping?" She fixes her glasses and awkwardly crosses her legs in front of her. There's barely any room in her royal blue pencil skirt.

"Of course I did," I scoff. "You would too if someone told you your husband was blown up in a train crash."

"How about suicidal thoughts? Did you ever think about harming yourself? Or your son?"

"I would _never_ hurt my son," I almost yell at her, entirely offended by her question. "And _no_, I did not have suicidal thoughts after my husband's death." I never thought to harm myself, but before I realized I was pregnant, I was barely finding reasons to breathe.

"Well can you describe what emotions you felt?"

"What the fuck do you _think_ I felt?" I almost scream at her, and she jumps in her chair before scribbling a few sentences on her notepad. I want to kick it out of her hand. "How about you tell me why this is even necessary."

She sighs slowly. "The fact that you are so unwilling to even speak about this is quite telling, Mrs. Eaton."

"It's irrelevant," I growl as I lean toward her, having no more tolerance for this. "It's pointless. I'm sorry, but they dragged you all the way from Erudite to waste your time. Something unspeakable happened, and I grieved. End of story."

"Is it?"

"Yes!"

She sets down her pen and looks right into my eyes. Through her glasses I can see her eyes are a peculiar shade of brown, almost the same colour as her hair. "I read in your medical files that you suffered premature labour shortly after having been taken to the infirmary several times for anxiety attacks."

My eyes open wider than they ever have and I gasp. "My medical documents should be private!"

"Mr. Coleman assured me everything I needed would be at my disposal; considering you are under investigation, your privacy is not of concern at the moment," she says in that unmistakeable emotionless Erudite tone.

I scoff. "Oh, wow. You know, I _knew_ Derek was behind this." I nod a few times. "What is he trying to achieve here?"

"We only want a bit of clarity before judgement is made, Mrs. Eaton."

"Clarity about what? I already told Derek the truth about what happened. How about you just tell me what's the point of all this, and then maybe we can have an actual conversation."

"To be frank, Mrs. Eaton, a psychological evaluation is necessary on your part because you have demonstrated erratic behaviour since your husband's appearance- the same kind of behaviour you reportedly demonstrated after his alleged death. I believe you are having a relapse-"

"A relapse of _what_?!" I almost lose it and I angrily cut her off. I'd stand and storm right out of here if I weren't handcuffed to the chair, or confined to this damn cell.

"I believe you were suffering from what we call a Complicated Bereavement. However, I also see signs suggestive of PTSD."

With my mouth open, I wait for her to retract her absurd diagnosis. She does not.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Unfortunately, no," she answers nonchalantly. "I don't believe you ever recovered from your husband's death, and seeing him alive while you were still mentally unstable unhinged you further, causing you to lose your ability to reason."

I raise an eyebrow. "Mentally unstable?" I repeat the ridiculous words to her.

The woman sighs for what I think is the fourth time in two minutes. "It's possible your son was the only thing holding your mind together," she says softly. "And at the sight of your husband, you were triggered and went off-balance again, which is what led you to betray your faction so easily."

"Wait. _That's_ his end game?! This is how he plans to get me out of a treason charge?!" I bellow, finally understanding what's happening here. Derek will paint a picture of me being unfit for trial, and no one would think to question the presumed legitimate diagnosis of a professional. "Is he paying you for this? I'm curious. Just how much is a bullshit diagnosis going for these days?"

"This is not a game, Ma'am," she insists. "Grief is a complex yet well understood process, and as difficult a course as it is, most people tend to come out the other side. I don't believe you ever did, and the repercussions of that are reflected in your behaviour."

"I heard you the first two times," I almost laugh, and then I glower at her. "It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard regardless of how you phrase it."

"Is it?" she asks again.

I'm quick to nod, although deep down I know some of what she's saying is true. I was a wreck after Tobias died; I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. When it became too much, I paid one of the fence guards to bring me back more than a healthy dose of peace serum from Amity. I never told anyone, and I only took it once, because I found out I was pregnant shortly after and didn't know who to ask how safe it was for my baby. So I bore the pain until Andy was born; that day was the first day I'd smiled in months. Living became easier then. I had reason, I had purpose. And as for Tobias, I would choose him over Dauntless any day. Which is why, although she's spot on about certain things, in her own twisted way, I could never admit that, not without making myself useless to Tobias. After all, she's not trying to help me. She's trying to help Derek.

"Well, as a professional, Mrs. Eaton, I am of the opinion that your most recent decisions were not made of a sound mind, and as such, you should not be punished for them but rather given the help you need. And I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I also have to declare you unfit to testify in your husband's trial."

"No. _No_," I plead, quickly shaking my head back and forth. "I'm not crazy," I say, sounding shell-shocked.

She looks at me almost caringly. "No one said you were crazy, Mrs. Eaton. What you are experiencing is easily explained by the trauma of losing your husband… and then finding him five years later. I can't help but believe you'd say _anything_ to save him; your testimony would be unquestionably biased."

"I'm not traumatized!" I almost cry, feeling hopeless all of a sudden. It's one thing to not have to stand trial. Not being able to speak for Tobias is another thing entirely. "I don't deny having been in pain, I don't deny that my world fell apart after that train crash, or that everything changed again when I found my husband alive. But I knew _exactly_ what I was doing, and I did what anyone would have done for the person they love!"

With that, the woman slowly stands to her feet and says, "Thank you for your time. I have all that I need."

"Wait," I implore her, and at the same time, the cell door opens and Derek lets himself in. My body becomes so hot I could swear my blood is boiling. "This was all _your_ idea, wasn't it?!"

Derek ignores me as though my question isn't literally resounding in his ears. He looks at the woman and smiles kindly. "Thank you, Dr. Hemmings. I will call you for your full report." He has a few folded papers in his hands. They are all blue and white, and I see the image of a smiling woman on the front of one of them.

Dr. Hemmings nods politely before exiting the cell, and before the bars even close behind her, I yell, "You are out of your mind, Derek! Are there _any_ lines you won't cross?!"

"Wow," he raises an eyebrow. "I was expecting, 'Thank you, Derek.'"

"_Fuck_ you!" I scream out.

He rolls his eyes with obvious irritation. "This is what it takes to free you, Tris. Just go with it. You'll be under house arrest until after Four's trial, but it's better than being in this cell. I've already started the paperwork. This time tomorrow, you'll be able to go home to your son." He approaches me and I'm so angry I want to rip this chair from under me and fling it at him.

"This isn't about _freeing_ me," I scowl with fumes vaporizing off every word. "You didn't stop there. You made sure I couldn't help Four's case in any way! Have them diagnose me with whatever you want, but there is _no_ reason I shouldn't be allowed to testify!"

"I need you distanced from this, Tris," Derek says lowly. "The further, the better. It's the only way I can protect you." He looks at me as though he's astonished at my reaction, as though I'm the most ungrateful brute he's ever laid eyes on.

I stare back at him and I'm almost lost for words. "Protect me? Is _that_ what you think you're doing?" I shake my head in awe of his twisted perception of reality. Sometimes I truly wonder if Derek really believes the things he says. Dr. Hemmings might actually be of more help to him than me. "I suggest you dig a little deeper, Derek," I sound surprisingly calm, yet I'm boiling underneath the surface. "That's where your true motives lie."

"Don't question my integrity, Tris," he says warningly. I almost choke.

"Your integrity?" I laugh at the very idea of him having such a thing. "Says the man who has repeatedly tried to manipulate me by unnecessarily touching or even mentioning my son. Says the man who just arranged to have me declared legally unfit to testify, and then expects me to be happy about it!"

"I expect you to appreciate the freedom you're being given," Derek looks down at me with piercing eyes. "Technically, you should be confined to your apartment, but I'll look the other way so long as you stay inside the compound."

"And I'm supposed to thank you?" I scoff. "If this is your way of trying to _help_ me, Derek… Don't. There are far more effective ways of helping. I mean, you say you want to keep this under wraps yet you bring in an Erudite psychologist to evaluate me?!" I shout at him as he goes to remove something from his right pocket. "I hope you got one for Evelyn too cause she's a real piece of work!"

"I made a necessary exception," he replies. "We've worked with Dr. Hemmings before. She's trustworthy and her word is esteemed here."

"Lucky me," I say with palpable sarcasm. "Now if only you'd make another _far_ more reasonable exception, and speak to Johanna, or better yet, have Jack Kang do the trial, then I wouldn't be under _any_ kind of arrest at all." When I think about all the options he has to resolve this, it makes it even clearer- he has no loyalty to the truth, only to himself and what _he_ believes to be true.

Derek stoops down and almost yanks my right foot from under me as he clips the ankle monitor around it. "That's not up for debate, Tris. Do you know how bad this looks for Dauntless? One of our own betraying us?" He then stands and uncuffs my hands from the chair. I instantly push myself to my feet.

"He didn't betray us!"

"Even if that were true," he says with disbelief, "if the other factions caught wind that a Dauntless trained leader orchestrated an attack against his own faction, they'd begin to question our competence in protecting this city."

"Our competence, or _your_ competence?" I push him backward, testing him.

He catches his step, and then he snarls at me. "This isn't about me, Tris."

"Isn't it? It's certainly not about Dauntless." I push him again. "This is personal, Derek! You're blinded by your own self-interests, and you're going to fuck us all over! You're so hell-bent on Four being guilty that you can't even see the bigger picture!"

"There _is_ no bigger picture, Tris," he crossly stresses every word. "And one day you'll realize that."

"And what if you're wrong?" I ask him softly.

Blatantly disregarding me, he hands me the papers and says, "Just read the brochures, Tris. Go to a few meetings and then quit when you've completed the hours."

I slap them out of his hand and they dance in the air before resting on the floor.

Derek crosses his arms and looks at the brochures on the ground. "I just got your charges dropped, Tris. The least you can do is be grateful."

My eyes square in on his. "I've got a better idea. How about you just _don't_ demonize my husband. How about you actually listen to what he has to say?"

He nods. "I _have_ listened, and I have no reason to believe Four is an ally." Derek's tone is dark. "And he's not taking you down with him, whether you want him to or not. I won't allow it."

I know he'd like me to believe his constant need to try and save me is rooted in some sort of affection, but when I stare into his eyes all I see is a thirst for vengeance instead of concern. "Well, you're wrong," I warn him. "He's telling you the truth, Derek. And you should be concerning yourself with the factionless before it's too late."

"If they _do_ attack us, we'll be ready for them," he says too confidently. "They have nothing but a bunch of stolen artillery and a foiled plan to take down our security system."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "For _your_ sake, I hope you're right. Because if you're _not_ ready, then there will be absolutely no doubts about your competence in protecting this city."

His face abruptly falls. "Be careful, Tris," he cautions me. "People will be watching you. Try not to say the first thing that comes to your head. There's nothing I can do for you if you sabotage yourself."

"But could I ever really do that?" I tease him, wondering just how far he'd be willing to go to spare me an execution.

Frustrated, he shakes his head at me. "I don't think you understand how serious this is. It's not a one man jury, Tris."

"Isn't it?" I ask coolly. "Isn't it _your_ job to select who's on the jury? Aren't they all on your payroll in one way or another? Doesn't your vote trump theirs? Haven't you already arrived at your own verdict? Don't you always get your own way?"

Derek looks at me with a blank face, the kind of face someone puts on when they've been figured out and they're trying too hard to hide it. Something about him standing face to face with what he is makes me feel empowered.

Taking a step toward him, evenly I say, "You're allowed to be an asshole, Derek. You're even allowed to be a psychopath. But don't feign integrity," I slowly shake my head. "Don't pretend like you're trying to save me from myself. Don't pretend you had Four rushed into surgery for any other reason other than the fact that you wanted yours to be the last face he sees, you wanted him to know you've won. If you're gonna be a narcissist, be a man about it." Then, brushing against the side of him, I make my way to the cell door and I swing it wide open for him. "Four and I will be acquitted with or without your help. Now would you please get out of my cell?"

But he's frozen in place, and for the first time in Dauntless faction history, Derek Coleman is speechless. I can only hope he's stunned by his own demons.

"I said we're done here, Derek," I growl defiantly at him when he refuses to move, and only then does he quietly walk out.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! ****And to Bamberlee who did extra editing this week after some last minute changes :) We ca****n't wait to hear your thoughts and always enjoy reading the reviews. So much so that sometimes they serve as inspirations and there are actually small tweaks made here and there. A special shoutout to cjgwilliams who contributed to some of this chapter's dialogue after making spot on observations about Derek ;)**

**Aaaaaaaand I know we're all patiently waiting for that FourTris reunion. But hold on, I promise it's coming :D **


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**TOBIAS**

It hurts to lie on my back. It hurts when I try to turn left or right. It hurts when I try to sit up, when I try to stand, when I breathe. Sleep is my only escape and it comes easily, but it's not something I can afford to spend too much time doing, not until I've come up with a solution to the matter of my impending trial and execution.

I might have less time than I had originally anticipated. My trial is supposed to take place the day after I'm discharged, and there's a bag of blue fluid attached to my left arm, a state of the art drug brought from Erudite that's supposed to help my body heal faster. I would have refused it to buy myself more time if I weren't so sure that Evelyn will attack Dauntless before I ever stand trial, and I'll need my strength if I am to stop her. Especially since Derek is refusing to mobilize Dauntless on my word alone.

I wish it would count for something- me doing whatever it takes to stop Evelyn. But the unfortunate truth is that when it's all over, they'll still march me into the sentencing hall and charge me with treason.

I groan as a dull ache makes its way through my body. Dr. Watson had warned me that faster tissue growth was a lot less pleasant than it sounded, but I didn't actually think it could be any worse than what I was already feeling.

I was wrong. With the amount of pain I'm in, you'd think I'd have regrown a second liver by now.

I push the buzzer, calling in the nurse. She's shy and she never looks me in the eye, but she's at least kind enough to kick up the dose of my pain medication when I ask. When she walks in the room she doesn't bother to inquire what I called her in for; she heads straight for the pump to my left.

"That's the third time today," she says in a tender voice as she pushes the buttons on the infusion pump. "I can't put it any higher without the doctor's orders."

"That's okay. Thank you. I guess this will have to do." I sigh and wait patiently if even just for a bit more relief.

"At this dose, you might start hallucinating," she says, and I'm almost sure she smiles. Though she never really looks at me, she doesn't seem afraid of me, unlike one of the other nurses who has refused to work unless I'm handcuffed. I'm glad he's not the one working today; my wrists are swollen.

"What's your name?" I ask her just as she's about to leave the room.

"Paula." She stares at my feet when she answers and I can tell she's nervous by the way she's fidgeting. She seems young and a little too shy to be Dauntless. She must be one of the volunteers who live in the compound.

"Thank you, Paula." I relax into the bed a little as I begin to feel the effects of the extra opioids in my blood.

"You're welcome," she answers, and she tucks a bit of her curly dark hair behind her ear. "It's the least I can do." And for the first time, she takes a quick glance into my eyes. I only now notice that hers are brown. "I've always wanted to meet you, though… not like this."

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously. Her sudden desire for conversation, though a pleasant surprise, catches me off guard. Between her temperament and my constant need to sleep, we've never shared more than a few words.

Her face is innocent when she shrugs. "You saved my life. Because of you I can exist." She smiles as she twirls the hem of her purple nurse's uniform.

"You're Divergent," I deduce. When she smiles again I immediately recognize it, remembering how I'd seen it on the faces of everyone around me when I was growing up. "Abnegation born."

"Like you," she quickly nods. "But I transferred to Erudite to formalize my training, and I've learned a lot there. Turns out I love being a nurse even more than I thought I would."

"I see," I say under my breath. I twist my head to the side a little and ask, "And you're volunteering to work at Dauntless?"

She shrugs again and bites her lip for a second. "I don't really fit in in Abnegation _or_ Erudite. It's easier here because I'm not expected to. I can do my job without feeling like an alien, and that's all I really want. I know it seems sort of backward but-"

"No," I let out a soft chuckle. "I understand." I had only ever met a few Abnegation-Erudite Divergents, but they all expressed similar sentiments about not belonging. Their intelligence came without arrogance, and though modest, they were progressive. I suppose it makes sense that the medical field is where someone like that would feel most at home, and that they'd have trouble assimilating in either faction. Many times I've wondered how Tris makes having three aptitudes look so easy.

Paula's about to walk out of the room but then she stops.

"And if it helps," she says with a small pause, "I don't believe you could ever be a traitor. Traitors don't risk their lives to save strangers. And Dr. Watson doesn't think so either." She smiles politely before walking out, and I can't help but feel a bit heartened. How could two people who hardly know me be so convinced of my innocence?

I sigh, wondering if my faction would think the same of me, but the Dauntless aren't like Paula or Dr. Watson. They're not like the Abnegation or the Erudite. They don't assume the best of people, they don't help them just because, and when their blood is hot, they certainly don't see reason or logic. When the Dauntless are out for blood, they usually don't stop until they get it.

I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before I hear the door swing back open and I wonder if maybe Paula had forgotten something, but when I look up, I see my brother standing in the doorway. I'm about to push the buzzer to inform my nurse that I'm already hallucinating, but then he says my name, and I realize he's really there.

"Four," he says, with the kind of impossibly wide shit eating grin that only Zeke is capable of. "Is that really you, Brother?" His eyes are glued to me as he waits for an answer.

I don't make him wait long.

"It might be, but I'll deny it if your plan is to run in here and try to kiss me or something."

"What? You don't have the stomach for a kiss?" He tries to ask the question with a straight face and of course he fails.

I grin back at him. "My stomach's fine… but I _am_ missing a few feet of my intestines."

Entirely unable to stop himself, Zeke bursts out with a laugh and so do I, and with a few large strides he's by my bedside, resting his hand heavily on my shoulder and looking down at me like I'm the lottery.

"God, I wish I could hug you," he says thickly. "But you're all sewed up and I don't want to crush you." His smile doesn't leave his face, but I don't miss the way his eyes water a little.

"As if you could," I tease him, knowing damn well with the state I'm in he could probably snap me like a twig.

"Sorry I took so long to come see you," he sighs and shakes his head a little, though he needn't apologize. After everything Zeke's done to try and bring me back, I can hardly be mad about how many days he took to break in here. He's a little more serious when he adds, "I wanted to come the second I heard your eyes were open. But without my leadership clearance, not everyone lets me in here. Paula's pretty sweet though."

"She is," I smile. "And don't apologize, Zeke. I haven't been awake for that long."

"It's been three days," he gives me an eye. "You trying to let me off easy?"

I laugh lightly and I shrug. "Well I slept through most of it. Believe me, you didn't miss much. Besides, I know Derek might actually try to kill you if he finds you in here." But I know better than to think anyone could stop Zeke from walking through that door.

"Yeah, he might," he answers with a smirk. "But I just asked your guard to take a _very_ long walk. And Paula says she'll be in the bathroom for a while; so technically, no one saw me come in here."

"Technically," I happily agree, and I can't deny the undeniable ease I feel knowing he's on my side. As difficult and complicated as this might all be, if there's anyone who could make me laugh through it as though I weren't literally on death row, it's Zeke.

When he goes to drag the chair a little closer to the bed, I take the remote from the table and I raise the back of the bed a little until I'm sitting upright.

Though it seemed impossible, Zeke's eyes open a little wider. "Well look at you! Harry told me you were awake, but he didn't say you were ready to walk up out of here."

"Hardly," I scoff.

"Well, I wouldn't be in a rush either," Zeke teases. "This is _definitely_ a step up from being handcuffed in your own bunker. Adjustable bed," he looks at the IV bags hanging beside him as he sits down, "Sweet nurse. Blue juice hooked up to your arm. This is the life. The fuck is that anyway?"

"Erudite concoction," I laugh as we both stare at the blue bag for a few seconds. "It's supposed to make me heal faster. Hurts like a bitch and I'm always tired, but I think it's working." Sitting up isn't half as difficult as it was yesterday.

Zeke pinches his eyebrows together. "Where was that shit when I broke my arm?"

I laugh at him and I feel so grateful I can remember that glorious night. He and I had had a little too much to drink, and we started to seriously overestimate our own capabilities while at the same time losing most of our fine motor and reasoning skills. For some reason we thought it would have been a great idea to stand on each other's shoulders and see if that's what it felt like to fly. Zeke climbed up first, the heavy son of a bitch, but he wasn't up there long. He stretched out his arms and he said it felt so good to be so high up that he forgot he couldn't actually fly. He jumped off my shoulders and lasted all of two seconds mid-air before he crashed into the ground. It's how he earned himself the nickname Bird. I don't know who was more upset, Shauna or his mother.

"Well, I don't know why but I got the impression they're not just giving this stuff out to drunk teenagers."

I expect Zeke to laugh, but his face becomes a little more thoughtful now, almost reverent. "It's really good to have you back, Four," he leans forward to say. "Seeing you like that in that bunker, not remembering who we were, who _you_ were," he shakes his head and sighs. "It wasn't easy to watch."

"Trust me, it was a nightmare, not knowing what was real and what wasn't. It's good to look at you and remember everything," I tell him. "Honestly, I wasn't liking you very much without my memories."

Zeke laughs a hearty laugh, then he leans back into the chair again and says, "I can't imagine why. It's not like I shot you with a tranquilizer gun and then dragged your ass to a remote location or anything."

I smile at my best friend, remembering how he and Harry stood by Tris every step of the way; they did everything they could to try and bring me back. I could easily tell that Tris was always cared for and my son was loved immensely in my absence. I couldn't be more grateful.

"Thank you, Zeke... For everything."

"Trust me, _he's_ not the one you need to thank," a familiar voice interrupts. She stands in the doorway wearing a small black dress and flat shoes. She's actually a little bit taller and her hair is longer now. Her bangs are gone and so are her signature streaks of purple. Of everyone I've seen so far, she has changed the most.

"Shauna," I smile at her and she immediately walks inside. She sits on the right side of the bed and wraps her arms around me, but she's gentle, and it's far more comforting than I would have ever expected. Slowly, I move my arms to hug her back.

"Oh, we've missed you," she sighs into my shoulder. "I prayed so hard they'd bring you back."

"Tris did most of the work, but Zeke did help a little," I whisper in her ear.

Almost giggling, Shauna sits up and just stares at me for a while. I see the years on her face a little more now. Her cheeks are slightly chubbier, and her skin has more colour.

"How are you feeling?"

"As good as can be expected, all things considered." But I'd rather not think about imminent doom, not when my friends whom I haven't seen in five years are sitting beside me. "And how have you two been?" I glance between my old friends. They were still practically newlyweds last time I saw them together. I do remember Tris telling me they didn't have any kids.

They look at each other pensively for a second. "Okay, for the most part," Shauna is the one to answer. "It's been tough without you… handling Zeke on my own. He's a bit too much sometimes."

Zeke lets out a slow and honest smile at Shauna. "I have been on my _best_ behaviour, Four. Do not listen to her."

I make a face at him. "I'm supposed to believe that?" Then I turn to Shauna and say, "Well, I'm here now. Not a hundred percent. But I will be soon. I'll help you keep him in line."

"Aha?" Shauna eyes me up and down. "How soon? Have you actually gotten out of this bed?"

I immediately raise an eyebrow at her. Just the thought of that makes my muscles ache. "Out of the bed? I can barely move, Shauna." I can barely stay awake.

She pushes out her lips at me. "I'll take that as a no. You need to walk, Four. It'll help you heal faster."

"That's what the blue juice is for, Babe," Zeke interjects, and he points at the bag hanging on the stand. When Shauna throws a playful yet reproving eye in his direction, Zeke doesn't hesitate to look at me and say, "She's right, Four. You need to walk."

I laugh, and thankfully it doesn't hurt so much. "Not much has changed I see." Shauna has always been the captain of that ship.

"Whatever," Zeke grumbles at me with a smirk as he stretches out his hand to me. "But you better do what she says. Trust me. There's no other way this ends well for you."

As a sign of protest, I let out the longest breath before I take his hand. When I finally give in, I mumble "Fine."

Shauna comes around the bed, and between her and Zeke, they help me to stand. In that moment I don't know which feeling is stronger, the relief I feel when I stretch my legs or the dizziness in my head when I finally stand upright. But then all of a sudden both are outdone by the heaviness in my abdomen.

"Fuck!" I crouch over a little when I feel a sharp pain that makes me wonder if I've just been stabbed in the gut.

"Why are men always such babies?" Shauna says as she takes the bag of infamous blue juice and passes it to Zeke. "Hold that above your head, Babe." She unplugs the infusion pump and pushes it in front of us. She then bends down to pick up the contraption that the tube in my side is connected to. "And you. Here. Hold your luggage," she says to me.

I hesitantly take it from her. "I really hope you know what you're doing. Are you sure we can even unplug that?" I look at the infusion pump in front of me that now has the words _no power source_ blinking in a bright, alarming red_._ "That's my pain meds, Shauna, the only reason I can breathe right now."

"It has a battery, Four," she says matter-of-factly, and she rolls her eyes at me, but then she smiles. "Okay, we're good to go, whenever you're ready."

With Zeke supporting me on my left, and Shauna on my right, I take the first step forward and then I freeze the second my foot touches the floor. I curse about twelve times under my breath. "Feels like I'll rip my insides." I groan, though not as loudly as I'd really like to. I figure if I'm being forced to walk I have to be smart about how I use my energy.

"You won't." Shauna sounds too optimistic, as if she's a doctor or as if I hadn't had major surgery a few days ago. "It gets better with each step."

"How can you be so sure of that?"

I'm tempted to call her a liar when I take another step and it's no easier than the first, but Shauna's face falls a little and she says, "Because I am. Now take a breath, and then take another step."

But I freeze again. Not from pain this time, but from the heavy feeling that there's more going on here than I realize. I'm missing something, something important. I'm yet again reminded that I don't really know what's going on in anyone's life- not my wife, not my best friend and _his_ wife.

"What did I miss, Shauna?" I ask her solemnly, realizing she's mostly likely done this before.

She and Zeke exchange a glance, and he stares at her the way he always did when he was worried about her, or when she was hurting. She doesn't answer just yet, instead she coaxes me forward and I move ahead, taking about four more steps before she quietly says, "We um... had two miscarriages in the past five years. It was worse the second time. Made it all the way to thirty two weeks before she decided to leave us."

With my heart instantly shattering, I stop walking and I stand a little straighter to look up at Shauna who looks as wounded as I've ever seen her.

"Anyway, I um… I had to have a C-section because I wasn't responding to the meds they were giving me to induce labour. So I know what it's like to be forced to walk when you feel like you're being held together by a few threads."

"I'm so sorry, Shauna," I immediately blurt out, and I feel as if my eyes are wide open. "I can't imagine how painful that must have been." I remember how good she was with kids and Zeke noticed it too. He constantly made jokes about them having a football team, and though she pretended not to, we could all see how much she was in love with the idea.

"It's okay." Her voice is quiet, and she nudges me forward again. "I wasn't alone. I had Zeke."

"Always," he says beside me and Shauna smiles though the pain is vibrant in her eyes.

"And you," she says to me, as I take another step, "have _us_." When she smiles at me and nudges her chin for me to look around me, I realize I've made a full circle around the bed without even noticing, and the last step was considerably easier than the first. I smile back at her until I hear another voice say, "You have _all_ of us."

My head swings around the second her voice registers inside my head. "Christina," I whisper her name, mostly out of shock, and then I feel the tiniest hint of anger. I swallow hard, not being sure what to think or what to say. She was all too willing to leave me at the factionless, and even asked Tris to do the same. And if there's one thing about Chris, it's that there's no pretence; you'll always know how she feels about you.

"I'm sorry, Four," she continues, and her lips tremble a little. "If you'd listen, I'd like to explain."

"I'm not the one who deserves an explanation, Chris," I say firmly, but I do feel betrayed. I remember how I was wary of her at first, mostly because words would just come out of her mouth unchecked. But with time I grew to appreciate her honesty and she started growing on me to the point where I actually liked having her around. Apart from that she turned out to be a loyal friend to Tris, and I came to respect her for that.

"Would you at least accept an apology?"

"You don't owe me anything." I shake my head at her and there's a bitter edge to my tone.

It's not a lie; she's Tris' best friend, not mine. My best friend is standing exactly where I need him to be. But there's a part of me that expected just a bit more from her.

"I didn't know what to expect, Four," she shrugs a little and her eyes wander around the room and ultimately land on my abdomen, where most of the damage is evident. She cringes a little and the smallest flicker of remorse takes up space in her eyes. She takes a small step back and she gasps a little.

It's strange, watching Christina shrink herself, probably out of regret or shame. There's usually absolutely no shame in her honesty.

"Neither did Zeke," I tell her, "but he still tried."

My words upset her and awaken the plain-spoken Christina I know. She suddenly scowls at me from the doorway. "Don't pretend like you know everything that happened while you were gone!" she almost yells. "You weren't here to see how Tris unravelled after that accident, and you weren't the one who struggled day in and day out to help keep her going. I mourned Will, but then I put the pieces back together and I kept living because I was alive. Tris?" she says, and all of a sudden there are tears swimming in her eyes. "Tris was running out of reasons to get out of bed in the morning. I had to pack up my baby and practically move in with her because I was so scared, Four! I kept waking up in the middle of the night to check if she was still breathing because I was terrified that one night she'd just stop." Her voice breaks when she says, "Because _that_ was what she wanted. She wanted to die along with you, and if it weren't for Andy she probably would have."

Christina stares at the ceiling for a moment, and then at me. I stand there in shock, mostly because the idea of Tris being so broken tears me to pieces. I had imagined it was devastating, believing I was dead for so long, but I'll admit I've been so caught up in the nightmare of my own reality that it hadn't really hit me that Tris has been living through her worst fear for five years.

I feel my heart break inside me and if I could I'd run all the way to wherever Tris is. I don't think I've ever wanted to hold her this much.

"But wasn't that all the more reason for you to help her?" I ask Christina, not understanding how Tris' pain was any reason to abandon her.

"And potentially help her dig her own grave?" she rebuts. "Tris refused to let you go; she walked around with all that pain every day, but at least she was moving. And then out of nowhere, you're alive... and without your memories? I panicked." Christina shakes her head back and forth, "I had _no_ idea how this would play out, just that she would stop at _nothing_ to try and save you. And I wasn't willing to risk losing my best friend over a ghost."

I breathe heavily and my eyes are glued to Christina's. "So why now? Nothing's changed, Chris," I remind her, though not unkindly. "I'm still on trial for treason, and you know Derek will do everything in his power to have me executed."

"You're not a ghost anymore, Four," is her tearful answer. "It's _you_."

But somehow it doesn't seem enough for me. "It always was," I tell her. Tris knew that. Zeke knew that. And though I really don't believe Christina owed me anything, she at least owed more to Tris.

With that she whispers, "Okay," and slowly turns around to leave.

The doorway, though void of her, is now thick with emotion, and the room is suddenly filled with so much tension. Before I can ask if they think I'm wrong, Zeke says, "I'll um… go make sure she's okay."

"Yeah. Okay." I take the bag of blue fluid from his hand and Shauna helps me to hang it up. She pushes the infusion pump back to the side of the bed as Zeke helps me to sit back down. He puts the chest tube contraption back on the floor before he goes after Christina, who I'm only now remembering is his sister-in-law.

When Shauna sits beside me, I say, "I suppose that's enough walking for today."

"Not at all," she chuckles. "But it's a start."

My body does feel a little better now that I've stretched and moved around a bit and I send a small smile in her direction, but my mood has definitely shifted after that unexpected and brief yet intense encounter with Christina.

"You know," Shauna slowly begins to say. "You might not want to hear this, but Chris is telling the truth… and I sort of understand her."

I quickly look up at her. "I don't think she's lying, Shauna. I just think she bailed on Tris when Tris really needed her."

"That depends on how you look at it." Shauna shrugs, and I'm unpleasantly surprised. "I guess she thought she _was_ helping by _not_ helping."

I scoff. "So basically she was being juvenile Christina, doing what _she_ thought was best for Tris." She was often pushy, and it wasn't until later in their friendship that Tris learned to tell her no and stand by it.

"Yes, actually," she says with utmost sincerity, "Because Tris hasn't known what's best for Tris in a very long time."

"So you agree with her? Leaving Tris to fend for herself after she found me?"

"No. I didn't say I agreed," Shauna shakes her head. "I said I understand."

"How so?" I dare to ask. Honestly it's beginning to hurt, wondering what else I've missed over the past five years.

"Zeke." Shauna lets out the longest breath before she says, "He stopped drinking, you know?"

More than surprised, I ask, "What?" Because I can't imagine it- Zeke being sober on a Friday night. It was all he looked forward to all week- hanging out by the chasm with Uri, drinking until neither one of them could walk straight.

"Zeke hasn't so much as looked at a bottle of anything stronger than apple juice since that accident. And that'd be fine, if it weren't for the fact that it's because he thinks him getting drunk is the reason you… died."

"But it wasn't his fault," I forcefully say. It's nobody's fault but Evelyn's.

"And you don't think I've tried telling him that? It's safe to say _everyone_ has, but he won't accept it. And although I _love_ sober Zeke," she stresses, "I was so worried he'd stop living, because for a while he had. It's like he was stuck." She looks up at me again. "After someone dies, with time you get to a point where you can laugh and share stories about them and remember all the good times. But Zeke never got to that point. Nobody could ever mention you around him without the room just becoming so heavy, because…" she pauses, "he wasn't coping… and neither was Tris… and for a time, neither was Harry, and they formed this little circle," she lets out a short and twisted chuckle.

"Is that why they're so close?"

Honestly, I had noticed it- Zeke's deep concern for Tris, the way he was with Andy, and Tris' evident ease when she was around him. To be honest, it was hard to miss.

Shauna nods and says, "There's a strange bond that forms between people who share the same pain. It's why Uri and Zeke became so close after their father died. You cry together but you heal together too, you know? It's like you help to mend each other, you help to pull each other through. That's what Zeke and I did both times we had to go home without our baby, and it made us stronger; it made it so nothing could ever come between us. And now our hearts are open and we decided instead of trying again, we'll adopt, and he is _so_ excited, Four." She smiles a little, but then it fades just as quickly as it had appeared.

"It wasn't that Zeke wouldn't or couldn't heal after you died. He'd already lost so much and got through it. It was that between him and Tris, the two people who love you most in this world, neither of them could really help pull the other out the other side. Zeke wasn't letting go of the guilt any more than Tris was letting go of the grief. But strangely," she sighs, "I think they identified with each other in that they both decided to just… carry you around with them. And although it wasn't the best coping mechanism, it allowed them to at least open up in other areas of their lives. Zeke never cared for another best friend, and Tris never loved anyone else, but they both went back to work knowing you wouldn't be there."

"They were moving," I quietly repeat Christina's words.

Shauna nods slowly. "They were. And they weren't over it, not by a long shot, but they've definitely come a long way. So imagine how scared I was when Zeke told me about this plan to rescue you, because I _knew_ I couldn't stop either of them from doing whatever it took to bring you home. And it's not that I wouldn't have wanted them to; because you are family, Tobias Eaton," She takes my face between her palms, "and that's what you do for family. But they both love you so much, and I know you know that. God forbid they'd failed; they'd both be in pieces all over again."

I stare at the ground, putting it all together in my head. Maybe I'd only considered a fraction of the risks taken to rescue me; I've missed so much that I only truly have fragments of the puzzle, fragments of reality. It upsets me as much as it hurts me.

"I think I understand," I whisper to Shauna.

"But you don't," she says to me with a tear rolling down her cheek. "You have no idea what losing you did to them. I do," she points at herself. "And so does Chris, and it is gut-wrenching to watch the person you love fall apart right in front of you and you can't do a damn thing about it."

I look at Shauna now, and the pain in her eyes is immense. I hadn't realized my death would have that sort of effect on _anyone_. I remember when Tris lost her father she cried for months, but one day she stopped; one day she could look at his picture and smile instead of breaking down. She even named our son after him, and although his middle name is my own, her father's name is the one she calls him by every day. Probably because she could hardly ever say mine.

Maybe Shauna's right; I don't understand. I don't know enough to.

"Hey," Zeke says worriedly as he rushes back inside the room. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?" He stoops down in front of Shauna and takes her hand. His eyes open wide and then he quickly looks at me for an answer.

"Yeah," Shauna smiles, redirecting his attention, and she quickly rubs the tears from her cheeks. "Four and I were just having a little heart to heart."

"She's just telling me how much she missed me," I playfully interject, figuring Zeke wouldn't know what to say to his wife revealing all that she has. Some of it I'm sure he would have told me at some point. Some of it I'm sure he would have left out.

When Shauna giggles, Zeke gets up off his knees and presses a kiss to her forehead. "I missed him too, Babe."

Shauna's right hand instinctively finds itself on Zeke's cheek, and she closes her eyes for a few seconds. "How's Christina?" she asks him softly.

"She's okay. Uri's got her," Zeke answers with a nod. He gently nudges Shauna to the side a little, and before I realize what he's doing, he tries to take a seat on the bed, squeezing himself between me and Shauna. I laugh as I move to the left a little, trying to accommodate him.

"So Chris and Uri?" I chuckle and Zeke shakes with laughter beside me.

"Yeah. Trust me. That was weird for everybody at first."

"Everybody except _them_," Shauna says under her breath.

"But we're happy for them," Zeke grins, and he puts one arm around Shauna and one arm behind me. "They're crazy about each other. They're actually getting married next month."

Shauna looks at me and smiles knowingly. Strange bonds indeed.

I suppose after Will and Marlene died, Christina and Uriah had a lot more in common than they ever had before. They had both lost the person they love and had a young daughter to raise on their own. I could easily see them finding strength in each other.

"The girls must be so big now," I say with a bit of melancholy. They were babies when I last saw them.

"Yeah," Shauna replies. "And they're inseparable. I wish you could see them, but Harrison told us it's probably not safe for them to be in Dauntless right now, so Uri's taking them somewhere safe later today." She frowns a little.

I'm suddenly reminded we're all on borrowed time. In actuality, I think the only reason Evelyn hasn't attacked yet is because Chad might have told her Derek isn't buying my story, leaving Dauntless vulnerable and giving her more time to prepare. Given how brash I've known her to be, she won't spend that much longer debating with whoever's in control of her army now.

Letting out a soft grunt, I push up against Zeke's thigh and I stand up off the bed. I unplug the infusion pump and pull it until it's in front of me.

Evelyn won't catch me lying down. I need to heal. Not only for myself, but for the people who I can't dare to leave behind again.

"What are you doing?" Shauna asks quietly, and I'm sure I see the corners of her lips curve up faintly.

Picking up my chest tube contraption off the floor, I determinedly say, "I've got to keep walking."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the late update guys. Was a busy day yesterday. I hope this chapter helps to fill in some gaps! :) R & R**


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**TRIS**

I'm unaware of how much time has passed since I've been inside this cell, but it has felt like weeks. It's only because I've showered exactly four times since I was brought here, I know it hasn't actually been that long. Assuming I'm being fed three meals a day like a normal human being, I haven't been here for more than a week.

But I won't be here any longer.

Derek holds true to his promise, and he arrives shortly after I've finished eating what I believe was supposed to have been breakfast. It wasn't any better than usual, but I ate with a bit more enthusiasm since it came along with the clothes I was wearing when I had been captured. They'd been washed and neatly folded, though I'm sure the only reason I can't see Tobias' blood on them is because they're black. I wasted no time changing into them.

"I want to see Four," is the first thing out of my mouth before Derek even opens the cell door. "And don't you dare tell me I can't."

He doesn't look me in the eye and he leisurely takes the keys out of his pocket. He unlocks the door so slowly it's painful, and grudgingly he says, "He applied to have the separation order lifted a few days ago. It was initially declined, but I verified with Amity and it turns out you two _are_ still legally married." Derek finally looks at me and if I didn't know any better I'd say he looks disheartened, as if he ever had an actual chance of being with me and now it's crushed. "Not that I could trust anything that comes out of Johanna's mouth, considering you were found on her grounds after she was specifically asked to not render aid, and I've long gathered she doesn't care too much for me."

"Johanna didn't know we were there," I answer levelly, trying to not sound like a liar.

"If you say so," he quips. "Anyway, given you're no longer a part of Four's investigation, I ultimately approved his request."

When Derek swings open the cell door, the moment feels too unreal. There are no cuffs around my wrists, no guard to escort me outside, and though I _am_ wearing an ankle monitor, the air still smells like freedom. And though it's tainted with Derek's motives, a large part of me is grateful I'll be able to hold and kiss my baby today.

"And Andy?" I ask quietly as I take the first step out of the cell. "Will my son be able to see his father?" I only ask because I know Tobias will be guarded around the clock, and although I have no intention of keeping Andy away from his father, reuniting them will be a hell of a lot easier if no one were trying to stop me.

"I don't see why not," Derek answers too calmly. He places a hand on his hip and leans against the bars of the cell. He doesn't even put up a fight.

I don't know how I feel about this new etiquette of his. His arrogance I can handle because I'm used to it, because I know where it stems from. But as he looks at me with eyes filled with something close to rationality when he answers me, it worries me. He's never reasonable if not for his own gain.

"That's it? Andy can see his father?" I ask with a hint of disbelief. Surely, no harm can come from Tobias seeing his son, which is exactly why I'd expect Derek would try to keep them apart- exert his power just to show us he can.

"Would you rather I say no?"

"No," I answer quickly, and I fold my arms in front of my chest. "I'm just surprised you're going to waste this perfectly good opportunity to piss me off."

"I'm done trying to stop you, Tris." He shakes his head slowly, and a thin lock of hair falls in front of his eyes. "What you do with your freedom is your choice."

I won't deny his answer makes me uneasy. It's difficult to swallow that Derek would do anything simply because it was the right thing to do. It makes me wonder if this freedom comes at a cost, if maybe he's giving me leeway because in his mind my husband is already dead.

I swallow hard as I turn around to leave the dark, cold holding area. I don't look behind me and Derek doesn't follow me. I walk past several guards on my way out, and they all nod when I walk by. I can spot curiosity in their eyes, but also respect. I'm sure they all know Dr. Hemming's diagnosis is bullshit, but they won't question why I'm being allowed to walk free, and I suddenly wonder if it's a result of who Derek is or who _I_ am. I wonder what they think of me. I wonder if they believe I betrayed my faction, or even my husband. After all, Derek had been spreading rumours of a false relationship between us for more than a year. Someone who doesn't know any better could easily come to very false and troubling conclusions, each of which I find repulsive.

When I finally make it into the hallway, I have to shield my eyes from the sudden change in lighting. The Dauntless compound really isn't that bright, but I've spent days in almost total darkness.

I turn left, bypassing the more trafficked areas of Dauntless. Harrison lives on one of the top floors of the compound so I decide to stop at the infirmary before I go get Andy since it's much closer. The last time I walked this route my hands were cuffed behind my back, and Chad was angrily walking behind me because I'd just crushed his windpipe. It feels like forever ago now.

My feet begin to move faster all on their own and my palms begin to sweat. Then, when the infirmary comes into view, my heart dives into my stomach. I'm that much closer to Tobias.

I push the doors open anxiously, and I make my way to the nurse's station when I see who's sitting there.

"Mrs. Eaton," Paula greets me with a warm smile, the way she always does. She's the only nurse who gets Andy to willing take his vaccinations; in fact, even when he's sick, he'll only agree to come to the infirmary when Paula is working. "I didn't expect to see you," she says softly, and she quickly diverts her attention from the computer screen and whatever it was she was just typing.

When she stands to her feet, I can't help but tearfully ask, "How is he?" I swallow hard, only now realizing that as much as I ache to see Tobias, I'm terrified of going inside that room. The last time I saw him so fragile and pale, it tore me to pieces.

She sets a comforting hand on my shoulder. "He's not out of the woods yet, Mrs. Eaton, but he's definitely much better than before. He spends most of his time sleeping, but every couple hours he wakes up to walk around. He's determined to heal."

I chuckle though my eyes are wet, feeling relief wash through me. "Yeah, that sounds like him." Tobias being strong enough to walk around is enough to give me the strength _I _need to walk inside that room. I turn around and stare at the door. There's a guard blocking it, but she quickly steps aside when she makes eye contact with me.

"You can go in," Paula tells me. "I won't let anyone bother you."

"Thank you," I smile kindly at her. "I won't stay long. But I'll be back later with Andy."

"Of course."

Taking a long and deep breath, I turn to make my way toward Tobias' room.

"Ma'am," is all the guard says to me with a nod when I'm standing in front of the door. I find it strange she'd address me as though I were still a leader when technically I'm not.

I return her nod before slowly opening the door and stepping inside. And there he is, the eternal love of my life, fast asleep on his back. His hair is messy and his legs are spread apart a little. His breathing is steady and his lips are sweetly parted. If it weren't for the tube in his side and the stitches down his abdomen, it would be a perfect picture of how I often found him asleep in our bed after work.

I walk up to the bed and lightly rub his hair. Up close, I notice his skin is not as pale and I smile when I see his stitches are not as raw. He looks better, stronger, more like my Tobias.

I slip my shoes off my feet and gently lay myself beside him. He is warm and fresh and alive. I smile into his chest and the tears begin to flow before I can stop them. Where there was once fear, I feel hope. Where there was once the indescribable pain of losing half of my soul, there is gratefulness because he's come back to me.

* * *

**TOBIAS **

It's the smell of her hair that wakes me. I remember it now so vividly. It takes me to a thousand different places, all of which she was against my chest, her hair pressed against my nose and her arms wrapped tight around me.

It takes me back to the day she fell through that hole in the roof of Dauntless and crashed into the net. I had told Harry she was coming, and he told me unfortunately Derek would have to train her so no one could accuse me of being partial. But before I surrendered her to him, I pulled her out of that net and kissed her so hard her lips were swollen after.

It takes me back to the many nights where we'd sit dangerously close to the rushing water of the chasm, the rock where we shared endless kisses, shutting out the noise of Dauntless and being exceedingly glad we were safe and we could be together.

It takes me back to that night in Amity when I realized she was my heartbeat, she was the air I breathe and I couldn't live without her, and if I could I'd move the sun if I thought it would make her smile. So right then and there I asked her to marry me, because I didn't want to wake up for a single day and not find her lying next to me.

"Tris," I barely manage to whisper her name when I hear her sniffling beside me. I more easily bear the endless pain in my body than the sound of Tris crying. "Tris," I say her name again, and I shift my body a little, enough for her to know I'm awake.

"Tobias?" I hear her whisper, and she lifts her face from the crook of my neck.

I pull back a little so I can look at her, and my soul beams with longing. I've ached to see her since the second I opened my eyes, and now she's here tucked beside me, right where she belongs. "Hello, Love," I smile at my wife when I'm finally able to look into those beautiful eyes of hers.

"Tobias," she whimpers softly. "You're awake." In less than a second her hands are caressing my face, and her eyes scan over my wounded body. I can tell she's hesitant, probably afraid she will hurt me. But I want her closer.

"Come here," I say gently, and I bring her into me. My hands find her soft hair, and with the little strength I have, I pull her lips into mine. They're rejuvenating, filling me with life and purpose and love and desire. "You're here," I say tenderly against her lips as I rub my thumb against her cheek. "I'm so glad you're here."

"_I'm_ glad you're okay," she whispers to me, and then she glances at the tube in my side. "Are you in pain?"

"Yes," I admit, and I quickly glance at the bag of blue fluid. "But I've been walking around. Every day it's a bit less. Or maybe just a bit more bearable."

Tris' eyes become wet all over again and she rubs her hand softly through my hair. "I'm so sorry, Tobias." But I don't understand what she's apologizing for.

I hold her face a little tighter. "_You're_ sorry? _I'm_ the one who should be sorry," I say gravely. "I went on a mission and never came back. You thought I was dead, Tris."

"I did," she cries. "And it hurt like hell."

My heart breaks as the tears flow down her cheeks like a river, and I imagine the pain she felt believing I was gone and she'd never see me again. "I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm sorry I left you alone to raise our son. I can't imagine what you went through, Love," I say tenderly. "How are you so strong?"

"Only because I had to be," she whimpers. "But I would have given anything to have you back." And she did. She risked everything to save me.

"You never left me," I say to myself more than to her. "Even when I had no idea who you were."

"I knew you'd come back to me. They say you never forget your first kiss," she smiles through the tears and I chuckle a little, remembering the night I said that to her on a cold Abnegation roof top. "Do you remember everything?"

"All of it," I assure her. "It all came back to me when Chad fired at you. I just knew I had to save you. It was like my most basic instinct," more basic than breathing. I press my forehead against hers and say, "I love you, Beatrice Eaton, with every fibre of my being."

"I love you too," she answers in a soft voice. "And I want to say I miss you, but… that just doesn't sum it up."

"I know," I quickly answer. There really are no words to describe that aching feeling of incompleteness, that void that nothing else could ever fill. "But I'm here now," I whisper against her lips, and I hold her tighter because she never seems to be close enough.

When she places a tender hand on my swollen wrist, I remember she is supposed to be in handcuffs too.

I instinctively look at the door though I know there's no one else in the room. "Where is your guard?" When Tris' eyes break away from mine and apologetically sink to my chest, I realize, "They let you out."

She nods, and with disappointment in her voice she says, "Derek had an Erudite psychologist say I'm suffering from PTSD and Complicated Bereavement. I'm both unfit to stand trial and to testify on your behalf." Rolling her eyes, she says, "I'm supposed to be on house arrest until after your trial."

Although Tris is disappointed, I honestly can't say I'm not filled with the greatest sense of relief and gratitude. This means that no matter what becomes of me, Tris will survive this. "So your charges have been dropped."

"That's what he said," she nods slowly, and she looks up at me again.

"That's good, Tris," I say sternly to her.

She gives me an eye. "I can't testify, Tobias." And she pulls away a little.

I bring her back.

"It's okay," I say to comfort her. "Honestly, it doesn't make things any worse for me."

She bites her lip a little. "He's trying to sabotage you in every way possible. How could he ever justify this?"

Because Derek has always wanted everything that was mine. But for the first time in my life, I'm a little bit glad for it. Derek or not, the charges raised against me are important and unfortunately the evidence is against me. In a typical trial, Tris would go down with me as an accomplice. With Derek overseeing it, he'll at least make sure Tris is safe. "Whatever his intentions, let's just be grateful your name is cleared and you get to be on the outside of this, taking care of Andy."

Knowingly, Tris nods. I think as much as she'd hate to admit it, she is aware Derek's feelings for her might be all that protects her… although it does the very opposite for me.

"And there's no one else I'd want taking care of my son," I smile at her a little when I think of the sweet boy who held me and whispered in my ear that everything would be okay. "He is your greatest gift to me, Tris."

Tris shakes her head. "I think Andy was _your_ gift to _me_."

I imagine he was the source of her strength after I was gone, and I prove myself wrong in thinking I couldn't possibly love him any more than I already do. "I can't believe I missed watching him grow up," I say with more than a hint of sadness in my voice. "His first words, his first steps, his first day of school."

"You have the rest of his life to make up for it," Tris says evenly. "He has considerably more firsts ahead of him than behind him, Tobias."

Wiping the tears from Tris' eyes, I say, "I really hope so."

She glares at me. "Don't talk like that."

My eyes sink for a moment, but then I look at her again. "Getting caught wasn't part of the plan, Tris. This changes things. You know this."

She pinches her eyebrows together. "But shouldn't it be easier now that you have your memories back?"

"It still doesn't look good for me," I say honestly, needing Tris to understand.

She lets out a breath. "We have to convince Derek to speak to Johanna. She'll be able to confirm you had no memory of your life before the accident and you were being manipulated."

I shrug a little. "Even if he does, it won't change what I've done, Tris. I'll still be sentenced." My face feels heavier all of a sudden. From my knowledge of the law I know I will face execution if found guilty. They won't expel me from the faction because I know too much, and they don't let ex Dauntless leaders rot in jail. Death is somehow considered more appropriate.

"They can't do this to you," Tris pleads. "It's not right."

I swallow hard, and I bring her even closer into me, as painful as it is. "I've done horrible things, Tris," I begin to say. "Things you can't even begin to imagine, and I might have to pay for them in one way or the other." I hang my head when I think of every life I've taken for Evelyn, every weakness of Dauntless I helped expose. "I never should have stayed back to talk to her. They'd all still be alive if I hadn't."

"Don't blame yourself for that, Tobias," Tris says angrily. "That's Evelyn's cross to bear. Not yours."

"And what about all I've done to help her cause?"

"You were misled," she says defensively. "Who could have expected you would have done anything other than what you did?" Her mood suddenly changing, Tris' hands fall from my face to my chest. "You're giving up? Is that it? Why are you so grim now? You were so hopeful before."

"I'm not giving up, Tris," I say insistently, "I'm getting out of this alive. But I have a plethora of Dauntless law in my head… And I know what my real chances of staying in this faction are." I've begun to realize that as long as Derek's in the picture, the only hope I have of staying alive is leaving Dauntless. And as much as I know Zeke or Harry would put a bullet in his head if that's what it took, I'd never ask that of them, not at the risk of their own freedom and livelihood.

"So we'll leave," Tris suggests as if it were the easiest thing in the world to do.

"I've seen what factionless life is like, Tris," I tell her. "Having you and Andy live like that is a last resort, and an equally dangerous one, because I've abandoned them. They stand with Evelyn, so I'm their enemy now."

She looks away from me. "Then I'll keep trying with Derek… He's being a dick but I think he'll let up if I pressure him hard enough."

Knowing exactly where that will lead, I instantly shake my head. "Tris… I know Derek. He's always only in it for himself. And whatever deal he offers you in exchange for my life, don't take it."

"Tobias-"

"I would rather die than live in a prison cell imagining you under Derek's thumb," I say seriously. "And I don't want him anywhere near my son. He is selfish and offensive, and he will drive you to misery. He will hold every favour over your head until one of you dies."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Tris cries, shaking her head at me, and it breaks me. "What are _we_ supposed to do, Tobias? You're telling me we can't stay but you're also telling me we can't leave?"

"Tris look at me," I say, taking her face in my hands again. When it seems like it's too much for her, I take a breath and move over a little on the bed. It's less than an inch but it feels like I moved a ton of bricks. She wraps her arms tight around me, and I say, "My life means nothing if it comes at the cost of your happiness."

"There _is_ no happiness without you, Tobias," she whimpers into my chest. "I tried. I really did try. So where you go, _I_ go, because I can't be without you again."

"I know," I whisper back. I can't be without her either. The connection we share is soul deep, and I'm afraid it might be our undoing. Our unwillingness to live without each other contradicts every plan I've thought of that keeps us both alive.

And I _want_ to live. I want to watch my son grow up. I want Tris and I to have another baby one day. So I won't go down without a fight, but I can't ever forget what's at stake. "I will do _everything_ I can to make sure our family stays together, Tris," I promise her. "I need you to know that."

Looking up at me, Tris bites her lip to keep it from shaking. "I keep wondering where we'd be if we never came here," she says out of nowhere. "To Dauntless. Maybe we'd be on our very own rooftop, laughing at everybody and how stupid they all looked trying to be perfect. You were okay with staying at Abnegation as long as we were together. I was the one who pushed."

"You can't think like that, Tris. Because we _are_ here, and it was both our decision," I kiss her forehead. "All we can do now is reclaim the time we've lost."

She nods, but I can see the struggle in her eyes. I'm suddenly afraid she'd sacrifice her own freedom in order to guarantee mine.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Did you and Derek ever…" I don't have the stomach to finish.

She grimaces. "God, no. He asked me out and… I obliged him once, just before I found you. He kissed me, but... it felt wrong. It never would have gone further than that. That's all, I promise," she shakes her head and then her eyes square in on mine. "He said something to you, didn't he?" She gasps when I don't answer. "Of course he did. He's trying to upset you, Tobias."

"I know."

"I don't… have any feelings for him, if that's what you're thinking." She stares at me pleadingly, as though it breaks her heart I'd ever think she'd have feelings for another man.

"Good," I say levelly. "Because he doesn't deserve you, Tris."

"I know," she answers, and after a while she frowns.

"What is it?" I ask as I stroke her hair.

Softly she asks, "Do you think about it? Me being with other people?"

"Honestly I have, but I try not to." It would be unrealistic to think Tris would have spent the rest of her life celibate. And more importantly, it changes nothing between us. "Why? Do _you_?"

She nods slowly. "Ever since I met Kate… and it makes me feel like a hypocrite. I imagine you being with someone else like you were with me and-"

"No," I don't allow her to finish the thought, and I wrap my fingers behind the crook of her neck. "Never like with you... not once."

I never looked into their eyes. I never squeezed their fingers as they came apart underneath me. Quite honestly I never cared if they were satisfied or not. Because it was never about them. It was only about me fulfilling an animalistic desire to feel some pleasure every now and again. I don't even remember their faces. Kate was the only one who saw the inside of my bedroom more than once, and it was because she seemed to understand that that was all we'd ever be.

I've never craved anyone the way I crave Tris. I've never made love to anyone but her. Truth is, if I had my strength, I'd probably be taking her right now. She's a part of my soul now, and I know that's why my love for her transcends my own mind, my own memories.

"What_ I_ wonder is what in the world would I have done if I had come back and you were already with someone else... raising my son." My heart races inside my chest even though that's not the case. And I have no doubt that even if she _were_ with someone else, the second she found out I was alive he wouldn't matter. But the idea of someone living my life, sleeping on my side of the bed, is agonizing.

"Well then I guess we're both guilty of worrying about things we have no reason to worry about." Tris smiles a little.

"We all really should be worrying about Evelyn," I say under my breath, reminding myself of the most pressing matter at hand.

"Do you know where she is?"

"I have ways of finding out. But I don't ever want to see her again." My jaw clenches at the thought of her, all she stole from me. I want so badly to return the favour, ripping her away from everything she loves, everything she needs.

When Tris slides her leg between my own I feel my anger dissipate and I relish the warmth of her. She carefully says, "You know you might have to… if we're going to try and stop the attack from happening."

"I know," I say. Then I remember, "I need to tell you something, but I need you to keep it quiet for now."

"What?"

"Kate told me Chad is Evelyn's informant."

"That son of a bitch," she growls. "I knew it. That's why he wants you dead. He knows their plan won't work if you're working with the Dauntless." She suddenly gasps and her eyes open wide. "Does he know you know?"

"I don't think so. And I need to make sure it stays that way. I'm not in the best position to defend myself."

"Have you told Derek?"

"No. Harrison thinks he might be a part of it too, but I'm not too sure about that." When I gave him my statement, he really didn't seem to have a clue about what was happening with the factionless. And it's not his style. He thinks he's better than them. He'd never affiliate himself with any plan that involved working with them.

"I don't think he is either," Tris says with a sniffle. "He has too much to lose if the faction is overthrown. He owns half of Dauntless. And Derek's a terrible liar; I don't think he's ever needed to lie. Look how far he's gotten being a tactless, entitled jerk. But I still don't trust him."

"Oh, I don't either," I quickly clarify. I can't trust he will believe me, and I can't trust he won't try and have me executed for the fun of it.

Tris' face sinks as if she'd just read my mind.

I gently lift her chin and say, "We're gonna get through this." One way or another, no matter what it takes.

"We will," she whispers, and her lips collide with mine in the sweetest kiss. I pull her closer until her body is flush with mine. I'm suddenly not in pain anymore. Tris always was my most potent remedy.

"I was actually on my way to get Andy when I decided to drop in," she says when she pulls away. "You looked so peaceful and I decided to stay a while. I'll bring him to see you soon… Unless you don't want him to see you like this."

"No, I'd love that," I smile. "I'll always want to see him. I miss him so much."

"Me too," she answers softly, and with tender eyes she asks me, "Do you think he'll be safe here?"

"I don't know." I swallow hard. "But the second you think he isn't, get him out of here, Tris."

Tris is quiet, and I imagine I know why. If Evelyn decides to attack before I gain back my strength, I'm a sitting duck. Her taking Andy somewhere safe means abandoning me, and she's never been good at doing that.

"I need you to promise me, Tris. No matter what happens, Andy comes first. I'll be okay."

Reluctantly, she nods, and a single tear breaks away from her eyes. "Can I ask you to promise me something too?" she whimpers.

"What is it, Love?" I ask, gently wiping the tear from her cheek.

"The second we realize we can't do this, and Derek's won, we'll leave here."

I sigh, wishing it were that simple. "Tris, we need to do everything we can to stop Evelyn first," I remind her. "If Evelyn brings down the Dauntless, she'll destroy this city and we won't be safe _anywhere_." Tris' eyes break away from mine and land somewhere on the bed. "Tris."

When I say her name she looks up at me and says, "You know, I almost forgot how dedicated you were to keeping Dauntless safe. Sometimes I felt like I was competing for you, and Dauntless won every time."

"That's not true," I slowly shake my head. "I'll always choose you, Tris. Even if that isn't what it seems like." I set my palm on her cheek, and looking into her eyes I say, "Keeping you safe means keeping Dauntless safe. We stop Evelyn, and if after that all else fails, _then_ we will go," I reassure her, silently hoping it doesn't come to that.

"I know it's the right thing to do," she says. "I'm not trying to be selfish, I just… I don't think I've ever been this scared," her voice breaks and she squeezes my hand that's pressed against her face. "I'd take you and leave _now_ if I knew it meant you'd be safe."

"I know," I say so softly it's not even a whisper.

There's a feeling of safety that comes with being loved the way Tris has always loved me. Being with her I've never felt alone, I've never felt like I wasn't heard or understood. I've always known that every cross I bear is _our_ cross, and she's right there with me. And though it scares me to know she'd do anything for me, for _us_, for our son, days like today when I feel like I have nothing else, I can breathe easy because I have her, because she is always in my corner, because her love holds me together.

"I love you," is all I can say, but it doesn't feel like enough. How do you tell someone they're the reason you can stand when everything around you is falling apart? The reason you can breathe though your life seems to be underwater?

"I love you too," she says, and I leave one last kiss on her sweet lips, a promise that no matter what, no matter where or how, we'll be together.

* * *

**A/N: The moment we've all been waiting for! R & R :D**


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